Intermission 3: Conception

Sen didn't have to stop. He didn't need any supplies, or gasoline, or anything. He could have just kept on sailing right past. He felt compelled to go ashore anyway. He wanted to see it for himself. It would take him a few hours off course, but it would be worth it. Sen veered to the side, sailing towards the mainland, and made port in Tunuk Bay.

He recognized too much. Parts of the docks had been burned into memory forever; Hanjo's eventual return had done nothing to dull the pain he'd felt on that day. The damage to the city had been repaired on a physical level, and, it seemed, on a psychological level as well. It had been nearly three years since the Energybender had come to town. Life had long since gone back to normal.

The streets where Hanjo had once stood in battle against Sarin were now repaired, all signs of his struggle wiped out so that satomobiles could once again cross the street. The sidewalks were no longer bustling with people fleeing a hostile invasion; now they crawled with innocent civilians going about their business. They clung with their coats tucked tight against their bodies; the winter chill was setting in. Sen realized he had left his own coat stuck in Gun's jaws. Travel across the ocean had been a cold affair, and it would only get worse.

Sen stepped into a particular store. He had bought glasses her a long time ago, replacing a pair that had been lost. That had been one of the last times he'd seen Hanjo in the flesh. The store was much the same. He thought of picking up a spare pair of glasses, but decided he didn't need one. Sen acted innocuous, stepping amidst the racks of clothing casually.

He found himself facing the coats soon enough. He thought of Detective Zas' words. A long brown coat would suit him very well. Sen found one that fit him and looked himself over in the mirror. It was a good look after all. The cut of the coat made him cut a slightly more imposing figure; Sen was not very muscular, so the coat gave him an image of power he didn't normally possess.

Looking in the mirror, even before putting the coat on, brought a strange revelation to Sen. He had looked into this same mirror once, years ago. The reflection he saw now was not the same as the one he had seen then. In his last visit to Tunuk Bay he had been several inches shorter, much skinnier, and he had walked with a persistent slouch. Now he was taller, stronger, and prouder.

It was a strange thing, to not recognize your own self.

The clerk at the counter was hardly interested in Sen's appearance. She checked him out and sent him on his way without another thought. As a brief afterthought, Sen bought himself a bag of peanuts. He had nobody to share them with this time.

His next destination was not quite so traumatic in memory as Tunuk Bay, but it was still a deeply emotional place to return to. The memories of despair still clung to it tightly, despite everything else that had happened on the island.

The dim bank of fog clung to his skin and seeped into soul as he pressed onwards towards the island. The coastal city of Gai Zhu faded into the background as the fog consumed him. Sen thought briefly of the old city; whether he could find Nura, or the gym, or Hakajima's restaurant and its burning pork. He put thoughts of all that out of his mind. He had a very specific purpose here.

His speedboat hit stone, and Sen stepped onto the volcanic soil of Hayao's island. The smell of mist and volcanism filled his lungs with their acrid stench. Sen coughed and pressed onwards to the heart of the island.

The old stones had not changed much since his last visit. He knew that should he deign to climb to the summit, he would find the shattered craters where Miyani had first unleashed her fury upon the Harrier and his minions. His mind briefly drifted to Miyani. She was still out there, somewhere. It was all the more reason to focus his will and accomplish what he had come here for.

Sen stared only briefly at the entrance to the rocky cavern before stepping in. The place was abandoned now. Meditating monks and Miyani had once called this place home, but they were long gone. The cavern was empty and dark.

As he stepped through the quiet, darkened cave, Sen felt the same eerie calm that he had felt in the city of Coldharbor. He recalled the words of the youngest Witch, her lecture on the quiet corners of the world that allowed the wise to focus their minds. Apparently Hayao had claimed such a place for himself. It made sense now. Sen had been too distracted by his own inner turmoil to notice it on his first visits here, but now he could feel the serene chill of this place down to his core.

Sen stepped to the very center of the quit cavern, and cast aside the curtain at its entrance. Hayao sat, as ever, on a pillar of stone, surrounded by his circle of candles. It seemed that Zorotl was still making his visits, because the candles were as fresh and bright as ever, although even at their brightest they still barely illuminated the masked face that lurked under Hayao's hood.

"Avatar Sen," Hayao's booming baritone declared. There was a slight hint of happiness in his voice. "I did not expect to see you again."

"I didn't expect to come back," Sen said. He had no real fondness for Hayao. He was still bitter about the way the masked master had manipulated both him and Miyani. Even so, he respected Hayao's wisdom –and knew that he would require it. "But you're the only person I know who can teach what I need to learn."

He looked over his master once. Even the folds of his robes had remained unchanged since Sen had last laid eyes on Hayao. Though the man in the mask had not changed, Sen's perception of him had. Hayao seemed smaller, less eminent, and when Sen focused on the chi that flowed through Hayao's body, it did not blind him as it once had. Hayao was still a man exceptionally gifted in the art of chi, but Sen had grown to rival and surpass him.

"We will see," Hayao said. "I can tell by your voice that you have a great purpose in coming here, and so I will waste little time with pleasantries, but I must ask: have you any news of Miyani?"

"Not much," Sen sighed. "She's been fighting for a long time, but she was healthy, last I heard. She's alright."

"You miss her."

Sen looked away. This island had been the last place he'd seen Miyani. Just a few steps away they'd spoken their last goodbyes. It had been far too long since then.

"I do," Sen admitted. "But I'm going to fix that. We parted ways because she was ready to fight and I wasn't. I need to be ready to fight. I need to finish my journey."

Sen stepped forward, a few steps closer to the Fire Nation skull-mask that Hayao wore. The shadows remained, obscuring much of the white skull that he called a face.

"I need you to teach me how to be an Avatar."

There was a brief moment of silence. Sen waited patiently.

"Then you have come to the wrong place," Hayao's voice boomed. "I can no more teach you to become the Avatar than I can lead you to this very room. You are already here, just as you are already the Avatar."

"I know that," Sen protested. "I know I'm the Avatar, but I'm not…I'm missing something. I need the Avatar State, I need you to teach me like Aang was taught."

There were notes of desperation in Sen's voice that Hayao knew all too well. The master of the island briefly contemplated his course of action. This was no time for obtuse philosophy and elaborate plans. The road ahead was straight for the moment.

"Sit down, Sen," Hayao asked. "I cannot teach you like Aang, for you are not Aang. The lessons that he learned and the lessons you must learn are different. But I promise you I will do my best to teach you what you must learn."

Sen sat down, his legs crossed, in front of Hayao. It felt oddly circular to be back here again, learning lessons once more.

"I taught you once about the chakras, the path to enlightenment," Hayao said.

"It's why I came," Sen said. "You know more than anyone else I've met."

The lessons in chi-reading had changed the way Sen fought, and the way he perceived the world and the people in it as a whole. But the lesson had been unfinished. Hayao had not truly taught him of the final chakra, the Thought Chakra that connected him to cosmic energy, and would unlock the Avatar State.

"Now teach me," Hayao demanded. "Tell me how you have come to understand each Chakra in turn. Show me the journey that you have walked."

Sen paused, closed his eyes, and took deep breaths. He had walked a long road, and there was much to think about. Eventually he came to his conclusions about each chakra in turn.

"The Earth Chakra deals with survival, and is blocked by fear."

Sen opened his eyes and looked blankly forward. His eyes looked to Hayao, but his thoughts drifted into the past.

"For so many years I was lost and alone in Beaker Hall, letting myself be trapped by misery and loneliness. I was afraid of the consequences for trying to escape that cycle."

He remembered the day that had sparked everything, the bandit attack on Beaker Hall. Hanjo had stood to fight, even though it had ended poorly.

"Hanjo showed me that survival is not the same thing as safety. Survival isn't avoiding pain and suffering, surviving is being strong enough to suffer those things and still thrive. Fear keeps you away from harm, survival lets you grow stronger from it."

Sen, his friends, everything that had happened, would not exist without that one moment in the orphanage, that first brief instant where, thanks to Hanjo, Sen's courage had overcome his fear. He had suffered so much since then, lost people he cared about, and been hurt physical and mentally, but through all of that he was stronger. His journey continued.

"Water is the chakra of pleasure, and is blocked by guilt."

Sen knew the feeling well; his friendship with Hanjo had ended in disaster, all those fond memories turned into bitter regret by the events at Tunuk Bay. Still, he was not the best example of overcoming those feelings.

"Ada is a warrior, she loves to fight, but that same enthusiasm has made her hurt herself and people she cares about. When she trained under Sorikami she was so consumed by guilt she couldn't even stand up for herself. She overcame it, and she regained her passion, her love for what she does. Mistakes are inevitable, even doing what you love. If you let guilt taint what makes you happy, you'll never be passionate about anything."

Hayao listened, maintain his silent vigil, while Sen contemplated his next words. A slight smile found its way to the Avatar's face.

"Fire deals with willpower, and is blocked by shame," Sen said. "I don't think I need to tell you about me and Miyani."

Hayao did not respond, but Sen felt his acknowledgment all the same. The story of how Sen and Miyani had overcome their shame over their own identities was still fresh in Hayao's mind. It was among his proudest moments, to see the two of them standing so strong and proud together. Sen enjoyed that brief moment of fond memory and then continued on.

"Air is love, and it is blocked by grief," Sen said. He actually had to think about this one for a while. Love was not his forte. He did, however, know someone who perhaps had too much love to go around.

"Suda has every reason to feel sorry for himself. He came from a place with no love at all, but he's one of the most caring and selfless people I know. Missing out on family, friends, and happiness when he was younger –it's only taught him to appreciate those things more."

The white skull-mask remained silent. Sen waited quietly for himself for a moment. Hayao gave no signs of approval or disapproval in any sense. Perhaps he was just waiting for Sen to finish.

"That's it for the material elements," Sen mumbled to himself. The interpretation of the next two was much more esoteric, but he came to conclusions quickly.

"Whistler was-"

"Who is Whistler?"

Hayao's question was the first time Hayao had spoken during the entire lecture. At least he was listening. It only now occurred to Sen that Hayao and Whistler had never met.

"Whistler is my friend, and airbending master," Sen explained. "I kind of thought you would already know…"

"I do not know everything, Avatar Sen," Hayao said. "You will have to introduce us sometime."

"I'm not sure you should meet her, actually…"

Sen was fond of Whistler in his own way, but he well recognized the fact that she was not the friendliest individual, nor the most spiritual. She and Hayao would not mesh well.

"I have always been fond of the Air Nomads," Hayao said. "But I will take your word for it. Please continue."

"Right. Well, Whistler was –she was mistaken about where she belonged. She lied to herself for years, as a way to simplify her life and convince herself she was happy where she was. The truth inevitably found her, and she was forced to confront the reality. The conflict made her sick, until she accepted the truth and was honest with herself."

They were nearly done now. Sen almost dreaded the final chakra. Still, he had a steady road ahead of him, so he could at least get through the Light chakra.

"The Light chakra, the insight to pierce illusions. Ariak, my waterbending master, had a false impression of the word. He trusted people who didn't deserve his trust and followed a cause he didn't really believe in. He thought that other people could make him understand what was right and wrong. He had to stop trusting other people and start trusting himself."

And that was his journey so far. Sen felt refreshed, in a way, but still incomplete. The story was still unfinished. The power of the Avatar awaited.

"And then there is the Thought chakra. The path to pure cosmic energy, blocked by earthly attachments."

"Where you believe you have been stalled," Hayao said.

"Yes," Sen said. "It's why I came here alone. I left my friends behind, so I could separate myself from them."

"It does not sound as if you have separated," Hayao replied. "You spoke only of them, not yourself. You define your journey by the connections you have created, not your personal achievements."

"I know, and that's a mistake-"

"Sen, never call your friendships a mistake," Hayao commanded harshly. "They have made you strong, and shaped you into the man you are today. Nothing about your friends is a mistake."

"But I have to let them go," Sen said sadly.

"Letting go of your earthly attachments does not mean abandoning them. Think of what you have said, Sen. Each of these stories, each of the challenges, in every one of them there was conflict. One must face fear to survive, understand guilt to know pleasure, feel shame to understand will. The chakras are not a path that is walked in one direction."

Sen closed his eyes and thought, contemplating every word, as Hayao elaborated.

"To master one side is not to abandon the other. Without fear you would charge recklessly into your own doom. To master the Earth chakra one must face fear and move past it, through it, to survival. One side is as necessary as the other. Attachment without power is meaningless, but power without attachment is directionless."

Hayao paused for a moment to observe his protégé. He could feel a rising within Sen's heart. The Avatar was beginning to understand.

"You tell these stories of other people as if it is their journey alone, but you fail to realize that your story is theirs," Hayao said. "You have been with them every step of the way, and they owe you owe you as much as you owe them. You have inspired them as they have inspired you."

Sen nodded. He knew that he had his part to play in every story he had told. Each of his friends had overcome their own challenges through their own strength, but he had been there to support and inspire them.

"Of the final chakra, I would say this. Two defining truths, opposite but equal. The first: One is All."

Sen's focus, for a moment, was entirely on himself. He could feel himself alone in a void, with nothing else surrounding him. It was profoundly isolated. Only Hayao's voice echoed through the blackness.

"Within you is all the strength you shall ever need. You are dependent on no one, tied to nothing. Any bond you form only unlocks a potential that was within you all along. Any bond broken does not make you weaker for its loss. Your strength is yours and yours alone, and it is by your will that it is brought to the surface."

Sen took a deep breath. He emptied himself of thought and sensation, focusing only on the words, on the guidance that drove him forward.

"Equal and opposite," Hayao continued. "The second truth: All is One."

In the emptiness, Sen found connection. He could feel things in a way he couldn't describe. He could not hear or see the things around them, but he had a sense of them all the same. That feeling of connection expanded, reaching out across the stone, Hayao, and out into the ocean.

"Each and every one of us has the same soul," Hayao's voice said, filling the chamber of light with his resounding words. "We are all connected, in despair and in dreams, all bound by the same feelings of fear and courage, pleasure and guilt, shame and willpower, love and grief."

Hayao felt the tapestry of reality shift slightly as the Avatar found his place within it.

"But you are something greater than one mote of light in a sky full of stars," Hayao said. "You are the Avatar. The world's will and heart. Within you is the potential to drive destiny, to change every life and shape the world."

Sen could feel it now, the pulse of the world. Lights appearing, growing, fading, dying out. The pattern was alive, dancing, weaving together in intricate ways. Some of the lights were so closely woven they were indistinguishable, some of them so far apart they never touched. Some were dim and some were bright. Some were startlingly familiar, and others were completely alien.

"You have the power to shape lives, Avatar," Hayao intoned. "But the first life you must change is your own. You are connected to your friends, Avatar, but not by necessity. It is your choice to open your heart to their influence. Other people can make choices that affect you, but only you can make the choices that define you."

Sen reached out and took the pattern into his hands, holding it gently but firmly.

"Now, it is time for you to choose."

For a brief moment, Sen held the world in his hands, and saw everything.

Amidst the expanse of the world, he could not feel Sarin's presence. The Energybender had no thread in the tapestry of life that Sen now saw. What Sen could feel were his friends, Ada, Suda, Ariak, Whistler, travelling together, bonded strongly, in strange but familiar company. They had a goal, a purpose, something important, he could feel it. Hanjo was alone. He was afraid. Something had happened. Something terrible had come and gone. Something dark. A titanic darkness that cast its shadow over myriad lights. The darkness had passed over Hanjo, put fear into his heart, and moved on. It moved towards a cluster of life, and Sen could see Miyani in its path. She was a bright light, crowded but alone, lost in a city of strangers as the shadow approached.

Sen took one last look at this reality he held in his hands, and the last thing he saw was himself.

Hayao kept a steadfast watch over the Avatar's motionless form. Sen was journeying through infinity now. There was no telling how long it might take or what might happen. The volcanic cavern was still and silent as Hayao awaited the realization of Sen's destiny.

The shift was subtle at first, nearly unnoticeable to those not as perceptive as Hayao. The rising began, slowly increasing in its own indescribable way. Hayao could feel the entire world gather upon Sen.

And then stop. Sen opened his eyes, staring past his glasses with no unusual luminescence. There was no light in his gaze, though there was a clarity that had not been there before.

"Avatar Sen," Hayao stated questioningly.

"I know what you meant now," Sen said. "A long time ago you told me that I'm not the Avatar. The Avatar is me. I understand that now."

For so long Sen had been holding himself to a standard he could not reach. He thought he had to be someone like Aang or Korra to be the Avatar. That had been his greatest weakness; he saw the Avatar as a separate entity that he had to become, and so he had been unable to tap into his full potential. He knew now that he did not have to meet any standard or answer any obligations. It was his goals and desires that defined what it meant to be an Avatar, not anything else.

"I thought I could find myself in other people," Sen said, his voice touched by a slight hint of regret. "But I can't. Other people can try to guide me, or lead me astray, but I'm the only one who can set my course."

Sen stood up, his shoulders square and his back straight. He bowed to Hayao.

"It has been my great honor, Sen," Hayao replied. "I hope you are prepared for your journey."

"It doesn't matter how prepared I am for the journey if I never begin," Sen said firmly. "No more lessons, no more meditation. No more preparing to be the Avatar."

Sen turned around and marched towards the caves exit, every footstep a decisive action towards a greater goal. He knew exactly what he had to do now. No Avatar ever achieved greatness sitting in a cave. It was time to act.