Notes: Alright, everyone, we're back to Uraraka's POV! This is going to be very weird. Tense, sad, uncomfortable. But now we finally get to see the other side and it's...not what Uraraka was expecting. It's kinda of worse, tbh.

"You mean that it's not only what he does that makes him dangerous, but also what he feels justified in doing?"
― Terry Goodkind, Wizard's First Rule

Uraraka had never been through a warp gate before, so she wasn't prepared for what it felt like. For some reason, she had thought it would be cold. It wasn't like that at all. The only way she could describe it was that it felt like walking through a waterfall, but not wet. Only the sensation was there. The world was black for a second and she closed her eyes instinctively, Deku's arm wrapped around her the only thing tethering her to Earth, and then they snapped open once she realized that they were on the other side.

Her entire world felt changed, like it had been flipped upside down, and she couldn't recognize anything.

"Thanks for the gate!" Deku said in an absurdly cheerful voice. There was even a big smile on his face, one that looked genuine and bright. "You did it at just the right moment."

"I should be complimenting you," Kurogiri responded in such a pleasant tone. Honestly it was making her mind spin. In a way, it reminded her of how All Might would talk to Deku, but she knew that Kurogiri wasn't the leader here. Deku clearly wasn't either, although he seemed somewhat in charge considering how the other villains deferred to him at times. Maybe it was just because of his quirk. "You did an excellent job. I'm proud."

Kurogiri had filtered back into the form of a man, wearing a suit like a normal person. It caught her off guard. She'd never seen him wear clothes before, only the metal case that contained his physical form, and it was jarring to see him look like this. Even stranger was that the suit reminded her of what Deku had been wearing the first time he appeared in her apartment.

The smile dropped from Deku's face, replaced by a tiny thoughtful frown. "I don't think I killed anyone though. That was one of the objectives."

"You made an impression," Kurogiri told him, "and that was what is important. The world will never be the same after tonight. You will be a reckoning for the future." Deku actually blushed a little, but waved a dismissive hand like he couldn't handle hearing anymore. Kurogiri's yellow eyes swung to Uraraka and she could feel his cold amusement washing over her with that gaze. "Besides, you got what you wanted, didn't you?"

Deku rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and chuckled even as he tightened his grip on Uraraka. "I guess I did."

It was impossible to see Kurogiri smile and yet Uraraka could've sworn he was doing it now. "I'm glad you could finally join us, Uravity." He was having a field day with this. She bet anyone involved in the old crew was having a good laugh over what Deku had become. Even he seemed entertained at times. "Izuku is such an important part of our family. It was hard seeing him so despondent over the past few months, though he put up a good front. He missed you terribly. I confess that I've never seen him so happy before now that you're here."

Uraraka's mouth felt dry and her throat was constricted. She could remember the first time she'd seen Kurogiri, how he had threatened to kill all of them at USJ as a message to All Might. She had only been fifteen and had never faced a villain before, but when Kurogiri had gone after Iida, she had ran right up to him and thrown him into the air using her quirk. She could tell by the way the warp gate villain was gazing at her now that he remembered. How she itched to grab him and launch him again, but she kept her hands to herself.

Kurogiri chuckled to himself and reached out as if to ruffle Deku's wild, dust-filled hair, but then Deku shoved his arm away with a laugh. When Kurogiri's gaze swept back to Uraraka though, she could see the knowing in them, as if he sensed how unsettled this whole exchange made her feel. It was so playful, so light, truly like family. It was like Deku belonged. This wasn't some cold, dark dungeon or scary alleyway that people always associated with villains, but something else entirely. Something stronger with more foundation.

This was a show for her, but then it wasn't at the same time. For Deku, this had been his reality for months. The villains that had once tried to kill him were now kind.

Before she could even begin to look around and try to figure out where they were or if they were even in the same world after going through the gate, movement to her right caught her attention. She looked over to see Todoroki's eyes starting to flutter open, though just barely. He mumbled something so faint under his breath that she couldn't understand him.

Dabi, stilling holding onto him, glanced down at Todoroki and let out a hum. "Looks like he's coming to." There wasn't a single inflection in his voice. Uraraka stared at Todoroki, terrified about what would happen when he woke up more, but no one else seemed concerned.

"Well we can't have that," Kurogiri pointed out.

A man in plain clothes came from a room behind them, but what startled Uraraka was when he jabbed a needle in Todoroki's neck and injected him with something. His eyes flared open in surprise for a second, connecting with Uraraka's and he gasped something that sounded like her name, but then his eyes slowly closed and he went just as limp as before and his breathing evened out. With Todoroki unconscious once more, Dabi hoisted him up again and began to carry him away.

"Where are you taking him?" Uraraka demanded, her voice coming back to her with no warning. She took a few steps forward, pulling out from underneath Deku's arm, and reached out for Todoroki. Deku grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back to face him. "What did you do-?"

The needle in her neck caught her by surprise, even though she should've expected it, and she whipped her hand up to jerk it out, but Deku caught her by the wrist and stopped her. "I'm sorry, Uraraka, I really am." There was such a genuinely sympathetic expression on his face, but it was difficult for her to concentrate on. His green eyes shined with concern and love. Whatever they injected her with felt like ice flooding her veins. When the needle was pulled out, she let out a tiny gasp and stumbled forward right into Deku's chest.

"D-Deku…" Uraraka felt so weak and a wave of sleepiness washed over her. Her knees buckled underneath her and she grasped onto the front of Deku's uniform to keep from falling. Luckily, Deku wrapped a strong arm around her and put a hand to her cheek as she gazed up at him. "Wh-what was…?"

"I'm sorry," Deku repeated. She started to have trouble breathing as her vision began to swim and panic tried to take over her mind and keep her from going under. "It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe. You'll be fine." Her face fell against him. If it wasn't for Deku holding onto her, she would've been on the ground. "We just have to take extra precautions, you know? We have to be careful." She felt his lips press against the crown of her head as his voice faded in and out. Her mind screamed at her to stay awake, but she couldn't win. "Don't fight it. I'll be here when you wake up."

Uraraka didn't feel herself fall completely, but she knew that despite her fear of being surrounded by villains and totally vulnerable, Deku would catch her.

When Uraraka came to, it was slow and fuzzy. Whatever they'd injected her with had hit her hard and she felt like she was just barely managing to crawl out of whatever haze it put her in. She clawed weakly at the bed she was lying on, fingers digging into the blankets, and for a brief moment she thought she was back in the safety of her own bedroom. It had all been just a dream, a terrible and horrible dream concocted by the alcohol she'd drank the day before and Bakugou would be there in the other room, waiting to pull her out of it.

But when she opened her eyes, Uraraka found herself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling and the weight of everything dropped down onto her chest. Deku must have carried her to this bedroom as Bakugou had done over a week ago. It left her breathless as grief and fear fought dominance over each other inside of her. In the end, she only managed to feel numb.

As she tried to push herself up, she heard, "You're awake!" and then Deku was rushing over to her side, one hand on her back as he gently helped her sit up. A part of her almost jerked away from him, but she stopped herself at the last second. She was afraid of how he would react if she acted afraid of him, even if she was. Deku's touch was nothing but careful though. "Take it easy. If you try to move too fast, you might get sick. I did the first time."

"What…?" Uraraka took a deep breath. "What was that?"

Deku gave her a sheepish look. "A necessary precaution. You're still a hero, after all."

As Uraraka turned to look him at him, she caught the smile slowly lighting up Deku's face. It took her breath away for a moment. She knew that look. It was the kind he'd give her when he accidentally woke her up after getting out of bed for his ridiculously early morning run. Her first instinct was to touch his face and activate her quirk on him so that he'd float to the ceiling, a silly prank she pulled whenever he'd go to kiss her goodbye in bed.

But it didn't come to her. She was touching his face with all five pads of her fingers and nothing was happening.

Panic rose inside of her again and she pushed him away, struggling to breathe again. "What's wrong with me?" She could feel herself getting sick, but even as Deku tried to calm her down, reminding her that if she pushed herself too much that she'd throw up, she couldn't stop herself. Tears sprung to her eyes. "Where's my quirk? I can't feel it. I can't-"

"Just breathe, Ochako, nothing is wrong with you or your quirk," Deku told her soothingly, rubbing her arms as if trying to warm her up. She shivered despite his touch, perhaps because of it. "It's still there. You simply can't activate it." He sighed and sat down on the bed next to her as she tried to process his words. So whatever they had injected with had stopped her quirk, kind of like Aizawa. It was a terrifying thought, but at least it made sense. "I was scared too at first. I thought… I thought I was quirkless again. It terrified me. I'd forgotten, you know? How helpless I felt when I was quirkless - how much of a victim I was most of the time, a source of pity and shame."

Bile rose in the back of Uraraka's throat, much like it did when she used her quirk too much, which was ironic since she couldn't use her quirk at all right now. She held her hands out in front of her, palms up, and gazed down, opening and closing them. Nothing. She felt nothing. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she returned her focus back to Deku. He was gazing down at his hands in his lap, one normal and one scarred from breaking it repeatedly.

This was how he had felt for the first fifteen years of his life. She didn't know if she could handle a whole day of this. It was more than just a quirk; it was a part of her, like her soul.

"It'll have to be like this for now - until you're ready. Your quirk is more problematic than most people realize. It's not as flashy as Shoto's, but I know how clever you are."

If anyone knew her quirk, it was Deku. They had done so much together, using their quirks both to fight crime and at home. He'd loved everything about her quirk. It had fascinated him from the start, back when he'd been a kid that spent hours analyzing quirks and heroes, but it had evolved into adoration and then giddiness. There was nothing quite like dancing in the air or kissing upside down and giggling as his face turned red.

"I patched and cleaned you up as best as I could," Deku said shyly. Oh, just like old times. He would help her with that whenever she came home scraped and bruised. "That's why your hair is a bit wet. You had a nasty bump on your head that I..." It had been from his last attack. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but had anyways. He looked so ashamed of himself. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I, um, I brought some clothes for you." He held out a folded outfit with shoes. "I didn't think you'd want to stay in your hero costume. It's a bit, um, torn."

Uraraka glanced down at herself. She was indeed still wearing most her costume. Her boots and gear had been taken off to make her more comfortable lying down. It was ripped and burned. Well, it had clearly seen better days. She took the clothes from him, but paused while unfolding them and looked back up at him. "These are mine."

"Yeah, we got them from your apartment," Deku explained, his face a little pink. "I thought it might make you more comfortable to be in your own clothes."

The fact that some villain had been rooting around in her closet and dresser made her more uncomfortable if anything, but she knew what he was trying to do, so she mumbled her appreciation. He gave her a nervous smile and then bounded out of the room, giving her privacy to change even though he'd definitely seen her in various states of undress in the year that they'd lived together. So he'd break into her place, kill people, break villains out of prison, and threaten her friends with torture, but he wouldn't watch her watch her change.

Uraraka sighed. She had expected things to be awful, but not so mind-boggling.

Once she was finished changing, she called out, "I'm done," and then sat back down on the bed. She felt better in clean clothes, even though the shirt and skirt didn't match the situation at all, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing something without being unable to activate her quirk. It was scary. He peered inside as if to check if she was really done and then stepped back in. He took her folded costume, looking at it like he wasn't sure what it meant, and then set it on a chair before returning to sit down next to her.

Deku took a deep breath and smiled up at her, reaching out tug on the strand of hair framing her face, something he had done fondly before. "I'm really happy that you're here. Really, I am." His face was so soft and there was a light in his eyes that she had missed that first day. They still seemed off though. He was looking at her and yet looking at him was like looking through dirty glass. "I felt like… I don't know. Like there was something wrong and I couldn't figure out what it was."

"Did you…?" Uraraka knew that she had to be delicate about this. One wrong word and there was a chance that she wouldn't be able to recover. "Did you ever think that you being here was what felt wrong?"

"Of course I did. It's hard not to think that. I'm different from the others. I know that." There was a very thoughtful expression on Deku, another one that she was familiar with. It was his serious thinking face. "But I belong here. I know that too. I'm needed, wanted, protected, cared for. I'm respected and feared. I have a place here." He rolled his eyes playfully. "Sure, some of them are ridiculous and over the top, but they don't look down on me. They know their place as well."

He made it sound so wonderful. It really did sound like a great place with good people. He sounded so loved. It was like the villains knew what he'd been starved of his entire childhood outside of his mother. His father abandoning them, his friends turning on him, everyone either pitying or degrading him. If she hadn't known that he was talking about villains that regularly murdered people and committed other terrible crimes, even she would've wanted to be a part of it.

But it was fake. It had to be fake. He had to know that too. Something was wrong in his head though. He had begun to experience those things after being accepted into UA. Their classmates had grown to respect him and even admire him outside of his astounding quirk. He had been her hero right from the beginning. Had it not been enough? Had she not loved him enough? They had needed and wanted him, so had the world.

"Did you not have those things before?" Uraraka asked in a quiet, hurt voice.

"Sure," Deku told her, "but I had to really fight for them while it's handed to others that don't deserve it. I guess it makes them worth more, but still." He pulled away from her slightly, arching an eyebrow. "Do you think Bakugou deserved all the praise he was given while he broke down everyone in his way?" She wanted to tell him that Bakugou wasn't like that anymore - that he had come to respect the strength in others - but then she knew it wouldn't sit well with Deku if she defended Bakugou, so she stayed silent. "Do you think Endeavor does? I can guarantee you that Shoto doesn't think so." He shook his head. "And yet society continues to reward the strong, even when they so clearly abuse their power."

Uraraka's fingers curled on her legs. "I don't know what you want."

"I want to tear it all down," Deku said, "and begin anew."

It was so simple, but she couldn't possibly understand what that entailed. His words were all wrong. They were coming out of his mouth, but they sounded like someone else's, like someone had taken some of his darker thoughts and rearranged them to fit their narrative and desires. Was this was Deku truly wanted or was it something that someone wanted him to want?

"And I can do it now. I can burn it all to the ground and change the world." Deku took her hands in his. "Because you're here and everything feels right. It was you. It was always you. Something was wrong - something was missing - but the moment I saw you again, I knew what it was. How can I be Deku without Uravity? Izuku without Ochako? It was like a part of my soul wasn't here, but I can finally breathe again."

Honestly Uraraka felt like she couldn't even do that. His words were so sweet, but dipped in horror and it was hard for her to fathom that they could possibly come from the same person who had threatened to cut Bakugou's hand off. He stood up and she let him pull her to her feet, like she was weightless, and into the center of the room. In the corner was an old radio and he left her for a moment to turn it on before returning to her. Like it was nothing, he pulled her into his arms again and he pressed his forehead against hers, taking another breathe.

It really was like he hadn't breathed properly in so long.

Uraraka closed her eyes and gripped onto his shirt. When the music began to play, emotions strangled her heart in a vice-like grip. She knew this song - she'd loved this song - but she hadn't listened to it in a long time. The two of them slowly began to sway together. The whole thing felt wrong and right at the same time. They had done this very same thing before, the familiarity of it feeling like home, and yet she had no idea where they were and what had happened to her Deku. Because this was him, but she knew that the other half of him wasn't. It was like he was trying to recreate a moment in their life together to make things truly real.

"You remember it, don't you?" Deku asked her, his voice barely louder than a mumble.

"Of course," Uraraka replied over the lump in her throat. "This was the song playing the very first time we danced together. It's our song."

The last time she had heard it, Deku had been alive. Then, that wasn't quite right. He had never died; he had always been alive. If only for a moment, with her eyes closed, it felt no different dancing with him now, even though everything had changed.

"I was so scared to ask you to dance with me," Deku said with a light laugh. "I didn't think you'd say no, but I wasn't too sure how to dance and I didn't want to embarrass you."

They had been at some boring function for UA. To be honest, she couldn't even recall what it was for exactly, but there had been food, music, and a very occupied dancefloor that had looked daunting to Uraraka. She could remember Deku though, stammering his way through asking if she wanted to dance. He'd butchered it so badly that he had somehow made it sound like he wanted to dance with Todoroki. She had been so confused and even a little hurt until he'd taken a deep breath and explained himself better. Neither one of them had been able to dance well, but she had loved that moment nonetheless.

Which was why she hated this moment so much now. The longer they stayed like this, the more she knew that none of this was real. She couldn't give Deku what he wanted and she was terrified of what he would do once he realized that. She didn't feel safe. In truth, she hadn't felt safe in a while, not since that night with Bakugou when she had thought she could finally come up for air. She'd been under a shadow for so long that she hadn't known what it would feel like to breathe. She didn't know now.

"I was going to propose, you know, before I…"

Uraraka pulled her head away from his so that she could look him in the face, but he wasn't looking at her. "I didn't know."

"Shoto didn't tell you?" Deku peered at her and she shook her head. "I went looking at rings with him. I thought he could help. Turned out he had terrible taste." He gave her a sad smile. "No, I suppose he wouldn't. It would've only served to hurt you more, so he kept it to himself. Very noble."

It broke Uraraka's heart even further to think that Todoroki had kept it to himself. It would have hurt her to know that Deku had been close to proposing to her. Instead, Todoroki had told no one, carrying the burden of a future that would never be by himself. He was so good at that. Bearing the weight of shame, guilt, and grief on his shoulders like he alone needed to suffer if it meant sparing the rest. He was so quiet sometimes that it was easy to miss how much he was wounded. She wish she could've pulled more out of him as Bakugou had done with her. She would have gladly shared the pain with him.

"I'm glad you're here," Deku repeated again as the song came to an end. He cupped her face in his hands and she knew it was coming, but her heart stammered in her chest anyways. She both wanted it and didn't at the same time. She wanted to pull away and lean into him. Instead, she just stood there and let him kiss her again. It wasn't as bruising as before, this one more gentle and plaintive.

His fingers slid from her face and into her hair, urging her closer to him, and he deepened the kiss unexpectedly, turning it into something desperate and fierce and making her whimper, causing a rumble of wanting to come from his chest. It left her breathless, but in a terrible way and she found herself drowning again. His mouth on hers was claiming, as if to mark her as no one else's. When he moved to back her against the wall and one of his hands slid down to her neck, she panicked and pulled away from him and out of his grip, her eyes wide and lips burning.

Uraraka had reacted without thinking and was left staring at him and gasping for breath. "I'm- I'm sorry. I-I didn't-"

"No, no, you're fine." Deku turned away from her, running his fingers through his hair, as if unable to face her. He too was breathless and she noticed that he was trembling again. Was he holding himself back? She didn't know what she would do if he didn't. Or was it something else? Something fighting to take control? She didn't know if it was good or bad though. "I'm the one that should be- I apologize, Ochako. I shouldn't have presumed…" He took a deep shuddering breath and clenched his fists at his side. "I just… I've really missed you."

The words struck a chord in Uraraka, but the pang felt hollow. They were the words they said to one another when it had been a long time since they'd been able to be alone or intimate with one another. Hero work took a lot of time out of their schedules, especially Deku's, seeing as how he couldn't just be a hero in one place. He had had to fight to take All Might's place after all. Whenever they said those words, it meant that they missed every part of them. It didn't matter where they were. They could've been out with a group of friends and Deku would say that and they'd steal away from everyone for a moment alone.

But Uraraka couldn't give that to him.

"I still shouldn't have put that on you," Deku said, his back still to her. "I don't want you to think that I…." He was clearly struggling with something. Under normal circumstances, she would've come up behind him to put a hand on his shoulder or wrap her arms around his chest, as she had done so many times before, but she stayed frozen in place, keeping distance between them. "You need time. I know that. It just hurts when you're right here and things feel like they've finally fallen into place - and you're still not with me."

"I'm here," Uraraka said in a tiny voice. "I'm with you."

Deku pressed against his temple with the heel of his palm to the point where it looked painful, as if he could push something out of his head. "I want you, Ochako, I do - gods, you can't possibly know how hard it was to stay away from you for so long - but I promised myself that I'd be patient. For you. It's what you deserve. I'm not Kacchan. I don't just take when I want something because I think I deserve it."

Uraraka bit her lip, willed all the emotional strength she had in her body, and stepped towards him. The second her hand touched his back, he jumped and his entire body tensed up. For a second, she was terrified that he would turn on her and do something, but then he slowly relaxed under her.

She couldn't possibly understand how Deku could be this shattered in half. How he could care about her so much that he respected her privacy and need for time when it came to intimacy - and yet he'd nearly tortured Bakugou and Kaminari and had condemned Todoroki to a terrible fate. He'd destroyed an entire street and killed villains with his bare hands and apologized for moving too fast and was gentle with her and allowed her to be drugged and let her sleep on his bed. She knew that the differences would only get worse. The split in his psyche was far deeper than any of them had imagined.

"Thank you," Uraraka told him softly and he actually flinched from her words. It was a strange position that she found herself in: comforting and placating Deku after essentially being kidnapped by him. In a way, she thought that he knew how absurd it was from the way his shoulders dropped. She had to do it though because there were still things that she needed from him and she couldn't get them if he was distraught. "It's hard when I feel alone here. You might belong" - he didn't, she swore he didn't - "but I don't. Not yet at least." Not ever, but she wasn't going to say that. "It would help if I wasn't by myself."

Deku turned to look back at her, blinking in a curious manner, but the light was gone from his eyes. She didn't know where it had fled to, but it made her anxious. She couldn't read him when he was like this. It was like another person had jumped into his body for a test drive and didn't know all the controls.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Deku said, sounding hurt that he wasn't enough.

"Yes, I know, but…" Uraraka bit her lip. If she kept doing that, she was going to draw blood. "Where's Todoroki? Is he at least…?"

"He's alive."

Uraraka couldn't even be relieved, knowing that some things were worse than death. "Can I see him?"

A frown crossed Deku's face and he shook his head. "Not yet. He's still being prepped." Her heart dropped into her stomach and it must've shown on her face. "I'll take you to see him soon, I promise, but… Fair warning, it won't be pretty. Shoto will no doubt fight against it and it will be rough on him. Not everyone survives, but he's strong." The smile that appeared on Deku this time was all sorts of wrong and had Uraraka pulling her hand away, although he didn't seem to notice. "I can't wait though. I missed him too! With you two back at my side, everything will be perfect. We'll all be together again. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Yes it did. No it didn't. Uraraka was too leery to say anything, so she merely nodded her head. It was good enough for Deku, who was in a cheerful mood again, like a switch had been flipped. She had a bad feeling that whatever happened to Todoroki, it would be brutal, and she had to do everything she could to save him. The only issue was that she had no clue how or what she could do.

Quite frankly, Uraraka was at the mercy of Deku and every villain here. It was not going to be fun or nice.