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Chapter 2: Hand in Hand

The sweet taste of her coffee did nothing to quell Rachel's concern about what she was about to do. Though she did absently wonder if Eddie had put one more extra sugar in than her usual.

She found that her heart warmed at the possibility, at his thoughtfulness, but along with that came a bitter sense of reality. He wouldn't be there looking out for her once this conversation was concluded. That much she was sure of.

A familiar sensation for that evening, Rachel could feel Eddie's eyes upon her - she knew he was waiting for her to speak. Her eyes were automatically drawn to him, and warmth settled within her whilst noticing how relaxed he appeared in her home. It was like he had always been there and always would be. Hardly making this entire debacle easier for Rachel.

In fact, the words she wanted to speak were so constricted by the current atmosphere, that Rachel thought about repeatedly backing down. Because she was equally as stubborn as Eddie. But then, he deserved to know the truth, even if it would tear them both apart.

Eddie himself could practically envisage the cogs turning in Rachel's brain. There were far too many scenarios that his own brain was painting for him, far too many questions being posed with far too little answers.

The last thing he wanted to do was push Rachel. Because it was written all over her face that she needed him now more than ever.

"I… don't want you to feel obliged to tell me Rachel. But I just want to help. Maybe… if you explain to me what's going on then, we can work something out together."

Her eyes levelled with his, and almost automatically, a lance of pain shot through Eddie. Something which had everything to do with the look of fear in Rachel's eyes.

"I… I need to tell you."

Sitting up slowly, Eddie found himself feeling somewhat taken aback by Rachel's words as he placed his mug down. He let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, preparing himself to listen intently.

"Okay."

"I meant what I said earlier Eddie. You're not going to like what I have to say. It's just going to… alter your whole opinion of me."

"I doubt that, Rachel."

Eddie felt like she was about to challenge him, but instead her head dropped slightly as she began to fiddle with the clasp on her bracelet.

"I was seventeen. When it all started. Things were… bad at home. You see my mum she… she passed away when I was ten. My father, he… broke down as a result of that. He turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. Honestly Eddie, I… he was a different person because of it."

Eddie allowed his eyes to trail over Rachel as she reached for her drink, taking a sip even as her hands shook and her lips quivered. The urge was back - to take Rachel into his arms, to protect her from the world and never let go. But he had to give her this, he had to allow her to explain.

"He turned abusive. To both myself and my younger sister. But mainly me. Which only furthered once he lost his job."

"God, Rachel…"

"Anyway we…" Rachel stifled a sob, pressing the palm of her hand over her mouth through desperation.

Something in Eddie snapped, and he couldn't hold back any longer. His position shifted so that their sides were practically pressed together, hand finding Rachel's even as she began to protest.

"Eddie…"

"I'm here for you, Rachel."

She just knew that wouldn't be the case in the next ten minutes. Because no one could accept her past, could they?

"We ended up with next to nothing in terms of money. This went on for… several years and I… watching Melissa, my sister, suffer broke my heart more than anything Eddie."

That made sense to Eddie. Rachel was incredibly selfless, to the point where he wished she was selfish on occasions. But he knew deep down that he wouldn't change her for the world.

"It was when I turned seventeen that I… my friends and I ended up out for my birthday. I was making my way home when I…"

Rachel's head dropped once more, frame beginning to shake as she held back the sobs. Almost without realising it, Eddie had begun to draw random patterns on the back of her hand and across her knuckles. An action which he hoped to be soothing her even as his mind raced at the possibilities of where she was going with this.

"Two men approached me. On the corner of my street actually," she swiped a free hand across her cheek, ridding herself of the salty residue, "they made me a… a job offer. A thousand pounds a week. An extremely attractive offer for me at the time. I just wanted to help my family, Eddie."

Rachel couldn't look at him, couldn't bear to see his expression contort as she spoke her next words. Couldn't bear to feel the loss of his skin on hers as he tore his hand away. Because everyone who found out about her past left her, didn't they?

Eddie's mind was making conclusions for him, putting together strings that he wasn't sure he even understood. He just knew his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest as he waited with ragged breath for Rachel to speak again.

"I was a prostitute, Eddie."

Eddie felt as though he was drowning. He could practically feel his blood boiling, anger not directed at Rachel, but at the idea of her in that situation. The idea that she had no one to help her, to support her. And maybe just slightly angry that she hadn't told him, that she hadn't felt able to tell him.

Eddie was lost for words, knew that Rachel would be wanting some kind of response. Knew that she deserved some kind of response. He wanted to question Stuart's involvement, wanted to ask where the name Amanda came into it all, but his mouth was dry, head pounding, and his one and only awful instinct was to walk away. To just walk away and clear his head before he ended up reacting in a way he'd regret.

Eddie squeezed Rachel's hand lightly, hoping she would take it as part of his apology for now. He just had to process everything, to wrap his head around it all. Rachel didn't deserve the wrong reaction.

"I'm sorry Rachel," he almost whispered as their eyes met, "I just need… I need some time. To process it all."

Eddie hated how Rachel remained silent. It broke his heart that little bit more as her eyes brimmed with tears before she spun away from him, standing to face the wall as he gave her one last glance before walking away.

….

It was very rare that Eddie found himself tossing and turning, unable to sleep for his own thoughts consuming him. But that night, as he lay awake, staring at the ceiling, he couldn't stop the guilt from eating away at him. Rachel needed someone to lean on, he'd given full assurance that he would be that person, and snatched that assurance away in another breath.

Then a reminder hit him like a truck - wouldn't it have been far worse for him to have stayed, and ended up saying something he didn't mean?

Probably. And of course, the rational side of Eddie was well aware of that. Not his irrational side though, the one which seemed to be currently coming into play.

And then there were the countless questions his own mind was raising about Stuart Hordley. Where did he come into all this? Eddie could hazard a guess, whether that stab in the dark would be accurate, was another query.

Yet above all of that, was Rachel, and the way he felt about her. Still felt about her. He'd wondered it as he strolled out of her house, but knew for certain now that his reaction was a result of his deep rooted care for her, rather than anger or animosity.

He sighed as he rolled over for what felt like the fiftieth time, what probably was the fiftieth time, only to be met with his bedside clock. 2:37am. He could hardly return to Rachel's and make amends at this hour could he?

Eddie just knew that he had a hell of a lot of making up to do. Rachel might not have admitted it, but she had trusted him, her actions and the way she had confided him painted that picture. Just Eddie was all too aware that it would take moving mountains to build that back up. Certainly something and more that Eddie was willing to do.

….

Rachel should have learnt her lesson really, shouldn't she? Her past wasn't something that anyone in their right mind could look past. Past boyfriends, friends, even her father and sister. None of them were willing to stand by her. So why would Eddie be any different? Not that Rachel predicted he would be, which was why she found herself questioning the pain she was currently experiencing.

Rachel had been prepared for that reaction from Eddie, prepared for him to look angry, prepared for him to tear his support into shreds and walk away. And frankly, she could hardly blame him, she was damaged goods, and an emotional wreck to say the least. Her past would have only highlighted that.

At least it was Saturday - was the sole positive Rachel decided to cling on to. She could wallow in her heartache for at least twenty four hours, before preparing to face the masses again on Monday. She hoped that Eddie went directly to Rhia Cheetham with his resignation, Rachel couldn't bear to see his face again, to look him in the eyes. So she also hoped that her presumption was right, that Eddie would simply resign and wash his hands of her and Waterloo Road. Again, she could hardly blame him for walking away.

Rachel resisted the urge to scream at the sound of her doorbell, she was hardly in any sort of state for visitors. She didn't need to look in the mirror to know that her cheeks would be tear strained, eyes red rimmed and exhausted - a mixture of the sobbing and lack of sleep. But Rachel could hardly ignore it either. Not when her car was on the drive, curtains open and television on.

She dragged herself off of the sofa with difficulty, having planned to bury herself away from the world for the foreseeable future. Rachel reached the door subsequently to the bell ringing for a third time, swiping furiously at her eyes in an attempt to quell the side effects of being put through the emotional wringer.

Her efforts were squandered however, upon taking notice of who was standing on her doorstep. Hardly who she'd been expecting to see after last night's revelations, having spent the entirety of the evening persuading herself that she'd lost Eddie Lawson for good.

Rachel expected to detect more anger in his expression, perhaps disgust or animosity. Maybe he'd turned up again to be slightly harsher with his phrasing this time, tell her what he truly thought of her past rather than being the decent person and simply walking away.

But… that wasn't the case. Eddie's eyes were brimming with kindness, and a sense of guilt. The former being a repeatable demeanour in recent weeks, just one that Rachel had never anticipated witnessing again. At least not in the form of her deputy.

The somewhat chilling silence was broken by the rustling of something. Something which Rachel subsequently realised to be a bunch of flowers, encased in Eddie's hands.

"You have every right to tell me to get lost Rachel," Eddie watched as the woman's eyes travelled to the assorted flowers and back up to his eyes, all the while despising himself for being the cause of the utterly desolate look settled in her expression, "frankly I've… been a bit of a prat."

Eddie noticed the way she blinked slightly, her mouth opening and closing as she portrayed a person who was entirely lost for words.

"I shouldn't have walked off like I did last night. You didn't deserve that."

Rachel's eyes flicked back up to Eddie's at his comments, the contact giving him the sudden urge to step forward and brush the fresh wave of tears away.

She wiped them away herself however, stepping aside to bring back the door, once more giving Eddie access to her home.

"I'll make the drinks this time."

Rachel's tone was coloured with nothing but surprise, causing Eddie to kick himself all over again. As he'd previously expected, Rachel had quite clearly spent the past twelve hours convincing herself that he'd walked away for good, that he was disgusted by her revelations. Feelings which Eddie had to abolish before anything else, he knew.

It felt like no time at all before Rachel was reappearing in her living room, not even a small smile playing across her lips as she passed Eddie his coffee. Her expression was a far cry from what Eddie had been lucky enough to witness in recent weeks. Such a thought only made him feel sick to the stomach upon realising again that he'd been the cause of that. That he'd been the one to dishearten that beautiful smile he loved so much.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

The words seemed like a reasonable enough place to start, yet even as Eddie spoke them, his guilt furthered rather than lessened.

"Eddie, you don't need to… I… what I told you, is a lot to process. I know that. So you don't - ''

"But I do," he nodded, hoping to emphasise his sincerity, "I really do. Rachel, I told you that I'd be there for you, and then chose to walk away."

"I can't expect you to just accept what I told you Eddie."

"You can. And I have."

Her eyes narrowed, "what?"

"Rachel, last night I… wasn't angry at you. It was more the situation you were in. Someone should have been there for you."

Rachel remained silent, expression growing increasingly confused as she let Eddie's comments wash over her. She half expected to wake up any moment, and be reminded of a harsh reality rather than this fantasy she was being presented with. Because no one, not even Eddie with his heart of gold, could accept her past, accept Amanda and the person she once was.

Eddie being Eddie, and knowing her, sensed this, "you're remarkable Rachel. How you've… gone on to be the woman you are today. A wonderful headteacher. An inspiration to those kids."

"Eddie…"

Rachel ran a hand through her hair, not wanting her hopes to be brought up, only to come crashing down again. Yet at the same time, the prospect of Eddie sticking by her side, of helping her tackle whatever Stuart had to throw at her… it was all too appealing to just ignore.

"What? It's true. That's how I see you. And not just me, all the staff and students too."

"I still don't understand Eddie. What? You've just accepted it. I… you can't possibly…"

Eddie gathered that he wasn't having much luck with getting through to her, knew he only had himself and his own actions to blame for that. He took it upon himself to close the slight distance between them, encasing Rachel's upper arms in his hands, hoping that he had more chance of reassuring her with the contact.

Rachel's breathing seemed to stop for a moment, she couldn't concentrate on anything other than the warmth of Eddie's hands, once again seeping through the cotton of her top. The realisation stole her breath away.

It was all too easy from a metre or so away, to simply convince herself that Eddie couldn't possibly look ahead of her past. But now… with him at such close proximity, his eyes full of a tenderness Rachel couldn't quite describe, the convincing was suddenly extremely difficult.

"Just… believe me on this Rachel. Let me in again, let me help you."

She nodded just twice, and Eddie was uncomfortably reminded of the previous evening, the way he'd promised his support in such a similar way and then proceeded to take it away. Not this time though, this time it would be different. He longed to make up for his irrational actions the previous evening, and longed to prove to Rachel once more that she could trust him, that he would be there for her no matter what.

"Stuart… he's blackmailing me."

Out of all the things Eddie had considered, that hadn't really been one of them. He suddenly felt uncomfortable that he had ever thought of Stuart and Rachel as an item, when the man was evidently causing her a great deal of distress.

Rachel was witness to the flash of anger that appeared in Eddie's features, but it was different to the previous evening. Now she knew that his disgust wasn't directed at her, rather the situation she was in, and Stuart Hordley.

Rachel almost felt weightless, being fully aware that Eddie's current demeanour was a sure sign of his support, and just how much he cared.

"The git."

"That's one way of putting it. I… it's the reason his company got the bid for the building project."

"He threatened you with that?"

Rachel's whole body felt stiff, even nodding seemed alien as she tried to process the fact that Eddie was still sitting in front of her. No one had ever stuck around, not after learning of her past. Rachel couldn't be more grateful that things had turned out different with Eddie.

"I started off by saying I would just go to the police, you know, about the blackmail. I remember him… standing there in my office, 'the end of a glittering career for you, or a slap on the wrist for me.' And he's right Eddie… what have I done?"

Certainly not for the first time that morning, Eddie's heart shattered at how desolate and anxious Rachel looked. A far cry from the woman who walked into Waterloo Road with her head held high. Eddie never expected her to be phased by anything. But Stuart Hordley was different, he knew, her career and credibility was on the line here.

Once more all Eddie longed to do was wrap his arms around Rachel, shield her from the nightmare she was currently living in. But he waited too long, the subconscious part of his brain convincing him that it wasn't a good idea, until Rachel was speaking again.

"You'll have noticed him calling me Amanda, obviously," she gestured a hand, "that was my name… before. Amanda Fenshaw. I try to avoid saying it, or even thinking about it."

"When did you… change it?"

"I was amongst it all for two years. Just after my nineteenth birthday… there were police raids. I was given the opportunity of a new identity, a new life, a second chance if you like. Of course, I grabbed it with both hands."

Ice travelled through Eddie's veins - two years Rachel had suffered, a teenager, who should have been cherishing her youth. And now, Stuart Hordley was dragging everything up to haunt her. Eddie was sure that he would be hard pressed not to swing for the bloke next time he saw him.

"And that's… when you went to university?"

"Almost straight away," Rachel paused, not quite decoding the expression on Eddie's face, "teaching because… I wanted to change peoples lives. If I could just help one student…"

"If only you'd had someone like yourself as a teacher."

Eddie watched as Rachel shrugged, "I don't know for sure if it would have made a difference. It's all what ifs Eddie. I've always been able to… you know, look past it all. But now…"

"Hordley's brought it all back up."

"Exactly."

Eddie's eyes closed almost automatically, "I wish I'd seen it sooner."

They soon shot open though, through surprise at feeling the comfort of Rachel's hand on his arm. The sensation almost brought forth a smile from him, even in the circumstances.

"You couldn't have known."

"I just… I don't understand. What does he want now, now he's got the training centre?"

"That's what I can't work out either. You know, him taking me out for dinner last night. It was supposed to be an apology, the start of a rewarding relationship as he called it."

"So one minute he's blackmailing you, the next minute he's wining and dining you. Strange bloke."

"You don't say."

"I just… I think you have to go to the police."

Eddie could tell automatically from Rachel's face that she was entirely opposed to the idea. And he didn't blame her, not really. He was just fishing for ways to help.

"Forget I said that Rachel. Here's me being a prat again."

"Oh Eddie, you aren't. I just can't quite believe you are still here. You really do have that heart of gold."

"You aren't alone with it now, Rachel," Eddie glanced down at their hands now intertwined, running his thumb over Rachel's knuckles much like he had done the previous evening, "whatever Hordley throws at us, we tackle together."

It was the small smile Rachel gave him that caused Eddie's insides to do flips, "you don't know how happy I am to hear you say that."

It seemed that Eddie could only think of two things as he returned Rachel's expression - how remarkable she was, and how glad he was that he'd turned up on her doorstep that morning.

Eddie would stand by his promise: whatever Hordley threw at them, would be tackled together.