Notes: I'm just so blown away by the positive response on here! Thank you all so much! It's really helped inspire me to write quicker, so much so that I'm already on the fifth chapter. This chapter, in all honesty, is one of my favorite things that I've written. I don't know why, seeing as how it wounded me to write Deku like this. Poor Uraraka. A storm's coming and she's gotta deal with so much shit.
"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
Deku had died. She'd watched his body crash into the cold, dark waves right after he'd hit the air hard enough to send her back up and keep her from following him. She had spent nearly eleven long months mourning and missing him. She'd screamed and cried, begged and raged, hollowed herself out and built herself back up again. How was he here? Why was he here? She wanted to run to him, throw her arms around him, never let him go.
She also wanted to get the hell out of here. Why?
"Did you miss me?" Deku asked, so calm and light.
"I…" Uraraka tried desperately to find her voice, but it felt as if it had been taken from her. "O-of course I missed you. There's not a day that went by that I didn't think of you."
"Is that so?" Deku's voice was little more than a murmur, beckoning her closer, but she didn't move. This wasn't real. She was dreaming. And if she wasn't dreaming, then this was some sort of trick. A villain with some sort of quirk to transform into someone else, like Toga from the League of Villains, but she'd been killed years ago.
Uraraka knew that she should react by defending herself, but instead found herself replying, "Yes! You died and I-I couldn't just let go of you. I couldn't just move on-"
"Oh, but you did, didn't you?" Deku stood from his seat, as if unfurling himself.
The power that radiated from him was enough to almost cause her knees to buckle, but she held her ground. What was happening? This wasn't him. This wasn't Deku. It couldn't be. He was dead. He was dead. He was here in her living room. It wasn't him and yet she knew that it was. She knew it was him like she knew her own quirk. Because he had been a part of her.
"I...don't…" Uraraka couldn't breathe.
Deku took four steps forward and then picked up the blanket on the couch, holding it between two fingers with a look of faint disdain on his face. It was such a strange look for him to wear. She'd never seen it before and it didn't line up with everything she'd loved about him. "Really, Ochako? Kacchan? I've got to confess: I didn't see that one coming."
It was the use of Bakugou's nickname that did her in. Kacchan. It was like an electric shock went from her head all the way down to her toes. It was him.
Tears sprung into her eyes. "Deku." She started trembling, unable to stop herself, as she thought about the nights she had dreamed that she would wake up and he would in the living room or kitchen like nothing had ever happened. But now he was here and she was afraid. "D-Deku, I-I-"
In a flash, Deku was in front of her (had he used his quirk?), a concerned expression on his face. She knew that face. She knew him. But even with his features smoothed into something that she recognized, he looked off. Maybe it was his eyes, those bright green eyes, like he was looking at her from not quite seeing her. "It's okay, Ochako, it's okay," he told her gently, cupping her face in his hands. She could feel the scars on his hand that he'd broken repeatedly at U.A. to become a hero. He brushed the tears away with his thumbs, as he had done so many times before. "I know, I know. It's a lot to take in."
She couldn't stop the tears if she tried and her knees finally buckled so she fell against him. He took her weight like it was nothing, leaning into her even further and pressing his forehead against hers. It even smelled like him. Leaning against him felt so familiar, like a part of her had come back home, that she wanted to bury herself in him and never come back up for air.
And yet she kept thinking about the way he was holding her face. His fingers were soft as he touched her skin and swiped at her tears, but they trembled every so slightly, like he was holding himself back. From what? It occurred to her that he could kill her with just an ounce of his power. All he had to do was squeeze a tiny bit and she would be dead. More dead than him apparently.
"Y-you were gone and I f-felt so l-lost without you," Uraraka cried. She had handled her world turning upside down once before; she didn't know if she could do it again. "This w-wasn't h-home."
"I'm here now," Deku told her in a soft voice. "I wanted to come back to you earlier. I really did." He sounded so earnest that it hurt her. "But I couldn't. I had work to do, you see, and they wouldn't let me."
Even though tears were still slipping down her cheeks and she was a sniveling mess, she lifted her head slightly so that she could look him in the eyes. They looked so wrong. "They...wouldn't let you?"
Deku sighed. "It was such a mess when I was brought in and, of course, they didn't trust me at first. I wouldn't have trusted me! But I showed them in time and they let me come back." He either didn't notice the confused look on her face or he didn't care. He was starting to ramble, a habit that he had never outgrown. She had loved him - did love him? - for it. "I had to see you again. I had to. It was all I could think about sometimes. You, in our bed, by yourself at night. Sitting at the counter alone. Rewatching our favorite movies. The thought of you here alone killed me and I couldn't stand thinking that you had no one…"
It had wounded her too. All those things had stung to the point where she'd begun to feel numb. It didn't feel the same without him here. The bed was too large, their favorite movies no longer entertaining, having to play the radio or turn on the news just to hear a voice while she ate. This had been their first place together, chosen by the both of them, and the apartment that she'd once loved had turned into a prison at times.
She was so caught up in agreeing with him that she didn't notice the sudden shift in Deku. His thumbs stopped brushing her cheeks, the smile faded from his face, and he tilted his head as he examined her. "You can imagine my surprise when I was told that you'd been seen with Kacchan multiple times. I couldn't believe it. Out of all our friends, him? Even after showing me pictures, I thought they had to be fake. And then I saw him leaving here this morning. I brought you flowers. I thought about making you breakfast and he'd already done it. I'd forgotten what a good cook he was. How thoughtful of him."
"He was just being friendly-"
"Since when has Kacchan ever been friendly?" Deku laughed and it was so cold that she had to fight the urge to shiver. He slid a finger from her cheek down under her chin, his eyes falling from hers down to her lips. "No, I know him. I know when he wants something and how he goes about taking it." His hand shifted as his thumb moved to caress her chapped lips. "But you're mine. I won't have him stepping in my shoes, in my bed, my home. This is my life. He can try to beat me at everything, but he won't win this."
Uraraka was at a loss for words. For as long as she could remember, Deku had never been the jealous type. Even before they had started dating, when she'd tried her best to get over her silly crush on him and see other people, he had never been angry about it. He'd confessed to being upset, but not at her. All he'd wanted for her was happiness and if that meant being with someone else because he was too shy or too busy, then he could handle it. He had been such a good friend. The relief when they'd first gotten together had been overwhelming, like they had both been waiting for that page to turn on their lives.
This felt so wrong. There was an undercurrent of rage under his words that her mouth dried up. It reminded her of Bakugou, although he never tried to hide it. He let everyone know what he was feeling whereas Deku tried to hide it so as to not be a burden. This wasn't him hiding his anger though. He was letting it course through him, like his One for All quirk.
"It's not your fault," Deku told her, making her mind spin. "Kacchan can be charming when he wants to be and you were in a vulnerable position. I should've come back to you sooner, but they wouldn't let me, so I tried to get your attention." A bright smile popped onto his face. "I thought, what would make Ochako happy? Getting rid of villains! There were a handful that we needed out of our way so we could expand and, sure, it would've made more sense to recruit them, but they were nothing compared to me. It worked out so perfectly. I got rid of them and it made you happy too."
"That…" Uraraka thought back. It was true that villains in her section had dropped significantly over the past few months and there hadn't been so much as a purse snatching in her neighborhood in so long. Maybe it wasn't the fact that villains were avoiding the area so much as they were being taken out of commission. "Deku, what did you do?"
"I killed them," Deku said cheerfully. "For you! Well, and for the others, but they were just a means to get me back to you."
Horror crept into Uraraka's bones, but when she tried to pull away, Deku's grip tightened on her without him even moving or changing his expression. It wasn't enough to hurt her, but she was afraid that if he went any further, he would leave bruises on her. She didn't understand. He kept saying "they" without explaining who "they" were, but she had a feeling that she already knew. And he'd killed villains? For her? For them?
"Where have you been?" Uraraka asked, trying her hardest to sound strong despite the fact that the ground underneath her was shaking. "Who are you talking about?"
Deku looked her over like he was checking for wounds, smoothing her hair down. "The League of Villains, silly. Well, two point O. We kind of crushed them before, didn't we?" He laughed brightly, tilting his head. "It's much better this time around, much stronger. They really know what they're doing. I finally feel like I belong. My power is mine."
This time, when Uraraka jerked away from him, he let her and she staggered into the countertop behind her, the marble digging into her lower back. The expression on his face was far too blank for comfort. It was like he was painting all those other emotions on his face when he deemed necessary and this was his true face. Nothing. Not a hint of who he was before.
"Who are you?" Uraraka demanded.
"You know who I am."
"The Deku I know and love wouldn't do anything like this," Uraraka told him.
Deku shrugged his shoulders. "That Deku drowned. This is who I was truly meant to be."
No, no, he was wrong. Uraraka shook her head violently, too shocked to cry anymore. Deku was meant to be a hero. He was meant to be a symbol of peace. He was going to become the greatest hero in the world. This Deku she couldn't understand or accept. When he reached out for her again, she slapped his hands away, but then he grabbed her by the wrists, this time hard enough to bruise, and jerked her against him even as she shouted at him to let her go.
He was stronger than her, always had been, but he'd never once used that against her before unless they were competing at school. The feeling of wrongness crept over her like inky black water, making her feel as if she was the one drowning now.
"I don't expect you to understand right away," Deku told her, his tender tone contrasting sharply with the way he was gripping her in a vise. "I'm not unreasonable. It took me time too." He smiled at her again, that smile that she had loved, the smile that made her tremble now. It wasn't him. "Just know that I love you and I will never leave you again. I won't let you get hurt."
She couldn't find it in her heart that he was hurting her now. She was lost in those eyes, threatened to be swallowed completely by how hollow they looked now that she was so close to his face. All she knew was that she had to say something or everything would go terribly wrong. She could feel herself standing on a precipice where if she took one wrong step she would be the one falling and she was scared that he'd be the one to push her over.
"I-I love you too," Uraraka whispered and she did. She had loved him and she did love him and she would always love him.
But this wasn't him.
His grip on her tightened for a second and then loosened, but instead of letting her go, Deku cupped her face again and pressed his lips against hers in a searing kiss. Even though she knew it was wrong and that everything was shattered into pieces, for a brief moment, she let herself revel in it. She let her hands rest lightly against his chest, the steady beat of his heart telling her that he was alive, and despite the tears on her face and lips, he clung to her like she was a breath of fresh air and she missed him something terrible.
When the moment was over and Deku pulled away from her, Uraraka could only stare at him in horror. He looked so unimaginably happy, just as he had been the day they'd first moved in here.
Deku stroked her cheek, focusing on the pink spots, and then reached past her to grab something on the counter, the length of his firm body pressed up against hers as he ignored her personal space. "I know the first person you're going to tell is Kacchan - and while I'm disappointed, I understand you'll need someone aggressively strong - so let me help you get the point across." She heard the scratching marks of pen on paper and watched Deku's face out of the corner of her eyes as he left his mark. When he was done, he set the pen down and fully pulled away from her, leaving her swaying on the spot.
"Where…?" Uraraka had to speak. Her mind was screaming at her to pull herself together, but she could barely move, much less talk. "Where are you going?"
"Back to work," Deku answered. "There's a lot to be done."
She wanted to throw up. Back to work. Back to the new League of Villains. Deku, her Deku… She clenched her fists at her side, but nothing happened. Part of her wanted to smack him and activate her quirk on him, but she had a feeling that whatever was holding him together would fall apart at the seams if she did. Then, despite his promise, he would hurt her. She didn't know. She couldn't risk it when she felt like everything she'd known was wrong.
"See you soon, Ochako," Deku promised before simply walking out the front door, like it was just another morning and he was off to the hero agency he worked at. Except he wasn't going to where heroes went. He was going back to villains and darkness and shadow.
Uraraka stood in place for a terribly long time, trembling and holding her hands over her mouth so that she either wouldn't cry or scream. She wasn't sure which one would come out. Finally, she dragged her eyes to look back at the counter and saw what Deku had written on the note Bakugou had left her earlier. It seemed like a lifetime ago, another world away, like she'd woken up and fallen into an alternate universe. But seeing Bakugou's scratchy writing next to Deku's careful one confirmed that this was her reality now.
Tears welled up in Uraraka's eyes again when she saw Deku's note and a muffled whimper of "No" tumbled out of her lips from behind her hands.
Deku was alive. He was alive. Her dream had come true - and it turned out to be a nightmare.