The world spins.
Don't get him wrong. The world has been spinning ever since he lost the track of his shots, but this is a different state of drunkenness. As he feels a pair of strange lips on his own, the world around him melts: Drunk people dancing under the party lights, familiar bodies brushing against his own, inviting him to dance as if what happened to him was not a big deal.
The world spins and he falters.
The stranger's lips don't taste like alcohol at all. They're quick to travel on his own, leaving no trace in their hesitancy except for a faint taste of cherry that Norman barely notes to his half-high mind. When the time decides to flow, and his world spins again, he feels as if he is trapped in a modern Cinderella. Norman doesn't get to see the way the stranger's hands abandon his cheeks, but he notes that they are colder than the drink he had. Before he has time to reply back, he is pulled away by the crowd.
"What was that?"
Norman stops, abruptly looking at the way his friends dance: Exactly the same happy, carefree and crazy way they had just before the world began to spin in other direction. He attempts to speak, but the music absorbs his voice. It really feels as if no one truly cared about him being kissed by a random stranger for a good ten seconds. He knows that it is normal to make out in parties, but on that night, his friend circle terrifies him for the first time.
"Did I just..?"
"Norman, come on!" Barbara shouts in the loud music, finally reaching to the arms of the stunned young boy from the crowd.
Norman obeys.
He doesn't drink anything for the rest of the night.
The world spins.
Ray has taken only one shot- for courage! But the world spins. Ray is sober, alcohol-tolerant too, but his entire body is shaking as the world spins around him. He wants to throw up as he runs towards the door. He holds his breath.
He did it.
It doesn't feel good. It is nothing like what he fantasized about. As he runs to the nearest taxi, the reality crushes on him and he becomes painfully aware of the fact that he kissed him. Norman, the golden boy who can get straight A-s while running two active student clubs, making weekly podcasts and never miss a party. Norman, who is rich but not cocky. Norman, who is so nice to anyone, even to an invincible nerd like him.
Norman whom he has been admiring from shadows for his entire college life.
"T-To the center," Ray stutters uncomfortably, squeezing his one hand on another to stop them from shaking.
"Y'alright, bud? Tell me t'pull over if y'gonna throw up." Ray flinches at the words of the driver. He wasn't drunk, the only reason he ended up like this was... just an act of momentary courage.
For everything was going to end in a week.
"N-No. I'm alright." He mutters, clearing his throat and intentionally pulling some of his fringe on his face just like he subconsciously did whenever he wanted to hide from the world. (The world wouldn't see him either, and he would only partly see them so it was a fair deal.)
As the taxi moves, Ray senses what he did was not romantic- Who was he to even think about a romance with NORMAN? It was downright sexual assault, to him. The most beautiful, kind, and understanding person in the world- and now he was just kissed without his permission.
Ray was quite sure that Norman didn't see his face. He had been planning this for a whole semester now, waiting for this precise moment. He had calculated all the angles, waited until Norman got high enough to the point his friends wouldn't care and he could easily slide off—
Ray unlocks the door quietly.
He falls on his knees the second he closes it, and now he feels gross.
"I'm sorry," he whispers to the void. "I didn't mean that. I didn't mean to harass you, I-" he covers his mouth, then shouts in desperation, unaware of the way his nails bled his palms. "I'm sorry, Norman."
He drowns in self-hatred.
It has been a week since the act of courage.
Ray hasn't been any closer to Norman than he usually did, which is just to watch him afar from their mutual classes or watch his Instagram stories about his dog from his fake account. On the other hand, sometimes he was forced to associate him at local coffee shops with Emma, his best friend, who is as popular, amazing and strong as, (if not more), Norman.
It is a well-known fact that Norman has a crush on Emma. But Emma for some reason Ray can't figure out yet, she does not like Norman.
"Why did you reject him? He doesn't look like a bad guy." Ray asks nonchalantly, taking a sip from his chocolate frappucino. He can't keep eye contact with her, not after the things he did, but he can't help his curiosity. He knows that Emma won't take his question in the wrong way- they have been best friends for ages, long before college, after all.
"There's just… something about him," Emma shrugs, playing with the creme of her strawberry milkshake with the tip of her straw. She doesn't seem angry at the question, even though this is a millionth time she is asked this.
"He feels so… different. So fake. As if none of him is really him."
The world spins.
Because Norman is standing in front of him.
His back is pressed against the cold metal of Norman's car, his waist is bending behind out of the subconscious urge to run away.
"Sorry for calling you so sudden, Ray," Norman smiles, and it terrifies him. Ray thought he was good at acting, but not now, not after Norman caught him alone in the brief time gap between saying his goodbyes to Emma and leaving the coffee shop. Ray tries to keep it casual, but he knows that Norman knows- he isn't sure how, but there is no other explanation to the way these two men who would barely speak to each other now stood so close.
Ray's heart beats so loudly that he regrets not stopping it earlier.
But there is no escape- nothing, absolutely nothing could save him from this situation, or explain it, or make it up to it. What did Norman want? Explanations? To accuse him? Mock him? Shame him? Blackmail him? Hell, he could even accept going to jail for a direct sexual assault. It didn't matter, it shouldn't matter, for it was exactly a week after the kiss, exactly the date he planned to end it all- his birthday. No matter what Norman did to him right now, he could just imagine the time he'd kill himself when he is back home and-
"Ah, no problem. What did you want to talk abo—"
Ray freezes as the world collapses.
It's happening.
Norman's lips are on his. Norman's body is pressed against his. He blocks Ray's entire vision. Ray is dizzy and he feels like throwing up again. He can't dare to react. It feels like every defense mechanism he had left in his already exhausted soul is destroyed, and if it wasn't for the car supporting him, he would have collapsed on the ground.
As he wipes the corner of his lips with his thumb, Norman looks calm, even relieved. Then, he offers a smile Ray hasn't ever seen before- something that would haunt Ray even in the grave.
He shouldn't have done that.
He shouldn't have gone to that damn party.
"Wonderful, Ray! I am so surprised!" Norman chuckles. As he claps his hands, Ray can only watch in paralysis. Yet Norman continues with a voice happy as any other day.
"I underestimated you, you know… You are actually quite smart, Ray. I mean, it took me the entire week to eliminate everyone else." Norman giggles. Ray never wishes death more than at that precise moment when Norman's hands brush his cheek.
But... Wasn't it what he always dreamed of? Being like this… with Norman.
Dreams? Hah, Ray could only have nightmares.
"Do you wanna know how you got caught, Ray..?" Norman asks, his ocean blue eyes staring right into his disgusting soul as he brushes Ray's fringe away, tucking it behind his ear. He leans forward, and Ray forgets how to breathe. The next thing he knows is that Norman's lips are brushing against his neck- he shivers, attempting to push him away instinctively, yet much to his surprise, Norman reacts so aggressively at his weak push that he is kept at his place. This time, the lips travel on Ray's neck before the owner of them looks up at him with a grin.
"You're wearing the same cologne! You thought I wouldn't remember, right? Haha!" He laughs, and-
Ray gasps.
He is choked by a strong kick on his stomach.
Norman's smile has not faded.
"I think… you also wear cherry lip balm? Bad, bad Ray."
Another kick.
Ray can't understand what is going on.
"But don't worry, Ray. You can cover the mistake you made. You don't want Emma to find out, right?" Norman grins, his body pressed tightly against his.
"We're gonna have so much fun together."
The world spins.