Jo lets out a shaky breath as she finally zips her case shut. The diamond ring on her finger sparkling as it catches the evening sun while she scans the room once more for her belongings. The note she'd written burning a hole in her pocket. She was suffocating and it wasn't this small hotel room or the stuffy hot air of Kansas.

The sound of the door card being swiped through the lock made Jo's heart beat faster in her chest, scrambling for her phone she realises the time. He's back...she was meant to be gone by now, she was meant to be way out of reach but ever since she'd booked that plane ticket her world had moved in slow motion and now it was too late, he was here.

"Hey, you should've seen what Eli did at dinner…" Alex stops abruptly, looking up from his phone, the smile falling from his face as he kicks over one of Jo's bag that she'd left by the door. His face scrunching up as he scans the room, all their mess had been tided up as Jo stood by her suitcase in the centre of the room. "Jo, what's with the suitcases?" He mumbled, the phone in his hand long forgotten as he stared at his wife.

"I'm...I'm gonna go home." She mutters, looking past him, avoiding his gaze as she bites down on her lip, trying to stop it from trembling. She needed out...she couldn't do this right now, not with him looking at her...she can't breathe with him looking at her.

"Oh right? Well I told the kids I'd take them to the zoo tomorrow but we could go back Friday. I still have to sort out the arrangements with Iz…" Alex begins to ramble on, checking his phone quickly as he shuts the door behind him.

"No…" Jo shakes her head, extending her arm out to stop Alex in his tracks. "I'm going home, Alex." She mutters putting emphasis on the 'I'm'

"I don't…" Alex frowns again, his eyebrows creasing as he drops the phone on to the bed, scanning the room noting that only Jo's stuff has been packed up. "I don't follow."

"I'm going home alone and you're staying here." Jo tries to sound confident and clear as she speaks, less uncertain then she really feels, running a hand through her hair as she takes few deep breaths before meeting Alex's gaze.

She's leaving him. It finally clicks as Alex takes a step back, clutching his chest as if she had physically wounded him. She was leaving him. Jo was leaving him. She was gonna leave without even telling him.

"What are you saying, Jo?"

"I'm saying I think maybe you should spend some time here without me…" She trails off, hating the way Alex looks at her like she had just stabbed a knife straight through his heart.

"Why?" Alex spits out, the anger in his voice becoming evident. He couldn't believe they were having this conversation.

"Because...I just feel like I'm in the way." Jo admits, her voice cracking as she swiftly turns away from him, clasping a hand over her mouth in attempt soften the sobs that wrack through her body, she didn't wanna do this, not with him looking at her like that.

"Jo…" She feels his arms wrap around her from behind, his warm breath fanning her neck, as he nestled his face into her hair, breathing her vanilla shampoo. His grip is tight and it makes her insides squirm as he pulls her closer like he's holding onto his only lifeline.

"No please don't because I don't wanna make you feel bad or like you have to choose because I'd never ask that but...I...I'm not sure I can keep doing this Alex…" Jo mumbles as she tries to take deep breaths to calm herself down but she can't seem to catch her breath as Alex presses light kisses to her head, never loosening his grip on her as he tries to soothe her pain. "I can feel you slipping away and I just I can't watch anymore…" Jo agonises as she twists around in his arms, surprised to find tears already falling down Alex's cheeks.

"I'm not slipping away." He croaks, as he brushes the hair from her face, forcing her to look up at him. Alex rarely cries, she thinks she maybe had seen it once or twice in all the time she'd been together and even then it was some watery eyes as he grumpily stormed off to be alone.

Reaching out Jo hesitantly wipes the tears from his face as he cradles her face in his hands before leaning down brushing his lips against hers, almost as if he was asking for permission before crushing his lips against her, trying to convey his every need with one kiss.

Jo whimpers as their lips part momentarily, grabbing the back of his neck so she can hold him close as their tears splashed against each other cheeks. She desperately needed his kiss like it was the oxygen she had been missing this whole time.

"I love you." He mutters in between breaths as the break apart panting hard, still holding each other tightly.

"I know you do…" Jo tries to wiggle out of his grip but Alex holds tight, he looks so pained as she tries to avert her gaze, his thumb brushing a stray tear from her cheek.

"Then why are you leaving me?" He grumbles, his eyes already red from the salty tears.

"You have a family Alex…" Jo snaps, finally pushing out of his grip, hitting her back against the dresser as fresh tears fall, leaving a dumfounded Alex in the middle of the room. "A really picture-perfect family that are so in love with you-"

"Stop it-"

"and Izzie the way she looks at you...she really loves you."

"And you don't?" Alex snaps cutting her off.

"No…" Jo cried, her hands reaching out for Alex who shrugs away from her. "I do...I love you so much...enough to let you go." She whimpers, as Alex pushed her hands away forcefully, she's leaving him.

"I don't understand what you're doing and why we are having this conversation." He huffs taking in her appearance, she was trembling, her arms wrapped around herself, she almost looks frightened and the sight makes his guts twist. "You wanna run that's fine but come out and say it." He growls, his hands squeezing into fists as he resists the urge to storm out. "I know you didn't sign up for two kids and my ex but we promised for better or for worse."

"I know…" Jo mumbles, her thumping heart ringing in out of ears as she tries to calm herself.

"Then stay." He says it like it's the simplest thing in the world like it was an obvious solution, but it's not simple and it not easy it all a mess, because it's not just them any more. There is a whole life here where Alex seems to slot in like the missing puzzle piece leaving Jo cold and alone on the outside looking in.

She knows he not trying to hurt her, he's just caught up in being a father, and it's not like she wants all his attention, she has loved watching him be a father these past two weeks, he's a natural and she knew he would be. "I can't...I'm holding on for dear life but I need you to hold on to me and I can feel you slipping away…"

"I don't love her…" The words leave his mouth involuntarily as Jo winces.

"But you could...you could if you let yourself," Jo whispers, refusing to look into his eyes as she speaks.

"I want you...I wanna be married to you." His voice is hoarse as he leans against the wall sliding down until he hits the floor, raking a and through his hair. How did they end up here? How after all the shit have they both have been through, survived through, have the ended up here? They can't end this like surely.

"I know you do…" Jo nods, as she kneels down in front of him, tears still following down both their faces, "and I know you meant that when you asked but…" Her voice trails off as she fiddles with her wedding band, twisting it around her finger as the memory of their weddings flashed through her mind.

"Don't take it off, Jo." Alex reaches out taking her hand in his, as he runs his finger over her wedding set. "It took me so long to get you to put those on please...please leave them." He sounds so broken it makes her heart crack that little bit more, as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap as she grips onto his shirt.

"We're okay...we're okay, we're gonna be fine hmm we're gonna get a big house and we can get whatever dog you want, even one of those small yappy ones, and we're gonna have babies, lots of babies and we're gonna go on family holidays, the type we never did as kids and we're gonna have a huge garden with a swing set for our kids and we're gonna have the life we always dreamed of." He mumbles into her hair, holding her tightly like he's trying to stop the dream from slipping out of his hands.

"That sounds nice…" He words vibrate against his neck, as she runs her finger through the curls at the nape of his neck, savouring the feeling of being in his arms.

"It will be, we're gonna have it all...you just have to stay Jo."

Does he know how hard this is for her? How her heart shatters into more pieces with each word.

"I think maybe you're holding on because it's the right thing to do but…"

"Stop it...stop telling me how I feel. " Alex leans down, stroking her back softly as he presses a chaste kiss to her head. "I don't wanna go anywhere without you...I love you."

"I love you too," Jo mumbles in between kisses she peppers along his neck.

"So stay...stay and we can sort this all out tomorrow, please Jo," Alex begs, sighing in relief as Jo nods slightly finally relaxing into his arms.

But when he wakes up she is already gone her space in the bed cold as he reaches out for her, instead, a letter lays on the pillow beside him, his name delicately drawn out in her handwriting.

Dear Alex

I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life but I think our paths are splitting and I can't just stand by and watch it happen.

Thank you. For loving me. For marrying me. For never giving up on me when it would've been so easy to give up, you saved me in so many ways.

But I can't lie to you and pretend the truth isn't the truth Alex. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give you this life, with the house and the kids. I just I don't know how far down into the future that would be and watching you with those kids...with your kids. You were made to be a father you know, and no matter what anyone says you are a good man Alex Karev and you deserve to have that happily ever after.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I'm running, I hope you know this isn't easy for me, but I'd rather let you down once than let you down for the rest of your life. And I hope it's the happiest life. Because you, Alex Karev, are an amazing man, a mediocre darts player, and my best friend.

Jo

1 Month Later

"Hi…" Hearing his voice for the first time in a month reignites the pain in her heart she'd been trying to numb with work since returning to Seattle.

"Hi…" She whispers as she takes a seat on the sofa tucking her legs under herself as fiddles with the zipper of his hoodie. "How are you?" Jo asks hesitantly, not sure she really wants to know the answer.

She hears him take a sharp breath as she presses the phone to her ear, waiting for his response.

"You're not coming home, are you?" Jo mumbles after a minute of silence, squeezing her eyes shut as she hears him shuffle about at the other end.

"I want to…" His voice is croaky as he speaks, it makes Jo sick to her stomach. "I do but every time I see my kids faces...I can't walk out that door Jo, I used to be the kid wondering when my dad was coming home, even if I was waiting to brace myself for a beating, I won't do that to them."

Jo nods, whipping her tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. God if there was anyone who knew what it felt like to sit by the window waiting for your family it was Jo.

"I know...I get it. God, what I wouldn't do to have a family like that when I was growing up…"

"We could have you know…" His last attempt to save them from this ending. She doesn't respond, the only sound is her shaky breaths as she tries to stop herself from crying out.

"I'm gonna love you forever Jo…" Alex whispers, a small smile playing on his face as he goes back through their life together, her smile so clear in his mind as he clutches the phone tightly. "I wish I could give you everything...if I could come home to you I-"

"I understand...I understand and I will love you forever too." Jo sobs, her lip trembling as she speaks.

"I don't wanna say goodbye and I don't know how to…"

"Then don't, say it like it's not the end of our story."

He nods even though she can't hear him before clearing his throat, making sure she hears him, his words will never be enough to last a lifetime but he'll sure try. "I love you, Jo."

"I love you, Alex." She responds without missing a beat hoping he knows just how much.

"Alex?"

"I know…" He whispers, there is so much left unsaid, hundreds of broken promises and lost dreams falling away as the line goes cold for the last time.

Jo lets out a deep breath as they disconnect, it's hard to breathe without him hear but she'll do it anyway.

Don't hate me okay. I wanted to see Jo leaving Alex for change and I tried not to make Jo the bad guy, like Grey's made Alex the bad guy.

And yes I did steal part of Jo's letter from The Vampire Diaries because clearly I am hung up on hot guys and their shitty letter goodbyes.

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Thank you so much for reading. I love reading everyone's review they mean the world to me.

Breathe - Taylor Swift