Beast

. . . ∞ . . .

Dying didn't feel anything like they described in books or movies. I didn't see my life flash before my eyes. I didn't separate from my body and turn into a ghost. No one came to claim me. As the last of my energy faded, I watched as pools of red looked on in betrayal. I felt regret that the last memory he would have of me is this one - me, lying cold on a metal floor. No explanation, no logical reason - just a lifeless, soulless body.

There was no pain, no walk to the white light, or rush to some imaginary tunnel. I awoke in blackness, flat on my back and disoriented as usual. I rose to my feet...sort of. I couldn't feel any ground beneath me and my body was kind of transparent. I didn't think I was a ghost...but now I wasn't so sure.

I was also completely naked, but that was beside the point. I guess your clothes didn't follow you in death.

I twirled where I stood, light, weightless like air. When my pirouette was complete I noticed a change in my bleak surroundings. There, standing out in stark contrast to the blackness was a bright ball of energy.

Or at least that's all I could use to describe it.

It swirled with golds and pinks, so bright it burnt my retinas. I stepped towards it, hand outstretched, reaching for god only knows what. A whisper told me not to touch it but the urge was too strong to deny.

My fingertips connected first. They sunk into the light and I watched in detached fascination as they were swallowed. My palm followed, then the rest of my hand. It felt hot, but not the unbearable kind where my brain would tell me to pull away. I flexed my fingers, lost inside the energy but when nothing happened I began to draw away.

It didn't like that.

Thick tendrils of light shot out from its center, first to wrap around my arm. They pulled my hand in further and I started to struggle. But even more shot forward, slithering to cover my upper body, constricting around me. I fought harder, wrenching my ghost like body backwards. I stumbled and fell. I pulled and pulled, trying to scoot on my backside away from that bright light. But it didn't do me any good.

The tendrils crawled down my body, encasing my legs and pinning my free arm to my side. The other arm remained elbow deep in the main ball of energy. All I could do was wait to be swallowed whole. Even though I knew it was coming, when the thick ropes of energy came towards my face I jerked away.

Then there was nothing, just light too bright for anyone to possibly see through. I was sure my eyes would be burned from my skull. Then I remembered I wasn't actually a person here. I was just what was left after my human shell had been emptied. Whatever that was…

So I let fate do as it chose. I was dead anyway. It wasn't like I needed to worry about dying twice.

Memories faded, feeling left me. And when the light finally subsided it was like being reborn. New memories came to take the old's place. I was filled with a sense of purpose.

I awoke in a warm bed, the arms of my husband wrapped around my middle. I smiled, breathing in his scent. For a moment, when I could only smell his natural musk, my brain stuttered. Was that always how he'd smelt? For some reason I was certain it was wrong. But when I took in another breath and he shifted behind me, the thought faded.

"Good morning," he whispered into my hair.

I rolled to face him, my smile growing. "Morning, love," I replied.

Amano Ren, the man I'd chosen to spend my life with, was a dream come true. There wasn't a more perfect man to be found. He was strong, loyal, loving, and anyone with eyes could tell he was gorgeous. When he'd asked me to marry him I didn't even think twice.

The engagement had been short. We'd been married for about a year now. I was pregnant with our first child.

…Which is what eventually prompted me to get up from bed. The bladder of a pregnant woman couldn't be ignored.

Ren groaned well naturedly when I rolled out of bed to scamper off to the bathroom. I was so round at that point it was almost impossible for me to even sit up like a normal person.

Alone, with the door locked behind me, a headache formed behind my eyes. I stared down at my pregnant belly. Lifting my shirt for a better look, once again a shock traveled through my brain.

No…this was wrong. I didn't want kids! I'd never wanted kids! How could I be pregnant?!

But a memory surfaced to explain this sudden bout of hysteria away. Ren had taken away all my concerns. He'd made me a promise. It wouldn't be so bad, he'd said. We had each other. If things got hard he'd be my rock. A baby was no big deal...

But it was...it was such a big deal. This world was too cruel to bring a child into it!

It had taken my sister from me. It had taken my parents from me.

All that remained was my grandparents, but they were recluses and I barely saw them. They hid from the world - who could blame them? Crime rates were skyrocketing in Tokyo. Ren would come home from a day at the precinct with a haggard look about him. I was sick of seeing him like that.

But there was nothing I could do. I wasn't a cop. I was just a shitty waitress at a diner. Without Ren I wouldn't even be able to make ends meet.

I finished my business and leaned against the bathroom sink for a bit. I was afraid to look up into the mirror - scared of what I would find. But why?

It would be the same as always. Hair the color of chocolate, eyes brown just like my hair, skin alabaster and unblemished. I'd find a pair of attractive eyeglasses settled over my nose and lips neither plump nor thin.

So why was I so afraid?

I swallowed and lifted my head. A flash of red the color of flames shocked me for a second. Was it just a trick of the light? I closed my eyes tight and when I opened them the image I expected appeared before me. There...that was better.

A knock at the bathroom door made me jump and I backed away from the mirror. "Hun, are you done in there?"

"Y-yeah...just a minute."

I ran the water, washing my hands for a second time and splashing some of liquid onto my face. I smoothed my shirt over my pregnant stomach and then opened the door. My husband stood outside in all his naked glory, a cocky grin upon his lips.

"Thought you fell in," he joked. He brushed passed me, running a hand through my hair as he went. The door clicked shut behind him and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

What was wrong with me today? I shook my head, trying to clear out the fuzziness I was feeling.

To stop whatever this was I was feeling, I decided to fall into my familiar morning routine. I would cook breakfast for Ren, have a cup of tea while he drank a mug of black coffee (gross!), and then get ready for work. We'd kiss each other goodbye at the door and get into our respective vehicles. Then all would be right with my world again.

I wandered into the kitchen, setting up the rice cooker. I began to pull down dishes to set the breakfast table. I turned with plates in hand which I promptly dropped to the floor. I don't know why I didn't scream. Or why I was thankful my husband listened to music while showering.

A man stood in front me, but he was unlike any man I'd ever seen. He had hair spiked to the sky, black and blue and white. He had eyes the color of maraschino cherries and clothes as dark as night. He reached for me and I backed up into the counter, wincing when my back hit its sharp edge.

That little shock of pain was enough to dispel the illusion before and the man disappeared. Christ, what had I eaten last night? Maybe I should stay home from work today if I was having hallucinations.

I cleaned up the broken plates, hid them deep in the trash so Ren would not see. I was paranoid, afraid at what he would say or do should he see them.

I turned back to the task at hand, hearing Ren's music come to an abrupt halt. He'd join me soon. Should I tell him what I'd just seen?

...No. It was best not to worry him. He had enough problems with work. Why burden him with this?

Warm arms wrapped around me from behind. I light kiss to my neck sent shivers down my spine. I breathed in his scent again but the smell of pine and smoke had me freezing up. Why was that so familiar?

Ren sensed my discord, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." I mumbled and continued to cook.

He let me go and shrugged it off, more intent on reading the paper while I finished with breakfast. We ate in amicable silence and before he could question me again I ran off to take a shower.

The routine continued, the only change was the concerned look he gave me as we walked out the door. I abated his worry with a fake smile and an 'I love you.' He kissed me goodbye in the driveway of our home. I waved as he backed out in his black sedan before crawling into the driver's seat of my own car.

I started the vehicle, intent on going to work. But my hands gripped the steering wheel too tight; a sweat broke out on my brow. My heartbeat picked up into a furious rhythm and a lump formed in my throat.

I felt the baby move and my hand automatically shot to my stomach...but the bump had disappeared. I looked down in shock at my flat stomach, panic overtaking me. In my hysteria, I began to look to the floor of the car, as if the baby had fallen out of me and landed there.

"Kasumi."

My eyes shot up to my windshield, too frightened to look beside me. It was that man again...in my passenger's seat. I could see his reflection in the glass. This couldn't be real. It couldn't be!

Was he some kind of stalker?! Or an illusion or a hallucination?! Was I going insane?!

But his voice...oh...it was so familiar. It brought a warmth to my chest that made no sense.

And in that moment I felt the world shift. My solace, my home, my love...my life - it all broke to pieces. Like a shattered glass it all disappeared.

I shot out of my bed, a cold sweat covering my skin, soaking through my clothes. I was alone. It had just been a dream. It was all a dream. Yes, I knew an Amano Ren. He was a cop that had a beat near the coffee shop I worked at. He stopped in frequently but besides polite chatter I knew little about him. Wasn't it odd how your brain could make up such funny things?

I had no idea who the other man had been, but he'd been so bizarre looking. It must have been someone from a television show or a movie I'd seen at some point.

It was still dark out, but I crawled out of bed anyway. I took a moment to appreciate my completely flat and toned stomach, thankful I didn't have kids. Sure, they were cute, but they just weren't for me. I should have known it was a dream all along. No man could talk me into doing that to myself, no matter how dreamy he was.

I avoided the mirrors in my apartment as I traversed the dark hallway towards my kitchen. Something in the back of my mind told me not to look. I would see something that would affect me in a way I didn't want. I wasn't certain what that was...it was just a feeling. But I heeded it all the same.

I didn't turn on any lights. I allowed the full moon to spill in through the windows and bathe the room with its brightness. I sat at the kitchen table, a pot of coffee brewing on the counter. Its aroma filled the room and I closed my eyes to take a whiff of it. But the scent that reached my nose wasn't the roasted beans I loved so much. It was pine, steal, and smoke.

The smell made my heart ache.

I opened my eyes without fear. Sitting across from me was the other man from my dream. That meant I must still be dreaming. If that was the case, I had nothing to fear. Besides...he wouldn't hurt me. His presence didn't give off any malicious intent.

"Hello again," I said, the first to speak this time. If I took control of this I could work it anyway I wanted. I had nothing to fear, I thought once again.

Red eyes bored into me, the seriousness in their depths should have been enough to worry me. But instead I just rose from my seat to pour a mug of coffee. I leaned against my counter, turning to raise an eyebrow at the mysterious stranger.

"You need to wake up," he snapped before I could say anything else.

"I agree, this is getting ridiculous," I replied.

He shot up from his seat, his steps deliberate, controlled but urgent. He boxed me in against the counter, his palms slamming down to create a cage. I didn't feel the need to flee. For some reason, this was so familiar it was almost funny to me. I snorted into my mug and rolled my eyes at him.

Those strange eyes looked me up and down, his face morphing into a mask of disgust. He lifted a hand to finger my hair - brown, just as always. He let the lock drop so he could drag a finger along my left eyebrow. He picked up one of my hands and traced the lines there, as if he were searching for something.

"This isn't you, fool!"

"It's the same me I've always been," I said. And I truly believed it.

My name is Morimoto Kasumi. I am twenty years old. My grandparents are my only living relatives. I was an only child. My hair is brown, the same color as my eyes. I'm short, fit, and I work at a coffee shop in Akihabara. I ride a bicycle there every day to maintain my health. Nothing extraordinary ever happens in my life. I'm single, and happy about it.

"You're wrong," he said, voice quiet.

I opened my mouth to refute him again, but his eyes shot back up to mine and stopped me dead.

"You're name is Morimoto Kasumi. You are twenty years old, but that is where the similarities end."

"Oh, if you know me so well, then do tell."

I wasn't planning on listening to whatever ridiculous story this dream man planned to tell me. But as each word left his mouth the ground beneath my feet began to shake. Or was that just me? I wasn't sure anymore.

"You work for a human police force, your hair is red like fire, and your eyes are as grey as slate..."

And the list went on and on. He told me of scars I'd received in childhood accidents. I was some kind of overpowered martial artist. My grandparents were dead and I had a twin sister named Hitomi. I'd dedicated a portion of my life to finding her after she'd gone mysteriously missing.

And then he got into demons and magical powers and gods. I released a bark of laughter that made him clench his fists beside me.

"That is a lovely story you're weaving there pal, but..."

He grabbed my arm, wrenching me away from the counter. I protested in anger, not liking how he'd decided to handle me. But he had strength I couldn't fight against, even as I dug my heels into my carpet to stop him from dragging me down the hall. He threw open the door to my bedroom and shoved me in front of the full length mirror hanging on my wall.

"Look!"

I was struck speechless.

For the woman standing in front of that mirror...it couldn't possibly be me.

I saw long, wavy hair the color of flames, eyes as gray as storm clouds and a scar through my eyebrow causing the hair to separate there. I had muscles that should not exist on my arms and legs. I could make out a smattering of freckles on my chest where my shirt dipped.

"This is the real you."

I closed my eyes tight and shook my head, "No! This is a dream and you aren't real!"

"You must find your way out of here, Kasumi," he said seriously. "If you don't you'll be trapped forever. Is that what you want?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I was tempted to plug my ears and start humming just to drown him out. His story was unbelievable. It was ludicrous and I wouldn't listen to another word! He was making me look that way, he had to be! I just needed to take control of this damned dream!

Enraged, I smashed the mirror and watched detached from the world as it crumbled to the floor. I pulled my fist back, finding that it was covered in blood but I couldn't feel the pain. The black haired man beside me hadn't disappeared. And I was beginning to think I'd gone mad.

He reached for my bloody hand and brought it to his lips. He ran his tongue over my knuckles, the feeling of his warm saliva against my skin making me repulsed. I snatched my hand back, glaring daggers at him.

"That's disgusting," I snapped.

He didn't react to my obvious revulsion. Instead, his eyes dropped to the floor, his face blank. I couldn't read what he was thinking and I told myself that I didn't care. But I felt some strange connection to this…dream man. A connection I couldn't comprehend, nor did I want to.

"You need to find your way out…I can't help you if you won't help yourself," he spoke.

And then he turned and walked from the room. I was about to let him leave. What did it matter? I wanted no part of this and as soon as I woke up everything would go back to normal. I would forget all about the strange looking man and get on with my life.

My feet had other things in mind, however. I ran after him, darting through my home as fast as I could. He was nowhere to be found so I ran to the front door and wrenched it open.

I came to an abrupt halt, my breath hitching in my throat as I held back a scream. Outside the door was nothing but a black abyss. If I had taken even one more step I would have been swallowed up by it.

I stumbled backwards, falling over onto my ass and scooting as far from the open door as I could get. Had that man left through there? Impossible…he would have died…right?

I climbed to my feet, my fear abating enough that I was able to go investigate the door further. This was just a dream after all…stepping out in the black would not kill me.

And so, against my better judgement, I leapt through the opening. I fell, but it felt as if I'd landed into something viscous and thick. It ate me up, slowing my descent and making my skin crawl. It felt like ooze and I had to fight the urge to struggle.

I waited for it to end, to come sliding out covered in goo. But when it did, I wished it hadn't. The warmth of the darkness gave way to a horrible cold. Cold unlike any I had felt before, it sunk deep into my bones. Where was I now? I could not tell. The darkness had yet to rescind, though this was different than before.

It was suffocating – it gave me the terrifying sense that I was drowning, but in what?

I pushed on ahead, determination forcing my feet to move. I had to find the man from before. He could get me out of this mess.

I looked for a light, for any sign that I was even still alive. I was beginning to doubt my own existence at that point, when a shift in the atmosphere caused me to pause. There, an opening – I could faintly see it.

There was a light shining from what I could only describe as a tear. It was thin, just large enough for me to squeeze through. Even though the light from inside it was dull, I still had to squint after being lost in the dark for what felt like so long.

I shuffled along, pressed up against a softly glowing wall. I was almost to the other side; I could see where it ended. Just a little more and I would be free.

But my escape was not to be. Something that felt like elastic but was painfully cold wrapped around my ankle. It tugged me backwards, causing me to fall sideways in the crack. Stuck like this, all I could do was claw at the walls as it pulled me back towards the darkness.

I kicked and screamed, feeling my nails tear off as I dug them further into the glowing wall. The space was too tight for me to turn my head. I couldn't see what had a hold of me. So I struggled harder. I left bloody trails on the off white of the wall as I scrabbled for purchase, but the surface was too smooth.

"Son of a bitch!" I swore, because this scenario seemed familiar somehow.

A cruel, cold laugh filled my ears and sent a nasty chill down my spine. I was wrenched from the tear in the darkness. Even though it was pitch black, I still turned towards the sound. And for all the dark surrounding me, whatever had me in its grasp was darker. I could make out its silhouette even without there being any light. The faint glow from the crack faded as it dragged me further in.

I wanted to scream – to cry for help. But all sound died on my lips.

I had gotten myself into this mess. I had followed some mysterious man like Alice following some talking rabbit down the rabbit hole.

This was my mistake to correct, no matter how hard it may be.

Fight or flight mode hit me like a freight train. But because I had no way to run, that left me with only fight.

And fight I did.

I tore at the tentacle (if you could call it that) attached to my ankle. I ripped and pulled and scratched but the damn thing would not release me. That cold laugh filled the empty space again and made my blood turn to ice.

What…or who…was this?

I swallowed my fear and hollered, "Who are you?!"

"Have you forgotten already?" it asked.

That hollow sounding voice…I had heard it before…but when?

"I suppose the shock of touching your life energy took most of your memories," it said. "Here, allow me to fix that…"

I reared back as far as my head would allow as I felt another tentacle like object touch my face. It ran itself across my cheek, almost like a caress, but the feeling only sickened me. A third one ghosted across my forehead. The dragging stopped and the two attached to my face moved closer to my eyes.

I slammed them shut but they wedged their way in, sliding beneath as if to scoop them out. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and this time I did scream. It caused excruciating pain and no matter how much I thrashed they did not relent.

Then came the onslaught of images – memories that I knew instinctually were mine. This thing had seen everything.

It came rushing back to me with so much force that I chocked on dry sobs and scratched at my own face. My ravaged fingers still managed to leave claw marks through the skin of my face. They kept pouring in, from my earliest memories to ones much more recent.

I realized with a gasp that the man who had come to me was Hiei – not some stranger. He had warned me and my stubbornness had gotten in the way again.

I was such a fool.

I had touched the center of my life energy. And it had reacted with violence. It was like a failsafe in a computer system. It kept intruders from breaking in and destroying the most important parts. Did that mean I wasn't dead? Just stuck in some kind of limbo somewhere?

But then I realized what I was stuck here with…the shadow. The apparition from my room at Takahiro's – this is what had started all this in the first place.

My horrified screams turned to anger filled bellows. With every ounce of strength my weakened soul still possessed I wrenched the creature's probes out. I felt blood spray and then trickle in a heavy stream down my cheeks.

I couldn't see anymore. My sight had fully been taken from me. Instead of falling into a panic, I just kept my lids closed and listened. I would need to use all my other senses now to the fullest.

"Foolish girl…stupid girl…pathetic girl…" it breathed.

The tentacle wrapped around my ankle squeezed tighter. I felt my flesh twist until it was rubbed raw. I kicked my legs again, still trying to fee myself. And once again it laughed at my weak attempts at freedom. If only I had a sword…

If only I wasn't such a goddamn loser, I thought with bitterness.

"What do you want with me?" I finally asked.

I felt when it leaned over me. Its form gave off an aura so cold I feared I would end up frost bitten. Its breath fanned across my face. If I could see I was sure I'd find it grinning. Just like back in the real world, only its teeth could be seen through its blackness.

If only I had a weapon…I thought once again.

I would ram it through this monster's goddamned face.

"What do I want?" it parroted. "I want your bond. I want its strength, its vitality."

"You said before you were my punishment," I said.

"Yes…I am your pain, your suffering. I will be your retribution to the world."

What had a done in a past life to deserve this? Every time I turned around I was being dragged into some other situation I wanted no part of. I was born to be a vessel to a god. I'd had no control over my own life since the day I was brought into it. None of it was fair. But it was pointless to pity myself. I'd become stronger, more capable, and far more desirable. I could be useful now. I no longer had to feel like a waste of space. I was no longer a failure.

Through my lidded eyes I saw the reds of my eyelids. A bright light had begun to shine.

I would no longer stand idle and let my life rule me.

"Oh…" I heard the shadow murmur. "You still have that much left…intriguing."

I heard the words that were left unspoken, but it won't be enough.

The damage to my eyes healed with a sizzle as I did my best to prove the bastard wrong. My soul flared with energy. The time I had been down had allowed some to return to me.

It was just enough to burn the tentacle from my leg. I jumped to my feet and hopped backwards so I could put some distance between me and my assailant.

The light of my reiki was just enough for me to see by. But the shadow, no longer in the form of a human, ate up half the space with its darkness. It loomed over me like a storm cloud, massive and suppressing.

My scant amount of energy was not enough…it would never be enough.

I had to get away from it. I had to run. But I didn't dare take my eyes off the creature. The second I did I knew it would swallow me. It would take away all I held dear.

This thing was darkness incarnate. Blacker than blacker, it blotted out all light, all hope.

"What are you?" I asked it, not expecting an answer.

"I am your penance for the unlawful use of a god's energy," it stated.

"Unlawful?!" I snapped.

How was it unlawful use when I wasn't the one who asked to be put into this situation! Did it think I wanted to share my body with some psychotic higher power? Because if I had it my way, none of this would have happened!
"That matters not," it said. "Now I have other goals in mind."

It slithered closer and on instinct I took another step back. Noticing my hesitation to come near it the shadow paused. I saw a flash of pure white teeth and then it morphed. It turned into the humanoid form I had seen back at Takahiro's.

"Does this make you more comfortable?" it asked.

No, it didn't. If anything it was easier to deal with it in its other form. A monster was just that – a monster. Not that its human shape made a stitch of difference. It was still blacker than the darkness around us save for its mouth.

"I'll ask you one more time – what do you want?"

It released a low chuckle, "Your bond of course. Isn't that obvious by now?"

What the hell? It wanted my soulmate bond with Hiei? He could take it for all I cared.

"You would give it willingly?" it asked.

I'd forgotten it could read my mind. My sarcastic comment to myself hadn't done me any favors. I didn't know why it wanted it…or if it was even possible for it to take it. I was certain it didn't want it for anything good.

"Tell me why you want it?"

It scoffed, as if the question was asinine. "To think you would be so dull…"

I glared at it, sick of the shade it kept throwing at me. It wasn't like I was a mind reader like Hiei…or whatever this thing was.

It sighed, as if the task of explaining the process to me was arduous. "I told you before…your bond is abnormal. It was a mistake. An accident. An oversight."

"Your point?"

"If it was never meant to be there…it won't be missed." It grinned at me and then held out a hand. "Now, give it to me."

"You still haven't answered me."

Without warning it surged forward, its body transforming into that of the monster's. It lunged at me and I dodged to the side. It recovered in an instant and came for me again. It was all I could do to avoid it.

"Just give it to me!" it hollered.

I ran for the crack in the dark. I didn't have enough energy to fight this thing. The only option I had now was flight. While I wasn't elated at the prospect of mine and Hiei's bond, I didn't want to give it up. And I especially wouldn't give it to this bastard.

I hauled ass back across the expanse of darkness. I could make out the dull light not far ahead. When it was only a few feet away I launched myself towards it.

But I was too late.

The shadow spread, its body growing taller and wider. I turned just in time to watch it engulf me.

And so…my feeble light was snuffed out once more.

. . . . .

A/N: Hey guys, look I'm back! So I've decided in order to update more often that I will be writing shorter chapters. I'm thinking around half of what they used to be. I'm sorry if this disappoints some people, but with a newborn to take care of on top of work and school, this is all I can manage at this time.

Anyway, thank you to everyone who has reviewed in my absence! I'm really sorry if you guys thought I was abandoning this, because I wholly plan on finishing it no matter what! It just might take a long time. As for this chapter, I rewrote it which is one of the reasons it took so long. I was not happy with the previous version. So let me know your thoughts, good or bad! I love hearing from everyone! Thanks for reading!

The name of this chapter is after the song Beast by Nico Vega. Mostly for the heavy guitar and not so much the lyrics. Enjoy!