A brother in for a visit.
Not much, but this food is exquisite.
Shame about the oven though.
Guess it just goes to show,
Home ownership isn't for the reckless.
-
Naruto awoke once again at 5:00 sharp. It was about the only thing he could be consistent about. Training with Lee for so long made him understand how healthy a routine is for a person.
Hinata didn't much care for the routine. Naruto woke up and began his frantic escape. It was an understatement to say she was strong.
After creating four shadow clones to pry the grip from himself (Hinata remained asleep the entire time), Naruto wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast.
He surveyed his available ingredients and cringed, "3 eggs and... a single cooked ramen noodle. Where do these keep coming from?" He was interrupted from his "cooking" by a whimper from the door. Bolt was standing by the door and whining. Usually he would just let go inside the house, so the dog asking to go out to pee was tremendous progress.
Naruto smiled and walked towards the door, "Who's a goo-" his praise was interrupted by a small pitter coming from nearby. Naruto slumped over as he continued to walk.
After cleaning up the mess, Naruto decided to take bolt for a walk around the village. After all, it would probably help him with his potty training.
He was just out the door when he was interrupted by an anbu: "Naruto, there is a diplomat from Iwa who wishes to meet with you. He says he owes you."
The blonde cocked his head at the anbu as he tried to figure out who it was. "He owes me Huh?" The anbu nodded, "Don't tell me his name. Do you know what he said he owed me?"
"Um... tea or... Steamed fish?"
Naruto snapped his fingers, "I know exactly who that is. Tell old man Danzō to send him over to my house when he's done with him."
The anbu disappeared and Naruto continued about his day. As he walked, he reminisced about the man he believed to be in the hidden leaf.
~
"I appreciate your help, Naruto, Jiraiya," the addressed parties gave a nod over their shoulders.
"You can always trust FAPS to lend you aid-ttebayo!" Naruto said with a smile.
Jiraiya and the other man scratched their heads, "Do you think we could-"
"HEY WAIT, YOU OLD PERV! YOU SAID I GOT TO PICK THE NAME, YOU BETTER NOT BE TRYING TO CHANGE IT NOW," a girl standing with the two others shouted. Jiraiya sighed and gave a sheepish wave to the other man.
~
A man stood outside Naruto's door, knocking lightly. 'Hmmm. That's strange. Hokage-sama said Naruto would be awake right now,' he checked his wrist, only to realize there was no watch, 'I thought it was 6. He always bragged about waking up at the same time every day.' The man scowled as he continued knocking, 'You would have thought after 20 minutes of knocking he would have come to the door,' the man shrugged and sat down in front of the door, 'I suppose I can meditate.'
-
Naruto began his journey home. In his left hand was a bag filled with fish. He didn't really know anything about steaming fish, so he was just kinda winging it.
As he rounded a corner, he saw large, red, armored figure sitting outside his door. A smile spanned his face, "ChooChoo-nii! So you are in town!"
The man jumped a little before he turned around, a scowl seemingly stretching his face. It was hard to tell. Because of the helmet.
"You're still calling me that?"
"Well what would you like me to call you?"
"My name, Baka."
Naruto laughed as he walked past the man, "Pssh, in your dreams," he opened the door, "Come in, come in. You owe me some fish," he said as he lifted up the bag.
"You didn't have to buy any," Han said as he walked inside, "I brought some. They're in my pocket."
Naruto held up a hand, "That's okay... you can just... take them outside."
Han tilted his head and reached in his pocket, "Well why waste a perfectly goo- op. No. Nevermind, I see why now."
"More like you smell why," Naruto added with a laugh as Han walked out and dumped the fish. When he walked in, a yawn could be heard from the hallway.
"Does it smell like fish in here, or is that just me?" Hinata, wearing only a large hoodie, rounded the corner. She was met with a laugh from Naruto, and an unknown look from a large armored man. The helmet really made him hard to read, "EEP!" She squealed as she scurried back into the hallway, "Can you tell me when there's people over, Naruto-kun?"
"I didn't wanna wake you-ttebayo," Naruto chuckled, "Besides, Han doesn't care."
She let out a 'hmph' before the two others could hear rustling down the hall. Not even 10 seconds later, Hinata walked out, now wearing pants.
"Hello! I'm Hinata Hyūga," she held out a hand. The armored man tilted his head back. He recognized that name. Probably from Naruto somehow.
"Pleased to meet you. Han of the hidden stone."
Hinata tensed a little. The last time she encountered the hidden stone was... "Pleased to meet you as well, Han-san."
Han noticed the girl tense up: 'Oh no. She probably doesn't like my name or something. I have to... I don't know... uhhh... be sociable, Han, reassure her. Make her feel comfortable.' He smiled under his helmet. He began to sweat, "No, the pleasure is all mine," he said through a clenched jaw.
"Quit pleasing my girlfriend and make us some fish-ttebayo!" Naruto blurted out.
"Uh- I-"
"Naruto-kun, um-" Hinata tried to hold back her embarrassment.
'You seriously don't see what's wrong with that?'
'What are you talking about? One of your elegance things again?
'Hmph. That's one way to put it.'
'Whatever.'
"Anyway," Han spoke sternly, grabbing their others' attention, "I'm here on a diplomatic mission. Renewing a peace treaty."
Hinata readied in a fighting stance.
"OH YEAH RIGHT! I'm not some 7 year old girl, you'll have a lot harder of a time taking me now," she activated her byakugan.
'WHAT?! What did you do, Han? You really miffed this one. So much for being sociable,' the armoured man thought to himself.
"It's okay kehiban, he's good people-ttebayo," Han let out an awkward laugh as the girl squinted at him.
"I'm very sorry to have offended you. If you wish, I will leave."
Hinata sighed and waved her hand, "No, no, I'm sorry. There was just an incident a long time ago with the hidden stone. I've kinda been paranoid since..." she rubbed her arm as she looked down.
"Please, allow me to apologize in behalf of the hidden stone," Han, sensing her discomfort, placed a steel hand on her shoulder, "Do not worry. I nor the hidden stone wish not to kidnap you. I, personally, view kidnap as a wrong, and heinous behavior."
"I think most people do-ttebayo."
Han coughed and nodded in response. He held a hand out, "May I have the fish?" Naruto held out the bag, and Han grabbed it. He placed it on the table and shed his metal gloves, "It is the most important step of the food making process to wash your hands," he exclaimed as he waddled to the sink, bumping into several things along the way.
"Han-san," Hinata said, causing the man to turn slightly, "Would you like to take your armor off?"
The man scoffed, "No. It's far too cold in here. In fact, would you happen to have any blankets?" The man asked as he continued to the sink. Naruto grabbed a blanket and placed it on the table. "Thank you," Han said as he walked back to the fish. He grabbed a fish from the bag and nonchalantly lowered it into a furnace in his back.
"Uhh... what?" Hinata wondered aloud.
Han stared a moment in confusion before tilting his head back, "Oh right, this is a steam furnace. It's part of my kekkei genkai, steam release. I'm steaming the fish. Using the steam. From the steam furnace. To steam the fish," he continued lowering fish into his back.
Han washed his hands again and returned to the table. He sat next to Naruto and draped himself in the blanket.
Hinata spoke up, "So, how do you know each other?" She sat down in a nearby chair. Han looked at his wrist. There was still no watch there, but he assumed that it was about 6:30.
"I suppose we have time for a story. The fish will take about 90 minutes to steam from the steam in the steam furnace. So I guess I can tell you."
~~~~~~
"Hey, samurai guy!" Han didn't turn around. He assumed that the voice was talking to him, but he wouldn't give them the satisfaction of calling him that, "Hellooooo. Pervy sage, is he deaf?"
"No, Naruto, he just doesn't want you to call him samurai guy," Han fist pumped in his head. He could hear the two whispering for a moment, before the annoying one spoke up.
"Are you a jinchūriki? Armour guy? Also what are you doing?" Han thought the new name was acceptable. He turned and faced the two foreigners.
"I don't know why that's important," he squinted at the blonde boy.
'Han, Kurama is nearby.'
Han smirked, "Are you, boy?"
"Am I what? Hey! Don't distract me! Answer my question first."
"No."
Naruto scowled and crossed his arms, "Wah, wah, you're no fun-ttebayo."
"Just relax, Naruto. You're Han, correct?" Han nodded, causing Jiraiya to smirk, "The jinchūriki of the steam, eh? Well this is Naruto, the jinchūriki of- uhhh- the jinchūriki of being annoying-"
"Hey what?! That's not my title. I'm the future jinchūriki Hokage!" Naruto held out a thumbs up.
Han walked up to the boy and held a fist out, "Meet your fist to mine. We shall see if you are a jinchūriki."
"Okay! Fist bump!"
The two stood silent, looking up to the sky for a long while. Jiraiya looked back and forth between the two, trying to understand what was going on.
———
"Wooooah... what is this place?"
"This is the jinchūriki mind space. You can come here whenever to talk with the other jinchūriki."
"That's awesome! How did you figure this out?"
"Actually I didn't. My fellow jinchūriki of the stone, Rōshi, discovered it a long while ago."
"So we can talk with each other whenever we want?" Han nodded, "Good. We might need it."
"Oh?"
"Have you heard of the Akatsuki?"
Han nodded, "The tsuchikage hires them for jobs here and there. What of it?"
"Well they'reafter tailed beasts," Han tilted his head back, "We already had a close call with Shukaku of the sand. This should make things a whole lot easier."
———
The two jinchūriki came to in the real world, "Uh... are you guys okay? You just started staring up at the sky."
"Yeah we're fine, Pervy sage," Naruto redirected his attention to Han, "If you're ever attacked by those thugs, just call for me and let me know."
Han scoffed, "As if I'd need a little twerp's help."
"The kazekage did," Naruto stated as he turned and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Look, I'm just giving you a backup plan. Just in case you get knocked out or something. Gōbi can call for me, or even your buddy Rōshi."
Han nodded, "Better be safe than sorry. I like that logic. Would you like to come inside?" He gestured towards a small house.
"No that's alright, we're looking for something."
"May I be of assistance?"
Jiraiya tossed him a scroll, "We're looking for deep holes that are very high up."
Han looked up in thought, "There might be a couple caves in some mountains, but you will find almost no man-made holes. The land of stone views mountains and rocks in general as sacred."
"Thanks. I'll see ya around, samurai!" Naruto gave a smile before he turned around.
"We appreciate the help, Han-san. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask," Jiraiya gave a salute as he walked off towards Naruto.
~~~~~~
"So why do you owe him then?" Hinata asked curiously.
"Well that's another story-"
"Ooh yeaaah! Hinata this is a good one," the girl giggled at Naruto's enthusiasm, "I just wish imouto-chan was here. She tells stories the best."
"Imouto?" Hinata asked as she tilted her head. Her eyes then lit up, "You found another Uzumaki?!"
"Nah, we're not actually siblings. It's like with me and choocho-nii."
"It's just figurative. She's another jinchūriki. We all consider each other family. Right, otouto-san?" Han said as he looked to Naruto.
Naruto gave a smile and a thumbs up as Hinata's heart exploded. Tears of joy began to roll down her face.
She was so happy for him. Just in general, but so, so, so happy in that moment.
"Eh? Hinata, you okay?"
She nodded as she wiped the tears, "I'm wonderful!" She said with a chuckle, "What's her name? What's she like?"
Han and Naruto spoke at the same time.
"Fū's awesome!"
"Fū is... a lot like Naruto." Han had been told that bluntness was rather 'socially unfriendly.' He chose to soften his words instead of saying, 'Fū is extremely annoying.'
He would be a fool, however, to say that her and Naruto's rambunctiousness wasn't at least a little bit endearing.
"Well then she'd probably try to embellish the story a little," Hinata chided.
"What are you saying, Kehiban?"
"Oh hush," she waved her hand at Naruto, "You over-exaggerate a lot when you tell stories."
"Whaaat? No I don't," he crossed his arms, closed his eyes and smirked, "Here, I'll prove it-ttebayo."
Hinata nodded and gave a smile.
~~~~~~
Naruto and Pervy sage had just defeated the swarm of dragons that had attacked them when-
~~~~~~
"Stop," Han rudely interrupted.
Naruto sprouted a tickmark on his forehead, "Wha? I'm just telling the story-ttebayo."
"Dragons don't exist."
"Oh yeah?" Naruto smirked again, "Then how'd we fight a swarm of dragons?"
Han sighed and shook his head, Hinata just giggled.
"Fine, fine, whatever," he waved his hands around dramatically, "You guys were there you would know what happened."
Hinata placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder and feigned a sad look, "Sorry for ruining it, Naruto-kun."
He waved her off and stood up, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm going to take a shower. Bolt peed on me," the dog gave a satisfied bark.
"Is that a normal occurrence? He seemed rather unphased," Han questioned as Naruto walked off.
Hinata nodded, "No matter how much he goes to the bathroom, he'll always have a little bit more, just for Naruto's leg."
"Hm. Have you tried potty-training him?"
Hinata sighed, "Yeah, he doesn't really listen that well," she got up to clean the mess.
"Well would you like me to tell the story?"
"Of course."
~~~~~~
Han stood atop a large mountain near his home.
He frequented this place. Specifically, he enjoyed the feeling of the clouds passing through him.
An odd rattling noise crept up behind him. He quickly spun and caught an incoming senbon an inch from his face.
"Very impressive. So you're going to put up a fight then. That's just great," a raspy voice said sarcastically.
A hunched over figure lurched forward along with a long metal object. Han raised his arm. The blade clashed with it, knocking him to his side.
"Wow. You're a jinchūriki?" The figure asked as it crawled forward, "I guess you're lucky that you have armor. Makes it hard to poison you."
"What do you want from me?"
"Hm. You're different from everyone else I assault," he continued to slither forward, "Usually they ask who I am."
"Don't mistake my lack of asking as not being curious," Han was quickly enveloped in steam, "I just have the right priorities."
The man grunted again, "Well you'll be disappointed to hear that I'm not like most you'll face," he looked to the side, "I don't like to tell a victim what my plans are," he paused and looked back at Han, "Not that you could beat me, even knowing my plans."
Han grumbled as he charged the small figure. The clacking noise continued as the hunched figure stood still.
—————
"Ughh what is taking him so long?" A blonde haired man sat under a tree, marking it with a kunai. "It's been.. one, two, three- 47 seconds!" The man let out a dramatic sigh and threw his arms to the ground.
Deidara knew what Sasori thought art should be, "Something something eternal blah," he said to himself mockingly. Despite knowing this, it was just as boring waiting for Sasori to finish his job. "Wish he could just... explode him... or something," Deidara muttered as he drew in the dirt.
A little part of him wanted Sasori to fail. Scratch that, a huge part of him wanted Sasori to fail. Deidara was still pissed about the 9-tails interfering with his capture of Shukaku. He growled more at the thought, sticking a kunai deep into the tree he was sitting under.
—————
Han swung a steam-covered fist down towards Sasori. The Akatsuki member stood still, redirecting the fist using his tail. Both fighters skid back and faced each other.
"Can you just come peacefully? It would make everything a whole lot easier for the both of us."
Han laughed, "You would like that, wouldn't you?"
"Yes. That's why I asked you," Han growled, "I'm extending a courtesy that most wont give you. Hell, if we didn't need you guys alive, most of us would just straight up try to kill you without warning."
"Most of us? You guys?"
"I don't talk about my plans. If I don't tell you, you might overthink it, and mess up."
"Ha! Now that I know what you're trying to do, I'll just not overthink it!"
Sasori just sighed, "I really hope they aren't all this stupid."
———
"How long ago was this anyway?" Naruto asked as he began to count on his fingers, "January, February, May..."
"Two years ago, otouto," he held up two fingers, causing naruto to nod.
"I am going to be honest and tell you that I was pummeled by that man," Han whispered Hinata. After all, Naruto didn't know the tragic extent of his failings. He might as well salvage the little pride he had left, "The fight was heavily one-sided, and I was immobilised rather quickly. I learned two lessons that day," Han straightened and held up a finger, "One: do not be afraid to ask for help, and two: it is very hard to 'just not overthink' something."
Hinata nodded, "I can relate," then she tilted her head, "What did that guy want with you anyway?"
"They wanted our bijuu, tailed beasts-ttebayo," Naruto sat down next to Han.
"Naruto I thought you were a part of this story. When do you come in?"
Naruto sat in thought for a moment and whispered to Han. Han whispered back and Naruto smiled.
"Okay... so where were we in the story?"
Han grew a tick mark that burst through his helmet, "Baka! I just told you that."
Naruto giggled, "I don't 'member."
"Han just finished his battle with the Akatsuki guy."
Naruto sat in thought for a moment, "Which one? There's like..." He began to count on his fingers again.
Han knocked the back of the boy's head. He fell to the ground and Hinata dashed to his side, "Naruto-kun!"
"The only one I fought, dummy. The dummy, actually."
Naruto rubbed his head as he sat up, "Ohhh right. The artists. Alright I'll tell the story from here. After all," he smirked at Han, "Not like you were conscious for it."
———
Naruto and Pervy sage stood over the large body on the ground. They had just fought Bigfoot and-
———
"Naruto-kun. Seriously, just tell the actual story."
"IT'S TRUE! The dragons were fake, but I swear, me and pervy sage fought Bigfoot," Naruto stood back up, "He was actually a real nice guy- err - a real nice Sasquatch... I guess."
Han crossed his arms and tapped his foot, "Whatever, just get on with the story. Be as accurate as possible from here on."
"I will continue to tell the truth, Dattebayo!" Hinata and Han both sweatdropped
———
"Woah... was that... did you guys just beat up Bigfoot?" A voice quietly spoke from behind them.
The two Bigfoot assassins turned and faced the voice. It was a small girl, around Naruto's height, with shoulder length teal hair, "Yes we did! For real- Dattebayo!"
"That's... that's," the girl looked down and clenched her fists.
'Was this that ape's child?'
'Don't say it like that. He was a nice guy.'
'He was an ape. Apes throw poop.'
'Actually, monkeys throw poop. Two different animals.'
'Yeah you would kn-'
"THAT'S AWESOME!!!!" The girl threw her hands (not poop) into the air. "I was out here to hunt Bigfoot too! You guys are SO COOL. You look new. What are your names, cool guys? I wanna meet some new friends."
"I'm Na-"
"I've always wanted to have friends. They seem SOOOOO COOL!"
"Hey, kid," Pervy sage spoke to their visitor, "Just hold on a minute. You need to settle down a little."
"Sorry! Just really excited! I'm Fū!" Pervy sage raised an eyebrow.
"Fū, eh? You shouldn't be spouting your name out like that," he looked over to Naruto, "And neither should you, Baka."
"Hey who you calling an idiot?!" The other two said at the same time.
Pervy sage sighed, "What are you doing out here? If a little girl like-"
"I'm NOT a little girl, oldie. I'm a ninja."
"Well, ninja or not, you should be careful out here. What if we tried to kidnap you or something?"
"Then I would beat you up, fragile old man," Jiraiya audibly gasped.
"Why- I- you may know me as the great-"
Naruto waddled over time Fū as Pervy sage continued his monologue, "That was cool."
"Ehh? All I did was call him an old man."
"The hermit of Mount Myōboku-"
"Yeah but, everybody we come across looks at him like some god," Naruto looked over to the man, who had just begun his rendition of the sand samba, "Everyone's always like, 'Jiraiya of the Sannin this' or 'Jiraiya of the Sannin that', but he's actually just a lousy, old perv, Dattebayo. You get it," she nodded.
Jiraiya halted his dance as he discovered Naruto talking to Fū. He appeared right next to them, startling the two, "You're not... talking about me, are you?"
"Yes, we are!" Fū beamed before Naruto could do anything. He dropped forward and sweatdropped.
'Kid, Chōmei, the seven tails. He's here.'
'Why'd it take you so long to speak up?'
'I was in the bathroom.'
'WHAT?! You do that? In my head?!'
"Naruto, what's the matter with you," jiraiya clapped his hand over his mouth, "I mean, blondie-"
"Well what's the point in hiding it now?! I already know your names, dummy!"
Jiraiya rubbed his neck and laughed awkwardly, "Well I guess now that we're acquainted, do you think you could help us find something?"
She shrugged, "Probably not! Let's go!"
———
The group was trekking a tall mountain, "You said there was some sort of cave up here, right?"
"Huh? Why would we need that???" Jiraiya drooped at the girls response.
"Fū, can I ask you something? Naruto butt in.
"Well, you just asked me something, sooo..."
"Are you a jinchūriki?"
She gave an awkward laugh, glanced side to side, and began to sweat, "Uh, what's that? Haha."
"Somebody with a tailed beast inside of them. Like me-ttebayo!" He held a thumb towards himself.
"Are you telling the truth?" Fū asked skeptically, keeping her voice down to a modest yell.
Shibuki, the leader of Takigakure, was very cautious about Fū's jinchūriki status. It was to the point where she was hardly allowed to leave the village. It just so happened that Fū was out hunting Bigfoot when she encountered the two travelers.
"Of course. You have my word, Fū," he stuck a fist out.
The girl returned the fist bump and let out a gasp.
It felt like she was blinded. She found herself in a completely white space, a few muffled voices could be heard.
"Aha ha, hello little Fū! Welcome to the tailed beast shared mind space. Lucky that we find ourselves here, eh?"
"Chōmei? What are we doing here?"
"Seems we were brought here by the blondie... oh! And Kurama too. Oh Kuuuramaaa!"
"Chōmei," a large fox stood near the blonde kid from earlier and a weird horse. There was no person by the horse, "Now is not the time. Kokuō requires aid."
The horse spoke now, "Please, me and Han, my jinchūriki are being taken east in Iwa. We've been captured by dangerous foes. Be wary."
Fū was now back in the real world. She fell on her butt as another gasp escaped her mouth. It was kinda nauseating. She was barely in the "mindspace" but it was surreal nonetheless. She didn't like being quickly jerked back and forth between realms.
"Sorry Fū, but we have to go. It's urgent."
"What'sa matter, kiddo?" Pervy sage asked.
"I think that Han guy is in trouble. The Gōbi said it needed help."
Pervy sage snapped, "Oh right, that weird mind thing. Where's he-"
"Hey wait," Fū stood up, "I want to meet more... people like me. Can I come with you? I'm a ninja, I swear," she beamed.
"Sorry kid, but-" Pervy sage turned to her and saw the best puppy eyes he had ever seen. He was immediately guilt-struck for even thinking of leaving her behind. He turned around to avoid the genjutsu, "Um- uh, maybe we should-" he turned back around and saw Fū standing right next to him with the same eyes.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeee-"
"Okay okay, just relax. We have to hurry though. Luckily, the stone's not far from here."
Fū scoffed, "Yeah, like they'll let outsiders in the hidden stone."
"We're not going to a check in point."
"But- if they find us-"
"So they won't find us," Naruto said as he transformed into a bird, "Then we won't get in trouble. Hop on, it'll be quicker this way."
"No thanks, I'll just follow along!"
Naruto and pervy sage looked at each other, "Yeah but... we're going to fly."
Fū shrugged, "Uhh, yeah I know," wings sprouted behind her, "Why else would you turn into a bird?" She was met with stutters and 'uhhhh's as she lifted up into the air, "Well hurry up, would ya?"
———
"Where is he?"
Pervy sage analyzed the ground below, "I dunno, kid. He should stick out like a sore thumb. Especially in this flat terrain," Naruto landed near the base of a mountain, "Hey! What are you doing? We'll have better visuals from high up."
Naruto stuck a hand out, golden chakra enveloping him.
'You can detect negative emotions or something, right Kurama?" The fox nodded, 'Well can you feel anything?"
"Hey, perv guy," Fū spoke as she approached pervy sage. A tick mark grew on his forehead, "We should have a name. Y'know? Like our group."
"I'll leave it in your hands, kiddo."
"I already thought of one," she giggled, "FAPS," Jiraiya choked.
"What was it?"
"FAPS. F-A-P-S, FAPS."
"Uhh... okay..."
She squinted and scowled, "Why're you being so weird?! Do you not like it? You shouldn't have left it to me. Don't think you can change it now."
"You sure do talk a lot," Jiraiya shook his head, "What does it stand for?"
"Friendly Alliance of Protection Servicemen."
"That's... really?"
Naruto squinted and looked down. He felt a faint sensation in his eyes as he did so.
'Yeah. Something's close. I can feel something... directly below us?'
"They're... below us," Naruto deactivated his chakra cloak.
"Heeeeh?? Below?! But that's... that's the ground!"
Naruto shrugged, formed a couple handsigns, and tunneled.
"He can just do that?!"
"Yeah. We pretty much all can," pervy sage said as he followed Naruto's action, creating his own tunnel right next to the boy's.
Fū ping ponged her eyes between the two holes for a moment. She kicked at Naruto's tunnel. She got low to the ground and analyzed it.
"Hello?" She shouted
"Hello?" A faint voice called back
"Oh. Do you need help?"
"Oh. Do you need help?
"Are you copying me?"
"Are you copying me?"
"Why I oughta- don't get smart with me!" She dove head first into the hole.
———
As Naruto dug deeper and deeper, a guttural noise could be heard below. He made a head-sized hole and peered through. Ten figures stood atop large fingers of a statue. The mouth of the statue was grotesquely agape, a blue aura emanating from it. Naruto noticed Han's helmet was off, and a red energy was escaping through Han's eyes and mouth.
"What the-"
"Hello?" Naruto heard from above him. The figures all looked up as well, hearing the shout.
"Deidara, Sasori. It appears you brought extra guests."
Naruto started to panic. He attempted to cover up the hole.
"Oh. Do you need help?"
'Who is that?! They're blowing our cover!'
'You don't have to tell me that! Shitshitshit-'
"Are you copying me?"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Naruto whispered through clenched teeth. He tried to move back up as the two Akatsuki slowly approached.
"Why I oughta- don't get smart with me!" Naruto gulped as he heard an oncoming, and quickly approaching, "KYAAAAAA!"
Fū collided with Naruto. The ceiling collapsed, and down came the two jinchūriki, right into the lair of the anti-jinchūriki terrorist organization. The mixture of excitement, anger, envy, and psychosis was visible. They could taste it too.
Fū smacked her lips, "Tastes like," she smacked them again, "Tastes like mushrooms in here."
Either she was ignoring the intense killing intent in the room, she was really tough, or, most likely, she was more focused on how the room tasted.
As she continued to smack her lips, muttering different foods every once in a while, a blonde man stepped forward, "HEY WAIT! You're that brat, the nine tailed..." he crossed his arms and smirked, "The nine-tailed mole. This is payback for the one-tail, hn."
———
Hinata interrupted the story with her laughter, "He called you a mole," her laughter subsided, "He seems very familiar with you," Naruto nodded, "What did Gaara have to do with this?"
"Well that's another story. I'll save it for after," Hinata nodded in understanding as Naruto continued.
———
"I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INSIDES INTO A BEAUTIFUL RED MUSH. THE WALLS WILL BE PAINTED INSTANTLY IN YOUR SOON TO BE BEAUTIFUL BLOOOOOOD!"
"I don't like the guy either, but we can't kill him," he shuffled besides the now panting blonde, "Didn't take you for the long-winded speech type."
"It was poetry, my man. Poetry is also art, hn."
"Whatever. Just protect the samurai, no killing," he looked over at his shoulder, "Except for the old perv."
Pervy sage stopped in his tracks. He was comically tiptoeing behind the Akatsuki. His eyes ballooned as he and the hunched Akatsuki made eye contact.
"Right. I'll blow something up."
"Perfect. Great. Keep talking," the hunched figure shuffled towards the two jinchūriki, "Practice what you preach and finish this quickly."
"Oh yeah, well, maybe you should realize what true art is and do the same, hn."
"No," he said as he shuffled off.
"Grr, Damn you Sasori," he crossed his arms and faced the pervy sage, "Fine then. Maybe I'll just show my man how effective my art is, hn."
Jiraiya blushed and twiddled his fingers, "You keep saying, 'my man'. Is he yo-your b-b-b-boyfriend?"
Deidara threw his arm up in a shock, "No, no you misunderstand."
The old perv let out an exhale, "That's a good thing. Someone with such a lovely body would be wasted on that hunchback."
Deidara gasped and blushed a tad, "Yo-you- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! You must have mistaken me for a woman, hn."
Pervy sage raised an eyebrow, "So you're... a dude?"
Deidara growled, "Why you old bag, I'LL DRENCH THESE CANVAS WALLS WITH YOUR FLUIDS!"
"Does he realize how lewd that sounds?" Fū muttered to Naruto.
"Wha? What are you talking about?"
"Ah, I see that maybe all jinchūriki are stupid. I love that."
"No we're not! You seem pretty stupid, to love that someone's stupid," Fū stuck her tongue out.
"Good. Grief. Really sucks that I can't kill you-ttebayo," he said Naruto's catchphrase mockingly. The two didn't pick up on that, of course.
"That's my thing! Oh you're going down now old guy."
"Right. I'm old. Sure."
"You look pretty old to me."
"Well if course I'm old. My life is eternal. I will be on this earth longer that everyone in this room combined. That's my true art."
"Deidara, Sasori," one of the voices atop the statue spoke, "Were you keeping an eye on the Gōbi?"
"What? Of course-" Sasori turned as he was talking, only to find a large hole where Han was.
Deidara gasped in shock as he too turned around. When he turned back, he only saw the backs of the three intruders as the leapt up through one of the holes.
"THAT DAMN MOLE! I'LL BLOW HIM TO PIECES, TO SMITHEREENS!"
"Just hold on. Look," Sasori pointed to the red energy still being sucked into the statue, "The just have his body. We're getting all that we need."
"YOU'RE JUST GOONG TO LET THEM DO THAT TO US?!"
"Yes. And stop yelling."
———
On the surface, FAPS analyzed the situation, "The red... thing is still connected to him somehow. Could it be chakra?" Jiraiya asked. Naruto created a sort of chakra scalpel, and tried to cut through the red energy. The blade reached it, and made a horrible grinding noise. The chakra scalpel was barely able to cause sparks to fly from the red mass.
"I think it is chakra, but it's extremely strong," Steam was forming from around the thing. Naruto put a hand close to it, "It's hot, too."
'Kit, this is just like when I gave you my chakra. You're going to have to pull it out.'
'It's too hot though.'
'Not for me.'
Naruto shrugged as he donned his chakra cloak. Two arms sprouted from his back. The lunged forward and latched on to the red beam, "HEAVE," Naruto shouted as he lunged forward slightly, "HO!" He launches himself about 10 yards backward. It seemed to get caught on something, as it abruptly stopped moving. Naruto scratches his head. He braced again to pull.
———
In the Akatsuki hideout, Deidara and Sasori climbed back up to their places on the statue, "You're sure it'll be okay, lord pain? That they took the body?"
Pain held up a hand, "Of course. The jinchūriki only needs to be in close proximity to connect to the statue. The only thing we have to worry about is someone trying to pull the soul out of the statue," he paused, realizing the risk he was taking, "I doubt they'll figure that out though. You saw how dimwitted they-" he was interrupted by a loud zipping sound and a *clank*. "Sasori... do you know where the failsafe lever is?"
"The what now?"
Pain dropped his head, 'Curses! I knew I should have showed that instructional video. My own embarrassment gets in the way yet again.'
"Hn. Can never depend on this guy. Relax everyone, I know where the lever is," Deidara pointed to himself and smirked.
A couple seconds passed, Deidara just stood there with his thumb pointed at himself.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! PULL THE LEVER NOW!" Pain shouted. Shouts and panic replaced the palpable, mushroom-like anger in the room.
Deidara hopped down and walked off. He walked back not 3 seconds later, rubbing the back of his neck, "That's so weird, it must of got moved or something. Huh. Sooo weird."
Pain facepalmed as they heard a rubber-like stretching sound, followed by a *pop*.
———
Naruto flailed around like an inflatable tube man. He held on tightly to the red chakra stream as he flopped violently from side to side. "HOLD HIM STILL-TTEBAYO!"
Fū and pervy sage stood Han up, and were holding him by the shoulders. They were trying to place the chakra back into Han's body. It was like threading a needle in a category 7 hurricane.
"NARUTO. GRAB IT AT BOTH ENDS."
"WHAAT?!"
"GRAB. BOTH. ENDS!"
"OH OKAY," Naruto extended his arm to grab the far end. He struggled for a moment, unable to gain control of the wildly swinging chakra. Eventually, he swung his right arm across his body, catching the line as it swung the opposite way.
"PERFECT! NOW HURRY UP AND CHUCK IT BACK INSIDE HIM."
Naruto shoves the chakra into the armor clad man's throat. After a grueling two minutes, the chakra was completely submerged back into Han.
———
"So... what now?"
"JUST SHUT UP DEIDARA! Fall back. This mission was a failure. There's no reason to make a scene now."
"But there is! Making a scene as beautiful as this, so many opportunities for art-"
"I SAID SHUT UP! READ THE ROOM!" Pain's voice cracked, causing him to cover his mouth, "please do not talk to me for 6-7 days." With that, his and the other akatsuki holograms disappeared.
Only one remained, Hidan, "Oh nice job you two! Maybe now you'll accept Jashinism as art."
"NEVER!" They both said at the same time. Hidan disappeared, cackling his head off.
———
"So what now?" Fū asked the other two conscious members of FAPS.
"Well, we can't really take him to the Tsuchikage without starting a diplomatic incident. We should maybe just set up camp in the forest. We definitely cannot cross the border with him in tow. That would be a disaster."
Naruto nodded, "Fū you should probably head back home."
"What?! Why just me?! What if those weird cloak guys are out there?"
"She's got a point, Naruto," Jiraiya said as he continued to walk towards the forest, Han in his shoulder, "You know, it would be a good idea to-"
"The hidden leaf and stone aren't on the best of terms. What are you guys doing here?" A girl spoke from a high ledge.
Naruto let out a laugh, "I said those exact words to some iwa shinobi in the leaf-ttebayo."
"Well I bet they weren't kidnapping your jinchūriki."
Naruto beamed and pointed at himself, "They didn't stand a chance against me. No way they would've been able to."
"Uhh... okay... can we have him back?"
"Sure," Naruto started to walk over. The iwa shinobi braced themselves, "I'm just walking. Calm down-ttebayo," they refused to calm down. Naruto sighed and shook his head, "Alright, whatever. I guess I get it though, we've pretty much only been hostile for the past decade, give or take," he handed Han to a man with purple and brown clothes, "But, I at least want to find peace between us," he started to walk off, "You guys might want to keep an eye on your jinchūriki. The akatsuki captured him," he gestured to Han.
"The Who? And how are we supposed to believe you?"
Naruto shrugged, "Just ask him when he wakes up."
"Kurotsuchi, I believe he has been poisoned. It might be a good idea to-"
"What is your relationship with Han?" The purple and brown clad man spoke.
"Han's our brother," Fū spoke up, "Well, in a way. Not blood related, but he's family."
"Why is that?"
"Rōshi, let's-"
"Well, we're connected. We all are jinchūriki. We've faced the same stuff, more or less."
Rōshi nodded, "It appears my suspicions were true. You are the boy jinchūriki Han talked about. That also explains why Jiraiya of the Sannin is here."
Naruto rolled his eyes. He looked at Fū, "See what I mean?"
Rōshi turned to his fellow iwa shinobi, "This person is not here for war. I believe they helped Han."
"But the leaf... the leaf hates us."
"And we hate the leaf. What's your point?"
"That's exactly my point. They wouldn't want to sit around with us."
"Is that the entire hidden leaf village?" Han pointed to the three standing 10 feet from them. Fū waved, "The leaf village, much like us, are not a hive-mind," Kurotsuchi looked down and rubbed her arm, "Jiraiya is one of the Sannin. That doesn't make him a warmongering fool," he got closer and whispered, "And, to be honest, I have a hunch that neither of those two hate anything at all," he turned and looked at the two kids, who were now playing Rock Paper Scissors.
"So what? What's this have to do with anything? They still probably don't like us."
"I don't really trust the tsuchikage to take proper precautions against the Akatsuki. In fact, he might think were lying, trying to get him to stop using their services. Besides, it's not like he's been super friendly to us in the past."
Naruto and Fū had just completed another game of Rock Paper Scissors, "Hey, no fair. You totally waited for me to go first."
"What?! No I didn't!" Fū replied in defence, "And even if I did, so what?!"
"Excuse me," a man spoke from behind them, "I know this may seem sudden, but would you be willing to help us watch over Han."
"What? Why can't you? We're actually kinda busy sooo-"
"Look, isn't he like your brother?" The girl spoke.
"Yeah but I'm busy-"
"JUST DO WHAT WE ASK YOU TO, DAMMIT," Kurotsuchi cleared her throat, "For your brother, you know?"
"Talk about manipulative," Naruto mumbled under his breath, "Alright, we can stay. I don't know about you though, Fū."
———
"WHERE. THE HELL IS FŪ?!"
"We don't know sir. She's nowhere inside the village."
The leader of Takigakure paced back in forth in his hut. He raised his hands to his mouth, as a rather uptight looking man entered the room. He wore a sneer on his face as he held his nose up, "DAVE, I SWEAR IF THIS IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE BUSHES AGAIN, I'M GOING TO LOSE IT. I'M GOING TO LET LOOSE, DAVE. BACK THE FUCK UP DAVE."
There was a long silence, and Dave cleared his throat, "The home owners association believes that offical mailbox height-"
"OH MY GOD. DAVE. FUCK. OFF. We're in the middle of a CRISIS right now. You want to talk about mailbox height?!" Dave simply nodded, "GO-" he coughed, "DO SOMETHING. YOU'RE A DAMN COCKROACH, DAVE."
———
She thought for a moment, "Ummm... I should be fine," she gave an awkward laugh as she realised it was most definitely not fine, "Maybe, erm, maybe a letter or something," her voice cracked.
"Well," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, "You did kinda just disappear," Fū nodded slowly, "I'll send a messenger to your village," he started scribbling on a piece paper. He rolled it up, and held his hand out.
"What do you mea-" Fū was interrupted by a fox prancing out from the forest.
"I always keep one nearby. This one's called Kiyoshi. He has a heart of iron," the fox yipped, snatched the paper, and ran off.
"Is that a summoning?" Kurotsuchi asked.
"Yes," Naruto lied. It felt wrong to straight up lie to someone like that, but on the other hand, Inari was a trickster god. He was just worshipping his deity.
Naruto broke from his thought to realise that they were all stuck in an awkward silence, "I'm hungry. Do you guys have anything to eat?" He threw his hands behind his head and began walking towards the forest.
~
"What happened after that?"
"Almost everything was okay, dattebayo. The Akatsuki basically disappeared after that. Well, until... you know."
Hinata nodded in understanding, before a skeptical look crossed her face, "What do you mean by 'Almost everything was okay'?"
"Well," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, "Apparently there were issues with the note I sent."
Hinata laughed, "Oh I know what you mean. You probably wrote something like, 'We have Fū in the land of stone'."
Han chuckled, "That was... remarkably close."
"Naruto isn't the best when it comes to letters."
"Hey what are you talking about?! It's you guys that are wrong for not getting it-ttebayo! I don't see what's wrong with your example!"
"Sure."
"Besides, I don't do it that often," he looked to Hinata, who just raised an eyebrow.
"I've got a couple examples."
~
Hinata had asked Naruto to pick her up some strawberries earlier that day. She sat on the couch, reading a manga about volleyball. She had taken a liking to it because one of the main characters shared her name.
She was interrupted when a crow landed on the windowsill. It held a small rolled up scroll. Hinata took the scroll and opened it. As she read, her head tilted in confusion. She let out a gasp before getting up to leave. The note read:
'I have something very important to you. Come to the food district if you don't want to lose it... for good.'
~
"You see... nothing wrong with that?" Han asked Naruto.
"Yeah. Why? What's the problem?"
"It's so vague."
"And?"
"It sounds like you kidnapped someone close to her," Han looked to Hinata, "Sorry, I know kidnapping is a touchy subject for you."
She waved him off, "It's okay, no worries," Han sighed in relief, "Besides, why would you even send a note."
"Well, the strawberries looked really good, and I was thinking about eating them all-ttebayo. I just wanted you to be able to have some."
"Awww," Hinata whispered as she leaned her head onto Naruto's shoulder, "That's so cute, Naruto-chan~"
"Was not!"
"Yes it was!"
"Was-"
'This is the worst thing I have ever experienced,' Han thought as the "conversation" continued, 'Kami. Do they even know I'm here?'
"Yes it was!"
"No!"
'Maybe I should just... be honest?' He shook his head, 'No... no. Honesty usually makes people upset. But then again...'
"Yes it was!"
"Nuh-uh."
"Excuse me," Han interrupted, holding up a finger, "I am very uncomfortable."
"Eh?" Hinata's face went blank.
Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, oops," Naruto looked down to Bolt, who was scratching at Naruto's seat. Naruto picked the dog up, and placed the puppy on his own head, "We got a little carried away."
"It's fine. Sorry for being blunt," Han replied. He and Naruto both noticed Hinata looking down, the same blank face plastered on.
"Ehhh... Hinata-"
She abruptly bowed, seemingly tearing up, "I'm sorry! I was so rude and I was a terrible host and-"
As Hinata continued to apologise, Naruto attempted to diffuse the anxiety, "Heey, hey, there's nothing to-"
Han gave a similarly abrupt bow and began to talk over Hinata, "ALAS! I AM THE ONE WHO IS SORRY!"
"I shouldn't have been doing that in the first place. I bet you felt so gross and-"
"I WAS TOO RUDE! MY BLUNTNESS CAUSED THIS!"
"I'm ashamed I was so cutesy with guests around and-"
"Both of you settle-"
"I SHOULD BE MORE SOCIAL; MORE FORTHCOMING-"
The back and forth game of condolence was interrupted by a loud series of barks. When the two participants of said match came to a halt, they looked as though they had snapped out of a trance. Hinata bowed once more.
"I'm sorry for my overbearing apologies," Hinata stated. She stood back up and faced Han.
Han bowed, or rather, he attempted to bow, "I am also- OOP!" He knocked his helmeted head on the counter in front of him. He stumbled backwards.
"WATCH OUT!" Naruto shouted as he and Hinata reached out for the falling man. The sudden shout startled Han, causing him to panic, "NOT THE OVEN! NOOO PLEASE, THE OVEN!"
Time seemed to slow for Han. He could see the cabinets with crystal clear vision. He squinted, 'If I can offset the trajectory using steam, I can inch my way-'
"THE OVEN, PLEASE!"
'I can't focus when Naruto is screaming about the oven,' he redirected his attention to the cabinets, 'The cabinet directly to my left is the best shot. Hell, just aim for anything but the oven.'
This was Han's gravest error. One that would cost him greatly. As he continued to fall, oven prices flashed before his eyes.
300,000 ryo
525,000 ryo
265,000 ryo
416,000 ryo
40,000 ryo
Actually, that one was a toaster oven. Disregard, Han.
Now those were some prices you could only find Eric's Premium Prices.
As Han collided with the oven, he inwardly giggled at the hilarious image of a toaster oven occupying the space of an actual oven. The toaster oven was so small, yet it filled up a large space. It was really funny.
"THE OVen," Naruto deflated.
Hinata rushed to catch Naruto as he fell, "Naruto-kun!"
As Hinata caught the crumpled blonde, a loud ding went off. Han emerged from the destroyed oven, brushing the rubble off of his armour. He placed his arms behind his back and bowed, "The fish is ready."
"oven- the... oven," Naruto gasped out.
"I must apologise for the oven, but, hear me out, okay?" Han couldn't stifle a giggle, "What if you put a toaster oven there."
Naruto slowly stopped sputtering, and let out a giggle as well, "That would be funny. Cuz, cuz:"
"The toaster oven is so small!" Han and Naruto said at the same time.
Hinata stared in disbelief, "What should we do about the oven then?"
Naruto shrugged, "I'll just make a new one."
"You can't just make an oven!"
"Who says? I'll knit one."
"Yeah, you know what, you might be able to," Han picked up a coaster, "These are really well made."
"Go ahead and try it," Hinata sat on the couch, "It wouldn't be the craziest thing you've done."
"Thanks!" Naruto beamed, "Now, let's eat!"
-
Ohayo!
Sorry this chapter was delayed so much, it was a bitch to write. It was just a real chunky fella so it took so long. Not to mention, I started to hate writing fight scenes, so that's why it's not super action packed. I have some cool new ideas for where to go now, but this chapter kinda served as a little filler bit to help me find new ideas (which it was successful in doing).
Anyway~
Really sorry for the delay again. I watched One Punch Man, and I hated the English voice actors, so I couldn't work on this while I watched. Same thing goes for Haikyu, which I am currently watching. Btw, both of those shows are exquisite. Give em a watch if you can. Hope you have a good day/night (or else!)
Guhbye