Hi all!

Welcome to chapter 30! Gosh this story has gotten long! Thanks for sticking with me, and for all your reviews, they are all read and appreciated!

Thanks also to JaneyGWF for her betaing!

As Maura fled, shewas buffeted by more emotions than she could handle. Guilt, sadness, grief, panic, fear, anger, frustration, desperation, longing, they were all there. She needed to get away, but she also needed to go back and help. She recalled she wasn't supposed to do this, she wasn't supposed to run away when things got hard, but she also didn't know herself well enough right now to predict her actions. She couldn't guarantee she wouldn't hurt anyone. That she wouldn't hurt Jane.

She remembered how sure of herself she used to be. When she'd been human. The world had made sense, she knew how to understand it. She could apply her science, and even baffling things would eventually become clear. She understood why she was the way she was, and she had learned how to respond to other people accordingly. Despite her own lack of inherent emotional comprehension, she had created methods for understanding other people's feelings and taking them into account.

However, since her brain had been rebuilt from her base instincts up, she felt like she understood nothing. The basic building blocks of her personality had been kicked away, leaving the rest of her being swaying on flimsy footings. If she had the time, she could analyse everything she was feeling, trace her memories, and figure out who she was now. Unfortunately, life was unfair, and there was no time.

One thing she still knew was Jane. Her friend hadn't changed, despite everything that had happened in the last week. She still helped others without hesitation, and cared deeply about everyone she met. She would throw herself between a threat and her loved ones at a moment's notice. And Maura had just abandoned her to deal with twenty scared, possibly injured supernatural creatures.

Maura felt part of her mind sharpen and focus. She needed to stop running and help. That was a part of her old self that was still important to her. She could find a way to help, to take some of the load off Jane, while still keeping enough distance to ensure she didn't hurt anyone.

The memory of her mother's coughing was enough to make her racing thoughts focus on a goal. She knew there was a high probability of damage to her lungs from smoke inhalation. The smoke in the house had been almost overwhelming, and it was surprising that nobody had passed out.

Maura suddenly reached the edge of the forest, finding herself on the outer edge of New York City. She moved quickly, finding a small hospital. With minimal guilt, she quickly stole a mobile oxygen tank, some breathing masks, and various supplies for bandaging burns. She also managed to find some equipment she could use if she needed to intubate, in the case of throat swelling. If there were more serious injuries, they would have to transport the casualties to a hospital.

Carefully holding her stolen supplies, Maura sped back into the forest, following her own scent back to the others. She found them quickly, having run less than five kilometres before she found the city.

Jane looked equal parts amazed, relieved and angry when she appeared. Maura remained silent, avoiding Jane's gaze, carefully dropping the supplies and assessing what needed to be done. Jane had somehow managed to free the Cullens from their bindings, and they had taken on the task of comforting and treating the hybrids. The fourth vampire, the recently turned police officer, was still in the restraints. Maura realised he couldn't be freed near this many warm-blooded hybrids and a human. He was still a normal newborn, and his thirst would be uncontrollable. She felt a pang of sympathy for the man, but knew that as a police officer he would most likely agree that continued restraint was the only option.

Maura glanced at Jane, who was watching her carefully, obviously trying to figure out why she'd run, or maybe why she'd come back. Her mother was sitting next to Jane, still coughing lightly but looking better. Wordlessly, Maura grabbed the oxygen and moved next to Constance, offering her the mask apologetically.

Constance took the mask, breathing deeply with a look of relief. Jane smiled tightly at the sight, obviously relieved that Constance had gotten some care, before standing and walking away. Maura watched her approach Esme, the two starting a tense conversation punctuated with lots of gestures at the rest of the group. Maura could have listened in if she'd wanted to, but instead she returned her attention to her mother.

Constance was watching her with the same intensity Jane had a moment ago, still breathing deeply from the oxygen mask. Maura dropped her eyes away from her mother's, feeling ashamed for leaving her. Although she'd come back with supplies to help, they both knew that hadn't been her original intention.

After a few moments, Constance pulled the mask away so she could speak softly. "Maura, I think it's best if I return to civilisation. I can't do much to help here, and my presence only makes things more difficult for Officer Jones."

Maura's panic must have shown on her face, as Constance immediately reached out and cupped her cheek. "Will you take me? It will give us some time to talk. Jane and the Cullens can manage here for a while, then you can return and help."

Maura nodded numbly, feeling swept along by events yet again. She glanced at Jane, whose expression softened as their eyes locked. She gave Maura a small but genuine smile of encouragement, before turning back to her conversation. For some reason, she seemed to trust that Maura would come back.

Maura got to her feet and picked up the oxygen supply, holding out the mask to Constance. Her mother batted the mask away, guiding Maura to put it down near Rosalie, who was tending to the young hybrids. Rosalie gave her a thankful smile, immediately putting the mask over the face of the hybrid in her arms. Constance returned the smile before taking Maura's hand and pulling her into the forest.

They walked in silence for a few moments before Maura realised her mother shouldn't be exerting herself. "Mother, please let me carry you. It's only a few minutes to the nearest hospital."

Constance walked a few more steps, stubborn as always, before a bout of coughing stopped her. She bent over slightly, holding a hand to her chest. Maura flashed to her side, pulling her up into a secure grip and moving quickly but gently through the trees.

Constance sighed in resignation, settling in for the ride but determined to talk while she had the chance. "Maura, you need to tell me what's happening to you. You're obviously in great distress, and you don't have to go through this alone."

Maura kept her eyes on her path, unsure how to respond. There were still innumerable thoughts flying around her head, so picking which one to talk about seemed impossible. She did want to talk, she realised she needed to, but she had no idea how to start.

Constance seemed to read her indecision, and tried again. "Jane gave me a basic outline of what happened since I saw you last. I couldn't be more proud of you, my darling. You've triumphed over more obstacles than most could hope to withstand in their lifetimes."

Maura surprised both of them with a heart wrenching sob. "I've made so many mistakes! I couldn't help Jane, I keep letting her down! I couldn't stop Alec alone, I couldn't save Frankie alone, I couldn't save myself! I still need Jane to save me from everything, and I just keep bringing her trouble and heartbreak! I'm supposed to be this powerful vampire, I have all these abilities, but I can't save anyone! I don't know who I am anymore! How can you be proud of anything I've done?"

Constance frowned in displeasure at Maura's words, her calm countenance disappearing in the face of her daughter's distress. "Maura, stop! Put me down right now!"

Maura obeyed immediately, carefully placing her mother's feet on the ground before backing away several paces. She was surprised when Constance followed her and pulled her into a crushing hug, at least by human standards.

Constance fought back tears as she pulled back and spoke softly, her fingers brushing across the distressed expression on Maura's face. "Darling, I have never heard so many lies out of your mouth! You have selflessly given everything you have to Jane and others that you care about. You have saved all of us at one point or another. And it is not your responsibility to do any of this alone. We have obviously relied on you too heavily and allowed you to take that burden, but it is not only yours to carry. The Volturi are a threat to everyone. Humans, vampires, hybrids, all of us. It is everyone's responsibility to combat them, not just yours. Understand?"

Maura nodded dumbly, but her expression didn't lift as she still felt weighted by her past failures and likely future inadequacies. As much as her mother might say she wasn't alone, it felt like the entire situation was her responsibility. She was the one who had been turned. She had aggravated the Volturi. She had the power to copy other abilities. She had drawn the attention of the coven. Although none of this had been purposeful, it was still all focussed on her, and she felt entirely incapable of being what people needed her to be.

Constance sighed in sympathetic sadness, pulling her into another hug. "Darling, please. Tell me what's scaring you. Tell me why you're so unsure."

Maura buried her face in her mother's shoulder, drawing some comfort from the soothing embrace. "I don't know where to start. I'm confused about everything."

Constance pulled back from the hug, drawing them both to sit on the ground. She positioned Maura's head on her shoulder, running soothing fingers through her hair. Maura hadn't felt this form of comfort since she was a young child, and it was most welcome.

Letting out a deep sigh, Maura decided to try and explain herself, even if it made her weakness obvious, even if it made her mother realise she wasn't worth comforting. "Did Jane explain what happened when she restored my mind? About the mental blocks built up throughout my life being gone?"

Constance nodded, and Maura continued in a subdued tone. "I don't really understand how I work now that they're gone. I didn't realise those boundaries existed in my mind when I was human, or even when I was a vampire, but now that they're gone I don't know what I'm capable of. I almost attacked Jane today, and I have no idea why."

Maura could feel Constance frown, but the hand in her hair didn't stop moving as she replied. "Do you still want to hurt Jane now?"

Maura lurched back, her expression horrified. "Of course not! I love Jane, I don't want anything to happen to her! I just don't understand why…"

Constance nodded sympathetically, gripping Maura's hands strongly. "I think you can be sure you won't try to hurt her again. I think everything was still new and confusing, and you did something without meaning to. Now you absolutely know you don't want to hurt Jane, you will remember how awful it made you feel, and you'll make sure it doesn't happen again. I think you'll protect her more, now that you know how it feels to directly endanger her."

Maura didn't look at all convinced, so Constance changed tactics. "Do you remember everything about your human life? Back before all of this happened?"

Maura nodded warily, and Constance continued with a smile. "There were many things you couldn't do. You couldn't lie, you couldn't guess, you couldn't eat anything if you thought there might be germs. One that always amused me was your inability to swear. You would sometimes try, then change halfway through to something like phooey. Do you remember?"

Maura let a small grin cross her face as she remembered several incidents of the phenomenon her mother described, prompting Constance to continue with a chuckle. "I could never figure out where that particular quirk had come from. I never forbade you from swearing, in fact a good curse can properly punctuate a key moment. But you were practically incapable. Do you remember why?"

Maura kept smiling as she reminisced. "I was around four years old. I was playing with father, I think he was showing me some artefacts from his latest expedition. He wouldn't give me one particular item, and I believe I called him a jerk."

Constance laughed loudly, a hand to her mouth. "You did? I can't imagine that went over well!"

Maura smiled wryly, the memory as vivid as when it first happened. "No, it didn't. He yelled at me. It was the first time I think he had ever yelled. I knew that what I had done must have been the worst thing ever, so I promised myself I wouldn't swear again. About two days after that, he went on a long expedition, and I didn't see him again for nearly a year."

Constance grew serious at that, remembering the period Maura was talking about. "I visited him a few times, but the area was too dangerous to bring a four year old."

With a nod, Maura finished her story. "It took a while to put together, but I think I associated swearing with him leaving, and I subconsciously blocked swearing from my vocabulary for fear that he would disappear for good if I ever swore again. I didn't even realise the connection until I thought of it years later, sometime in my twenties."

Constance smiled knowingly. "And when you realised the connection, did you try to overcome it? So you could learn to swear?"

Maura frowned in puzzlement. "No. I think I could have overcome it if I chose to, but I was fine with being unable to swear, even if people mocked me for being too polite. I didn't feel like swearing was necessary, I could express my feelings in other, more appropriate ways."

The smile on Constance's face grew wider. "So, even though you could have changed, you chose not to, because you liked who you were?"

Maura glanced at her mother's knowing look and sighed. "It's not that simple. I can't just take a moment to decide if I like the way I've been doing something. I had already changed before the brain damage, since becoming a vampire. I am finding it difficult to distinguish between my vampiric instincts and my human personality. They somehow blurred together during all of this, and I don't know which one will come out in a moment of duress. By the time I realise I'm reacting instinctively, it might be too late. I might have hurt someone."

Constance coughed lightly as she stroked Maura's hair again, her tone serious. "Maura, I can't know how you'll react either. But I believe you know, deep down, who you are. I think when you have a moment to think, you'll decide which aspects of your life to hold onto, and you'll be very much the same woman I've always known. You always took the best aspects of life, and didn't let the bad experiences change you. I don't believe that will change now. And in the meantime, you know you can trust me, and Jane, and everyone else you love, to steer you towards the right path. Trust us to tell you when you're going too far. Ask if you need help."

Constance paused, deciding whether to push forward with her next suspicion, but resolving that Maura needed to hear it. "As far as your vampiric instincts are concerned, I don't actually think they were responsible for your near attack on Jane. I think that was all you, as much as you might not wish to admit it."

Maura pulled away with an offended look, and Constance hurried to explain. "From what Jane explained, you had just heard a lot of uncomfortable facts. You had learned that there was someone who could have prevented all the pain you've been through, but they chose to do nothing. You have always been so polite and accommodating your whole life, Maura. You always put other people's needs before your own."

Maura stood up and brusquely walked away, feeling torn between offence and agreement. She stopped after a few steps, which Constance took as permission to continue earnestly. "I think your vampire instincts and your mental confusion gave you the excuse you needed to finally stand up for yourself. You have always acted like a proper lady, using words to deal with conflict, and avoiding conflict when you can. When you were human, you were always small, physically unimposing. That has changed. You now have the ability to enact your will upon the world with your hands instead of your mind. You wanted to hurt someone, and you let yourself indulge that impulse for the first time in your life. You gave yourself permission to act the way you wanted, not the way proper society would expect. Jane stepping in at that moment was necessary, because I believe you would have regretted hurting that woman, but at the time it would have seemed like she was stopping you from being yourself, which is why I believe you almost attacked her. You thought, for a split second, that she was holding you back, and you were angry."

Maura simply gaped, her mind frantically analysing all her actions and feelings, trying to understand. Constance stood and gripped her hands again, wanting to offer some motherly comfort against these hard truths. "You're allowed to be angry, Maura. You're also allowed to stand up for yourself. Jane just wanted to make sure you didn't do anything rash, before you'd had time to consider everything. Even a vampire needs time to sort through this much emotion and information. You haven't had that, and that's not your fault."

Maura pulled a hand out of her mother's grip, rubbing across her face as if to remove tears, even though she knew no tears would ever fall from her eyes. "Jane hasn't had time to think either, and she seems fine. She just became a vampire and kept going like nothing has changed. She isn't lashing out or being uncontrollable. She's just Jane. Why is it so much easier for her?"

Constance smiled ruefully. "Because she's Jane. She's had time to think about what being a vampire would be like, long before it actually happened. And she's had you protecting her, showing her the pitfalls to avoid. Most importantly, she had you there helping her through her transition. You saved her from being a blood-thirsty vampire, at great cost to yourself. She can hold herself together and be who she was, because you showed her how. Whether you feel like it or not, my darling, you are her hero."

Maura's lip trembled at Constance's words, and Constance felt a tear slide down her face as she pulled Maura in for another hug. They clung to each other for several long moments.

Maura felt like the shell of insecurity she had been trapped in was now cracked, the barest sliver of light visible. Her mother's words were an anchor, providing hope that she might be okay after all. Maybe she hadn't completely failed. Maybe Jane was the one thing she'd done right, and it was okay for Jane to help her now.

The moment was broken by a ragged cough from Constance. Maura immediately gathered her mother into her arms again, with no protest. She ran swiftly through the trees, quickly finding the hospital again. She let her mother down half a block from the front door, looking intently at her face to determine if she could make the walk.

Constance smiled, somewhat shakily, as she tried to reassure her daughter. "I'll be fine. I can walk a few steps to a hospital. You go and help Jane. You'll need each other, not just during this crisis. Go and figure out who you are, and don't hesitate to come back to see me. I'd really rather you didn't disappear from my life ever again."

Maura nodded sadly, embracing her mother carefully before giving her a nudge in the direction of the hospital. Constance gave her a warm smile before turning and walking away.

Maura flitted to a nearby rooftop, watching as her mother made her way to the hospital doors. As soon as she was inside and had been met by the staff, Maura leapt into motion, retracing her steps once again.

She was going back to Jane. She knew Jane had to be mad at her, but she would try to make this right. She would try to help. Because one thing was clear, even through the mess of her still scattered thoughts.

She still wanted to be a good person. She still wanted to help.