A/N: This is a joke, don't come me-

Hermione was out cold on the armchair in the Gryffindor common room.

"We're going to bed," Harry said standing up and walking over to the boy's dormitory with Ron.

"What?" Hermione said jumping up and waking up. "I still have work to do, and I'm guessing you do too!"

"Yeah, but we don't want to stay up all night," Ron said. They went upstairs and Hermione rushed to get her work done, but she was having trouble.

"I wish I had help..." She said. Suddenly, an owl swept through the window and dropped a letter in Hermione's lap. Hermione opened it and the letter contained all the answers! She knew she shouldn't cheat, but it was late and she wanted to go to bed. So, she copied the answers and headed up to bed.

The next morning, Hermione was eating her breakfast when the same owl came and dropped off another letter! It said: If you need help again, just say the same thing you did last night. Hermione stuffed the letter in her backpack and hurried off to class. When she turned in the homework, It was all correct! Hermione was so happie! She hurriedly went to the common room after school to try to get another letter!1!111

"I wish I had help..." Hermione said again. Just like before, an owl swooped in and delivered another letter containing all the answers. It went on like this for a few weeks until Hermione gained the courage to send a letter back. She scribbled down Who are yuo and why are you helping me! She gave it back to the owl and it flew away to give the letter. It came back a few minutes later and had an answer... I can't tell you who I am, but I love you! Hermion was so surpised! Who cod it be?! Hermione knew it couldn't be Harry or Ron becus they r 2 dumb, but it could be someone she didn't know... like a Ravenclaw becase they are smrt. It must be Cormac! Cormac had a crush on Hermione! So, Hermione set out.

"Have you been sending me letters?" She asked Cormac?

"No." He sad. Oh no! It isn't Carmoc! Then who? It must be... DUMBLEDOOR! Hermione went to his office and found him there.

"Have you bin sending me letters?" Hermione asked.

"No." Dumbledore said. Hermione went back to the common room feeling sad, but then she got an idea. It must be Fang! Hermione wrote a letter to Fang. Have you been sending me letters? The letter was sent and came back with a reply fast. Yes. Hermione was so happy! She had found out who her love was! The next day was a trip to Hogsmead, so she decided to go on a date with Fang. They met up at the Three Broomsticks and orded butterbeer.

"I love you Fang!" Hermione sadi holding his paw.

"I love you too," Fang said back. They had a lot fun together because after they drank butterbeer, they went to Honeydukes and got a bunch of yummy candy and joke stffu. Hermione went back to the common room. Suddenly the owl came in the window. Hermione opened the letter and it said: I am nto Fang! Mett me in the common room at 1:00 am. Hermione was sad. Fang wasn't her love! Still, she loved him, but mabey she like her secret loev better! At 1 am, Hermione was waiting in the common room when someone apeered there! It was... VOLDAMORT!1!11111!1!11!111

"Voldemort! Why r u here! I'm going to kell you!" Hermione yelled angry.

"Wait hermyon!" Voldemort said. "It's me, your secret lover! I've been sending you the letters!" Voldamort took out the owl from his pocket and the letter Hermyone sent! IT REALLY WAS VOLDEMORT!11111!1!1!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hermione cried. "It CAN'T be YOU!"

"But wait!" Voldemort said. "I love you!"

Hermione smiled. "Ok. I love you too" And then, they kissed.

"What're you doing!" Someone shouted. It was Harry!

"Nothing!" Hermione said.

"YOU'RE KISSING VOLDAMORT!"

"No I'm not!" Hermoine siad. Harry couldn't know or else he wood get mad!

"I'm goig to tell Dumbledoor! Than you will git in trooble!"

"No don't!" Hermione cried. "Please don't Voldemort's not eivl enymoore!"

"Yes he is! He killed my PArENTS!" Harry said super mad. He was leving to go tell dumbledore! This couldn't be happening! SHE COULD GET IN TROUBEL!

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort shouted. Harry died. "Now he can't ruin our love." He smiled. Hermione kissed him again. Suddenly Fang came in olso! Hermione was so upset! She didn't want eny drama!

"Hermione!" Fang said. "I'm so sad. But, I forgive you, for I am a dog." Then Fang left. Voldemort smiled.

"I loev you." Voldemort said, and they kissd.