Disclaimer: Neither Avatar: the Last Airbender nor its characters belong to me, nor will they ever
Zuko strode into his palace, glad to be back home. All he wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep for a week, but he knew that, after a two-week absence, there was a pile of paperwork calling his name.
He sighed.
He made his way to the council room first, where his advisors were waiting for him. Hurriedly, and all at once, they filled him in on the goings-on of the nation, various new proposals, laws that needed to be signed into effect. He sat on his throne as he reviewed one of the many scrolls he was handed, barely reading over the words, when he realized something.
"Where is Fire Lady Katara?" he asked.
Suddenly, the room grew silent. One man cleared his throat before answering timidly, "The Fire Lady has been ill, my lord."
Before Zuko had the chance to demand a better answer, Iroh stepped into the room from his study. "My lord, may I request a moment with you?"
Zuko's jaw clenched as he nodded and stepped off the dais. He followed Iroh back into his office, but Iroh was stepping out the other door and into the hallway.
"What is it?" Zuko asked, catching up to his uncle as he made his way quickly down the hall.
"Katara is in your rooms."
"Why?" Zuko stopped. "Did something happen to her? Why wasn't she here to greet me?"
"I think you need to speak with her."
He moved to stand in front of Iroh. "What's wrong?" he asked, suddenly panicked. "Is she all right?"
Iroh looked up at him, suddenly appearing older and wearier than he had seen him in a long time. "It is something she must tell you. You should go to her."
Leaving Iroh, he made his way quickly to his rooms, trying to keep all of the horrid possibilities popping into his head at bay. Katara could take care of herself; she was fine. Right?
He swallowed with relief when he saw Katara, alive, lying in bed. Wait, why was she in bed at this time of day?
"Katara."
Katara stirred, squinting against the light. She rubbed her eyes and pushed herself up. "Zuko? I—I thought you wouldn't be back till much later today."
"We made better time than expected," he said as he crossed the room. "Iroh told me you were in here. Is…is everything all right?"
Katara's face crumpled suddenly, and she turned away, hanging her feet off the edge of the bed. He went to stand in front of her.
"I was just…taking a nap," she stated quietly.
"A nap?" he echoed. "You never nap."
She shrugged, and he noticed she wouldn't meet his eye. "I've been tired."
He wanted to point out she never got tired, but something in her demeanor stopped him. "Katara, what's wrong? Did…did something happen while I was gone?"
She shook her head but he could see her eyes fill with tears.
He knelt in front of her and took her hands. "Talk to me."
"I'm fine, Zuko. Why-why would you think there's anything wrong?"
"Because you're acting strangely."
Shaking her head, she pulled away and stood, her back to him.
He sighed. Making his voice firm, he asked, "Katara, what happened while I was gone?"
Suddenly, Katara spun around and pressed her face to his chest; he wrapped his arms, somewhat awkwardly, around her, surprised by her erratic behavior. Hot tears seeped through his shirt, and her body quaked with silent sobs.
"Katara, I can't help if you won't tell me—"
"I had a miscarriage," she said suddenly.
Suddenly, there was no oxygen in the room, and he felt his heart stutter in his chest. "What?" Zuko whispered.
"I didn't know! I didn't…and there was all this blood…. Oh, Zuko, I didn't know!"
His arms tightened around her. "Shh," he soothed. "It's all right." He pulled away to look down at her. She looked a little pale, her long hair was loose and in wild tangles, and there were large dark circles under her eyes, but otherwise she looked okay. "How are you feeling? Are...were you...hurt?" he asked, choosing his words carefully. Women died from this stuff, right? Agni, he could have lost her. He picked her up and sat on the edge of their bed with her in his lap. "Should you be out of bed?"
She sniffed. "The physician visits twice a day, and he says physically I'm fine now. I wasn't...far along. I'm just supposed to take it easy for another week or two."
He hesitated. "When-"
Katara's lips trembled and her eyes filled with new tears. "A f-few days after you left. I didn't know I was pregnant," she repeated, choking on a sob.
He pressed his lips to the crown of her head.
"What if I can't carry to term? Oh, spirits. Then this was all for nothing—"
"Stop. Katara—"
"I'm supposed to give you a child!" she nearly shouted. "It's-it's stipulated in the contract: I'm to provide you with an heir. If I c-can't, this marriage was for nothing. This was all for nothing."
He was silent for a moment. "We'll get through this," he promised.
She nodded though still unsure.
Karata's sobs gradually, slowly transitioned to quiet tears and soft sniffles. When it had seemed that she had relaxed a bit, he asked quietly, "Why didn't you write to me?"
She sniffled. "Because you would have come home."
"Well, yes—"
"I'm the Fire Lady," she stated, her voice suddenly hard. "I'm…I'm supposed to be strong. I am strong. Writing you would have been seen as weak."
"Katara—"
"You can't come running home because I need you. You're not the average man; you're the leader of your nation. There are different expectations of you…of us."
He scowled, shaking his head.
"You know I'm right."
"Then things are going to change. You—"
Katara wiped at her tear-stained face. "I'm fine, Zuko, I swear. I'm just...emotional right now. Had it been really bad, I would have sent for you."
"But—"
She shook her head sadly. "We can't change the way it's been done for centuries. You must do your job, and I must do mine. You are the Fire Lord first. I know that; I'm okay with that." He cursed under his breath as he pulled her tighter against him. "The physician did not find anything physically wrong with me, and I cannot sense anything either with my bloodbending, so we should be able to try again soon."
His eyes snapped up to hers, searching her face, but her expression was stoic and unreadable. If he was honest, he had not even thought about the consequences of their new found intimacy. It had not occurred to him that she could get pregnant so soon, and it definitely had not occurred to him that she could suffer through a miscarriage.
Zuko continued to hold Katara until her breathing returned to normal and his heart stopped racing. "You should get some rest," he told her quietly. He did not want to talk about trying for another baby, not when he had just learned of and lost their first baby in the same instant.
"I've been resting all day for over a week now," she said, pulling away. "Tell me about your trip."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to talk about my trip."
She was quiet for a moment before she said, "I'll bring us some tea."
He watched her as she left their room. He of all people was not a master of words or mourning codes, but he knew she was shutting him out to protect herself. Hell, he did not even want to be a father. But watching Katara suffer like this was not something he could stomach. And the fact that she had gone through it all alone? It was more than he could bear.
That night, after Katara had fallen asleep, Zuko went to Iroh's rooms. Despite the late hour, his uncle was awake, and a pot of fresh tea was waiting in his sitting room. Zuko sat and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.
Iroh sat down next to him. "I am so sorry, Zuko."
Zuko was quiet as he replayed his conversation with Katara in his head. He had not cried once today, but he was not sad. Not really. Mostly, he was angry. Angry that Karata had suffered—was continuing to suffer. Angry that the pressures placed on her by this marriage made her feel that her providing an heir was more important than her own life. Angry with himself for getting her pregnant in the first place. And angry with himself for not not being there for her when she needed him most. "What happened?" he finally asked.
"She told her lady that she wasn't feeling well, and Jien found her passed out in the bathroom. The physician said she had not been far along, so it was not too painful, but she lost a lot of blood."
Through clenched teeth, he demanded, "Why did you not write to me?"
Iroh looked contrite as he answered, "My Fire Lady commanded me not to."
Zuko wiped a hand over his face. "Next time, this order supersedes any that she may give: if something like this ever happens again, if something ever happens to Katara again, you write to me."
"Yes, Fire Lord."
Zuko nodded, satisfied. "Anything else? Anything I need to know?"
"Katara did not want anyone to know, so her lady Jien, the physician and myself are the only ones who know, and we swore to her our secrecy. I told the council she was just feeling unwell. The physician said she is in good health and has recovered quickly, she just needs a bit more rest."
"Did...did he—" Zuko cleared his throat as he struggled to find the words to say, "Why—"
"It just happens, Zuko. Sometimes, there's no reason. It is not as uncommon as one might think, unfortunately."
That answer was not good enough. How could he prevent it from happening again if he did not know what caused it?
"How has Katara been?"
"The physician said she was never in any danger physically, but the first few days were...hard. She blamed herself, said she should have known, should have used bloodbending to stop it, but I told her there was nothing she could have done."
"She cried when she told me."
Iroh sipped his tea and nodded sadly. "Katara is strong, but it is her heart that is wounded now."
"What should I do?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what do I do to make...her feel better? To make the pain go away?"
"Oh, Zuko. All you can do is love her. Comfort her. The pain and sadness will lessen with time. And mourn with her. You lost a child, too."
Zuko looked away, too ashamed to admit he did not feel as though he had lost anything. Too ashamed to admit he did not want to be a father. But he whispered, "I have never felt so helpless before."
Iroh was quiet, and Zuko's shame grew. He should not have admitted such weakness—
"I never told you, but my wife and I had an arranged marriage."
Zuko looked up at Iroh. He never spoke about his wife.
"It was not a love match, but she was a nice girl. We liked each other well enough and got along well, but back then my heart was set on war. I did not want to be home with her, not even when she told me that she was with child. But when she handed me my son, my world stopped. And when it started spinning again, it revolved around my wife and son."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I know you, Zuko. And I know what Ozai made you think of marriage and fatherhood. But you are not him. And Katara is not your mother."
Zuko winced. They never spoke about Ozai, but referring to him by name was preferable to calling him father. "My mother—"
"Was a good woman in many ways, yes, but she was not perfect. You never got to see what a good marriage looks like. And your mother let her hatred and resentment for Ozai influence how she raised and treated her children. Both she and Ozai made many mistakes, but you must know you are not them. And I raised you to be a good man. A good husband. And a good father. You must not doubt yourself so. So, for now, just love Katara. Be whatever she needs and more because—knowing Katara—she will try to carry this pain in silence alone."
She would do that, he knew. Katara was going to act like nothing had happened, like she was not in pain or suffering, to the best of her ability. But inside, this was killing her. And knowing Katara, she loved that baby from the moment she learned of its existence, however brief, and would mourn for it the rest of her days. "Love her? You really think that is what she wants?" Zuko asked quietly.
"Oh, Zuko," Iroh sighed sadly. "It is what she needs."
A/N: Just love her, man!