"DOES THAT MEAN THERE ARE DOGS INSIDE?"
The Demon didn't even flinch at the sudden change of lightening as the two of them entered the lab, but for Sans it took a moment and a few blinks to understand that everything seemed off because there was a spotlight blasting onto them from some unknown source up above. Or more specifically- 'the human'..
The Demon continued, un-phased by the near blinding light and by the fact that their face was being broadcast largely onto the TV screen in the corner- in fact they seemed to be pointedly ignoring that little fact. It drew Sans' attention immediately, they pretended it wasn't even there, looking straight on ahead...
"uhh... it's you?" Sans started, but they did not acknowledge him- They did not acknowledge the screen. And Sans suddenly remembered-
Guess it... technically wasn't them... now was it?
It's been awhile since Sans was in the lab, but as he looked around he didn't see anything really out of place- well other than the giant tv with 'the human's' face on it- And where was Alphys?
The Demon stopped expectantly in the middle of the room and waited, knowing more about all of this than Sans, and probably the answer to his unspoken question. Sans stood beside them in the spotlight, he was starting to fourth guess his decision to give in and follow them in here.
It was giving them what they wanted again- It was playing right into their hand-
But... He wasn't entirely comfortable leaving them in here alone with the robot they had just admitted to hating and Alphys who-... Who sometimes got into things that were way over her head-
Not that he had the right to judge her for that-
Another bright light shone into the room as a new door opened. Alphys' shadowy figure emerged, distracted and muttering to herself about what he couldn't make out. The room flooded with even more light as she flipped the switch-
Alphys stopped dead center and slowly turned towards them... and promptly freaked out, clutching the sides of her head.
"Oh. My god. I didn't expect you to show up so soon!" She squeaked as she jittered back and forth. "I haven't showered, I'm barely dressed, it's all messy, a-and- and-"
"yo alphs, it's fine." Sans encouraged quickly before she could build herself up into even more of a tizzy.
"S-Sans!"
Alphys took a deep breath as Sans looked off towards the wall of the room... where a large bag of dog food lay... that had no real reason to be there...
Alphys had gotten a hold of herself and smiled at the little demon nervously-
"Um, h-h-hiya." She cleared her throat. "I'm Dr. Alphys, m-maybe Sans said s-something a-about me before?" She was looking nervously between The Demon and Sans. "W-Well, p-probably n-not. I'm.. I'm n-not r-really th-that import-"
"You're the Royal Scientist." The Demon cut in.
"O-Oh!" Alphys exclaimed, cheeks turning red. "S-So he did! I... I ah.."
Sans felt a small pang of guilt. No, Sans had not said anything about Alphys...
"I-I'm not one of the 'bad guys'!" Alphys shouted out, suddenly, in alarm. Sans stepped closer to The Demon as Alphys continued to speak, something feeling off to him about all of this, but he couldn't place what. "A-Actually, well... I've been... um... observing? Um, observing y-you two.. through my console.." Sans felt himself growing paler- "s-since the human stepped out of the Ruins."
Even paler-
"h-have ya now?" Sans asked, his voice dry.
"Y-Yeah.. Th-Their fights... Their... friendships?" Alphys' voice arched weirdly saying that last one, her eyes revealing her uncertainty, but also curiosity as she eyed Sans. "E-e-everything."
Sans-
"I was going to stop them!" Alphys exclaimed, raising a hand, before he could make sense of anything- "But..." Alphys offered 'The Human' a new, nervous smile. "Watching someone on a screen really makes you root for them.. S-So now I want to help you! Like... S-Sans?"
There was that tone again... Guess if she had really been watching she'd had seen all his hostility towards 'The Human' along with everything else.
"I c-can easily u-use me kn-knowledge to g-guide you through Hotland!" Alphys stuttered. "I know a w-way right to Asgore's castle, n-no problem!"
There seemed to actually be a problem, though, by that expression she was wearing.
"Well..." Alphys chuckled a bit. "Actually..."
"alphs..?" Sans started suspiciously.
"Y-you know how I m-made Mettaton, right?" Alphys turned to 'The Human' again quickly. "He was originally just for entertainment, you know, uh, like a robotic TV star or... s-something." She was jittering nervously again. "R-Recently th-though...?"
"alphs." Sans stated again.
'The Human' was looking between the two old friends strangely. Almost... in concern as they glances at Sans and then at Alphys... It was really good acting for someone whose been through this who knows how many times- No... No... It was genuine. Real concern. Concern that Alphys could interpret as just them not following along in the conversation, but Sans knew better.. It put that uneasy feeling he had on even more alert-
"L-look..." Alphys continued. "I a-added... uh... You could say... u-um... Anti... anti-human combat features?" The red eyes were firm as they stared down Alphys. The scientist pulled at her collar. "O-Of c-course, when I s-saw you coming, I immediately d-decided..." Alphys gulped and squeaked out the ending- "I have to remove those features."
Sans chuckled.
"well, that seems like a good idea, doc." He agreed. Alphys chuckled back.
"Y-yeah." She began, "Unfortunately, I m-may have.. m-made a.. teensy mistake... while doing it?"
"uh... what kind of mistake?" Alphys was laughing a bit again.
"Well, y-you see now... now he's sort of a, um, u-unstoppable.. killing machine? W-With.. a thirst for human blood?"
Wait... what?
"Hopefully we won't run into him th-though!"
If this was a script of a Mettaton movie... this would be the exact moment where the robot would burst in. Probably though a wall. After a brief pause like this. Dramatic build-
The lab shook.
The light in Sans' eyes went out.
The building shook again.
"D-Did you h-hear something?" Alphys managed to get out, trying to play it straight, but sweating as she glanced Sans' way.
There were several more shakes and Sans stared at Alphys... Knowingly.
She was trying to play 'The Human'...
"Oh no.." Alphys droned.
There was a dramatic bright light-
"OOOHH YES!" A voice declared. Alphys was bouncing nervously, looking towards the source of the voice. 'The Human' looked towards Sans quickly and the movement caught his attention.
[Nervous.] They signed while Alphys wasn't looking. Sans raised a brow. [More], they conceded.
Sans didn't underst-
"WELCOME, BEAUTIES...!"
There was a drum roll before the spotlight from before flashed on, shining on the robot that had, as expected, busted through the wall.
"… TO TODAY'S QUIZ SHOW!"
As a skeleton who prided himself on conjuring objects (namely whoopee cushions) out of nowhere, he had to admit he was fairly impressed by the light displays that were descending from the ceiling and the confetti raining down. He would have been more impressed if he hadn't known Alphys had helped plan everything.
He had to wonder how many more events 'The Human' would encounter as they went along…
"OH BOY! I CAN ALREADY TELL IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT SHOW!"
Sans knew it as well. He could tell by how 'The Human' was trying to maintain an extremely blank, unimpressed expression as confetti rained down directly onto their head. He could tell by how they were failing. There was a small fire starting to brim just behind those red eyes….
A part of Sans still felt the need to hold back, that this was what they wanted, that he was indulging them, but the majority of him... let that part go... At least for just a moment, just a bit... Along with all his other uneasiness and worries and confusion... Because he could already tell...
This was going to be better than the Tem Village…
And after all that had happened since then...
He felt like he really needed that.
... Just this once...
"EVERYONE GIVE A BIG HAND FOR OUR WONDERFUL CONTESTANT!"
Sans lifted his hands and clapped along. 'The Human' turned towards him, their eyes crying hatred.
[idea] Sans signed before pointing towards them.
This had been their idea...
That just made their genuine annoyance that much more hilarious.
"NEVER PLAYED BEFORE, GORGEOUS?" Mettaton was asking as 'The Human' turned back towards him. They smiled a bit (really should say snarled) and shook their head to say they hadn't.
Lies.
"NO PROBLEM! IT'S SIMPLE! THERE'S ONLY ONE RULE."
"ANSWER CORRECTLY…"
"OR YOU DIE!"
The Red Soul erupted from their chest with a burst of light. Sans took a few steps back into the darkness and watched expectantly as Mettaton 'attacked'. Alphys stood nervously fidgeting in her lab coat. She caught Sans' gaze briefly and Sans lifted his fingers to his 'lips' and mockingly dragged them across.
Sealed.
Sans could see the relief wash over her but it was only for a moment before she turned nervously back to 'The Human' and the 'Killer Robot'- And Sans understood what 'The Human' had meant by Alphys being even more nervous than usual... He directed his attention back to the 'Fight'.. From where he stood he could see 'The Human's' actions.
[Check]
It's more a formality at this point than actually useful-
*METTATON 10 ATK 999 DEF
"LET'S START WITH AN EASY ONE!" The robot exclaimed.
What's the prize for answering correctly?
Alphys was mimicking the correct answer's letter frantically.. And Sans had to wonder... if Alphys would remember Hands as well... But... Perhaps that was just hopeful thinking. Sans didn't think Papyrus did... then again... 'The Human' hadn't used it around his brother..
"DON'T 'COUNT' ON YOUR VICTORY…" Mettaton exclaimed a few questions later, he was pulling out a jar-
How many flies are in this jar?
A pun!
Would you smooch a ghost?
It seemed even Alphys didn't have a response to this.
Heck Yeah!
"GREAT ANSWER! I LOVE IT!"
Sans was enjoying every frustrated second of this.
In the dating simulation video game "Mew Mew Kissy Cutie" what is Mew Mew's favorite food?
"OH! OH! I KNOW THAT ONE!" Alphys shouted, raising her hand as she practically jumped in excitement. "IT'S SNAIL ICE CREAM! IN THE FOURTH CHAPTER EVERYONE GOES TO THE BEACH! AND SHE BUYS ICE CREAM FOR ALL OF HER FRIENDS! BUT IT'S SNAIL FLAVOR AND SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS IT! IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE GAME BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY A VERY POWERFUL message about friendship and..."
All three people in the room were staring at her.
"ALPHYS. ALPHYS. ALPHYS." The robot scolded. "YOU AREN'T HELPING OUR CONTESTANT, ARE YOU?" Alphys was shaking her head quickly. "OOOOOOHH! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME." Alphys was cringing nervously. "I'LL ASK A QUESTION… YOU'LL BE SURE TO KNOW THAT ANSWER TOO!"
Alphys was already covering her face as the question appeared.
Who does Dr. Alphys have a crush on?
Even Sans knew the answer to this one…
Alphys was waving her arms frantically, silently pleading with 'The Human' to just… not answer. 'The Human' was smiling.
The blatantly correct choice…
Undyne.
Alphys let out a loud shriek and covered her entire face as she went red.
"SEE, ALPHYS? I TOLD YOU IT WAS OBVIOUS. EVEN THE HUMAN FIGURED IT OUT." The robot turned back to the human. "YES. SHE SCRAWLS HER NAME IN THE MARGINS OF HER NOTES. SHE NAMES PROGRAMMING VARIABLES AFTER HER. SHE EVEN WRITES STORIES OF THEM TOGETHER… SHARING A DOMESTIC LIFE. PROBABLITY OF A CRUSH 101 PERCENT. MARGIN OF ERROR ONE PERCENT."
That was totally not how math worked… Sans would know. But if he was the one looking it over, he would have had to 150% agree.
The robot was sliding over to the good doctor.
"WELL. WELL. WELL. WITH DOCTOR ALPHYS HELPING YOU… THE SHOW HAS NO DRAMATIC TENSION!"
No. But it had still been hilarious.
"WE CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS! BUT. BUT! THIS WAS JUST THE PILOT EPISODE!"
"NEXT UP, MORE DRAMA!"
"MORE ROMANCE!"
"MORE BLOODSHED!"
Were they all not the same thing to him?
"UNTIL NEXT TIME, DARLINGS…!"
The lights came back on after Mettaton had disappeared and Alphys turned back to 'The Human' and Sans expectantly, sweating profusely.
"W-Well that was certainly something."
"something alright." Sans agreed.
"He w-wasn't s-supposed to ask that l-last question…" She admitted. Sans shrugged.
"i'm sure she wasn't watching." Sans assured her. Alphys was blushing again. He turned to 'The Human'. "welp, ready to keep moving?"
"W-wait!" Alphys exclaimed. "L-let me give you my ph-phone number!" She was lifting a hand out to 'The Human' expectantly. "Th-then… m-maybe… If you need help! I… I could-" Alphys shrieked at the sight of the phone 'The Human' was trying to hand her. "Wh… Where'd you get that phone?! It's ANCIENT!"
"My mom." They said without missing a bleat.
"I-It doesn't even have texting.." Alphys looked at it, thinking. "W-Wait here a moment." Sans turned towards 'The Human' as Alphys walked away.
"Your mom?" He asked in disbelief. They shrugged.
"What?" Their expression asked of him.
Alphys came rushing back.
"Here, I upgraded it for you!" She seemed genuinely proud of herself. "It can do texting, items, it's got a key chain… I even signed you up for the underground's No. 1 social network!" She was blushing once again. "Now we're officially friends!"
There was that nervous laugh again.
And an awkward pause...
"I-I'm going to the bathroom!" Alphys shouted sudden;y as she rushed through the door.
If… Sans remembered correctly, and he wasn't sure that he did, that was not the bathroom… He just wasn't sure what it actually led to anymore.
'The Human' was turning towards him.
"I'm blocking you…" They said, entirely serious as they stepped towards the fridge.
"w-wait, what? i haven't even sent the first pun!" They opened the refrigerator and pulled out a package of instant noodles.
"Call it a preemptive strike." They reasoned.
"uh, what are you doing?"
"Well she said she wanted to help me." They answered in fake innocence. They stepped over to the bag of dog food-
The bag of instant noodles dropped to the floor as they took a sharp step back away from the bag, their eyes wide and their hands covering their mouth in horror. There was a moment where they stared at the bag, their chest noticeably moving up and down more quickly than usual, and where Sans waited expectantly, tense and uncertain.
"um, forget something?" He asked. The wide, red eyes flickered towards him and then quickly past him towards the door Alphys had exited through. He could see the thoughts racing away in their mind at a million miles per second. Slowly, the red eyes started to narrow and the sound of laughter began to break through their hands. The hands lowered and their smile was a cringe as they continued to laugh.
Sans wanted to take a step away from them, something unsettling crawling over him as the sound grated into him.
"um, kid..?"
"I'm such an idiot!" They said finally through their laughter. Their voice implied amusement, but their face said otherwise. Their eyes closed as they tilted their head back and continued to laugh. "Dogs! Dogs!" One arm was wrapping around their waist and another was hovering near their mouth again, as if they'd heard the funniest joke! Nothing about this was funny…
He almost wanted to kill them, again, just to make it stop.
They were shaking their head as they took in large breaths. They breathed out finally and began to turn around. They stopped as they finally stared at the screen. A small fire was beginning to burn in the red eyes again as they breathed with growing anger as they watched "their" image.
"I really am an idiot..." Sans had to admit they were scaring him a bit. He had no idea what was going on this time. They lowered their head and stormed back towards the front door.
"uh, kid, hotland is thatta way." He called.
"There's something I have to do…" They mumbled.
Um. Okay… He just didn't get them. He didn't. They seemed to always go from one extreme to the other. He could never predict when.
He stared at the "bathroom" door curiously for another moment. When he finally went after 'The Human', they were turning down the path towards the River Person. He quickly teleported ahead. They didn't look at him as he stepped in beside them as they approached the riverbed.
"Tra la la. I am the riverman. Or am I the riverwoman…? It doesn't really matter. I love to ride in my boat. Would you care to join me?" They nodded. "Where will we go today?"
"Waterfall, please." They said as they stepped on. Sans followed. They frowned at him but didn't say anything as they turned their attention back to the River Person.
"Then we're off…" The boat coursed through the water. "Tra la la. The angel is coming… Tra la la." The human looked out across the water with a dark expression.
No. They weren't.
"Come again, anytime… Tra la la."
'The Human' was walking quickly, ignoring him the whole way, like usual. They were soon back at the SAVE point they had used after leaving Napstablook's… They paused and stared at their outstretched hand, seeming to hesitate. Finally their expression hardened and they pressed their hand out with true resolve. Sans had to nearly frown though, once again there was no soft mantra under their breath.
They lifted their head high and let out a loud puff of air as they turned in the direction of Undyne's hou- Wait, what were they doing?! They'd just escaped Undyne, Sans didn't think she was ready for any buddy-buddy action- Not with them..
Even with Papyrus' help… Who was standing in Undyne's front yard waiting excitedly? Sans stopped following 'The Human' and teleported back into the shadows.
What the heck was going on here?
"OHO! THE HUMAN ARRIVES! ARE YOU READY TO HANG OUT WITH UNDYNE?"
Wait, when had this even been planned?! He'd known Papyrus had been adamant about 'The Human' hanging out with Undyne but for him to just be waiting here for them? 'The Human' hadn't called to set this up that Sans had seen, what-
"I HAVE A PLAN TO MAKE YOU TWO GREAT FRIENDS!"
'The Human' simply nodded, but they also seemed.. distracted.. half there.. And angry. Definitely angry. Papyrus hesitated, noticing it as well, but took a large breath and began to turn around.
"OKAY! STAND BEHIND ME!" But 'The Human' suddenly reached out and grasped his gloved hand. Papyrus turned back to them expectantly. "YES, HUMAN?"
There was a flash of pain in the red eyes.
"I..." They released Papyrus' hand and took a step back. "I just don't have a gift for her..." They said, looking down. It's not what they set out to say, but Papyrus was lighting up like a bulb.
"OH! I HAVE JUST THE THING!" He said, bringing out a gold bone wrapped in a big red how. "JUST MAKE SURE TO GIVE HER THIS! SHE LOVES THESE!" 'The Human' nodded slowly and Papyrus began to turn back around-
"Wait!" They called this time as they reached back out for him, changing their mind once again. Papyrus obeyed, looking down at them under his arm that was still lifted to knock on the door. "I..."
Again... they hesitated... but then they forced a lying smile.
"I just want to thank you for helping me." They told him, and there was a trace of honesty to their voice. "... I wouldn't have made it this far without you..."
Sans hadn't thought Papyrus could have gotten any brighter but he should have known to never underestimate Papyrus' enthusiasm.
"OH OF COURSE!" Papyrus exclaimed, his arm lowering. 'The Human' looked away, uncomfortable. Papyrus immediately noticed this and bent down onto one knee, placing a hand on their shoulder. "IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT."
The promise is soft and gentle...
The Human kept their face turned away for another moment but then finally... the red eyes met Papyrus' gaze. They lifted their arms and Papyrus jumped in surprise as The Human hugged him. Papyrus then smiled and quickly obliged them. His long arms wrapped around them and they buried their face briefly into the scarf around his neck... much like they had done when they had first manipulated him into sparing them...
What was their plan this time? Sans wasn't really getting it... This didn't have any purpose...
But maybe that was because-
Papyrus and 'The Human' were separating again and Sans had to sigh softly to himself.
"READY TO MAKE A NEW FRIEND?" Papyrus asked them. 'The Human' stared at the front door with the same building resolve, the same determination, that they had SAVEd with... They nodded finally, their fingers coiling together tightly into fists.
"I'm ready."
"OKAY!" Papyrus turned towards the door and knocked as 'The Human' stood behind him.
"Hi, Papyrus!" Undyne said as the door opened. "Ready for your extra-private, one-on-one training?"
"YOU BET I AM! AND I BROUGHT A FRIEND!"
That was definitely not the meaning of 'one-on-one'.
Papyrus stepped to the side and Sans watched expectantly.
"Hi, I don't think we've…" Undyne's teeth gritted together dangerously as she stared spears into 'The Human'.
She glanced at Papyrus.
Papyrus was smiling but Sans could tell that he was holding his breath.
Undyne stared back at 'The Human'.
"Why don't. You two. Come in?" Papyrus was elated. Undyne stepped back into the house, and Papyrus bounded inside.
Man, Sans wished he could get in on this. Both a frustrated human and Undyne-
No... Nevermind. He was glad that he couldn't. Especially not with how Undyne was feeling about him recently on top of it..
Sans watched 'The Human' as they entered into the house behind his brother... He lingered.. hesitant to leave, but at the same time... If he couldn't trust his brother with Undyne? Who could he trust? Undyne could take care of them if things got out of hand.
Sans forced his shoulders to relax... and as he did... his exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks... He desperately... desperately... needed a nap... Maybe something to eat...
But despite his best reassurances... he couldn't bring himself to actually leave.
Sans teleported to the far side of the house and settled down into the grass...
Just a few minutes... that's all... he... asked...
... what's the worst that could go wrong...?