Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of its characters. I do love to write about them though.

I know that a lot tags have been written for the story "Outcast" over the years, but this is my take on what may have happened when John arrived back on Atlantis after his father's funeral and wake.

I don't think it was every discussed as to who was the older brother, but I've always gone on the assumption that Dave was the older brother and John was younger. If anyone knows for sure, please let me know. I don't believe that his mother was ever mentioned in the T.V series, so I have always assumed that she had died.

Memories

John Sheppard stepped through the stargate, arriving on Atlantis and he wasn't surprised to find that his team was waiting for him. The last thing he actually needed right now was to talk to anyone. Ronon had attempted a few times over that last week to get him to open up about how he was feeling and right before he'd left for his father's funeral Rodney had tried to get him to open up as well.

It had been a rough week for him finding out that his father had died, the father he hadn't spoken too in a long time. Dave hadn't been too happy with him either, when he had left the wake to go and chase a human form replicator.

So basically all he wanted to do right now was spend some time alone and drink a few beers on the east pier, but then he knew that his friends would find him there, so maybe he needed to go to one on his favourite places in the deserted part of the city.

He didn't even bother to look at his friends as he stormed past them and headed back to his quarters.

It took him five minutes to arrive in his quarters and grab a six pack and then it took him another ten to find one of his favourite hiding places. He was pretty sure that Rodney and Ronon didn't know about this place, but he suspected that Teyla did, since he was pretty sure that she had followed him down here at least once.

He wasn't worried if Teyla wanted to talk to him, since she was the only one on his team that he would even consider sharing the pain he was feeling right now with.

Sitting with his back to the wall in the small room that he had claimed as his own private place, he took the cap off his beer bottle and took a gulp. He really tried to think of the good times that he'd had with his brother and father, but they had been few and far between in recent years and there hadn't been any since his father had thrown him out for wanting to join the air force and not go into the family business. Dave had told him at the wake that his father had regretted what had happened between the two of them right up until the end and rather than making him feel better, it actually made him feel worse.

He went to take another gulp of his beer and realised that he had already finished it, so he grabbed another and took the top off.

He'd actually gone to see Dave, once the replicator problem had been taken care of and he was happy to say that they had actually been able to talk for the first time in six years. Things had started out a little shaky, when Dave had started shouting at him, about how irresponsible he was. Then Dave had seen the marks around his neck that had been made by the replicator and calmed down a little. Dave told him to be careful and that he didn't want to have to bury his little brother anytime soon. They weren't best buddies again or anything, but at least they had agreed to keep in contact via email. At least they would be able to discuss their father's will, not that John wanted anything from his father's estate, even if his father had bothered to leave him anything.

He finished his second beer and begun on the third, he knew that it wouldn't really prove anything getting drunk, but right now he was miserable. For a long time he'd had no family other than his family on Atlantis, but one thing this week had taught him was that he still could have had a family back on Earth if he'd just swallowed his pride and contacted his father. But then why hadn't his father contacted him? Perhaps it was because he was in another galaxy, he rationalised. But then he had only been in the Pegasus galaxy for the last four years, his father would have been able to track him down before that.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and he wondered who had managed to track him down, "Whoever you are please go away, as I really want to be left alone right now?"

He heard the voice of an angel answer him; at least that's what Teyla sounded like to him, "John, are you alright? We are all worried about you."

"Oh hey Teyla, come in and sit down," he told her gesturing towards the couch in the corner of the room.

He knew that there was no way that she would be able to sit on the floor, as she was heavily pregnant, which annoyed him no end. He had never bothered to tell her how he felt about her, so she had developed a relationship with one of her fellow Athosians; Just one more thing for him to have regrets over.

Hs thoughts were interrupted when Teyla spoke to him again, "John do you want to talk about anything?"

"Not really," he replied abruptly and immediately regretted it when he saw a look of sadness cross her face.

"John, please do not feel as if you have to handle this alone, Rodney, Ronon and I, are all here for you, so please do not spend the evening getting drunk, because I believe you will regret it in the morning?"

He knew that she was right and he should probably talk to her, he'd never solved his problems by drinking, but in his teenage years, he'd never had anyone to talk too, so he'd drunk just a little too much. But now he had his Atlantis family and they all cared about him and that in itself was a miracle. For so many years he'd felt unwanted and loved by his father and brother, then he'd come to Atlantis and found a family that had accepted him for who he was.

Sighing he turned to Teyla and smiled, "I wish that I'd tried to make contact with my father before he died. I know he could have contacted me too, but he didn't, and I guess I will never know why, or what he really thought of me before he died."

Teyla looked at him with her enormous brown eyes and he felt comforted by them, "John I am sure he loved you, whatever happened between the two of you and perhaps he had regrets when he died, but you somehow need to let it go."

He felt tears brimming in his eyes, "Yeah, Dave told me that he regretted what had happened between us and perhaps he thought of me a lot before he died, but all I can remember at the moment is the arguments between us. There were so many, in the years after Mom died when I was fourteen."

He felt Teyla's soft hand in his and he felt comforted by it, "perhaps you should try and remember a good time you had with your father, maybe from before your mother died?"

"I remember after Mom died, I didn't feel as if I could go on, so after her funeral I came home and sat in my room and cried for hours. Dad came in before I went to bed that night and held me in his arms and told me that he missed her too and that was probably the only time in my life I'd seen him cry. My father was not an emotional man, he always told us that it was weak to cry or show emotion. So, I guess that's why I'm so screwed up."

Teyla smiled her incredible smile at him and it immediately made him feel better, "We are all messed up in our own ways John, but we are all here to help each other that is what a family does and on Atlantis we are all family. It doesn't matter where we came from or where we end up, we will always be here for each other."

"Are you thinking of going somewhere?" He asked feeling a little afraid by her last comment.

"No John, Atlantis is my home, and this is where I intend to stay and when my son is born, it will be his home as well. I do not know what Kanaan will do, but I can't tell you that until we find my people."

Suddenly he felt guilty, his father had died, but Teyla had lost her people and at that moment he became determined to find them whatever happened. Even if that meant that he would return Kannan to her.

"I'm sorry Teyla, I'm being selfish. I never stopped to think that you have lost all of your people including Kanaan and I promise I will do whatever I can to help you find them."

"Thank you, John, but you have no need to apologise. Losing your father is a great loss to you and I understand that. Just remember if you ever need to talk that I am here for you, as are Rodney and Ronon."

"Thanks, Teyla."

"You are most welcome John. Would you like to come to my quarters for the evening meal? Rodney and Ronon are coming and I think they were trying to get hold of some pizza."

"That sounds like a great idea," he told her as he stood up and extended his hand out towards her.

Once he had helped her up, she held on to his hand and together they walked towards the transporter. It had been an incredibly difficult week and at times he'd felt alone. Now he was back on Atlantis he knew that he never had to be alone again, he had Rodney, Ronon and most of all Teyla there for him. Back on earth he had a brother again, who he was desperately trying to rebuild a relationship with, so despite the circumstances of the last week he knew that he would be alright.

Fin…

I hope you enjoyed it.