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Chapter 27: Filling In The Gaps
"So, Christmas or October?"
Eddie spotted his perfect opportunity with Rachel sitting at the table, head buried in paperwork and a slight frown playing across her expression. He had hopes that his little bit of research would raise her spirits.
Eddie was content to be proven right as she placed down her pen, a smile twitching at her lips, "for what?"
Rachel's tone was playful as she looked up at him, and Eddie was sure he sensed his heart explode. He felt as though he was constantly falling more and more head over heels in love with her.
"Our little holiday. Oh, and I've spoken to Phil, he's happy to come along. Seemed quite eager to actually."
Both surprise and happiness filtered through her, "he has? So what's all this then, Lawson?"
He watched her eyes as they flickered down to the information he had printed off - multiple destinations he had imagined them pouring over joyously.
"Well I've… looked at a few places."
Rachel didn't think her grin could get any wider. And what a difference that made from a mere minute ago without Eddie's presence and thoughtful gestures, "let's have a look then."
His beam matched hers, the pair ending up sat adjacent to one another as they discussed potential getaway destinations.
"What about Michael?" Rachel spoke softly, voice full of love and genuine care, "is he coming along too?"
Eddie's heart swelled, an enormous amount of feelings he always associated with her swirling around in his stomach. Rachel was truly amazing, he knew.
"October half term I'm only having him the first Saturday and the last Sunday," he paused for a moment, looking thoughtful and slightly woeful, "as for Christmas. Well, Alison's having him on the day. So the whole first week. We get him for the new year."
Rachel saw and noticed the way his smile was a little too strained, a little too forced and stretched a hand out, allowing it to cover Eddie's and squeeze it ever so lightly - a mark of her never ending support.
His expression was sincere now, eyes alight with a tenderness that had Rachel's breath catching in her throat - even more so as Eddie raised their hands, pressing a soft kiss to the back of hers.
They paused for a few beats, a more than comfortable silence engulfing them as they shared eye contact - that action portraying just as much if not more than words could.
"What do you say to a winter break then? The first week, then we can spend Christmas day in whichever place we choose to go."
Rachel knew she'd made the right call when Eddie smiled softly, rubbing a thumb across her knuckles, "you know I'd love to spend Christmas Day with you. Our first one together, actually."
Her head ducked, a joyous giggle escaping, "I like that. And I… I know Christmas is a while off but. Thank you Eddie, for, you know, putting this idea forward. I think it's just what we all need, isn't it? Especially Philip."
He shuffled closer to her on instinct, sides pressing together despite their separate seats, "I can't wait to have that week with you both."
Rachel allowed her head to fall forward lightly, their forehead pressing together, "neither can I."
It was with one swift movement that Eddie tilted his chin up, pressing a much needed kiss to Rachel's lips as their mouths moulded together.
"Shall we decide on a location then?" He pulled back, breathless, hair tousled as he realised just how carefree and content Rachel truly looked.
They sat side by side, sharing multiple expressions as they flicked through everything Eddie had gathered together.
"What are we thinking?" He thought aloud, "hot or cold?"
Rachel scrunched her nose up slightly, eyebrows raising, "cold. I've always found it… a rather strange concept. In the heat at Christmas."
He chuckled, noting how similar they were in that respect - shown by the lack of warm destinations he'd picked as options, "my thoughts exactly."
They promptly vetoed Lapland, agreeing somewhere like that would have been great had Michael been coming along, yet deciding that Philip wouldn't quite benefit from 'visiting Santa.'
It was Quebec City that caught Rachel's eye, and from the expression that flickered across Eddie's face, the destination has piqued his interest too.
The fairy light and Christmas tree filled streets portrayed to show exactly what the place looked like during winter snatched their hearts, making them both want to jump right into the pictures - no questions asked.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Eddie spoke almost comically, side glancing at Rachel as they both remained somewhat speechless; enraptured by this location.
She emanated a soft giggle, unable to hold back the urge to steal another glance at the images of Quebec City before turning both her gaze and attention to Eddie.
"I think so, yes."
"That this place," he gestured towards the paper, "is, well… perfect?"
"It's more than perfect I think. Seems rather picturesque."
"And it'll make our first Christmas spent together even more special."
Eddie just knew he was beaming from ear to ear, matching Rachel's expression exactly as she reached out to entwine their hands, excitement engulfing them even though their planned holiday was still just under three months away.
"And I'm sure that Philip will love it too."
Eddie hadn't realised his expression could become any more joyful, "I'm sure he will. Now all that's left to do is get booked up."
….
Philip couldn't deny the stab of pure joy that had crashed through him when Eddie had posed the subject of a Christmas getaway for the three of them. The sense of his presence being cherished and wanted was something which had lacked when around his mum. It was a sad fact yet a true one.
That might have been why Philip was certain he would always question people's sincerity. Would always be cautious about whether or not people wanted him around. So, did Eddie and Rachel truly desire to have him tag along with their romantic getaway? Philip thought not.
Yet then, he knew his aunt and Eddie, they wouldn't do that to him, would they? As Phil had concluded, they genuinely cared and longed to make him happy. So why wouldn't that niggling sensation of guilt that he was somehow imposing on their privacy go away?
His whole body jarred as a knock was heard on his bedroom door. Philip had been living there long enough now to know it was the sound of Rachel's. He sounded a customary 'come in' as he cleared his throat - attempting to rid his mind of the thick, clouded sensation.
"Homework?" She spoke softly, nodding towards the desk in front of him, strewn with various pieces of paper. Rachel wasn't blind to her nephew's state of mind, at least not entirely anyway. She had been able to sense in the past day or so that something had been playing on his mind. She'd just supposed it was understandable, what with the entire Melissa debacle to comprehend. She was his mum at the end of the day; faults or no.
"Yeah. Just er… trying to get it done before the weekend."
"That's the way to go, what with your mock exams approaching too," she paused, drinking in the way Philip was smiling, a facade which was becoming all the more apparent, "listen, Eddie and I have decided on Quebec City for the Christmas break, what do you think?"
There was no denying that the boy's expression had lit up, a thrill bolting through him, "really? That's great."
For all intents and purposes, Philip looked delighted, yet Rachel had grown to know him well, and his voice was just that little bit too flat, just that little bit too deflated.
"Philup," she sat forwards from where she had perched on the end of his bed, "is everything alright with you?"
"Me?" He pointed to himself almost comically, the chuckle walking hand in hand with it, "yeah, why wouldn't it be?"
Rachel wasn't letting this go, Philip realised, "I don't wish to impose on you or anything like that, but if you do ever need anyone to talk to…"
"I don't, alright?!" He sagged immediately, guilt coursing through him upon noting the saddened and taken aback expression on his aunt's face. Philip half expected her to get up and leave - he deserved it after all. And yet she didn't. More and more proof that Rachel truly did care, "Sorry. It's just…"
"You don't need to apologise Philip. Like I said, I don't mean to intrude. Just offering... someone to talk to is all…"
"I know, I know," he looked thoughtful, chewing his lip, running a hand through his hair, "look, are you sure you erm… you and Eddie, do you not need some time alone at Christmas?"
Oh. The reasoning behind Philip's recent behaviour hit Rachel like a truck, and all of a sudden she had a sudden, intense urge to put it right, to reassure her nephew he'd got this all wrong.
"Of course not, love. That's not what the holiday is going to be about. We want you there Philip. I can assure you that goes for the both of us."
Philip was unable to deny the relief which overcame him, "you do?"
"We do," Rachel smiled, both simultaneously hoping and realising that she was getting through to him.
"It's… it's mum. She just, after everything I…"
Philip rubbed a hand across his face, stumbling over his words and Rachel had a sneaking suspicion as to where this was going, yet remained silent all the same, allowing her nephew the time to mull things over.
"She never… wanted me around. So now, it's like. I think everyone is the same as her."
"Oh, Philip," she caught his eyeline, refusing to look away and she spoke her next words, "you have to know that's never the case with Eddie or I, okay? We both love and care for you dearly."
Rachel swallowed back the lump in her throat as a coat of tears glazed her nephew's eyeballs - he swiped them away furiously, refusing to let them fall.
"Thanks, Rach. I'm… starting to see that now."
"Talking of your mum, Philip, I know that in my eyes… I'm probably not going to retain any form of relationship with her. I just don't think it's quite possible after everything. But I, well, you know, wanted you to be aware that my feelings towards Melissa don't change your own. She's your mum, Philip, and if your wish is to visit her and rekindle your relationship then I will stand by you. Whatever you decide, I will stand by you."
"If mum makes the effort, then I'll go. Things… things need to be on her terms now. Not mine. Not anymore."
Rachel hadn't quite been expecting such a quick response, but she couldn't hold back just how proud she was of her nephew in the way he was acting. She smiled a watery smile, leaning out to place a hand on his forearm as they drank in the craziness which seemed to surround them.