Hi All! I hope you enjoy this latest offering!
Just a heads-up that updates for all my stories may become a bit less frequent, I'm about to start 60 hour work weeks as of next week so I won't have much time to write. I will do my best! Thanks for the support for this story and Don't Speak, any comments you've given have been much appreciated!
Thanks as always to JaneyGWF for the beta work, this chapter came with a lot of coaching so cheers! (Go check out her stories if you haven't already!)
Jane held Maura for several minutes, rubbing her arm in what she hoped was a comforting manner as she tried to find something to say. This latest emotional blow had come out of nowhere, and Jane wasn't familiar enough with Maura's current state of mind to be able to predict how she was going to react.
Maura was currently frozen and staring into space. Jane had seen her do this a few times since becoming a vampire; soon she would finish her initial processing and react. Jane just hoped she could get her to stay still and talk about it before Maura disappeared.
Suddenly Maura moved, jerking back from Jane's embrace. Jane was surprised to see anger and determination written across her friend's face. As Jane opened her mouth to speak, Maura silently walked past her and started moving around the apartment, her head cocked to the side.
As Maura bent down and pulled something from under her coffee table Jane realised she was listening for the bugs Constance had mentioned. There was no way Jane would have been able to find them. Judging from the miniscule size of the device that she watched being ground into dust, the bugs had been top of the line.
Maura zipped out of the bedroom, coming to rest next to the table and throwing down a handful of crushed electronics with disgust. Her eyes practically glowed with fury.
Jane opened her mouth to speak, but Maura started first. "How dare she! How dare they! Bugging your house? Threatening you? I should just…."
Jane waved a hand in front of Maura as if she was flagging down a charging bull. "Whoa, slow down. I agree they were a bit, um, pushy, but…."
Maura turned an incredulous look on Jane. "Pushy? Really Jane? Pushy?"
Suddenly shifting into super speed Maura paced a few angry times before appearing in front of a stammering Jane. "Hope knew! She knew about vampires this whole time! She could have helped me! She could have come to me and told me what she knew! But no, she just uses this as another reason to hate me just for being what I am. First I was Paddy's evil spawn, now I'm just a blood drinking monster! She didn't even ask for my side of the story, she just dragged my mother out of here!"
Jane was having trouble keeping up with Maura's words, which were speeding up as she became more furious, but the sentiment was clear. "Now, okay, I've never been a big fan of Hope, but to be fair…."
Maura cut her off with a wave of her hand. "She has never been fair. She only comes to me when she wants something. A kidney, forgiveness, who knows what she was after this time! Maybe she was worried that her behaviour made a murderer out of me and needed to hear it wasn't her fault! Maybe having a wanted fugitive for a daughter just didn't look good on the Mend website!"
Jane felt like she needed to calm Maura down in a hurry. It was terrific seeing her react with some of her old fire rather than drifting back into her withdrawn state, but if she went anywhere this angry someone could get hurt.
Jane cleared her throat loudly to get Maura's attention. "Okay, calm down, please! I agree, she was way out of line! And, also, wrong, like she has always been about you."
Maura slowed her movements, looking at Jane with an appraising eye. "You're right Jane. You always tried to tell me, but I just wanted her to like me so badly."
Jane jumped as Maura picked up a pillow and tossed it across the room, the missile harmlessly hitting the wall and bouncing off. Jane couldn't help raising an amused eyebrow at the innocuous choice of object to throw in a fit of rage, thankful that Maura didn't notice her expression as she continued her rant.
Maura threw her hands in the air in frustration. "Who knows what she's going to tell my mother! I don't think she'll tell her the truth. But I don't think my mother will give up on this until she knows what we were all talking about."
Jane put her good hand on her hip, considering. "I agree, your mother isn't one to let things go lightly. I can talk to her, if you like?"
Maura stilled again, her face conflicted. "I don't know. I'm not sure what I want her to know."
Jane paused before continuing. "Okay, why the sudden change in attitude? Not that I want you to listen to her and disappear, that's not what I mean. You were ready to walk away when you got here tonight, but now you're angry at her for suggesting you leave. "
Maura glanced at Jane before plopping down on the couch, the fight leeching out of her. "I just feel so tired, even though I know that's impossible."
Jane joined her on the couch, slouching into the seat with a mental groan of relief. She was quite tired herself from her day of cleaning which, since she was only just out of hospital, had worn her out. She could feel a dull ache beginning to spread through her arm and knew she would need to take some medication soon.
Jane nudged Maura's knee with her own, hoping to get Maura to continue. Maura let out a deep, frustrated breath before speaking, her voice more subdued but still emotional.
"I keep feeling like I'm starting to get my feet back under me and something else knocks me over. Now that you're out of the hospital I had entertained the notion that we could find a way to make this work. Even if you'd agreed with me that I should leave you alone, it would be a definitive position. I would know where we stood, I could go from there."
Jane gave Maura an indignant look at the thought of her asking Maura to leave. The over exaggerated expression was enough to get a small smile out of Maura, before she sighed and hung her head. "But now we are in the dark again. We don't know how much Hope knows, or why, we just know she's terrified of me."
Maura took a deep breath before sitting up straight. "However, I've decided that I'm not just going to mope anymore. I'll deal with this, and whatever the next thing is, and the one after that. I have to stop waiting for some outside influence to show me a purpose. I can figure it out. I need to figure it out."
Jane smiled tiredly, thrilled beyond words to hear the resolve in Maura's tone. She had been extremely worried that she was about to lose Maura again, but it sounded like she had finally decided to stay.
Maura frowned as she took in Jane's expression. "Jane, you're exhausted. Come on, let's get you to bed."
Jane jerked upright, wanting to discuss things further despite her fatigue. "No, no, I'm good. I'll be fine for a bit longer."
Suddenly she found herself being manoeuvred into a standing position. Maura had a very determined look back on her face. "Don't argue with me Jane. I'm still a doctor, and I can see you need rest. Now, easy way or hard way?"
Jane peered at Maura's face, concluding she had a very low probability of winning this argument. "Okay, easy way."
Maura smirked in response and waved Jane towards her room.
Jane loped into her bedroom, a stumble near the doorway letting her know she was more exhausted than she thought. Maura appeared at her side holding a glass of water and several pills.
After watching Jane gulp the pills down Maura disappeared again. Jane carefully got ready for bed, cautiously moving her aching arm into her pyjamas with a wince. When she slumped back on her pillows she saw Maura had reappeared.
Jane closed her eyes sleepily as she felt Maura move the covers over her. She cracked one eye open to see Maura smiling down at her happily. "What?"
Maura just smiled wider. "I'm just grateful you're still human Jane. I know you're hurting right now, but I'm so glad you'll get to live the life you should. Thank you for sticking with me, despite my crazy family, and despite, well, everything else."
Jane smiled drowsily as her eye slipped closed. "Always."
Maura listened to Jane's settled breathing for several minutes before she realised she was watching her friend sleep. She remembered her promise to try not to be creepy, so Maura hurriedly left the room.
Her eyes were immediately drawn back to the destroyed surveillance devices on the table. She stood over them glaring, her earlier anger returning easily. She quickly scooped the remains up and put them into a plastic bag. She then secured the apartment before slipping out a window, first checking that the security guards her mother had hired were in fact gone. The neighbourhood was comfortingly quiet, with no signs of danger. Maura sped off into the night, confident that Jane would be safe and undisturbed.
Maura had taken all of two seconds to decide what to do with her evening after Jane went to sleep. She headed to her first stop stealthily, following a route that had become extremely familiar over the last week.
Opening a well-used window Maura slipped into a house she had entered every night this week. She knew to breathe sparingly, her enhanced senses a curse in a house that reeked of human refuse. Her keen hearing confirmed that all the occupants were either passed out or absent.
Making her way through the house, Maura could see that her plan was coming to fruition. The carefully organised rooms full of narcotics and stolen weapons had become disorganised piles, haphazardly strewn around rooms in plain sight. With a slight smile she continued on her mission.
As usual the fridge was well stocked with beer and takeaway food. Maura sniffed the contents, locating the right container easily. The honey chicken with no sesame seeds.
Working quickly, Maura completed her mission and returned the food to the fridge, leaving everything as she'd found it less than a minute after entering the house.
On the way to her next stop Maura's mind drifted back to Hope. She was still flabbergasted by the fact that her biological mother of all people somehow knew about vampires. The chances were incalculably small. The fact that Hope had possessed the information that could have potentially saved Maura months of ignorance hurt deeply, especially in the face of Hope's instantaneous rejection. The scene had been just so similar to Hope's initial rejection of Maura after learning her true identity, and it stung just as much the second time.
As she ran Maura heard the sound of heavy glass breaking, the crash pulling her thoughts back to the present. She altered her path, climbing up onto a roof near the sound to get a better vantage point. She quickly found the source of the noise; a store window had been smashed by some vandals, who were now ransacking the store and trying to get the cash register open. Maura decided not to directly intervene, opting to call the police in to deal with the thieves. This had been her standard practice unless a particular criminal looked dangerous; if she thought the police might get hurt apprehending the suspects she would incapacitate them first.
She waited several minutes before she heard the sirens coming. A minute later the thieves heard them as well, starting to panic and bicker amongst themselves. This group didn't seem well organised, and were still deciding which way to run when two cruisers pulled up outside the store. The uniformed officers sprang into action efficiently, yelling for the group to freeze. Three of them obeyed, but one at the back of the group started fumbling at the back of his belt.
Maura reached for the small pack of ball bearings she kept on her belt for situations like this. The balls were small enough to be lost in the debris around a crime scene but large enough to distract or injure a target when thrown with enough force.
A quick flick of her hand saw the projectile streaking towards her target. The ball hit the arm of the gunman, a shriek of pain accompanying the clatter of the gun as it hit the ground. The officers saw the weapon and redoubled their yelling, the other criminals looking shocked to see the weapon and stepping away from their companion. He stopped yelping long enough to realise he'd lost any chance of shooting his way out of the situation and raised his hands, his right hand sporting a bright red welt.
Maura smiled to herself as she continued on her route. This sort of thing had become her new routine, and she had gotten quite good at it. She had devised a patrol route through Boston that covered all the major crime areas which she followed several times a day. The route also included a stop at BPD, Tommy's house, Frankie's house, the hospital while Jane was still there as well as any other locations the Rizzoli family happened to be at various times throughout the day.
The only way Maura had found to be able to come to terms with her part in Angela's death was to try to ensure her family was taken care of. Maura knew her family was the most important thing to Angela, so this was the most valuable thing in the world for Maura to protect. Her existence would revolve around protecting the Rizzoli family, and any descendants they might have, as that was the only way she could maintain her sanity and prevent herself from falling back into the emotionless state that Jane had pulled her out of.
Maura could still clearly picture the horrified expression on Jane's face when she had encountered Maura in that state. At the time she hadn't been bothered by the reaction; she had honestly felt no emotion by that point. Now however, she could remember the look and understand the revulsion Jane must have felt. She knew that if the situation had been reversed and Jane had been the one to disappear under an emotionless mask she would have felt devastated and done all in her power to bring her back, just as Jane had done for her. The messages Jane had left in the week leading up to the encounter at the warehouse had been slowly chipping away at Maura's heavily barricaded defences, but the sight of Jane crumpled in pain and possibly dying had blasted through them completely. The thought of losing Jane after everything they had been through was too much to process without access to her emotions, and they had flowed through her small frame unrestrained, allowing her to push her relief and love at Jane with no thought for her own well-being. Although she hadn't realised it beforehand, those emotions fuelling her power had been exactly what was required to dampen Jane's pain and allow her to end the Volturi threat finally and decisively.
After the confrontation with the Volturi, Maura had been filled with emotion once more, her guilt and regret initially overpowered by her relief at Jane's survival and Frankie's reluctant tolerance. She had welcomed the return of her feelings like breathing after being held underwater, happily allowing her mind to once again traverse the carefully constructed memory pathways of her human life. Her recollections of Angela and the other Rizzoli family members had sent a spear of pain through her, but she gladly accepted it as the price of being herself again. Maura knew she needed to work through the guilt resulting from her actions instead of shutting down, as she couldn't bear to feel nothing for Jane and her family again. Despite the pain, she knew she couldn't continue her existence in an emotionless state; it defeated the purpose of existing if she didn't experience life.
The fact that Jane had come so far towards forgiving her helped immensely. Maura went over the sequence of events that had led to Angela's death innumerable times and had been unable to find anything she could have done differently. With the knowledge she had gleaned from Carlisle, she understood that a newborn vampire such as herself had very little control over their feeding impulse, which made the fact that she hadn't killed Jane months before even more miraculous. The way that the Volturi had tortured her until she had no awareness and then shoved a bleeding human practically in her mouth had completely bypassed her conscious mind, making the following events inevitable.
Intellectually knowing the facts and the reasons didn't stop Maura's heart from feeling every drop of guilt she thought she deserved. She would always blame herself, and always was a very long prospect when one becomes a vampire.
Maura snapped her attention back to the situation at hand once again as she realised she had reached her destination. She focussed her senses first towards the house, checking that all was well inside. She then expanded her attention to the surrounding neighbourhood, ensuring there were no threats or suspicious people. After ten minutes of observation Maura was satisfied that all was well and she turned to leave, mentally wishing Frankie a good night's sleep.
As Maura ran to her next stop, she returned to her musing. She had been repeating this patrol for so long that a human would have lost count. She was very clear on her reasons for her vigilance, but she also recognised the obvious flaw in her routine.
When Jane had been bitten in the warehouse, she had told Maura to allow the venom to do its work and turn her into a vampire. Maura believed her reasons, that Jane hadn't wanted her to be alone. But since Maura had insisted that Jane let her prevent the transformation, she had also ensured that Jane would die one day. Maura fervently hoped that the day was far in the future and would be due to old age, but it was unavoidable as long as Jane remained human.
This inescapable fact meant that one day, relatively soon compared with a vampire's lifespan, Maura would find herself alone without anyone in the world who understood what she was. She had never been good at making friends when she was human, so she knew that her chances of finding someone else that understood her as well as Jane did now that she was no longer human were statistically nil.
This presented Maura with the dilemma of trying to decide how to cope with being alone forever while still being around the family of the person who meant the most to her. It hadn't been an easy concept to consider, and Maura still hadn't come up with any answers.
The first step she had taken was to set herself a deadline. Once Jane was out of hospital, she would wait one week before trying to convince Jane to expel all vampires from her life, including Maura, and try to live out her days without supernatural complications. This would serve the dual purpose of protecting Jane from the pressures of keeping her secret so blatantly and allowing Maura the space she would eventually need, to be able to let her reliance on her interactions with Jane and her family go.
Predictably Jane had completely disrupted her schedule, figuring out what Maura was up to before she had been able to construct a foolproof argument to get her to agree. Instead of convincing Jane to let her go, Jane had convinced Maura to stay. Considering her quick capitulation Maura knew she hadn't really wanted Jane to agree with her, and despite feeling slightly selfish for allowing her friend to remain in her dangerous world she couldn't make herself let go if she was still wanted. After everything they had been through it would hurt everyone too much.
Maura had decided to stop fighting Jane on this and remain in her life. The day would come, much sooner than either of them wanted, when Jane would be gone. Maura could either pull away now, or try to support and love her friend for as long as she was alive, and Maura much preferred the second option. The eventual fallout when Maura lost her was inevitable, but she would deal with it only when she was forced to. Hopefully Maura could use the time until then to figure out who she wanted to be once she was alone in the world.
Maura found herself at Tommy's house and diverted her attention to her security checks. TJ was sleeping soundly, Tommy was shuffling about in the kitchen and Lydia was sleeping fitfully. The neighbourhood was calm as usual, with nothing suspicious that required her attention.
She had reached the end of her loop, both mental and physical. With no further information to work with, this would continue to be her life; patrolling Boston for unknown threats, hoping no other hostile vampires came into their lives with ill intent, watching the world continue to go on without her. The only possible source of information she knew of was a woman that had blatantly rejected her at every turn, one that she didn't feel particularly inclined to speak to.
Supressing a sigh, Maura considered her options. She could restart her routine, checking over her usual ring of seedy crime hotspots, or she could go outside her usual habits and confront the latest disruption to her existence.
Constance and Hope had completely surprised her with their efforts to help and clear her name. She could understand her adoptive mother going to her contacts and trying to find out what had happened, but Hope's interference had come out of nowhere. Maura remembered seeing them sitting together at Angela's funeral, but she had thought they were simply comforting each other in the face of their daughter's apparent homicidal turn, not teaming up to find the truth.
It was obvious that Constance had been completely in the dark about Maura's true nature, but it was unclear whether Hope had suspected that Maura had become a vampire before seeing her face to face. The more she thought about Hope's reaction, the more Maura became convinced that she hadn't known. Why else would she go along with Constance's efforts to prove her innocence?
Maura found herself moving again, this time to a location not on her usual route. She had too many questions to be able to form a rational course of action, and there was only one woman who could answer them.
She was going to see Hope tonight. She would find out what she knew, how she knew about vampires. If there were any actions to be taken as a result, she would discuss them with Jane and allow her to have a say.
But Maura was done allowing her birth mother to dictate anything in her life, whether it be her feelings or her actions. It was time for her to take control.