"Well it's about TIME you came back!" Undyne fumed as Alphys rushed to pause their video- Some anime they'd put up on the big screen as they curled up with some blankets and instant ramen- "What did you do, buy the whole store?"
Sans walked slowly, doing his best to make his movements as laid-back as possible and his smile wide- doing his best not to shake, not to let how terrified he was show..
"nah. i was looking for some chocolate like ya said but couldn't find any." Sans half-lied. "besides, i think they should already still have some." Sans looked up towards the second story. "they still asleep?"
"Y-Yes." Alphys said. "I just ch-checked on them a little bit ago."
Sans eyed Alphys for a moment- He knows he's asked her questions about what she knew about determination and anomalies in the past but he couldn't remember what she'd said.. there was only this vague sensation that it had not gone well. Had really not gone well. Just thinking about asking again gave him a wave of frustration and hopelessness- It was best not to repeat it now. Not yet. He'd wait. First things were first-
"how about you and undyne go make something up for the kid to eat?" Sans suggested, handing Alphys the bag of items. "i'll go try and wake 'em up."
"NO WAY! I'M GOING UP WITH YOU!" Undyne shouted, stepping closer to him. "I still gotta give that punk a piece of my mind!"
"yeah, and you'll get that chance, i just wanna give the kid a moment before we get into all of that."
What Sans really wants is to grill them himself-
But of course he doesn't say that.
Undyne was thinking though, staring at him with that same expression she'd had before when she had learned about him traveling with them- Rearranging her thoughts about him- But this time something seemed to click in her head more easily and she smiled.
"Okay." She agreed, and Sans is startled by how soft her voice is, it's warm... but it only lasts a second before her expression was aggressive, determined, as she grabbed Alphys. "You big brother 'em and we'll whip up something to make sure that punk will be so healthy it'll make 'em SICK!"
"U-Undyne, I d-don't think that's h-how humans w-work."
Or anything for that matter.
"WELL IT WILL FOR THIS HUMAN! FUHUHU!"
Sans watched them go, frozen by guilt, but then he coughed to himself and eyed the upstairs suspiciously before making his way up the escalator.
He's not stalling, he wants to give them a moment. To not just pop up out of nowhere...
The kid was still on the bed, tucked in gently, their eyes closed, but it only took Sans a brief moment to know he's right. They're awake and probably had been for awhile, they were just using their closed eyes to hide...
"you can't avoid everyone forever, kid." Sans told them as he sat down on the end of the bed by their feet. Red eyes opened... but they did not look at him. They looked straight ahead across the empty space before them. They looked.. defeated. "how's your throat?"
They half shrugged against the bed.
"well that's not very assuring..." Sans stated. "i reckon you've got less than ten minutes before Undyne bounds up here. if that." They shifted on the bed, curling up as they pulled their knees closer to their chest and rested their hands under their chin.. "sooo.. you wanna tell me what that was about? thought the plan was to get everyone up to the surface without dying?"
"I can't, so why bother?" They whisper- their voice is so hoarse and they had to cough. Their mouth was now being covered by their hands as they buried themself deeper away.
"what do you mean?" Sans pressed when their coughing stopped.
"I can't even do what Frisk could, how can I expect to be able to do what even they couldn't?" Their voice was muffled and they were lifting their arms to cover their whole head now, refusing to come out. "I can't get through this once let alone twice."
"twice?" Sans asked in genuine confusion. They didn't say anything else to explain and Sans sighed a bit. "come on kid, i can't be expected to help if i don't know what's going on."
He felt them jerk slightly on the bed, stiffening as he spoke. Slowly, their arms lowered and he saw a single red eye peeking at him from their hiding place and through their bangs. They did not... believe him as they searched his expression, apparently reading him but not understanding what they were reading. There was a brief flash of anger as they decided he really meant it but they could not understand why. Yet, just as quickly, it was gone again and he saw them give up. The red eye turned away, and they once again buried themself.
It didn't matter, they had decided. It didn't even matter... The help they had tried so hard to get wasn't even worth anything to them in the end. That admittedly scared him...
Sans sighed again and pulled out a bottle of water and held it out towards them, hitting their arm a few times.
"at least drink somethin'." He ordered.
They took the bottle without looking at him and began to sit up, tucking their knees under themself. They took small sips that then turned into large gulps as their body finally realized they couldn't get enough of it. The bottle was soon depleted and they finally looked at Sans, their head turning sharply as the red eyes desperately hoped for more. They were taking deep, shaky breaths.
"heh. that's what i figured." Sans said as he pulled out another for them. They took it greedily.
Sans laughed softly, but then paused. He has so much he wants to ask but he knows he doesn't have time-! He decides to press-
"so about what you meant by twice-?" He tries to try again as they finish taking a few more gulps.
"HEY, PUNK!" It's faster than Sans expected, and his Soul hurt in his desperation- No! He needs to know! But at the same time there is relief- He doesn't want to be talking to them like this- Sans was getting off of the bed and taking a step back as Undyne bounded up the escalator. "You and I are gonna have a little talk!"
Alphys was just making it up the escalator with a bowl of something way too hot in her hands- what did they do to it? Undyne practically jumped to the bed, causing the human to bounce. Their head fell, letting their bangs hide their face as they were prone to do, but this time Undyne wasn't having it.
"HEY!" She started loudly, too loudly, the kid flinched- and Sans stared in surprise at the drastic change coming over the woman. "Hey..."
It's that same softness, the same warmth.. All of those boisterous declarations before, all that anger at having been confronted by a problem so confusing that she couldn't immediately face and face it with brute force- but now that she was with the kid, sitting right up against them again, her face was suddenly filled with nothing but real concern. Undyne sighed and lowered her head a bit.
"You really scared the scales off of me back there..."
The human just shrugged and pulled their knees up from under themself and to their chest, using their legs as a shield to help protect themself from Undyne... from her words... from her concern... From their failure at having her want them dead.. Though Sans wasn't sure why they'd wanted that at all... Not after all they hadn't wanted it before..
"I know I said a lot of things when we were fighting, and even when you were at my house, but I was wrong, okay?!" Undyne started again more aggressively. "I was angry and I was a real jerk talking to a kid like that.."
Let alone the fact she had been trying to kill them..
But The Human...
"No.." They said finally. "You were right about all of it."
... Sans could see that they weren't just saying it to get at Undyne. They really meant it. Just like they had beleived it when they'd fought her.. It was making Sans uncomfortable again but this time.. he let himself acknowledge it.. Grapple with it..
The human was burying their face again in their knees.
"Hey! What happened to all that determination and not being allowed to die and crap?" Undyne demanded, leaning in closer against them. They recoiled back, an arm swinging out to push Undyne away.
"Just shut up!" They snarled, but Undyne was snarling now too as she sat up straight, glaring at them. "You don't understand anything! And if you're not going to take my Soul then there isn't a point to you being here!"
"OH YEAH?! Well maybe I actually CARE about what's going on in that little, stupid brain of yours?! Maybe I actually do want to be your FRIEND?! So there is a REALLY GOOD REASON TO BE HERE!" The kid's hands raised to the sides of their head, their fingers digging into their hair.
"Just shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! You don't want to be my friend! You want to be friends with someone that I'm not! You don't even know me, you've never known me!"
"Well I know enough to know you aren't a bad person!" Undyne threw back. "And you're INSANE to think it when you're willing to do something like that for all of us!" She continued. "You like chocolate, you like tea, you genuinely care about Papyrus and he cares a whole lot about you! I know that even SANS thought you were worth following and saving and he's usually so lazy you can barely get him to give his daily report!"
That did the exact opposite of what Undyne was hoping-
"Shut-"
"You could dance circles around me like I was one of the easiest fights you'd ever had and that is so SUPER impressive! NOBODY beats me that easy! NOBODY BEATS ME! And then you could just glare at me like that when I was TOWERING over you! A few inches away!"
The human was shaking-
"You got GUTS! And PASSION. AND I SAID WE'RE GONNA BE BESTIES! SO! WE! ARE!"
The tension breaks, but instead of the outburst Sans was expecting he watched them cave in on themself, the tension leaving their body as that sound Sans instantly recognizes began to climb up from the kid- It's small at first, but it only grows- their laughter. That unsettling, broken laugh- The one that never failed to disturb him, but this time.. it was for a different reason than usual... Because for the first time he was recognizing it for what it was. Broken.
Made to mask their hurt... just like his smile..
"Y-You aren't bad!" Alphys' voice chirped out suddenly. The laughter cut short though they kept their face down, buried.. Alphys took a step closer. "Y-You aren't..." She hesitated, "Y-You a-aren't bad.. A-And e-even if you have d-done bad things.. th-that doesn't mean you can't change.. r-right?"
Alphys was not entirely sure as she spoke, it was as if she was coming up with this idea for the first time and wasn't sure she believed it...
Sans glanced back towards the kid, expecting that fact to be making the situation worse, and he could tell by how tense Alphys was that she thought so too, but for whatever reason... the kid was peeking up a bit from beneath their bands. Undyne noticed this and smiled wildly.
"Yeah! Listen to Alphys! She knows what's up about everything!" Alphys' blush deepened and she laughed nervously.
"I d-don't kn-know about that a-actually.." She said, sweating. "But- uh..." She shook her head and found enough of her voice to continue- "Undyne's r-right. I've b-been watching you since y-you left the, um, Ruins, a-and... I know I said watching somebody on a s-screen makes you root f-for them, but it- it was more than th-that! Because I could s-see you were.. were so up-upset about s-something! B-but you k-kept going anyway! A-And you m-made it this far, s-so I believe you can make it to the end!"
If this was one of Alphys' animes, this would have been the part where the uplifting speech started to break through. Where the kid would start to break and there would be a round of hugs and a stream of endless tears as they continued to be encouraged and where the kid started to believe it and felt better and promised to do better in the future... But as Alphys had gone on and Sans had kept watch of the kid, there were no tears in the red eyes, but there was something.
There was a tiny spark that had nothing to do with the speech at all. In fact the kid seemed to not even be hearing the speech fully. If they were, Sans was certain they would have just been angry and telling the two women to shut up again, but as it was, the kid was eyeing Alphys with a look of realization before their gaze flickered to Undyne and then back to Alphys, something working away in their head. Sans could see it, the exact moment something flickered in their eyes and the smallest amount of determination. The smallest form of a plan...
Though a plan about what Sans had no idea.
Red eyes darted over to Sans in the corner, lingering on them with intensity that made him start to sweat uncomfortably. The red eyes were absorbing him, as if they were taking inventory of their assets and he was now one of them-
"I j-just... You're not a b-bad person.." Alphys concluded again, trailing off..
There was a silent pause and Alphys stood there, sweating even more nervously than Sans. She fiddled with the spoon a bit, twirling it through the instant ramen and now obliterated veggies Sans had bought- When it was clear she really was finished, Undyne turned her full attention back to the kid, seeming encouraged by their less fitful expression and Sans did not think they understood it like he did..
Undyne was wrapping her arm around them, and this time... they did not protest.. though they do not lean into it, either.
"See? What did I tell ya? She knows a lot about everything." Undyne said, winking at Alphys who was now turning red, but Undyne wasn't look at her anymore, and with that pressure removed Sans thought Alphys might actually succeed in not passing out.
But for safe measures, he began to take the bowl from her.
"Look-" Undyne continued, "I don't know what happened to make you believe all these bad things about yourself, I can't even guess what could make a kid of all people think like that-"
Sans could.
And Undyne also paused, as if some ideas were in fact coming to her and they were making her angry. Sick.
"I'm sorry." Undyne told them. "I was wrong and whoever put that in your head to begin with is wrong too."
"Nobody put it in my head." They countered softly. "It's always been there."
"Then your head is wrong!"
"Maybe you should take it off, then." They mumbled, looking away again. "It would solve all of our problems at once..." Their comment made Undyne frown even more, but Sans has heard enough.
"kid.." Sans interrupted, surprising all of them. The red eyes snapped his way and he gave them a stern expression. He can't talk to them like he needs to with Alphys and Undyne there, but he can at least make one thing clear they need to hear. "you dying isn't going to solve anybody's problems." And if they really did know him- "i promise you that."
The red eyes were filled with alarm..
So they really did know him. They understood how seriously he took his promises, and for him to give them one, out of everyone..
They clearly don't know what to say. They clearly want to protest, but just like Sans, there's so much they can't say with Undyne and Alphys there. Sans can't handle the tension in his own rib cage.
"well maybe it would solve the fact i'm doin' a skeleton of work right now. seriously, you've got me working down to the bone!"
Sans winked and the noise Undyne let out, he could only describe it as exasperated. Even so... There's a brief wave of frustration, but then she was steamrolling ahead, taking the platform Sans had given her to jump off of.
"And that's not even a problem. He deserves it." She turned her attention fully back to the task at hand. "Look.. Whatever is going on inside that head of yours, you're not alone anymore. All of us want to help you."
Whatever ground Sans had gained.. disappeared.. The Human was turning their head away again.
"None of it's for me.."
They sound close to tears and Undyne held them even closer, desperately.
"Of course it's for you.. Who else would it be for?"
The Human put their head down against their knees..
And Sans knows... That's the worst thing Undyne could say..
"why don't you eat something to help you feel better?" Sans interceded, holding out the bowl to Undyne. Undyne hesitated but then reluctantly, to Sans' surprise, she complied, taking it from him and holding out for them. There is another tense moment of silence before they lifted their head and gave in.
"i'll go get you another bottle." Sans said, turning. It's true they were gonna need another with the one they had almost gone already, but he also... needed a moment to himself.
He's still trying to figure out how to feel about all of this. He's still halfway glad the girls are there but also frustrated. He's torn between wanting answers and also having to face them.
He has Alphy's fridge open, and when he closes it he finds Undyne standing beside him.
"heh. appearing out of nowhere's kinda.. my thing." Sans accused.
"Except when someone is looking for you."
Heh.
"Sans.." She has a tone to her voice that did not fit Sans' image of Undyne at all, it makes him hesitate to even breathe. "You're going to be traveling with them still... right?"
".. yeah, of course."
Sans expects Undyne to go on, continue the conversation, but she only nods.
"Good." And that's all she says before she's heading back up the stairs.
And Sans... has no clue what to make of it as he follows after her.
But nothing else happens...
The Human has sealed themself off and they don't say a word to any of them. They offer nothing as Alphys and Undyne set up the make shift fort on the bottom level. Neither protest or playacting. Sans can't read what they're thinking. Maybe because they don't know what to think. There's definitely a layer of fear there, a certain hesitation.. They don't know whether to protest or playact. Sans has thrown them too off guard.
"I h-hope you like this!" Alphys managed. She was grappling with a mound of pillows as Undyne set down the bed in front of the tv. The Human held their own pillow close, just.. staring.. "It's m-my favorite!"
Sans knows Alphys is trying to lighten the mood more, that her nerves were through the roof.
"It has a lot of u-useful messages! It'll be s-sure to help you feel... well, it a-a-always h-helps me feel, s-sorry, I'm rambling, but I pr-promise you're s-sure to love episode 2 when things-! O-O-Oh, not to sp-spoil anything..!"
"She's just very passionate about this." Undyne said with a warm laugh. It only made Alphys even more flustered. But The Human.. stayed silent.
Mew Mew Kissy Mew. Sans is more than sure that, since they'd already been here before, The Human had seen every one of these episodes before. Probably several times. And probably whatever new stuff that was out that wasn't available to the Underground...
The thought should enrage Sans, that they are just setting themself down on the bed, pretending it's all new.. at least... by omission.. but he's too tired.. Sans curled himself up in some of the blankets, and laid back against the front of the bed on the opposite side as The Human as he ate his own bowl of instant ramen..
What happens next is a bit of a burl. The episodes start, Alphys and Undyne keep trying to engage with The Human who at the very least, from what Sans can tell, is at least beginning to feign interest again.. or at least that they're listening, but Sans... Sans can't keep his eye sockets open.
Before he knows it, he's opening them again and the TV screen is blank... He's groggy as hell and lucky he doesn't have muscles to protest as he lifts his head off of the bed behind him.. He has no clue what time it is. What day it is. All he knows for certain that nothing has Reset.
"hnngh.." He groaned softly as he put a hand to his face and then dragged it down. He glanced back to the bed..
Undyne is sprawled acrossed it, the kid on the other hand, to Sans' surprise, is curled up against her, laying on one of her arms. But even in their sleep, they look exhausted.
... They've looked exhausted ever since leaving the Ruins. Those dark circles under their eyes never went away..
His attention is drawn away from them, though, at the sound of typing keys. Alphys is at the computer, and Sans' still groggy mind catches onto the fact that her glasses reflect white, like she's one of her anime characters, it makes him laugh softly. Alphys is too absorbed, though, to notice.
"hey.." She jumps at his approach, and before she can minimize what she's working on, Sans sees the graphic of a human Soul..
"H-Hey." She stammers, fidgeting with her glasses now.
"whatcha doin up, still?"
"N-Nothing! J-Just couldn't s-sleep." There was a tense pause, but then Alphys gave in... "I w-was trying to f-find something th-that could help us."
There's more to it than that...
The two of them stand there... everything suddenly awkward, and it's not just Alphys.
"have you... been doin' okay?"
It's been.. awhile since they've seen each other. Before all of this.
"I've b-been.. better.. a-a-actually."
Well that's a start.
"so have i." Sans admitted as well.
But then the awkward silence returns. What else is there to say after that? What can he tell her? That over the last few months he had been going insane because the days felt like they were on repeat and everything was pointless? Especially if you put into account that 'the last few months' actually happened years ago and he was missing a huge chunk of his life... that had been on the surface. Yeah, he didn't have much to honestly say to her. Lies, sure, but honestly..? Nothing. And he's not in the mood to lie to her right now.
"how many episodes in did you guys get?"
"Oh. N-Not that many. Th-They f-fell a-asleep a-almost right a-after you did."
"oh... well, it was a rough day." Sans offered.
"Y-Yeah."
"... can i ask you what you're doing with mettaton?" Sans asked, finally. "should i bring popcorn?"
"O-Oh.. Um.." She's immediately flustered and Sans lifted his hands defensively.
"hey, don't worry about it." But she was worrying about it. She glanced back towards the bed, her expression entirely guilty. "you should try to get some sleep, too, al."
"I.. I w-will." Sans isn't sure she is being honest with him, but he doesn't stick around.
Sans slipped outside and pulled out his phone. He'd texted Paps telling him where he and the kid were, 'having a sleep over with alphys', but Sans hadn't stayed awake long enough to see the answer. The very excited answer. The absolute glee! That the human had been able to do so much in one day.. and the last message..
"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU."
Sans stared at it.. feeling so hollow. It's praise he doesn't deserve. It's praise Papyrus has to know Sans doesn't deserve!
Because... The Human was right...
Papyrus wasn't an idiot...
He sees right through Sans.
And yet he believes, anyways.
... It's been... a long day.
An insanely long day.
He'd almost killed them this morning for even suggesting all that..
And then, he had.
He's just so.. tired.
It's been hours and he still has no answers.
Does he... want them..?
The lab door opened and Sans lifted his head in surprise.. He expects Alphys, but.. as the saying goes: speak of the devil. They were standing there, blinking in the intense light of Hotlands, still hugging a pillow of all things. They don't notice him and Sans stays silent, watching...
Does he want them?
No...
But he needs them.
"whatcha doin'?" Sans called, despite what he wants. The Human jumps at his voice and they turn towards him only to flinch... and turn away again. "thought you were sleeping."
"Your face gives me nightmares."
So that's how it is, huh?
"you must feel better."
They hugged the pillow tighter.
Or... maybe that hadn't been as much of a jab as Sans had thought.. but at least they're talking again.
"when's the last time you actually slept? like really, truly, slept?"
"What do you care?"
"your misery brings me comfort."
"... You don't come back from the grave without nightmares." They told him.
His own nightmares were proof enough, right?
"i guess so." Sans pushed himself off of the wall and stood beside them. "let's walk."
They look him over, clearly gauging if they have a choice or not. The answer was not.
They pulled the pillow up to their mouth, hugging it close as if it could help them hide, but even so, they followed when Sans began to head towards Waterfall.
There is silence, but that's okay for now. Sans isn't sure how he wants to handle this. Handle them. They are at the bridge when The Human stops. Sans expects them to lift their hand. To SAVE. But... they don't.. They just stand there hugging the pillow, their eyes distant.
".. Are you really going to help me?"
"what? don't believe me?"
"...I know you weren't lying." They said. "But that doesn't mean you didn't change your mind..."
"fair enough." Sans reasoned. "look.. i still hate you. i don't trust you. at all. but after all of this.. i can't keep telling myself you don't mean it when you say you want to get us all back to the surface, and i won't deny that to everybody else just because i was stubborn."
The red eyes are clearly thinking even as they stared at the ground.
"now what i said earlier still stands, too." Sans continued. "the moment you hurt anyone, i'll hold you accountable. i'll take your soul to asgore myself!"
They were frowning, obviously upset, but they darted their eyes even farther away from him.
"what? don't think that's fair?"
"... You should have done that the first time.." They mumbled.
"the first...? what do you mean?"
".. It doesn't matter anymore.. I think I know what actually happened, anyways.."
Sans watched them, still not understanding, but he eventually accepts that they're not going to explain. They're right, it doesn't matter. Besides-
"i've got a question for ya." Sans began, and they shrugged, indicating they were at least listening. "have you ever heard of a talking flower?"
They freeze.
Sans had already known that they knew about the flower. Of course they knew. What Sans had really wanted to know was their reaction. There is a look in their eyes that tells Sans all he needs.
"if you die.. that power doesn't really go away.. does it?"
The red eyes closed and their grip on the pillow tightened.
"I'd take it with me. It would be the last thing I'd do."
They say it with enough resolve that Sans believes they truly meant it.
"but you can't be sure of that."
"I am." They whispered, their grip even impossibly tighter.
It's the words of someone who is so used to getting their way, Sans thinks, but the way they're smothering that poor pillow.. They're scared. Scared, but still.. determined. At least about that.
Maybe they would be able to do it.
But even if they're sure, Sans can't be.
And with that in mind...
"why in the hell didn't you say something before? when you were trying to get me to help you?"
Their grip stays tight, but the red eyes open, even if they still won't look at him.
"You would have just thought I was holding it over you. I didn't think making you angrier was helpful."
"well ya could have fooled me!" They buried their face in the pillow, that broken laugh escaping even if it's muffled. Sans sighed. "let's just.. cool our heads." He offers, meaning it in more ways than one as he stepped out onto the bridge.
"I can't do this.." Sans stops, forcing himself to look back. It's not the most assuring thing to hear after such bold declarations.. They were laughing again, everything about them strained, on the verge of cracking entirely. "I can't do this without Frisk."
"well we're going to have to."
They finally lifted their head, looking straight towards the stony sky.
"You don't understand."
"well explain, then."
Their expression tells him that they think he can't understand. Or perhaps it is just too difficult to explain...
"fine, what did you mean earlier when you said you had to do this twice?"
"I.. Frisk could never get everyone up to the surface in one try." They began, and it's a start. "They have to face Asgore, and then..." But it was only a start. They were shaking their head. "I can't do this. Even if my plan to avoid having to do it twice works! I-!" Their voice is growing quicker, more frantic. "I can't face him- I couldn't do it with Frisk! On the surface! After so many years! There's no way I can face him now! With so much at stake! I can't do this! I'm such an idiot! I-"
"h-hey! woah there." Sans said, reaching a hand out towards them but not actually touching them. "what's all this about facing the king?" They just shake their head again, a small laugh in their throat. No... "this isn't about the king."
Their head fell and they took a step back. Sans grew tense as they reached out a hand beside them. They don't say a word as they SAVE. No more mantras. Just a have hugged pillow to hide behind.
Their hand lingers..
"They're not as bright anymore. Or warm."
".. what aren't?"
"The SAVE stars." Whatever it was that let them SAVE. "When I.. When I put everything back after the last timeline.. it wasn't like normal."
There was an extremely guilty expression on their face, something in Sans felt queasy. They'd killed everyone- No. There was something worse. Sans could remember how sinisterly off everything had felt. How distorted everything had been after the last RESET.
"you'd ended everything." He's utterly sick to his not-stomach. Had they really had that much power? He'd seen the charts and figures but he had assumed it had been more than just the anomaly. But this feeling.. "that really was your fault..." And it makes sense, suddenly. "you killed everyone so you could end everything."
That much LOVE.
"It wasn't about that anymore!" They cried. "Years ago, it was, when I hated everything and everyone and all I could feel was anger! But last time..." Their voice shakes and they were hugging the pillow with both arms again. "It hurts so much.."
"then why'd you do it?"
"I already told you..." Had they? Perhaps, when Sans hadn't been willing to listen.. "I had to get them back."
Frisk...
"It was the only option I had left." They continued. "But it hurts.. so much.. and every time I close my eyes.."
Sans had to clench his fists, grit his teeth. He's resolved himself to listen, but it's hard. It's hard to listen to the person whose murdered you and everyone you'd love tell you how much it hurt.. but he's resolved himself..
"What scares me most is how easy it got. The more I obtained LOVE, the easier it got to forget how much I loved everyone.."
Because the more you hurt, the easier it is to hurt..
"And I just told myself.. if everyone could remember.. if they knew what I was trying to do.. What they had lost, too.. Because that's why I was doing it! It was Frisk's family! They would never let my end it all if they could! They just had to-!" They don't bury their face again like Sans anticipates, but they do press a hand against their eyes as they cry. "They could hate me forever. Erase me, I didn't care! They just had to come. back."
"but they didn't..."
"But they didn't!" The kid cried in agreement.. "They can't..!"
There was a few moments and Sans just stood there... There are so many conflicting emotions at once. The pain. The loss. The horror and disgust. But also... understanding. He knows this type of desperation.. They lowered their hand from their eyes and took several large, shaky breaths.
"I didn't want to come back, either."
"but you did."
And paid the consequence for it. Putting the world back together without the determination they actually needed to do it.
"The air tasted funny and the Star was weaker, but I thought it would be okay. I just had to save something!"
But then...
"But then Papyrus killed me." They cried. "Papyrus killed me."
"and you almost hadn't loaded back." They nodded slowly.
"I'd thought, it had to be a sign from the universe! Papyrus had killed me! I was meant to just stay dead. But I heard him crying.. I couldn't leave like that. Papyrus would be devastated. So I forced it through again, and now I can't LOAD without dying anymore. I think I broke something."
".. you can't load at will at all?" They shook their head.
"I would have tried Undyne again." They admitted, and it made sense. It is also... a bit reassuring to Sans, just a bit, to know that the universe didn't just play games with him... but also.. oddly enough.. that the anomaly of all people had broken that same universe out of spite.. just for the sake of his brother.
Sans wouldn't have believed this yesterday... He's having a hard time grappling with it, now..
"When I face Asgore..." They began again.. "Even if I can Spare him, he dies. He either kills himself... Or Flowey does..."
And Sans-
"wait... this thing is actually named flowey? like.. flowey and flowery aren't just names it tells papyrus, it's name is actually flowey?" Sans asked, incredulous. "what? did asgore name it?"
But they don't answer him, only adjust their hold of the pillow.
"wait, seriously?"
"It doesn't matter." They murmured. "All that does is I have to face him, and then I have to LOAD if I want to break the Barrier."
"but you can't load without dying." And if they die... "you might not make it back.."
"But I have to. The souls are gone after we finish our fight, I have to LOAD!"
"that's why you booked it to undyne.. you figured that was your only chance." Sans realized. "but you said something about a plan, though? to work around that?"
"Yes, it's.." They stop, they were growing tense again. "I don't think we should talk about that here.." Out in the open.. They were curling in on themself. "We shouldn't have talked about any of this out here!"
"... probably not." Sans admitted. But where else could they have gone this late? Sans should have at least taken them somewhere via shortcut. Just to keep the flower off of their trail for a little bit.
"I'm such an idiot!"
"well, no argument from me." But they look as if they're in real pain. "hey, i didn't think it through either." He offers. They just shake their head. "... come on, let's head back."
They close their eyes though and lift their hand one last time to the 'Star'.
And that's that. They can't take it back.
The red eyes open again and they sighed.
They really do... look so tired.. and afraid.. and uncertain.. He is also tired, afraid, and uncertain.. but he's also not the one with the literal fate of everyone in the Underground resting on their shoulders while also being certain they can't do it...
The two of them walk in silence, Sans gritting his teeth the whole way. He stuffed his hands into his pockets.. Only to be reminded of the picture and locket he still had stashed away. He stopped in front of the lab, fiddling with the metal between his fingers. Things... can't keep going the way they've been... with them.
"What?" They ask nervously behind him.
He lets go of the locket.
"nothing." He tells them, but when he takes another step... he pauses again... "no.." Sans says finally, turning around. His expression is gravely serious. "if we're going to do this, we're going to do it right."
They flinch back but it's also like they put up no defense. In this moment, Sans realizes, he has power.
Sans lifted out his hand, demanding.
"10G, please..." The Human blinked, confusion washing over them as they stared at his hand. Sans smiled when they looked up, shaking their head.
"Why..?"
"well if we're gonna be playing thunderhuman, that's the cost isn't it?" There was another moment before their eyes widened in realization and pure disbelief. Then.. a real smile spread across their face as they laughed. Sans let out a breath of a relief that it wasn't their usual, broken laugh, but a real one. Even as one arm still hugs the pillow, the other is reaching into their own inventory- only for them to stop halfway.
"But wait? Shouldn't you be the one paying?" The lights in his eyes went out.
"kid, i lost 11G to that snail."
They laughed again as they placed the money into his offered hand.
"You're such an idiot." They told him.
"heh. no argument from me."
But the smile on their face... begins to disappear from their eyes as they pull their hand away.
Even so.. It's a start.