Behind Closed Doors: Chapter 5 - Weights
The moment you enter Toriel's home, there's a change in atmosphere immediately. It's comfortable and so quiet. Somehow you just know it feels.. safe? Your entire body starts to relax slightly when you get there, but as it relaxes you get a heavy feeling in your chest, head and arms.. you remember this heavy, draining feeling well, but try your best to hide it.
Toriel notices the look on your face fade for a moment and can't seem to help her nature. "My ch-... Manny, is something wrong?" She corrected herself with a soft smile and as you looked over the smile seemed to instantly snap back in response? "What- Oh, I'm absolutely fine, and..." You give a quiet sigh and smile lightly whilst rolling your eyes. "You can call me 'My child' if you really can't help yourself." You fold your arms with a smirk and stare at her for a moment. She raises a brow and smiles a little wider herself, commenting "Oh? What brought you to that conclusion all of a sudden?".
"I guess.." You pop a candy you had taken from the bowl earlier in your journey into your mouth, chipmunking it and continuing. "I've got a sweet spot for kind folks." It was quiet for a moment, but you didn't expect the laughter to erupt from her. You had a clear look of surprise from her outburst and smiled a little wider with your eyebrow raised, and soon after you gently sniffed the air. "What's that smell, by the way? A candle?" As she was coming down from her laughter she seemed a little shocked and covered her mouth for a moment. "Oh, goodness! I'll be right back!"
As she hurriedly speed-walked away into a separate room, you kind-of followed, staying in her living room. Once the coast was clear you let out a sigh and the weight came back, but heavier.. much more so. Enough that some pretty nasty thoughts started to float around your head.
You're going to make 'another' person start to like you? Have fun disappointing them.
Wow, you can't even 'kill' yourself right, let alone reach out for help? You are a fucking loser.
More and more of these thoughts came and wedged their way into your consciousness, causing you to just stand there with an empty look of pure 'dread'. You eventually snapped out of it when a large hand...paw.. rested itself on your shoulder from the side, along with a worried tone. "You're shaking, and that look of yours... Are you alright?" You looked tired, and your head was completely tilted towards the floor before you turned to Toriel and responded.
"Just.. some bad thoughts, that's all. Particularly heavy, and I'd... rather not talk about it-" Toriel gently squeezed your shoulder and lead you to the table in the living room, sitting you down where a pie was rested, steaming gingerly as she sat down next to you. "If there's one thing I know, it's that holding emotions in like that can quite literally kill you, my child.. do you recall what we spoke about on the way here?"
"About what?" You asked in an exhausted but nonetheless aware tone. "About magic, dear. Everyone's magic is tied to their emotions, and the more negative, the more destructive they can be.. especially self-destructive feelings. Not only can they drain you mentally, but they also lower your HP."
Suddenly, you recoiled as if she had just slapped you. You had a face of shock and disgust, but not towards her, towards yourself. Someone you had 'just' met about two-and-a-half hours ago already pointed out something you were trying so desperately to hide, and to make it worse, you instinctively tried to lie.
"I don't know-" Toriel interrupted you again, but this time with a stern voice. Even though she was so friendly, she still towered over you by about a foot-and-a-half. "Do not lie to me, my child. You may not want to, but... this is the best way to heal." Even with the raised, motherly voice, she seemed genuine.. like she actually wanted to help you. Out of fear and anger you gripped the side of the table and squeezed harshly, to the point where the corner was digging into palm pretty hard. It felt slightly relieving, oddly enough.. as if it cleared your head of all those negative thoughts.
You were quiet for a little bit, but that didn't stop Toriel from staring expectantly for an answer. You lower your head again and place both arms on the table, exhaling a shaky sigh. "Look, I... I didn't.." You paused as your guts twisted inside you, begging you not to let anyone know. "I didn't fall down here, okay?" You answered in a slightly aggressive tone, but if anything you seemed ashamed. The expression bled out onto your face after you admitted that, but for some reason, you continued, and couldn't stop. "Things... weren't exactly going the best up there. Applying for jobs but getting nowhere, unable to pay rent, feeling like a burden.. I felt like going for a hike to clear my head, and after remembering the legend about this mountain I thought it'd be silly to climb it. I didn't have a plan for getting down, and when I eventually saw the hole I-"
A pair of arms interrupted your voice with a tight, warm hug. You tried to push away and aggressively spoke to her. "I didn't ask for a fucking hug, why are you-" The anger and defensiveness continued as your voice became more quaky and tremulous, and eventually your knees gave with a *THUD* against the wooden floor. Your arms draped down at your sides and you trembled. Tears had been streaking down your face a little while before this, but you had just now noticed.
..You weren't really a loud crier. It was always quiet and shaky, but always obvious. You could never hide when you were this low.
After about five or so minutes of just sitting there on your knees, Toriel quietly helps you up. With a shaky hand you grasp her sleeve, and when she welcomes you into the guest room you don't really spare any energy to look around.. the only thing you notice is a bed. After lying down, it doesn't take long before you're out like a light.
I had a feeling the chapters were a little too 'short' before this one, so I'm trying to include more (but not too much) in each individual chapter. This one I was kind of afraid to post because of it's heaviness, so please give feedback on it. I'd appreciate it, a lot. I know not many read this, but I'm sorry this chapter took so long. Life's been a little.. heavy, lately.
-RampantMemory