Hi all!

Can you tell I was excited to get a day off! Each story gets a new chapter!

Thanks as always to JaneyGWF for the beta services, even though she's supposed to be off camping or some other nonsense.

It's back to the grindstone for me tomorrow, so I apologise in advance for the expected long wait until the next chapter. Thanks for bearing with me through this busy time! If you have any comments about the story, now would be an ideal time to share them!

Jane woke slowly. She always felt sluggish after taking pain meds to help her sleep, and this morning was no exception. She cracked one eye open reluctantly and discovered it was after ten already. With a reluctant groan she carefully shifted, gauging the pain in her arm.

Finding the pain level acceptable, Jane gently manoeuvred herself out of bed and ambled into her bathroom. As she went through her morning routine, a procedure made much more awkward by her disabled dominant hand, the smell of coffee started to waft through the house. Jane smiled and hurried to finish brushing her teeth.

After dressing in a rush, Jane made her way to the kitchen. She smiled when she found Maura standing there, a cup of hot coffee in her hands and a smile on her face.

Jane gratefully took the hot beverage with a grin and took a sip, before grimacing. "Okay, did you just give me decaf?"

A brief flash of guilt crossed Maura's face before she rearranged it into her 'responsible lecture' expression. "Now Jane, you should try to cut down on stimulants while you're still on the pain medication. You'll heal faster if you engage in more healthy eating habits."

Jane couldn't help the eye roll. "Really?"

Maura just grinned and changed the subject. "How did you sleep?"

Jane took another reluctant sip of her not-coffee and sat down on a kitchen stool. "I slept fine: All the way through the night and most of the morning. How was your night?"

The conflicted look on Maura's face spoke volumes. Jane sighed and braced herself. "Okay, what happened?"

Maura recounted everything Hope had told her, and explained the plan to meet up with Constance that night. "I'm not sure what to tell her! I still don't want to put her in danger, but she almost knows as it is, and if I don't tell her the truth she might put herself in danger by asking the wrong questions!"

Jane was fairly conflicted herself at this point. Hearing that Hope had a fairly legitimate reason for acting the way she had towards Maura since they had met was extremely unexpected. Jane had never been able to forgive the woman for upsetting Maura, but now she found herself feeling sorry for her. Looking back at all their encounters, Jane had to concede that Hope had obviously been trying her best to avoid hurting Maura, but the mind games that the unknown vampire had pulled prevented her from succeeding.

Jane also didn't quite know what to say about Constance. She agreed with Maura's assessment that she'd be in danger whether she knew Maura's real secret or not, but it was impossible to say which choice would leave her in more danger. Constance had proven over the years that she could keep a secret when it was necessary, as evidenced by Maura's true bloodline being kept secret for more than thirty years. When she didn't know something however, she had proven with this whole debacle that there were very few lines she wouldn't cross to find answers.

Jane glanced down at her hands, realising she had been lost in thought. She frowned to discover that she'd finished her not-coffee, which had been replaced by a glass of orange juice and a nutritious breakfast.

Glancing up at Maura, she found her friend still anxiously waiting for her opinion. "Sorry Maur, I was thinking. Also remind me to put a bell around your neck when you're here."

Maura couldn't help a tiny grin as Jane started eating. "Well someone has to feed you, and I've found it easier to just put food in front of you than to ask permission. Now what do you think I should do?"

Jane chewed as she considered, then thoughtfully answered. "I think you should tell your mother the truth. Neither of us is a good enough liar to fool her, and I think if there's any doubt in her mind she'll keep digging. I agree that her flailing around for information is probably more dangerous than her knowing at this point."

Maura looked relieved, which Jane knew meant she had been hoping for that answer. "That's what I thought too. She's already gone so far as to bug your apartment and hire security guards to stop me escaping; there's no telling how far she'd go."

Jane frowned. "So I guess the vampire club is getting a new member tonight. Do you want me to be there?"

Maura nodded so fast the motion blurred. "Of course! I'd really appreciate you being there. You've always been able to talk to my mother assertively, and if she doesn't react well we might need that."

Jane couldn't help grin at the reminder of her last 'assertive' encounter with Constance. "So, we're just going to Hope's house after dark?"

Maura nodded. "And then we tell her. And both my mothers will know everything I've done, and exactly what I am."

Jane smiled reassuringly. "Okay, it's a plan. Now what are we doing today?"

Maura looked confused. "Today? Nothing. You're supposed to be resting, and I need to get back to my routine since we'll be busy tonight."

Jane's ears pricked up. "Routine? You have a routine?"

Maura's eyes flitted between Jane and her hands, clearly trying to decide how to dodge the question. "I do have a series of activities that I perform to keep myself occupied, yes."

Jane rolled her eyes again. "So, you have a routine. What does this 'routine' involve?"

Maura backed away a few steps, her eyes flitting to the window.

Jane jumped up. "Oh, no you don't! Out with it Maura! Would this routine have anything to do with the crime rate in Boston suddenly dropping to near zero right after the mob collapsed?"

The guilt on Maura's face told Jane everything she needed to know. "Maura, I'm not going to be upset with you for helping protect people! It's a good thing, it's why we both got into the careers we did!"

Maura looked relieved to hear Jane's response. "So you're not mad at me for becoming a vigilante?"

Jane smiled and shook her head. "Of course not. The only reason I was worried about you doing this before was because we didn't want to draw any unwanted vampire attention."

Maura smiled happily. "Alright, good! Well, I'll go do that, and I'll meet you at Hope's house tonight."

Jane held up a hand. "Wait, how long does your routine take? Do you want to meet up somewhere to catch up a bit before we go to Hope's? I feel like I haven't seen you properly in months. We need to spend some time just hanging out and relaxing."

Maura squirmed a bit. "Well, my routine doesn't really allow for breaks. As you know, crime never sleeps, so if I'm not out there, someone might get hurt."

Jane finally understood why Maura had been reluctant to tell her about her 'routine'. "So, when do you take time for yourself?"

Maura's silence again spoke volumes.

Jane huffed in frustration. "Maura! You're a vampire, not a robot! You need to have a life outside of protecting people! It's not your responsibility to stop every criminal in the city, you can't be everywhere and you can't save everyone!"

Maura was looking at the floor. "I need to try, Jane. It's the only way I can cope. If I do everything in my power to make sure…."

Jane stepped into Maura's space and grabbed her arm. "Maura, please tell me you're not killing yourself trying to protect the whole world because you still feel guilty."

Maura refused to meet Jane's eyes. "I'm not killing myself Jane, that's impossible. I'm just using my time as efficiently as possible. I need to do this."

Jane ducked her head to force their eyes to meet. "No, you don't. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Nothing that has happened is your fault. The only thing you have ever tried to do was protect everyone around you. It's not your fault that circumstances beyond your control took someone we both love away."

Maura flinched at the mention of Jane's mother. Her voice was almost inaudible. "It still feels like my fault. I can't think of anything I could have done differently, but it still doesn't make me feel any better."

Jane sighed; she had known Maura wasn't past this, and she wasn't sure she would ever get past this. "Maura, the fact that you've had such a hard time over this tells me how much you didn't want it to happen. You'll use the memory to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. You need to try to forgive yourself and start moving on from this!"

Maura pulled away from Jane's grip, her tone insistent. "No Jane, I won't ever forgive myself. I may not have wanted it to happen, but I can still remember how much I enjoyed it at the time. I remember how it felt to end another person's life, and I remember how powerful and exultant it made me, even if it was only for a moment. When I realised what was happening, when I saw your mother lying in your arms, I felt….but it was too late. The damage was done, and I had enjoyed inflicting that damage. On her, on you, on anyone else who had loved Angela. I may not want to kill anyone again, but I'm scared that one day it will happen, and maybe I'll like it just as much. Maybe I won't feel quite as bad. Maybe I'll decide that it's okay to kill."

Suddenly Maura's expression turned stormy. "Actually, I've already killed again. I ripped the head off that Volturi that was about to kill you, and I didn't even think twice about it. I don't know what his name was, if he had a family, how old he was, nothing about him. I just saw he was about to hurt you and chose you over him. And I know I'd do it again. The fact that it was self-defence doesn't change the fact that I killed him. The fact that nobody has come looking for his killer doesn't mean it wasn't wrong to end his life."

Jane was surprised to hear the Volturi mentioned. She hadn't given her part in killing the Volturi a second thought, because protecting innocent people from murderers was what she was trained for. She had killed before in the line of duty, and would most likely do it again. But for Maura, who had never killed a person before becoming a vampire, the justification for killing was very different. It was more personal, and considering Maura's part in Angela's death, it was obviously affecting Maura more than Jane had realised.

Maura gathered herself, her face becoming impassive. "So no, I can't forgive myself and move on. I need to make sure I remember how it feels to see the face of someone who has just watched you murder their mother. How it feels to hear them deliver a eulogy. How it feels to watch a family try to rebuild itself after losing the woman at its heart."

Maura stepped towards the window. "And I also need to try to ensure that no other families lose their loved ones to some needless tragedy. There are people out there who don't care what damage they cause, and nobody can stop them except me. How can I ignore that? How can I allow myself time to relax and unwind when every moment someone innocent could be hurt? I don't want to be the sort of person that can choose not to act when I have the power to help. So I won't be."

With that Maura turned and disappeared. Jane was left speechless, standing alone in her kitchen.

She tried to understand how the conversation had somehow gone from 'what are we doing today' to Maura almost having a guilt-ridden meltdown. Jane was forced to admit that she really didn't know what was going on in Maura's head; they just hadn't had enough time to talk properly in months. Considering how fast Maura's thoughts were, she could have convinced herself of just about anything while she was dealing with her feelings alone.

One thing had stood out to Jane throughout Maura's impassioned rant. At no point had she mentioned anything about what she wanted to do, what she hoped for, how she lived for herself. Everything about Maura's life now seemed to be focussed on helping other people.

It was as if Maura had stopped thinking of herself as a person. She seemed to believe that her part in Angela's death combined with her transformation into a vampire had removed her right to have her own happiness and purpose.

Jane had seen this sort of behaviour from Maura before. When she had first found out who her father was, Maura had started believing she was destined to be a criminal, simply because of how she had come into existence. When she had been set up and arrested, Maura had again slipped towards believing it was true, because she had been expecting some hidden dark part of herself to show itself eventually.

Jane could understand how everything that had happened in the last few months must be playing on those long held fears and making Maura believe she was becoming a monster.

Jane didn't believe it for a moment. She could clearly see how much pain Maura was in, even though her friend was desperately trying to hide it and pretend everything was fine. It had been there every time Jane had seen her in the hospital, it was there last night, it had blatantly come out and shown itself during the discussion with Constance and Hope, and it was practically waving a flag in front of Jane this morning. Clearly it was time for Jane to try something new; simply talking about this wasn't going to be enough to change Maura's mind.

She couldn't allow this self-recrimination to continue. Maura was one of the most gentle and kind people Jane had ever met, and she didn't deserve to feel like a non-entity. She didn't deserve to feel as though her needs were unworthy of being met. She deserved to feel like a part of the world again, not just an observer relegated to watch life go by but not participate. Jane sat down and started thinking of ways that she could start showing Maura how much she was needed and wanted.

Telling Constance about what had happened might help. Maura hadn't been able to confide in anyone since this had all started, and that had been the first blow, eroding her sense of self. The fact that she was almost completely alone and had lost almost all of her human characteristics had made her feel apart from everyone, and the fact that nobody had noticed enough to call her out on it probably hadn't helped. The fact that Maura had been trying to keep her transformation a secret probably didn't remove the pain of nobody noticing how much she'd changed. Finally being able to tell her mother, and hopefully receive some acceptance and comfort, might start rebuilding some of Maura's sense of belonging.

In the meantime, Jane needed to find a way to make Maura enjoy life again. Maura had never really had a chance to enjoy all of her new abilities, since they were preoccupied with hiding them. If they could find a way to use those abilities for fun, not just for protecting people, Maura might start to feel better about her life.

Maura had also lost her access to her job, and all the ways she had previously made a difference. She used to utilise her intellect and science to help people, not her physical strength. She also took great joy from learning new facts and imparting them to other people, whether they wanted to know the information or not.

Jane smiled as she came up with a few ideas. She quickly moved back to her room to change, then grabbed her phone and called Frankie. She couldn't drive yet, but Frankie had offered to be her driver until she was cleared again. She had places she needed to go, things she needed to get, and a vampire to find.