Chapter 37 - The Price of Freedom

. . .

Sharp, wheezing breaths. I coughed, spitting up bits of darkness and sludge. I couldn't see again. I reached my hands out, feeling dank walls…

I was closed in. Trapped. I tried to scream but there was no sound. I reached above me. More unforgiving, cold, stone like wall. I used my fists and shoulders to try and break free. I had never been afraid of tight spaces...but now…

I slumped to the floor, curling in on myself. I tugged at my hair, the heels of my hands pressing into my skull.

I spent what must have been hours there. I got up and tried to break out over and over. Each time ended the same, with me curled up on the floor. I fell asleep at some point...if a soul even needed sleep. Or perhaps I had just faded out of reality.

I was dreaming...but it was a memory. My grandfather knelt before the altar in the dojo. His eyes were closed, his hands held before him in silent prayer.

"Kasumi."

I started, my back stiffened. He sounded serious. That never meant anything good for me.

He motioned me over and I knelt beside him. "Do not forget what I am about to tell you."

I was still a child, maybe eight or nine years old. I had forgotten what he'd told me, even though I remembered I had promised him I wouldn't.

"Yes Grandfather," I answered.

He had lit incense, the smell made me want to choke and my eyes watered. I kept my head bowed so he wouldn't see. He'd scold me if he did.

"Some day...perhaps months from now...perhaps many, many years," he began, "An entity of great darkness will come for you."

I turned to him confused...an entity of great darkness? What was this loon on about now?

He turned cold, serious eyes on me then. As if he could hear my damning thoughts. "You will listen and you will believe what I tell you. The fate of the three worlds depends on it."

I wanted to scoff, but knew better. He would be extra punishing during our next training session if I did.

"It will come and it will ask for payment for your past lives' misdeeds. Give it whatever it wants, no matter the cost."

"Why?" I asked. I dared to infuriate him, because I needed to know. Even at this age, I hadn't believed him. But he was so serious…

"You must live, Kasumi. Above all else, you must live to fulfill your purpose in this life." He reached over and gripped my shoulder. "If you do not give it what it asks...it will devour you, soul and all."

My brows crinkled in distaste and skepticism. There was nothing that could do that. He was just trying to scare me.

"Listen to me child!" His grip became painful and I cried out, trying to wrench myself free. "You will not be reborn, your soul will be lost in never ending darkness. Is that what you want?!"

"No!"

"Then pay attention and believe what I am saying, if only this once."

I nodded, too afraid to defy him now.

"You've lived many lives. Your soul has always been reborn. Do not tempt fate now. Give it whatever it wants."

The dream ended abruptly. The stone box I was encased in had begun to shake. I was on my feet and bracing my hands against its sides before I even understood what was happening.

I was being moved...picked up and taken somewhere.

Is this what my grandfather had spoken of all those years ago? How had that old bastard even known?

Shit...I could really use a cigarette right about now.

The box was dropped, none too gently. It fell over onto its side, making me feel like I was trapped in a coffin now. It was really hard to keep my composure at this point. I wanted to get angry...maybe even indignant at being tossed around like a box of junk. But all I could do was swallow the bile building in my throat and pray I wouldn't be stuck in here forever.

I was trying to figure out why I had been moved in the first place when that same unbearable cold seeped in through any available crack and crevice. It stole my breath away and I huddled as far from it was I could get. Which...in this instance, was nowhere.

The tomb I was encased in cracked open, just enough for one grotesque, bloodshot eye to peek inside. A black tentacle followed. It caressed up my legs and sides to run along my face. I shuddered, horrified.

"If you do not give me what I want," the thing whispered, "I will keep you here forever."

I stretched as far from it as I could get. I felt dirty from its touch. It made revulsion roil in my belly.

"Get away from me," I growled.

This kind of torture was enough payment for a thousand lifetimes. I would have preferred to have been beaten or whipped or waterboarded.

I'd never been so afraid in my life. This was my fear of the unknown manifested into a living, breathing entity.

"Give me what I want...and you will be free…"

"I don't know how," I whimpered as those tentacles caressed places something like that should never caress.

"Just let me in...and all this will end."

For a brief moment I thought about giving in. I thought about how much easier it would be. I should heed my grandfather's warning and give this creature what it wanted.

But another much larger part of myself rose up to beat that thought back. When have I ever just given up? When has my stubborn ass ever agreed to do something just because it was easier? Never.

My grandfather might have been a smart man. But he hadn't known the circumstances. I didn't love Hiei...not yet. But I wasn't going to give up my one link to him just because this bastard said I had to.

Maybe what I was doing was wrong. Maybe I was being selfish and foolish and making all the wrong choices. But I would cross that bridge when I came to it. If it meant I would die and not be reborn...so be it. I didn't want to live through another shitty life anyhow.

I dug my fingers into one of the thing's tentacles. I tore it from my suido skin, its taint on my soul leaving with it. I gripped until my nails pierced its flesh and it howled in pain. It wrenched its limbs back outside the box, the lid slamming shut again.

But my soul was bright and endless, it housed the power of a God so ancient it had existed even before time. While Chronos had once been separate from me, that time was no more. I had clung to bits of her power, pieces of her had merged with me. Light filled the limited empty space. A light so bright it blinded even me. I pushed it outwards and like a small sun it grew brighter and hotter. The box bulged, unable to contain the power I was releasing.

I exploded, the lid flying off into the distance. My glowing soul stepped out of that box and confronted the thing that had stepped straight out of my nightmares.

My grandfather hadn't known what I could become. He hadn't known my true potential. He'd trained me out of necessity, not because he thought I was strong.

But I was...and it was time I proved that. I couldn't hide and snivel in a corner. I couldn't wait for someone to come save me.

I wouldn't be worthy of calling myself Hiei's soulmate or my grandfather's heir if that was the case.

I could save myself...I would save myself. And then I would force my pathetic, worthless soul back into my body. I would rebuild what had been torn apart. And make not my grandfather or my sister or my parents proud - but me.

The shadow had shrunk back, wary of my light. Neon pink and bright, shining gold mixed in. This was my life energy. But in this state...I couldn't destroy myself with it. It was completely at my disposal, as long as I knew how to use it.

The crystal sword Chronos had held formed in my hand. It tinkled like breaking glass as it took shape. Pure soul, pure light. The creature backed away from me. I smiled.

"I don't know who sent you, I don't know why," I stepped forward, brandishing the sword. "But I don't care."

"You can't kill me," it snarled.

I smirked, "Watch me."

It fought with all its might. My soul would end up damaged, tainted with darkness. But I didn't give it the chance to snuff out my light again. The crystal sword pierced the monster right between its bloody eyes. Its gaping mouth with those too bright teeth opened in a silent scream.

"Goodbye," I said.

It exploded, covering me in sopping bits of its stringy, dark flesh. I wiped some of the mess off my face. That had been rather...anti-climatic. Adrenaline still pumped through me, my bare soul still glowed and warning bells screamed in my head.

I had to get out of here. Now.

The sword in my hand shattered, the tiny pieces floating through the dark space like snowflakes. I ran, panting as if this form needed the breath. But old habits died hard.

I didn't know where I was going. I just let instinct take me. My own body provided the light I needed to see by. I ran for what felt like an eternity when I heard my name being called in the distance.

Up ahead was a body swathed in white. This was the first time I had been relieved to see her standing there. The first but not the last.

I ran to Chronos. The white robe and flowing white hair a beacon in his horrid place. Why hadn't she come before? Why all of a sudden was she here now?

But the panicked look in her eyes, the very real fear that had settled there, was my answer. She hadn't been able to find me. I had done something, if even for a brief moment, to allow her through. My light was just as much a beacon for her as she was for me.

I reached her, falling to my knees and gripping the edges of her robe. She kneeled, a whispered pray on her lips to gods she did not worship. "Get up, we have little time."

I listened, not wanting to be stuck here for another second.

She took my hand and I was sucked into a whirlwind of color and sound. Past and future images soared by, they made my eyes ache and my brain stutter, unable to catch up. I closed them tight, breathing through the nausea the trip caused.

Chronos' holy voice, neither male nor female, filled my every sense. It boomed and pressed and caused me to shiver. "You will never be the same after this encounter."

I clung to her, afraid if I let go I'd be lost somewhere else...in another time...in another world even.

"The shadow left its mark. There will be consequences. But for now...for now you have subdued it."

She left unspoken that someday it would come for me again. And it would come back with a vengeance. What would I do then? I still wasn't fully sure why it wanted my tie to Hiei as its payment. I just knew that my stubborn ass didn't want to give it up.

"We are almost there...hold on."

A sudden surge of speed stole my breath away and caused my stomach to leap towards my throat. I didn't know how it was possible for a soul to feel all these things. Or perhaps I wasn't really a soul at all. Perhaps I was stuck somewhere in between.

A bright flash of light and my feet touched solid ground. I dared to open my eyes. I was back at the start...the ball of pink and gold energy was still here. But it had grown bigger and glowed brighter than before. It called to me still, a siren's voice in this otherwise empty space.

"Never touch it again."

"No shit," I snapped.

I turned, looking for a way out. When one didn't immediately present itself I put my hands on my hips and shot a pointed look at the god.

"What now?" I asked.

Chronos glared at me and then jerked her chin in the direction behind me. A familiar energy was there. All the tension left my body. I could have cried.

"He will take it from here."

I didn't thank Chronos. She'd put me through months of torture. Saving my life this one time would not change that. But I gave her a nod of respect, for the god was at least worthy of that.

Then I turned and took a deep breath. I was prepared for a reprimand. But he said not a word.

He stood a distance from me, but I saw when his eyes roamed over me. He saw the darkness' taint on my soul. A soul that perhaps had not been pure, but had not had any dark intentions inside it either. I don't know what my past lives had done to deserve such a punishment. But I would find another way to atone for it.

He marked each difference in me, his face impassive and as cold as usual. I knew he had questions. He was hiding something behind that mask of indifference. Was it wrong of me to hope he'd show some kind of emotion at my safe return?

But just because we were connected...didn't mean we would ever be in love. There were many different types of soulmate bonds - family, friends, lovers. He had hated me not long ago. And I had sort of hated him. There was no point thinking that would change so sudden just because of a few kisses and indiscretions.

He held out a hand, still silent. I walked up and went to take it, but he snatched my wrist up instead. I knew who was in front of me wasn't the real Hiei. It was a manifestation created by his Jagan eye. It was the same technique he used to walk through my mind. But...I wasn't sure where this was.

I had no body. But we were inside where my life energy was stored. Wouldn't that mean we were inside my soul? This whole thing made no sense.

Best not to think of it Kasumi. You're getting out of here. That's all that matters. It would only make my head hurt trying to make sense out of all the crazy shit that had happened lately.

Hiei turned his back on me, my wrist still held tight. He waved his other hand through the air and a tear in the walls of my soul (mind?) appeared. He stepped into it, pulling me along with him.

Next thing I knew I was shooting up from the floor of Takahiro's hideout. I sucked in a sharp breath and then another. My lungs had been without air for too long. I breathed hard and fast, knowing if I kept it up I would end up hyperventilating.

I didn't register the faces around me, concentrating too hard on just gaining control over my body again.

"Thank God," I heard someone say.

"She's come back to us."

There were hands on me, braced on my shoulders, holding my steady. I was so cold. I felt like I'd been frozen into a block of ice. My body moved of its own accord toward the owner of those hands.

So warm...he was so warm.

"Her lips are still blue…" Someone said.

Nothing was really registering, other than I needed to get warm. I began to shiver. So cold...why was I so cold?

"Kasumi…?" A hand brushed the hair out of my eyes. Soft hands...hands I knew well.

"Hitomi?" My voice didn't sound like my own. My teeth chattered, snapping together violently.

"Get out."

"Hiei, we need to be sure she's alright."

"I don't give a damn. I can handle it. Get out."

"I don't find that wise."

A warning blast of power. One that I wished hadn't ended so soon. So hot, it made my skin tingle. But it felt so damn good.

"You can't just order us around!" Ah...Kazuma. That was Kazuma.

"It's okay…" I rasped out. "I'm...just cold…"

"Of course you are! You were dead goddamn it!" He sounded so mad. Not at me. Hiei...he was mad at Hiei. And he was scared, almost frantic.

"It's okay…" I repeated. I just wanted to get warm. A hot bath. A shit ton of blankets. Hell, a fucking hair dryer would have even been nice at this point.

"You just pulled the same shit Urameshi did with Suzaku, I'm not leaving." I had no idea what Kazuma was talking about. Who the fuck was Suzaku?

Hiei growled, getting annoyed no one was listening to him. I didn't care about him right now either...unless he planned on using that power of his to warm me the hell up.

I realized a minute later that's exactly what he'd planned to do, when just a hint of it spread from him to me. It felt like a hot summer's breeze and wasn't nearly enough to make me feel better. I groaned, yearning for more of that heat.

"Come on, leave them be. We can discuss things later." My sister, the voice of reason. She'd always been the less impulsive one out of the two of us.

Kazuma protested and those protests continued as he was ushered down the hallway. The only person who dared remain in the room was Takahiro. I saw relief but also an unending pain in his eyes. He knew something I did not. And was probably the person who had warned my grandfather all those years ago.

I couldn't bring myself to ask just then. He nodded, he knew. He knew I would come to him later. He left, letting the door click shut behind him.

"Undress."

My brain shuttered to halt. "Excuse me?"

"Take off your clothes, idiot."

I stared at the fire demon, my mind drawing a blank. What the fuck…?

And then, "Hell no! You goddamn pervert!"

"It is nothing I haven't seen already," he rolled his eyes. Then took it upon himself to tear my shirt down the middle and pull it off me.

I yelped, trying to snatch back the pieces. Why modesty mattered so much right now I didn't know. He had seen it all...more than once. If I wasn't so damn cold I might have blushed, but my blood wasn't flowing as it should.

If Hiei continued to strip me, however...my heart had begun to beat a little too fast a little too soon.

I tried to rise from the floor, but my legs wobbled. Hiei took that chance to wrench my pants from my hips. They fell to my feet and I tripped over them. He caught me and carried me to the bed, so small it should only fit a single person.

He dropped me on the sheets and shed his shirt. He grabbed the blanket from the end of the bed, laid beside me, and wrapped us both in it.

"Body heat transfers better without a barrier," he explained, belated as it was.

He was too close, though he hadn't wrapped his arms around me at least. He pushed just a hint of his aura outwards and the effect was instantaneous. I sighed in sweet, sweet relief. My shivering continued, but my teeth had stopped chattering at least.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Hn," he grunted.

It was awkward and silent, but I enjoyed it all the same. When I was finally warm and my shivering ceased sometime later, he still didn't leave. He laid there and let me soak in his heat just a bit more. I waited for him to say something, anything. I half expected to be yelled at or interrogated.

He said nothing. It began to irk me after we had laid there for at least a good forty-five minutes. Just as I was about to break what felt like a never ending moment of silence, he spoke.

"You died."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't dead any longer and that's all that mattered to me at that point in time. It had felt like months I'd spent in that other place, but it could have only been minutes. I don't think I would have come back otherwise.

"I felt when it happened."

"What do you mean?" I asked. I rolled onto my side so I could see his face. His palms were pressed into his eyes, his face weary. He looked so much older all of a sudden.

"It hurt...it physically hurt. I've never...felt anything like that before."

His chest rose and fell with steady breaths, but his voice had hitched...just a bit. He gave away so much but so little at the same time. How had it hurt...and why? Because of our connection?

"I couldn't have been down that long...it must have ended quickly," I said.

His lips pursed, "It took nearly an hour. It hurt the entire time."

"But...what about when you appeared in my dreams?" God, that sounded so ridiculous.

"You were fine then...lost, but alive." He dragged his hands down his face, his eyes flicking in my direction. "Don't ever do that again."

Did he mean dying or touching the core of my energy? Probably both. If I hadn't been so stupid…

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't apologize to me." He sounded angry now. "Kuwabara and Yusuke used up a lot of energy trying to save you."

"Huh?"

Hiei rolled his eyes, "Idiot. They tried to give you some of their power. It didn't work."

"Why not?"

"You have too much of Chronos in you now. I saw your center...you've become entwined."

I'd like my "center" to become "entwined" with yours, I thought. How super inappropriate. This was serious and here I was just staring at his bare chest and thinking how much I'd like to just run my hands down his pecks.

I slapped a hand to my face and turned away from him so he wouldn't see me blush. He needed to leave. And I needed to get dressed. I was plenty warm by then.

"I'll go see the others...I'm fine now. You can go."

"You're not going anywhere," he snarled.

I shot him a shocked look, "You mean to confine me here?"

"I'm not letting you out of my sight for the next two days."

"You're being an overprotective jackass!"

Faster than I could raise my arms to stop him, he had me pinned to the bed. His heated gaze bored into me and I sucked in a sharp breath. He was too close...too damn close.

"Did you not hear me? You died and it hurt me."

"And I said I was sorry!"

"You should have given it what it wanted!"

I think I stopped breathing for a second. He couldn't have meant that...he couldn't of.

"You wanted me to give in to that thing?" I spat the last word like it was poison on my tongue.

He dipped his head lower, his fringe brushing my forehead. Our noses were nearly touching and I couldn't look him in the eye without my vision becoming unfocused.

"I don't want this," he hissed. The air shimmered and the bright red of our soulmate bond appeared between us, pooled around our bodies.

So that's why...if I had just given in...we wouldn't be in this situation anymore. He would be free…

"This is the least of my problems, sorry it weighs on you so damn much," I snarled.

I pushed at his shoulders, but I was too weak. He didn't move even a centimeter. He pulled my hands off me and pinned my wrists above my head with one hand. The other he used to hold himself up. And yet, he still wouldn't move his face. I could spit in his eye but that was a little too petty for me.

"It doesn't weigh on me," he said, "It drives me mad."

"Didn't we decide never to talk about this?" I said.

"You decided. Things have changed."

I was tired, ravenously hungry, and depleted of just about all my energy. Now was not the time for this conversation. I chalked up my heart constricting in my chest as an aftereffect of dying. There was no way I felt bad about what he was saying. I didn't want this just as much as he did.

"Okay, well, next time I get attacked by some creepy shadow person I'll do as he says," I snapped.

"That isn't what I meant."

"Isn't it though? I'll be an obedient little girl, if that makes you feel better."

He scoffed and tore himself away from me. He lept from the bed, his bare feet padding across the floor. The door opened with a groan and then slammed shut behind him.

Guess that conversation was over. So much for him not letting me out of his sight...but he'd probably just use the Jagan, the ass.

I dressed in my discarded clothing, taking Hiei's shirt as payment for my ruined one. I pulled the dark blue cloth over my head, doing my damndest not to breathe in his scent. Things weren't copacetic with us right now. I didn't care if I was being petulant.

Did he really want me to cast aside this connection to him? Just because it had hurt him?

It was a weakness...I realized. He thought it would make him weak.

I stopped at the bedroom's door, my hand rested on the handle. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat.

How could I ever convince him that I wouldn't drag him down? I never meant for it to be like this. But I was still too weak. I was out of his caliber and that meant I was not worth his time. So why did he pursue me before?

I felt like a piece of meat suddenly.

If he did view me that way, it was my own fault. I'd brought man after man to my bed. I was dirty...tainted...used up. He was a man, like any other, and men had needs. He probably thought I was easy.

I shook my head, casting those thoughts aside. They'd do me no good now.

I walked out of the room, the metal floor like ice on my feet. I needed to find my uncle and then my sister.

I would rest until my energy returned.

But after that…

"It's time isn't it?"

I turned at the soft voice. She hadn't changed even though I hadn't seen her in years. Unlike our last conversation, I took the time to look her over. She was still lithe, almost smaller than me even though we were identical. Her red hair was still dull from the temporary dye she'd used. But there...peaking just above her collar….a scar?

I approached her and without a word wrenched her shirt downwards. She yelped but didn't stop me.

The scar must have spanned her entire chest. It cut her from collar bone to somewhere beyond her breasts. I lifted the bottom of her top just to be sure.

"Fuck," I swore. How had she gotten such a nasty scar? It almost reached her belly button.

"I can't explain this...I'm sorry sister."

"You got in the future then?"

She nodded in reply and then righted her clothing. "Are you sure you're ready?" she asked me.

"Yes," I said.

I would give my body three days to recharge. I would pack what I needed.

And then…

"I need to make a compromise with you."

"Oh?"

I had a feeling she already knew what I was going to ask, "I want to bring someone else."

Her lips quirked to one side, "Okay." I hadn't expected her to give in so easily, but I was thankful for it.

I wouldn't inconvenience him anymore than I already had. He was a free man.

But I would never be a free woman.

. . .

A/N: I've been gone so long again! I'm so sorry! I finally have time to write again, now that my life has calmed down. So you'll be seeing more frequent updates from me, but there still won't be a schedule. Gone are the days I could update once a week! I also had some issues with my old laptop but I have new one now, it's much nicer to write on, so there's that too.

Let me know your thoughts on the chapter, I love hearing from you guys! Thanks for reading!