authorsnote: okaaay, so basically I updated my WIP 'souls aligned' yesterday (shameless plug yes, if you like HHR give it a read), and that gave me inspiration to write this. it is just a cheeky oneshot (so the reviews demanding I update my other fics and stop writing new ones can chill).
I do hope you enjoy! please let me know if you do, and if you'd like to see more HHR oneshots in this style!
songrecs: exile - taylor swift/bon iver (lol lit every one of my recent updated fics I've recommended songs from folklore, w/e it slaps).
'I can see you standing honey, with his arms around your body, laughing but the jokes not funny at all'
The first time she notices him watching is when she stands with Ron.
His arm is thrown around her shoulder, he makes a joke about Snape and she offers an obligatory laugh. She glances at him, sat across the table, and he is watching her, with the oddest expression on his face.
She has seen anger, happiness, a splash of arrogance, boredom, and many expressions on his face before, but not this one.
If it were anyone but Harry, she'd call it jealousy, but why would Harry be jealous when looking at her? So, instead she places it as annoyance, though that isn't quite right.
Still, she places a hand on his arm, shrugs Ron's arm off her, raises an eyebrow in concern. There are few people in the world she'd drop everything for, but Harry is one of them.
But he shakes his head, shrugs it off, gathers up his books and wishes them goodnight. Ron doesn't even notice anything is wrong, but she can see there is. She just can't tell what.
As he walks off, she remembers that expression, the one she can't quite place, she remembers it, doesn't understand it … but it is not the last time she see's it.
'And it took you five whole minutes, to pack us up and leave me with it, holding all this love out here in the hall'
She stands outside of Charms class. She knows Flitwick has another meeting halfway across the Castle, and so he is often late for this session.
She stands next to Neville, he is talking her ear off about exotic plants, but she is one of the few people who finds the discussion on muggle and wizard plant crossbreeding as fascinating as he does.
Harry stands with Ron, and the two chat happily about a new quidditch move she already knows the name of, though she cares little about it. Sure, she follows quidditch, because Harry plays quidditch and she wants to support him, but not for any other reason.
Hell, even Viktor offering her to come out to Bulgaria to see him play hadn't budged her feelings on the sport.
As Flitwick arrives and hurries forward, she walks into the classroom, heading to sit next to Neville, for Harry and Ron always sit together in Charms, but before she can make for the far desk Harry catches her arm.
"Partners?" He asks, and he has another expression on his face this time, it is intense; not an unusual expression for her best friend but there is something else mixed in she doesn't quite get.
With Harry she usually understands him, two occasions of not being able to makes her worry a little.
"Sure" she says, and Ron heads over to join Neville and Hermione slides in next to Harry. She smiles at him, he smiles back, and he looks happy.
With all that's going on with Umbridge she thanks her lucky stars Harry can still smile, and so her smile turns to a grin.
Then she turns her head to look at Flickwit and doesn't notice that Harry's gaze lingers on her for a few seconds more.
She doesn't notice throughout the year that Harry's gaze lingers.
'I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending, you're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending now?'
She almost dies at the Ministry, and when she wakes, with everything hurting, the awful after taste of a blood replenishing potion on her tongue, and a long purple scar across her chest, Harry sits with her.
He looks awful, like he hasn't slept in days, bags under his eyes and exhaustion across his expression, and as she wakes, she notices tears trickling down his cheeks.
The curtains around her bed are drawn, so she can't see anyone else, but she doesn't need to, not when she focuses on Harry.
"It's okay" She offers, even though her insides hurt, her vision is swimming and she feels the deep fear that she had almost died. Dolohov had twirled his wand, cast the spell silently and yet he had almost burned her inside out.
She realises she is lucky to be alive, and then the tears drip down her cheeks too.
It is not okay, but she would never voice that to Harry. The guilt is plain as day across his face, and she refuses to contribute to that, she will never see him hurt at her word.
"I'm okay" She promises, but the tears don't stop, not for either of them.
She's not sure what to do, and so even though it hurts she pulls him into a hug, and he pulls her to him in an embrace.
She can feel him shake from sobbing, and she lets the tears fall down her face, onto his jacket. They cling to one another for seconds, minutes, maybe an hour, and by the end neither wants to let go.
"I'm okay" She promises again as she draws back to look Harry in the eye.
That intense expression is back again, with a dollop of guilt, and too much sadness. He leans forward then, and places a gentle kiss to her forehead and Hermione finds herself leaning in. It is not something they do. They hug, they smile at one another, but they don't do anything as intimate as this.
And yet as soon as Harry pulls back, she wishes he hadn't.
"I'm okay" This time, she means it a little more.
'You were my town, now I'm in exile seein' you out, I think I've seen this film before'
Over the summer she promises to write, and she can see the tiniest bit of doubt in Harry's eyes. She hates that because of last summer he doesn't believe her.
Screw Dumbledore, she doesn't care if he demands she not contact Harry, this summer she is writing to him.
Still, they hug as they part at the train station, and they cling to one another for a second more than normal. Her scar still burns, he still looks at her with guilt and worry, and somehow, her nearly dying at the Ministry has bought them closer.
"I'll see you soon" It's a promise and he nods, the doubt gone from his eyes and that makes it easier to walk away from him.
Though it isn't easy.
Sure, in the past she'd missed Harry and Ron when leaving for the summer, but this time? As she watches Harry walk towards his awful relatives? She feels a pang she hasn't felt before.
She doesn't want to go.
But she does, and she turns to her parents who greet her with hugs and kisses. Her Mother glances past her to look at Harry and then gives Hermione a far too knowing look. She pretends not to notice as they leave Kings Cross.
But still, the pang gets worse as they leave the train station, and she is already framing the first letter in her head as they drive home.
'I can see you staring honey, like he's just your understudy, like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me'
Weasley's Wizard Wheezes is everything they expected it to be and more.
But even as everyone gushes over the new products, she can't help but watch Harry.
Again they'd hugged for a shade longer when he'd come to the Burrow, they'd talked about Dumbledore, and he had privately thanked her for the 6 letters she'd sent in the 3 weeks he was stuck at Private Drive.
But now? Now he seems distracted, and intense again, though this time it is not directed at her, this time it is something else. Her best friend is never secretive, not with them, not anymore, and that worries her.
So, of course when he follows Malfoy, she follows too, as does Ron.
As much as she wants to believe Harry the idea that Malfoy is a Death Eater seems so unlikely, she can't hide her scepticism, though when he looks hurt at her disbelief she wants to lie and pretend to be convinced.
She isn't sure when making sure Harry is happy became such a priority for her, but she knows it is now.
In fact, it is quickly becoming her highest priority, which is strange.
Yes, they are best friends, yes Hermione considers Harry her closest friend, and yes, they are extremely close. But they aren't together, they aren't partners or boyfriend and girlfriend. They aren't in love.
So why is he becoming the most important person to her?
(And if she could admit it to herself, she'd know he already is the most important person to her).
She isn't sure, it is just another thing with Harry she can't explain.
She also can't explain why the idea of them not being together makes her feel a lot sadder than anything else does. She can't explain why when she imagines him with anyone else, she feels angry. She can't explain why she has been imagining holding his hand and hugging him tighter.
That she can't possibly explain.
(She can, she just can't admit it … yet).
'Second, third and hundredth chances, balancing on breaking branches, those eyes add insult to injury'
The year moves quickly, and they keep having little … moments.
Ron kisses Lavender, and she feels much less sad about it than she thought, but when Ginny kisses Harry? She cries in an empty classroom.
(Though Harry hadn't kissed her back, and she had found Ginny crying in an empty classroom the next day, apparently Harry had let her down gently).
He partners up with her more in class, he has that constantly intense look on his face, and even once he falls asleep in the common room with his head on her shoulder.
Again, if it were anyone but Harry she'd wonder if he liked her. But then it is Harry, she knows he doesn't. She's not his type (because yes, she has gone over this in her head maybe 2000 times and determined through logic and thorough analysis that Harry does not go for girls like her).
Harry likes sporty girls, popular girls, pretty girls. She's nerdy, a bit of a social outcast, and though yes, she'd entered the realm of pretty over summer, she still has bushy hair, a metric ton of books slung over her back, and no curves to speak of.
And so no, she realises Harry doesn't like her like that.
Even though around Christmas time she finally accepts that she likes Harry like that.
She even realises she has for a while, since perhaps 5th year, maybe earlier, she's not sure when it started. All she knows is that when she looks at Harry, she feels a flutter in her stomach, when he grins at her red races up her cheeks, when he hugs her, she doesn't want to let go.
By the end of 6th year, as he vows to defeat Voldemort, and both she and Ron are by his side, she thinks she might even love him.
But that, she doesn't admit … not yet.
'I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending, I'm not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now?'
Her parents are gone, memories wiped, in Australia now, safe, away from Voldemort and the Death Eaters that would most certainly target them to get to her.
She goes to the Burrow after, fakes a smile, feigns a headache, and hides upstairs.
But Harry comes for her.
He doesn't say anything, doesn't offer words of comfort or empty platitudes. No, he just holds her as she sobs.
"I'm sorry" He apologises, and she sits up, her tears still streaming but her expression of sorrow replaced with something fierce.
"No" She shakes her head, "I chose you Harry" She says, and the tears keep coming, as she grips at her best friend, the person she believes might just be her soulmate, the man she loves. "And I would again"
He pulls her close again, and they just hold onto one another.
It feels like eternity, and yet it still ends too soon.
'You were my crown, now I'm in exile, seeing you out, I think I've seen this film before, so I'm leaving out the side door'
The horcrux hunt is long, and cold, and dull.
What they had thought would be exciting and dangerous is actually monotonous and boring, sure, it is nice not to be in constant danger, but the boredom is near as draining as the horcrux that swings from their necks.
Ron is the worst, and she knows he doesn't mean it, but his moods don't help.
He grumbles, he groans, he is downright unpleasant, and then he erupts.
Screams at them, that Harry had led them down a fake path, that Dumbledore was cracked, and then he's leaving. He accuses them of hiding things, of being too close, of lying. Hermione just stands there in shock. Yes, they are closer now, but not in the way Ron implies! She wishes they were! If they were, she wouldn't hide it as Ron suggests. But Harry does not want her like that.
And yet, his expression is one of guilt, not disbelief or denial.
They share a quick look and for the first time she thinks.
Is there something there?
But then Ron is yelling again, and then he is leaving. But he pauses.
"Are you coming or staying?"
She doesn't need a second to make up her mind.
And then he's gone, she cries, for she loves Ron, as a brother, as a friend, but never anything more. Sure a 3rd year childhood crush had emerged and fizzled, but clearly for him there was something more.
Harry looks lost when Ron leaves, and again they end up hugging, holding onto one another, and as night falls neither say a word when they curl up on a single bunk together. For warmth, for comfort, for each other.
And when they wake up in the morning, curled around one another, her nose brushing his collarbone, his hands at her waist, they don't say anything then either.
'So, step right out, there is no amount, of crying I can do for you. All this time, we always walked a very thin line, you didn't even hear me out, you never gave a warning sign'
The nights are cold, and from the day Ron left they share a bed.
Each morning they wake up curled closely together. Sometimes her head on his chest, now and then her back to his chest, even once his head tucked into her neck, and several times as close as two people can be. They never say anything, but they never stop sleeping next to one another either.
It's been two weeks since Ron left, it is cold, they managed to scrounge up a decent dinner and she sits, listening to the wizarding wireless, when a slow, sad but almost hopeful tune starts to play.
She wonders if she looks sad, or hopeless, when Harry comes to her, pulls her to her feet, removes the blasted horcrux, and then they are dancing.
It is ridiculous, and exactly what she needs.
They twirl, they laugh, they trip over one another's feet, and then as the song ends, they both lean in.
'All this time, I never learned to read your mind, I couldn't turn things around, cause you never gave a warning sign'
His lips on hers are everything she imagined, and nothing like she had thought, all at the same time. It is fireworks, a gentle hum, an easy breeze, and the crashing of the ocean all at once.
His kiss is firm, and loving, and everything. It is perfect, and her arms wind around his neck to pull him closer, closer, as close as can be. His hands find her waist, and grip her there, tight, tighter.
She realises, as they back up onto the bed … there are ways for two people to be closer.
The bed is a single, and awkward, but nothing could ruin this moment.
Nothing.
They kiss, their hands travel, they tug their clothes off, and as they touch, and kiss and feel, and moan and groan, she knows what's coming.
She knows what she wants, and as she looks at Harry, she knows he wants it too.
She gives a nod, and then they are as close as two people can be.
And it feels right.
She remembers reading in a muggle romance book once that people can see stars in the moment. She had scoffed, rolled her eyes, and never finished it, unconvinced. Now she knows it was telling the truth, for she sees stars.
"Harry" His name leaves her lips in a ragged moan, and he groans as he pulls her closer, closer. He moans her name into her neck, and she lets out a whimper as they move in perfect rhythm, perfectly in sync.
"I love you" He says it first, but she follows seconds later.
"I love you too"
And as the rain dripped on the tent, and they held onto one another, clung to one another, she knows then what those expressions meant, and what expressions she'd had he'd been unable to decipher. As war rages on across the country, as they know the danger that comes … they have each other.
And they always will
'So many signs, so many signs, you didn't even see the signs'
sooo thoughts?
what did you think? please let me know! do you want to see more fics in this style?
also, as said above my HHR WIP souls aligned has just been updated, feel free to check it out!
speak soon