Chapter name is dedicated to the feeling of late-night conversations, when the world seems to have stopped in its axis, and it is as though you are suspended in time.

Enjoy! :)

CHAPTER 12 - Bedtime Stories

Itachi is standing outside the elevator in a T-shirt and comfortable pants underneath a long coat. His hair is in a ponytail, disappearing inside the collar. Sakura hasn't bothered with dressing up, either, merely shrugging on a thick jacket over her shirt and pants.

His face is unreadable.

Feeling tense and strung out, Sakura joins him silently. He presses the button for the elevator and they make their way out of the apartment building.

Itachi starts to walk. He isn't intending for a car ride clearly. Sakura keeps up with his steps, and neither of the two utter a word. The night is considerably cold. She feels glad that they're at least walking; it warms her up after two blocks. The streets are empty except for the occasional car. They eventually pass a group of drunk people, all stepping out of an alley. Sakura and Itachi manoeuvre through them without trouble. She wonders whether Itachi knows where the hell they're headed because she doesn't. Maybe he's strolling without a set direction.

After half an hour of apprehensive quietness, he suddenly rounds on her, stopping her in her path. They're outside a closed store, on the pavement, under one of the streetlights.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he spits out angrily. "I can't believe you'd do something so stupid!"

Sakura swallows. Under the yellow light, he looks quite dangerous. His whole body is stiff, as though he's trying hard to contain himself from doing something rather aggressive.

Sakura thinks that maybe she should be scared, but she isn't. This is Itachi. He just spent over half an hour trying to vent his energy so that he'd be able to get coherent words out. So she stays silent. She isn't sure what to say, anyway.

"Did you even stop to think what would happen?" he continues in a rage. "Did you think that it would be a brilliant fucking idea to hold a fucking bomb in your hand? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

The last one stings her.

"I get that you haven't been much 'around people' and that you haven't had many friends in your life, but I don't think that it should be so difficult to gather on your own that when someone says 'bomb', you run away from it. This is the same shit you did with that fucking lunatic with a gun! Guess what, Sakura? When someone says 'Stop or I'll shoot', you stop! You don't sit there like a fucking moron and let him shoot you!"

Sakura thinks that he's toeing the line closely.

"Do you know what you put Kakashi and Obito through? You don't because you were hiding in your room while Sasuke and I kept them both company, assuring them that their daughter is safe and that's what matters. That she's not an idiotic moron to do something like that! That she knows better than that! That they're not going to lose you! And look at what you do! Great job proving me wrong. Because clearly, you're so fucking selfish that you didn't even think what losing you would do to the others around you! Did you really want to be a hero that badly? That you'd just -!" He groans in frustration, rolling his head. "Are you really that stupid!"

Sakura glares at him even as his words hurt her. What truly pisses her off is the way Itachi is looking at her now, as though he honestly believes that she's lost her mind.

Letting the rage course through her body, she spins on her feet and starts to walk away from him. She's afraid that if she stays and opens her mouth, she'll probably either just scream at him or cry. She doesn't feel like doing either so she takes the third option. Out of sight, out of mind is her only hope in hand.

"Are you-!" she hears him call out angrily. He isn't following her, though, and she feels like she can breathe again, albeit shakily. "Really? You're just going to walk away?"

She doesn't answer. She has a fair idea of the way he'd led her. Honestly, though, that's the last thing on her mind. All she cares about is going as far away from him as possible, from everyone, and just be. She doesn't need this crap.

When she comes across the drunken group from before, she barrels past them without a thought. It takes her a bit of time before she realises that now someone is following her. She turns around.

It's a man, burly and large, smiling at her creepily. She feels this close to screaming out in frustration. This is literally the last thing she needs right now. Sakura stomps up to him just as Itachi rounds the corner from the other side. He pauses in surprise for a second and then rushes towards her.

Sakura is in the man's personal space by then. "What?" she snarls.

Itachi tugs on her arm. "Sakura, what the hell –"

Sakura immediately shrugs off his hand. "No, let's see what this gentleman wants, huh? You here to trouble me, mister? Do you want me to take my clothes off to get you started?"

"Sakura," Itachi hisses out, trying to hold both her arms this time. Sakura pushes him away again.

"That would help," the man answers her, smirking. "I'm rather curious; does the carpet match the drapes?"

Itachi's hands disappear. He bodily pushes her away from the man to take her place instead. "Watch your fucking mouth."

Sakura is beyond irritated and pissed. "I don't need you to be my knight in shining armour, Itachi!"

Itachi rounds on her. "Of course, you don't! Why would a knight in shining armour need a knight in shining armour, right?"

"What? I'm not a knight in shining fucking armour!"

"Really?" he says in a condescending tone. "Because that literally feels like your motto in life. Wherever there's trouble, there you are, ready to be on the suicide mission for the greater good of humankind!"

"How dare you-! You, you asshole!"

"I'm sorry," the man interrupts loudly, "is this not a good time?"

They both spin angrily to him.

"Look here," Sakura starts in a threatening voice, "I may not look like it, but my father had me take defence classes when I hit puberty. That, with my combined knowledge of being a doctor, if I get my hands on you – anywhere on your dirty, disgusting body –"

"Just get away, man," Itachi interrupts loudly.

The man stares between the two of them. "You two are crazy."

And then he leaves.

Itachi lets out a short groan. "What am I going to do with you? This is exactly what I meant! When you face a danger, you're supposed to be walking away! Do you need me to teach you this stuff, because trust me, I'm starting to feel like I might have to."

"Shut up," Sakura growls. "Just shut up."

"No," Itachi says stubbornly. "Clearly, this is something you haven't gotten in your stupid brain –"

"Oh my god, I know it was stupid, okay?" Sakura yells, the words bursting from her unbridled. "Do you honestly believe that I want to die? I know what I did, Itachi! I've been torturing myself over it every single day."

His mouth snaps shut.

She continues. "I know what I put my fathers through! I know that they must have been worried sick. I know that they were scared. I don't need you telling me that. Do you know how stupid I felt after it? I know the reasonable thing to do would have been to stop operating! To run away from a fucking bomb! I know that. I don't know what happened in that moment. All I could think was I have to do this. That's it. That's all I knew, and that's what I did.

"I've been doing many stupid things lately. Do you think I don't know that? But have you ever stopped to think how fucking terrified I was? How scared I was to be standing in front of a fucking gun or holding a live fucking bomb in my hand! I felt like I could have died just from that fear alone. Every time I close my eyes, it's like I'm right there, but then I think about Kakashi and Uncle Obito and you and I just feel better.

"I keep reminding myself that the worst didn't happen. That every time I hang out with you and Sasuke or even Naruto or the others, or talk with Kakashi and Uncle Obito, how grateful I am to be still doing it. I know that I'm not some stupid hero. And the thing is, I don't want to be one! I keep finding myself in these situations and I just go with instinct, I don't think, I just do, and it's so fucking stupid and I'm just so terrified but that's how it is. That's just how it is and I just have to roll with it. I don't want to be a hero."

Her breathing is ragged and her voice cracks throughout. She clears her throat but there's a heavy lump that doesn't allow for it. And then her eyes finally spill over.

Itachi immediately takes a step forward. She steps back and holds up her hand.

"Don't," she chokes out, even as tears flow down her cheeks. She can't believe that she's actually crying. "Just don't."

Even this feels absurd to her. Standing on the roadside with Itachi in the middle of the night, and having a yelling match that she clearly just lost.

Itachi glares back. "You're upset. Let me just hug you, for fuck's sake."

It sounds sweet but she's still pretty mad at him. "I don't need you to hug me. You don't have to do that."

And then he's furious again. "I know that I don't have to!" he snaps. "I'm sick of doing things that I have to, okay? So stop being a baby."

"I'm being a baby?" she asks with disbelief. "You're the one who brought me out late at night just to yell at me!"

"What was I supposed to do?" he retorts. "Who knew what you would have done by morning! Maybe found another dangerous situation and gotten yourself involved!"

"Are you-! Are you even listening to yourself? I told you that I'm not fucking suicidal. So can you stop with that already?"

"Sure, once you prove it to me. Go on, find a dangerous situation and show me that you can walk away."

"This is stupid," she declares, throwing her hands in the air. "This is so stupid."

Itachi laughs humourlessly. "Our definitions of stupid are very different."

"Can you stop sounding so arrogant for once in your life?" she shoots back. "I've already agreed that what I did was stupid. This is getting redundant."

"What do you want me to do?" he demands a little hysterically. "Sakura, every time you've put yourself in danger, all that I've been capable of doing is wait and watch, and hope that you'll come out of it without hurting yourself too much." He doesn't sound angry anymore. He sounds defeated. "But yelling at you in the middle of the night is one thing that I can do. I can explain exactly where you went wrong, how you went wrong, and what you should be doing when you're faced with a life-threatening situation. I'm not a doctor, Sakura. If something happens to you, I can't sew you back. I'll probably have to find someone to do it for me, but that's the point. I wouldn't be doing anything significant. And I'm just so sick of not being able to do what I want."

Sakura has stopped crying, mostly because she thinks that Itachi is on the verge to do so himself. She's never heard him sound so utterly resigned and genuinely terrified before in her life. He's always so sure of things, quick at everything, knows what to do in an instant. Hearing him sound so lost sobers her up and all she wants to do is give him a hug.

"What do you want to do, Itachi?" she asks instead, probing at him softly.

He swallows. "I want to make sure that you stay safe."

"I will," she promises in an instant, not thinking whether she can actually keep it or not. She feels as though she'd promise him anything in the world if he asks her like that.

"And even if you don't, even if you face life-and-death again, and act foolishly because you probably will, you'll come out of it alive, no matter what."

"Deal."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"And I want to give you a hug," he says lowly, eyes serious and unflinching. "Because I upset you, and because I'm glad that we are talking, and because I'm not planning your funeral currently."

She cracks a sad smile and dutifully throws her arms around his waist. He holds back tightly, resting his chin over the top of her head. He smells like mint soap.

"I'm sorry, too," she says into his collar. "For scaring you."

"You've done more than that, but let's start with small things."

She hits him in the back. "You're impossible."

"Says the hypocrite."

"Says the doctor who held a bomb and still thinks that between you and that, you're impossible," she corrects him.

"Touché," he says dryly. "Am I to be expecting bomb jokes from you hereon?"

"You bet your ass."

"I'd rather not."

She pulls back her head to look him in the face. "Feed me ice cream."

He rolls his eyes at her, and the familiarity of it makes a rush of affection course through her for him. "I hardly doubt there are any ice cream parlours open right now."

"Fine. Let's walk back home, grab a bottle of wine, and drink on the roof."

He narrows his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"I just want to celebrate," she says patiently. "For going through this day without killing you."

"Ha ha," he mutters flatly. Then he sighs. "Whatever. Fine."

xXx

As they sit on the roof with one of Itachi's bottles of wine, Sakura admits to herself that the only reason for this is probably because she's scared that when her eyes close, she might get transported back to the afternoon, as she stands still in the Trauma Room with Dr. Orochimaru and the bomb squad leader.

But that isn't completely true. She glances at Itachi, sitting beside her on the dusty floor with his back against the wall, and thinks that she simply isn't ready for the night to end yet.

"…think it will take two more weeks to be fully functional," Itachi is telling her. "The beta turned out to be good, more than good, in fact. Sasuke is teaching me coding in our free time so I'd be better versed in the software development. It seems pretty straightforward."

She takes a gulp from the bottle directly and passes it to him. They've finished half of it between the two of them.

"Yeah, way to nerd it up even more," she mutters.

"Says the nerd," he retorts instantly, expectedly. "Have you never been interested in anything other than medicine?"

"Not really," she admits. "I mean, I guess I would have taken interest, but when Kakashi told me that I'd be a good doctor, I kind of forgot about everything else."

"He's been a huge influence on you," he remarks.

"Obviously. He's my father. Him and Uncle Obi both."

They share companionable silence as they pass the bottle between them. And then Sakura is unable to hold it in any longer.

"Itachi," she begins carefully. "You said earlier that you're sick of doing things because you have to." He stiffens slightly. "What all did you mean by that?"

He shrugs – the movement jerky. "Nothing much."

"Don't bullshit me."

He sighs, staring at the floor. "Sakura, I told you already that, growing up, this is not what I had pictured my life to be. I seem to be doing things because I have to, more often than not. My entire life has been nothing but an accumulation of following orders set by others around me. Even when I moved out of my parents' home and set out for college, it still felt like the same thing. I was taught that we live in a society wherein individuals have a role to play and abiding by them is of utmost importance.

"I get it. I lived by it. I live by it. Sometimes, though, I find myself questioning what the hell am I even doing. It's completely random. I might be eating dinner with my team, and I'll look around, and wonder what's happening. How I'm sitting there and they're calling me Boss and sharing their stories with me. And I think what's the point? What's the point of abiding by all these rules, when it wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things? I feel like I'm being their Boss because I have to. I feel like I'm making friends because I have to. I feel like I'm greeting people because I have to."

This is what existential crisis looks like, Sakura thinks. Itachi is still staring intently at the floor, frowning heavily, as if it holds the answer to all his questions.

"Okay," Sakura drags out uncertainly. "And you think traveling is something that you want to do?"

He takes a few moments to answer. "Definitely."

"Why is that? What would be the point of that, either?"

"Sakura," he suddenly faces her. "Did you know that you and I are made up of star stuff?"

She does, actually. She remembers when she learned about cells, and then how cells are made up of the cell membrane, the nucleus, and the cytoplasm. She learned that these parts are nothing but protiens, carbohydrates, lipids, and nucleic acids. These are molecules made from atoms from the periodic table. The same periodic table that details out the elements that exist in the stars, the planets, and the space, oxygen, nitrogen, sulphur, magnesium, iron. Every living and non-living object is borne out of the stuff that first came into existence after the Big Bang.

"Yes," she says slowly, nodding. "What does that have to do with traveling?"

"Everything that we see around us has been a part of the stars. The trees, the rain, the winds, the oceans. Us. We've always been a part of the Universe. I think that is beautiful. It's worth witnessing with my own eyes. For some reason, I have this belief that if I just go out there, I might discover where I truly belong. Where I wouldn't have to do things because the society dictates them. Where I can do things because I want to."

"But you can do it right now," Sakura says. "Staying where you are, doing what you're doing. I mean, you're the one who told me that it is possible to live by your own rules despite what the society expects from you."

"I know what I said. Lately, I've found myself questioning many things in my life, though. I've tried for a long time to be satisfied by what I had; it isn't working anymore. I find myself wanting more, remembering the dreams I had as a child, before I had accepted things for what they are and continued on living. Besides, I've reached this point because I didn't do what I want," he counters. "I think that erasing the canvas and starting over would mean much more."

Sakura's breath is caught. "What do you mean? Are you saying that you want to leave everything behind and start over somewhere else?"

"I don't know," he sighs. "I don't know what to do. And it's annoying to not know. On one hand, I feel like if I start over, things will come out differently. On the other hand, if I do that, then I lose too much."

"I had no idea you wanted to leave," she says gloomily.

He holds her gaze. "I'm not saying that I will."

"But you want to."

"Maybe," he admits. "As I said, though, I lose too much."

"Right. You have Sasuke and Naruto and your company. They really love you. And I'm honestly scared that they might follow you."

He chuckles.

"Why don't you take a … vacation?" she suggests cautiously. "Maybe you're feeling this way because things have been overwhelming for you. I know how much it makes you uncomfortable to be in constant presence of people. And you've been spending almost every waking moment with someone or the other. With your company taking off, and the wedding preparations –"

"And my neighbour's ex-lovers," he adds.

Sakura laughs. "Shut up! Sai is a delightful person."

He stares at her incredulously. "No offence, but I wouldn't call him delightful."

"Look who's talking," she says pointedly.

"I am delightful."

She rolls her eyes. "Please. You're worse than Sai sometimes."

"So you agree that Sai is bad at least."

"Absolutely not," she defends. "Sai is clueless. You make it a choice."

"Well, that's true," he concedes.

"But seriously," she begins her earlier train of thought before this conversation goes down a completely different path. "There's been a lot going on. Try and take a break."

"It's not that," he confesses. "It feels like work and I've never been opposed to that. It's actually been an exciting challenge. I'm just worried that maybe it's not the challenge that I want."

"You want a bigger challenge?" she asks uncertainly.

"Maybe," he says, almost shyly.

She's never witnessed this side of him before. Sure, he's arrogant and cocky but he has never been shy about it. Sakura blinks in surprise. "So you're not satisfied with how things are going because you feel that they're not challenging enough for you?"

"Maybe."

"You're wishing for a more difficult life?"

"I wouldn't put it like that," he defends. "But yes, essentially."

Sakura hits him in the shoulder. Hard.

"Hey!" he snaps. "What was that for?"

"For being … you!" she waves the bottle of wine at him. "This whole time, I thought you were upset because you're not getting to do what you want!"

"That is true," he frowns.

"Yeah but like I thought you want to go traveling and you're upset that you haven't gotten the chance to do that."

"That is also true."

"But all you really want is a life with bigger problems than what you have currently!"

"I wouldn't put it like that," he repeats stubbornly. "Sakura, I possess superior intelligence. As do you. You're a surgeon. Imagine that you're stuck in the pit for years, writing prescriptions for cold medicine and putting Band-Aids on crying kids. Would you be satisfied? I believe not. You hold people's hearts in your hands, quite literally. You've undertaken risky procedures because you had that faith in yourself. But what you also had were opportunities. You weren't stuck in the pit because you had to."

"I took efforts for that, you know," Sakura tells him. "And you must have had so many opportunities. I don't believe that you couldn't take any of them."

"I did," he rolls his eyes. "That's why we are where we are. But I know that we can be so much more. I'm just waiting for that right moment, that right chance to turn things around."

"What happened to all the talk about leaving this place to become a hermit?"

"I can be a billionaire and a hermit," he assures her. "I haven't let go of that. I was just feeling melancholic when I said that."

"Now who's materialistic?" she grumbles, even as waves of relief course through her. She hadn't realised that Itachi's idea to leave affected her to this extent. Her chest unravels a little. "You're an ass. I honestly thought you'd just up and leave any second."

"You know my bank balance," he says dryly. "You honestly think that I can go wherever I want with the money I have right now?"

"It's not that low."

"It's not that high, either," he says. "Besides, when I do go, I want to make sure that I don't need to work any longer."

"You sound overly cocky."

"I don't see the problem with that."

"Of course not."

He takes the bottle from her to have a sip. "Sakura. Were you honestly worried about my leaving?"

The air around them abruptly changes. Itachi's stare is intense and steady, and she doesn't want to look away.

"Yes," she whispers in the quiet. "It would suck if you leave."

"Why?"

Her heart is pounding in her chest. Suddenly, the distance between them feels less and less, and she wonders if she should slide back a few feet so that she can breathe.

"You're my friend," she answers carefully, her face not betraying anything. At least, she hopes that it doesn't. "Of course, it would suck."

He doesn't say anything for a bit, and he doesn't let go of her gaze. "Is it true, what Sai said?"

"Which part?" She's sure that he can hear her heart by now. Maybe the entire building can.

"That you like … people, with those characteristics? That it's your type?"

"I hadn't thought of it until he pointed it out like that," she admits.

"So it's true?" he prods.

Sakura gulps. Her stomach feels funny. "I … I'm not sure."

"You don't sound very convincing."

"Don't I?" she chuckles nervously, trying to diffuse the sudden tension in the air.

He doesn't buy it. "No. You don't."

"Does it matter?" she deflects. "It's not like … like I'm interested in anyone."

He smirks without humour. "Right."

The silence presses on. Sakura shifts her eyes to the sky instead, and Itachi's words ring in her mind. He sounded almost spiritual. She likes that he's made of star stuff. It's fitting.

Sakura has never pegged herself as a romantic. She knows how a human body works. She knows that loving someone is a mere chemical reaction. It's one of the reasons why she was never taken by Uncle Obito's romantic movies or books. She stopped her tea parties because she realised that the Princess was most of the times a damsel in distress, waiting for someone to rescue her. She didn't like that idea, and she never wanted to become someone like that.

Sakura believes in science. She understands it. She worships it. She knows every part of a human body, its name, functions, and fatalities. She chose to become a cardiothoracic surgeon in particular because, like Itachi had pointed out, she holds a human heart in her hands – and she enjoys the rush that it gives her. It's proof that the heart is nothing but an organ. All it does is pump blood through your system and throw out the bad blood. That is its only purpose – of course, it's an important one, but at least she knows that Uncle Obito is wrong. Love doesn't reside in hearts. It can't. It's impossible. She knows it because she held a heart in her hand and there was nothing romantic about it.

Itachi is trying to disprove all of it. He doesn't even know it, obviously did not intend for it, but Sakura hates him a little for making her question everything that she's known in her life. She hates how the mere thought of him these days squeezes her chest painfully. She hates how her body suddenly seems to come alive, as though she was sleeping this entire time, and he's come to wake her up. Of course, that thought pisses her off even more because it sounds awfully like The Sleeping Beauty movie she'd seen as a kid and eventually came to dislike.

Sakura doesn't want to fall in love, because it doesn't exist. It's an illusion that individuals fool themselves into so that they don't have to stay alone.

There have been times, though, when Sakura has had to question that belief. When Kakashi and Uncle Obito share a single glance between them and Sakura feels as though she's interrupting something private and sacred, even if they're sitting in a room full of people. She grew up watching those silent exchanges. Then there's Shikamaru and Temari – who, at first glance, wouldn't look like much, but Temari can get Shikamaru to do anything without much effort, a considerable feat given the fact that he's Shikamaru. In return, Temari – for all her mischief and fierceness – gets easily flustered by Shikamaru. Then there's the way Shikamaru watches her silently, as though he can't believe that this woman has chosen him as her life partner.

Sakura doesn't want to believe in love, because frankly, it's a scary notion. If it is love that Kakashi and Uncle Obito have between them, then it would mean staying together without being together. It would mean sleeping with other people. It would mean forgoing every chance that you'd get at a decent, reliable partner because you simply don't want them but this person you've been living with for more than twenty years, and known for more than thirty years of your life.

It's confusing and painful. Why would anyone want that in their life? The idea that someone else holds your heart in their palm and can crush it in an instant, and you voluntarily commit to it, sounds ridiculous – and yes, she sees the irony in it.

Whatever she feels for Itachi is confusing. And painful, too. Only three or four months ago, on his birthday, Sakura had begun to acknowledge that she might have a crush on him. And it hadn't felt confusing or painful, even if she had tried her best not to act on it. She knew even then that a mere crush is a dangerous idea. But at least it was easy. It was simple. A casual attraction towards the handsome neighbour.

She has no idea how it escalated from that to thinking that Itachi is made of star stuff because it's fitting.

They sit on the roof until the sky begins to lighten up, until the stars twinkle out, and the sun rises at the horizon. She almost feels bad that Itachi has to go into work, and that she made him sit with her through the night, before remembering that he picked a fight with her in the middle of the night out in the streets.

Sakura watches him as they lean against the wall to witness the pink and orange colours spill over the city. She watches the set of his jaw, the marvel in his eyes at the Universe, and the peace stemming from him despite the tiredness and sleep deprivation, and begins to wonder when the hell he started to look downright beautiful.

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