It was just like any normal night for Freddi: silent and lonely. It was 1am, and she was beginning to regret staying up late. She yawned, stretching out. She was getting ready to go up to bed when she heard a knock on her door.
She couldn't help but wonder who the hell it could be. Literally no one should've been up this late. She was only up because she didn't have a reason to wake up tomorrow, it wasn't a work day for her. She did, however, slowly make her way over, checking the door.
She opened it slowly, and Bonny was found on the other side. The one who had, once again, left her in silence. This time for a year. The brunette wanted to scream.
But, she wouldn't be here without a reason, right?
The brunette felt arms wrap around her shoulders before she realised Bonny was hugging her. Maybe this was an apology for another extended silence period. Would their friendship always be like this? She'd be alone for so long, and then she'd get another apology? Another empty apology, to be exact.
Maybe she'd occasionally get the promise of being together with her at some point, but she doubted that. She knew what her fate in life was, and she'd been living it a couple minutes earlier: loneliness, silence, and false hope for the future. There was no chance for her, anymore.
"Here to give me more empty apologies, I presume?" Freddi asked bitterly. She wasn't in the mood to deal with this type of thing. She'd already been heavily considering just getting out-of-her-mind drunk tonight, and if Bonny wasn't going to stay and be fully transparent, that'd probably be the brunette's next move.
"No," Bonny said. To Freddi it sounded like she had full presence of mind, but the brunette couldn't be totally sure. "I'm here to be honest with you."
She dragged out her words a bit, but Freddi barely noticed it. The meaning behind that sentence was more than enough to get her heart pounding out of her chest. She'd never truly gotten over that little crush she'd had on the blue-haired guitarist, so was this a hidden acceptance? A set of words she'd wanted to hear for so long that she never thought she'd hear? Was she about to hear the words "I love you" told to her?
She doubted it. She was getting her hopes up in her mind, and she knew she was soon to be disappointed. There was no way that was what all of this was, this had to be some sort of rebound. Did she and Chris just break up? Is that why she was there? Freddi dreaded the next words out of Bonny's mouth more than anything.
"Fred, I—" Bonny began, searching for the right words to say. Anxiety crept over the brunette, taking her mind and slowly moulding it into something that knew that nothing but the worst was about to come out of her best friend's mouth.
She'd never hear the words that she longed to hear from anyone she could be mutual with. She'd never know anyone that would feel that way about it, and that broke her heart. Tears began to form in her eyes as Bonny continued to search for words, and her head was spinning.
She felt like throwing up, she was so nervous and shaky because there was no certainty that the next words out of her best friend's mouth were in any way positive.
But suddenly, that was all calmed. With one, swift, silent motion, she felt at peace. Her eyes closed slowly, the feeling was something so unfamiliar, but so welcoming.
Their lips had collided in silence, and the brunette couldn't help but feel like this was some sort of dream. One she never wanted to wake up from, one she never wanted to leave. As they pulled away, she whispered: "This— This isn't real, is it?"
Bonny gave her a confused look. "This is as real as it's ever been. I finally feel like I can be honest with you, I finally feel right. With us, just like this."
The brunette smiled, as the two kissed again. Freddi continued to deny it was real, but as she fell back on the couch, Bonny getting on top of her, she realised just how real everything was. How fast life was going right this second. It was so surreal.
The brunette stared up at her newfound love, as they went in for another kiss. It was like a contact high, just without any drugs at all. Cloud nine was where she was, and she just wanted to stay up there forever. Not like too many people would miss her up here, and she could be happy.
With every meeting of their lips came another pound against Freddi's skull. "This isn't real, this isn't real." But she chased it away with a mental fly swatter, making sure she was fully present as their lips met again and again.
No words even had to pass between them as they continued to love one another, and Freddi couldn't deny she'd been longing this feeling since she had the mental capacity for a relationship. Every guy she'd date never really came that close to being what she wanted. Sometimes she got guys that surprised her, but it wasn't an often occurrence.
Then again, she had Bonny to thank for that. To thank for setting them up, for giving her advice on the right words to say. But she didn't say thank you because it never felt fulfilling, or maybe they never ended up actually having a relationship at all. It was just a nice gesture from her best friend.
"Thank you," she whispered without thinking.
She heard Bonny giggle quietly before saying, "For what?"
"For everything," the brunette whispered. "For trying to get me with guys you'd think I'd like, for being there for me up until senior year. For faking tonight so I can be happy."
"I'm not faking this, Freddi. You mean everything to me."
"You'll say something different come tomorrow morning. I know you and Chris probably broke up, broke off the engagement you guys had. I'm the rebound for tonight, but I'm fine with that. Even if I'm only happy for the night, I'll have been more happy than ever before, and— I can't thank you enough for trying to make me happy."
"I can promise you that this is real. We'll wake up tomorrow, and we'll go out. We'll be girlfriends, we'll hold hands in the fall winds, we'll kiss under the falling, multicoloured leaves. It'll be everything you ever wanted, and it won't go away."
Freddi smiled weakly as she embraced her best friend. This wasn't going to last, so she didn't her hopes up too high. Her mind kept grounded while her heart soared. She was quiet as Bonny sat her up, pulling her ever closer. She just silently obeyed every command that was given to her, because she didn't want to lose this for tonight. This'd be all she had to hold on to for the rest of her life, and she was damn sure of it.
She knew that Bonny's promises of that perfect relationship — the kisses under the fall leaves — would be empty come tomorrow morning. She'd realise her mistake, she'd go home to Chris, they'd get married in a month or two, and Bonny would never speak to her again.
And she was ever so slightly content with that if it meant she got to spend tonight with her. She'd be fine if she didn't have to wake up tomorrow. Tonight was all she needed to be happy.
Maybe it was all true, but if it was, Freddi would know it was Bonny's idea of a pick-me-up. Her way of trying to let her down slowly, instead of dropping her face-first off a cliff. Which, she honestly preferred that, because at least she got to have a few shreds of happiness to hold onto. Some tiny, happy memories that would be all hers when she tried to reel from the eventual heartbreak to come.
She tried to get it out of her mind that this was all going to wind up a dream, or some experience where she'd still end up depressed and suicidal, but it wouldn't go away. It took more than a few moments of back-to-back making out, but she eventually drove the thoughts away.
"Hey, um, you wanna take this to your room?" Bonny whispered, a coy smirk playing at her lips.
It was infectious, and Freddi couldn't help but smile as she agreed to it. She felt Bonny's arm wrap around her legs as she got carried bridle-style up to her room. She squealed internally with joy, because girlfriends got carried bridle-style. People that were loved, people that usually weren't her. But tonight was her night.
She kept her arms wrapped around Bonny's neck as she got carried up the creaking stairs. She leaned her head against her friend, and silently closed her eyes. This was absolute ecstasy, and she was hoping and praying it never ended.
As she was laid out on the soft, neatly made sheets, Bonny pulled her to a sitting position, and sat next to the brunette. Their lips met for what felt like the millionth time that night, and Freddi still wasn't tired of it. It only got more and more heated, as they only got more and more passionate. This was what she wanted. This would mean the world to her by the end.
The two went into silence, grabbing each other's hands, and pressing their noses together. Their breathing had grown heavy, as they'd left little room for air in their loving back-and-forth. Bonny smiled as she continued to breath heavily, moving her left hand to rub Freddi's thigh.
"Now that we're here," Bonny began with a whisper, "and the lights are low... I'm guessing you know where this is going."
"I would say, "Take me out to dinner first," but I'm too hot and bothered right now to say no to you. Dammit, Bonny."
The blue-haired girl giggled as she brought her hands up Freddi's sides, and they eventually landed on her face. She gave one more quick kiss to Freddi before moving on to her neck, placing her hands on the brunette's hips.
"Trust me, it'll be fun," she whispered against Freddi's neck. "Don't wait your whole life to have sex, because you don't know when you'll get the chance again. It's such a great thing, too, I don't see how you could pass it up."
"I dunno," Freddi replied in between moans as Bonny played with her collarbone. "I guess maybe it's just some people's preferences?"
"Some people. We're not some people, anymore. We're Freddi and Bonny, and we do what we want."
Freddi couldn't help but giggle as she ran her hands down Bonny's back. She felt her partner's hands at her hips slowly wander up her shirt, and things only arose from there. They couldn't help themselves, the taste of each other's lips just wasn't enough. The brunette smiled all the way through the experience.
Bonny woke up with a pounding headache the next morning. She sat up too quickly, pressing her hand to her head to try and subside the pain a bit. It didn't really help, but she tried to kid herself that it did.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed, realising she was stark. Not that she minded, anyways. It was freeing. She scanned the room quickly, realising she'd not awoken in her own bedroom. She hadn't awoken with the man who'd proclaimed his undying love a few weeks earlier, also known as the man who she had a huge fight with last night.
She realised as well that she didn't even have her engagement ring on, anymore. She rubbed the finger where it used to be, looking around to see if it was around. Nothing. She sighed, hoping she hadn't lost the damn thing somewhere. Not that it could end up mattering in the end, but it'd just be nice to have.
She looked behind her at the one she'd awoken next to, and her eyes widened with fear. She didn't know what she said last night, but whatever it was, she'd be going against it this morning. She stood, quickly dressing herself and sitting back down. What'd she done?
Freddi was going to wake up so happy, so satisfied, and Bonny had to break her heart. She didn't even have to imagine last night. Between the lack of clothes, and the fact that she wasn't in her own bed told her enough. She closed her eyes, sighing. This was going to be the hardest thing to break down to the brunette, the hardest thing to watch her fall apart over.
It probably meant the absolute world to Freddi. It probably would be something that she woke up into preparing for sentiment to be the same, but Bonny had been drunk last night. People said alcohol didn't change the personality, only magnified it, but Bonny begged to differ. She was someone else entirely under the influence.
She felt a hand touch hers, interlocking fingers. The bed creaked as she felt Freddi's chin on her left shoulder.
"Morning," the brunette greeted breathily. She seemed so mellow, so happy. This was the last thing that Bonny wanted to do, because it would change this now content and happy best friend of her back into what she was before. "I enjoyed last night a lot."
"I— I wish I could say the same," Bonny said hesitantly.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't even remember last night, I— I think I was drunk."
Freddi wrapped her arms around Bonny's mid-section, and passively said "Oh well. Just know it was great."
The brunette kissed Bonny's cheek, slowly beginning to sway back and forth, humming something. Bonny knew she'd have to admit this sooner or later, but she was so hesitant to say anything."
"What did we say last night? What happened?"
"Well... you first came to the door, and I had no clue why you were there. It was like one... Then, while we were standing in the doorway, you kissed me, and— I didn't know how to take it. My first thought was that it was a dream, but you assured me it was all real. My next thought was that when morning came, you'd just be gone. You'd leave because you made a mistake, and didn't want to face telling me that you didn't actually love me.
"But, neither actually happened, and we're still here," Freddi added. Bonny looked to the brunette, her smile radiating something beyond imaginability. When she was happy, you didn't want to be anywhere else. But Bonny was about to rip the carpet out from under her best friend's feet, and she hated herself for having to do it.
"Freddi... I— I don't want to say what I'm about to say, but, I know I need to... I hoped that with me off-handedly mentioning I was drunk, you'd come to the conclusion yourself, but—"
"You don't actually love me... do you?"
Bonny couldn't meet her friend's eyes. She stared at the floor, and nodded silently. She didn't want to be doing this, it was such a hard thing to say, but she didn't want Freddi to say it, either. The poor girl had been through a thousand shitstorms, and Bonny didn't want to put her through yet another.
"I— I understand. It just— I wish you would've been honest with me that night I told you."
"Wha...? What could you possibly mean by that?"
"You said that night— I remember it this way, anyways... you said something along the lines of: if you weren't with Chris, you would go out with me. But, if you don't love me, why would you ever even consider it?"
"I— I didn't want to break you, that night. I knew that if I told you that I just don't feel that way about you, I could lose my best friend by morning. I wanted to tell you that because— I care about you, Freddi."
"If you cared, you'd have invited me to your wedding."
"I figured the last thing you wanted to be a part of was a ceremony to celebrate the fact that I'm with someone else. Yeah, you're my best friend, but I knew that you didn't want to deal with that. You didn't want to see me with someone else. But if you want to go, you're completely free to."
"I guess you were okay in that area. But, why haven't you answered my texts? My calls? Did I even exist to you after that one shitty night at the party? Or did drunk you only remember on a whim?"
"I— I never forgot about you, and I've told you I never could. It's so hard to forget someone who's been by your side since kindergarten."
"You're telling me."
Bonny had no response for that. She didn't want to just get up and leave her best friend here, because she knew that if she did, she'd have to be honest with Chris. She didn't know how he'd respond. Maybe he'd understand, but it would be more likely that he'd get super pissed. On top of that, she didn't know where her engagement ring was.
She played the thought of asking Freddi, but even if she knew, she probably wouldn't tell her, just to keep her here a bit longer. She began to worry about it, and didn't know how Chris would react, or how to break it to him. She hoped she didn't lose it while she was out.
She stepped out of the room, and called him. Her anxieties welled up as it rang, and she felt as though her heart clogged her throat. She was ready to throw up. He picked up, and sounded already a little ticked when he answered.
"Where are you?!" he asked.
"I'm— I'm at Freddi's house. Last night was weird. Was driving drunk, still have a bit of a hangover."
"I'm grateful you're okay, but what the hell happened? I got drunk, too, I can't remember what happened."
"I'm not even sure, either. But, uh... I lost the engagement ring, and I don't know where it could be."
She heard Chris back away from the phone and swear loudly. It made her flinch, because she could still very clearly hear him. She didn't know how things would go when he started talking again. She just let him get his anger out by remaining silent.
He sighed as he began speaking normally again, "Okay, so, do you think you'll be able to find it?"
"I'm not sure, but I'm just as worried about it as you are."
"I mean, it doesn't matter from the standpoint of "We're getting married," but I spent a good amount on that."
"Yeah, I know, I know, and if necessary, I'll get that money back to you as soon as I can, but— it'd still be nice to have back, I will agree there..."
"Just— find it, if you can. If you can't, I'll understand, don't worry about it, we'll figure something out."
"Okay, got it. Love you."
She hung up, and stepped back into Freddi's room. She'd moved from her original position of sitting awkwardly on the bed to turned on her side. She had turned away from the door, and curled up. As Bonny wandered closer, she realised the brunette was sobbing. The sound of it couldn't help but make the blue-headed musician's heart twinge.
She sat back down on the bed, rubbing her hand against Freddi's shoulder. She remained silent as the brunette slowly calmed down. She took deep breaths, attempting to grab ahold of any sanity she may have had left. Every last shred seemed to be gone, but somehow she got a fistful.
"W-wait— d-did you say y-you l-lost y-your eng-gagement ring?" the brunette asked, still trying to regain steady speech.
"Yeah, why?"
"Ch-check d-downstairs w-w-when you g-get a ch-ch-chance."
"Okay, thank you."
Bonny stood quickly gliding down the stairs as she looked over on the end table by he couch first. It wasn't there, but she noticed the sun glistening on an item on the same table where her keys were set. She thanked god that she'd found it as she put it back on, wandering back upstairs.
Freddi had sat up and was getting dressed as Bonny leaned up against the doorway. The blue-haired girl smiled, but the brunette did not return the sentiments. She knew that there wasn't any reason for her best friend to be happy, but she figured a smile would hopefully change her mood. It didn't, much to her dismay.
"Thanks for helping me out, Freddi."
"N-no problem..."
The brunette was staring hard at the wooden floors, her clothes fitting loosely on her body. Her messy hair didn't help the fact that she looked so depressed. If it had a picture definition, Freddi would've matched it perfectly. Tears filled her eyes, but she didn't allow them to fall. She blinked them away, as they wet her eyelashes.
Bonny had no words for the poor girl, she just remained silent. That lack of communication made Bonny feel dreadful, her best friend's expression only bringing more hurt to her heart.
"If you think I'm upset because you don't love me, don't think that's the case. That's not why I'm upset."
Bonny breathed a sigh of relief, hearing those words.
"I'm upset because you lied to me. Just to prolong my life, which I promise you was never in danger, you lied. You lied straight to my fucking face, and you felt no remorse for it. You never told me the truth, you just ignored me. Am I just one of those problems you ignore because you don't know how to solve it? Because I'm really starting to feel that way."
"I lied to you because I didn't want to hurt you, Freddi. I never realised that lying to you would hurt you more, in the end. But I also never thought about the fact that we could end up having drunk sex a couple months before my marriage. I don't know how I'm gonna explain this to Chris, and— I just... I never wanted to hurt you.
"I saw the hurt in your eyes when I gave you the half-assed excuse that I'm just not into girls. Which, if I'm honest, I'd be totally fine with it. I just— I don't see me and you together. Maybe it could happen, who knows? But right now, I just don't see it."
"And that's totally fine, I just wished you'd've been more honest with me. And not ignored me for a fucking year. I called you, I texted you, I invited you to hang out, and you never replied. I was trying to make the loneliness go away. Yeah, I have online friends, but they can only do so much for me, at this point. I miss you."
"And I swear, I never meant to ignore you, it's just—"
"Things came up. Yeah. I guess things will just "come up" when I text you, crying, on my twenty-first birthday, bleeding scars up and down my arms, as I try to keep myself from putting too much pressure into the knife against my neck. I guess things will just "come up" when I'm laying on the floor, my own blood pooling under my body, as I continue to bleed from my neck, because no one was there for me."
"That's not—"
"What you mean. No, I get it. You'll be there to talk me through things when I'm suicidal, but when I just wanna suppress some simple loneliness, I'm just not as important."
"Freddi I—"
"You care about me, but things come up sometimes, yeah, I know. It's not like you try to convince me of that same fucking excuse every goddamn time we're in the same room."
"If you'd shut the fuck up for a second, and let me speak."
"Why should I? You'll just say the same shit you always do. You don't care about me. You used to, yeah. You'd set me up with guys you'd think I'd like, you'd try to bring me out of the shell I hide myself in, but it didn't work. You did your damnedest, because you actually gave a damn to begin with.
"Now? You ignore my attempts to get in touch with you. It's not even like I text you often. Last time I texted you was to wish you a happy birthday. Almost three months ago, at this point. Why should you get the right to speak, in this situation? You use the same fucking excuses. I'm not falling for it this time, Bonny. It's clear you don't really want anything to do with me, so how about you just go already?"
"I'm starting to think the reason you ended up having a falling-out with all those guys isn't because there wasn't love there, it was because you were so fucking bitter. I'd want out of a relationship with you, too."
"You and everyone else on planet fucking Earth. No one would want me, even if I weren't bitter sometimes. I'm only bitter when I feel betrayed. If I were never bitter, I still wouldn't be able to find someone who wanted me. I didn't need that fucking reminder, because I know, Bonny. Some friend you are, not only making up excuses for your absence, but trying to stab me right in the wound. It's bad enough I'm gonna remember you for the rest of my life, the idea of me wanting you never getting out of my head, even when I'm upset with you.
"I didn't need you to remind me I'm hopeless. Just go. I'm not gonna keep you here longer, because I know it's not worth it. You're just gonna insult me more. I know you don't wanna be around me, so don't. Goodbye. Talk to you in a couple years, I guess."
Bonny was silently furious, but didn't allow her inner feelings to burst from her. She knew Freddi just needed to work through her shit, but she felt attacked.
She stormed out of the room, and Freddi soon heard the front door slam.
The brunette proceeded by allowing herself to break down into a sobbing fit, hating herself even more for being a bitter, sarcastic bitch to the one person who'd ever given a shit about her.
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