Notes: As of now, I officially know that this will be 43 chapters, so good luck and have fun as this winds up and then down.

Uraraka wasn't sure where to go after they left the facility. She had been discharged from the hospital and her apartment made her heart ache. Walking silently next to her, Bakugou seemed equally at a loss. When they slipped into the car, Naomasa told them he could drop them off wherever, but neither one of them had anything to say. The second safe house was still available, but Uraraka didn't know if it would do any good. Deku had figured out the first place and Aizawa was the most off-the-grid hero she knew.

"UA," Bakugou said in the silence. "Take us to UA."

His rough voice caught her by surprise, and she turned to him in confusion. She hadn't even considered how this would affect UA. They had probably gone on lockdown after being alerted to the attack on Endeavor's agency, but it had either opened back up or would soon. After all, they had attended school and managed to graduate through multiple massive villains attacks. Those attacks were the reason why they were at UA to begin with. As strange and wrong as it sounded, closing it would be a sign the villains won.

Hadn't they though? Yes, the heroes got Todoroki back and they were finally getting answers, but it didn't feel like they'd won a damn thing when they lost him in the first place. Not even learning Kyōmu's real name felt like a victory.

Naomasa didn't question Bakugou, starting the car and heading in that direction, but Uraraka did. "Why UA?"

Bakugou didn't respond at first, a hollow look in his eyes as he stared sightlessly at the back of the seat, before finally answering, "It's been a year today."

Oh . Uraraka's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. How had she not realized it until now? A year. It had been a full year since Deku dropped into those choppy, dark waters and seemingly vanished from their lives. One year.

It was hard to imagine how much had changed since then. A year and a day ago, Uraraka thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with Deku. He was planning on proposing to her. Todoroki breached the top five ranks. Bakugou got stuck in a televised interview that they laughed about because of how he'd done his hair. Iida was planning on taking over his older brother's agency in full. Tsu was making waves as one of the top aqua-related pro heroes.

The world had felt so bright back then, like light would always shine on them even in the dark.

Besides Inko, the only other person affected by today's date as much as them was currently at UA. All Might was no doubt struggling horribly. Guilt twisted inside Uraraka at the thought of the former Number One Hero. She should've been there more for him – tried to comfort him more – supported him more. It was thanks to him Deku became a hero. He most likely thought it was also thanks to him Deku was a villain now, even if that was nowhere near the case. Outside of them sharing One for All, Deku was something like a son to All Might. Seeing him like this now would break even the strongest of heroes.

While on the way, Naomasa called to inform the school of their impending arrival. Security had been tightened and strengthened even more during their time at UA. She could only imagine the lengths they were going to now that this second version of the League was running around with Deku at the helm. Aizawa, Midnight, and All Might met them at the gates. Naomasa stayed for a few words but then left claiming work. He needed to see what they had on Kyōmu so far and help build the profile on him.

While Bakugou hung back with his hands in his pockets, hesitating to accept any sort of physical comfort, Uraraka rushed into All Might's arms for a few second time in a few weeks. Neither one of them cried like they did the first time, but her throat constricted and eyes burned as she pressed her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, trying to bleed as much support into her as he could, but it wasn't necessary. She wanted to tell him to save his strength – that she was here for him – but she couldn't get the words out of her mouth.

"We won't stay for long," Bakugou grunted as they walked into the main building. "We don't know how much of a target we are now. I don't want them to focus on the school."

Midnight nodded. "Of course."

"I know you won't," Aizawa said, "but have you considered leaving the area?"

Bakugou turned his head away. Of course he wouldn't. Running away from a fight would piss him off to no end, even if it was the best course of action. Nonetheless, he would never be able to run away from Deku, the person who embodied everything awful about his past. It would be akin to running away from himself. He couldn't do it.

"He'd probably hunt me down no matter where I go," Bakugou said. He had considered it, but also decided it was useless. Uraraka had as well, but the idea of leaving Deku behind made her want to both scream and cry. She couldn't do that to him. Even if being there for him had made things worse, she couldn't leave him like this. She managed to help Todoroki break out of Kyōmu's hold. Maybe if she was angry or harsh, he would snap out of it long enough for them to capture him.

The hurt look on Deku's face when she screamed at him to stay away from her and Iida flashed in her mind. That hadn't been the look of a villain or someone under the hold of a villain's quirk. She had seen genuine pain in his eyes even through the tears slipping out of hers. He couldn't even move from the shock. She had never screamed like that at him before. To be honest, she couldn't remember if she'd done it to anyone. When she woke, a wave of shame swept over her for yelling at him so furiously, but…she couldn't regret it. She hadn't wanted him anywhere near her at that moment. She'd never wanted him to touch her again.

"Have you heard news from the hospital on Iida or Shinsou?" Uraraka asked as they stepped into an office. "We haven't been told anything." The teachers glanced at each other, unreadable expressions on Aizawa's and All Might's face. Or at least they thought they were. Hiding their emotions gave them away. "Please. I just need to know."

All Might gestured to the couch. "We received word early this morning…" Uraraka slowly dropped to sit on the couch. Bakugou didn't move from his spot, folding his arms across his chest and clenching his jaw. "Iida was beyond the means of Recovery Girl's quirk and the doctors did everything they could, but–"

"No." Tears escaped from Uraraka's eyes, and she shook her head. "No, no, that's not– That can't be right. How could he be beyond her quirk? I don't– I don't understand." She tried to breathe, but the air wouldn't come in. Iida would tell her to relax. He'd grab her hands and still her in a way he only became when he was intense. He almost always moved his arms when he talked. She used to think it was the funniest thing. She still did. "Iida's strong. He's been through so much. He pulled through, right? He–he–"

Bending to one knee as if folding in on himself, All Might took her hands in his. "I'm so sorry."

Uraraka knew she should accept his comfort, but she ripped her hand out of his to bury her face in her hands and double over. "No, no, no!" Sobs wracked her body, shaking her like a leaf. Her stomach turned and vomit would've threatened to crawl up her throat if she could stop crying for only a moment. When she felt a hand on her back, she jerked away from the touch and the hand retreated. "Iid–Iida can't be– He hadn't even headed his agency for a year yet. He–he was the first one to– He's strong. He can't–"

Gone. He was gone. She didn't even know how to accept that, much less move past it. Deku's death had damn near broken her, but this somehow hurt even worse because of how it happened. It was an accident, but that didn't make it any better. Iida, one of her closest friends, an incredible and kind and passionate hero, was gone.

How was she supposed to keep fighting when everything and everyone was being taken away from her?

When Uraraka pulled her hands away from her face, All Might was still on one knee in front of her, watching her patiently. Pain glowed dimly in his sunken eyes. Had he already cried when he heard the news? Did pros like him cry over deaths? She thought they must. During Deku's funeral, tears had silently slipped down his cheeks as he held a wailing Inko, but she couldn't remember him openly weeping. No doubt he had done that in private. It had been years since he was the Number One Hero and the Symbol of Peace yet he still wore a strong face for everyone to see in his skeletal, weak body.

"He was a hero until the very end," All Might told her softly.

A fresh wave of grief washed over Uraraka, causing her to burst into tears all over again. Until the very end. He was gone. Iida was gone. What was the last thing she'd said to him? She struggled to remember. The last part of the fight outside of Endeavor's agency was a blur. After Iida was hit, all she could think about was how still he was and how she couldn't tell if he was breathing. And then the building collapsed and the quirk inhibitor braces were slapped over Todoroki's wrists and everything was mixed together.

"It should've been me."

Uraraka sniffed and stared at Bakugou. He held himself so tightly she was afraid he might shatter, his arms trembling from the effort of keeping himself together. His face was turned away so she couldn't see his expression, but she could tell by his stiff jaw and neck that he was so close to losing it. They had all suffered losses before. They had all seen people die, not just Deku, but they didn't even have time to properly mourn Iida.

"Bakugou–"

"He pushed me out of the way at the last second. Deku meant to hit me. He didn't want to kill Iida. It should've been me." Bakugou lifted a hand off his bicep to hold it over his eyes, baring his teeth as he grit them painfully. "He was the hero Deku admired and believed in – what I should've been from the start."

All Might stood. "It's not your fault."

"Isn't it though? He died because of me."

"No, he didn't." All Might reached out to him. "He died doing what was right–"

Bakugou jerked away from All Might and stumbled back a few steps. "Bullshit! It's fucking bullshit! It doesn't matter if it was the right thing – if he was protecting or saving me like a hero should – not when he's dead!" Tears leaked from his eyes. She silently watched him as hollowness threatened to take over her grief. Oh. She'd forgotten he was such an angry and emotional crier. Her heart skipped a beat. "I lost someone again. I failed someone again. Iida counted on me to take care of shit and I couldn't do it. I fucking…" He clenched his hands into fists. "A year later and I still can't save one goddamn person when it counts."

"There's a possibility I pushed him too far. I'm sorry."

Uraraka whipped her head around to face the door and jumped to her feet. "Shinsou! You're okay!"

Shinsou grimaced. "A relative term, if I've ever heard one."

Even though her heart ached over Iida's loss, she clung to the fact that Shinsou was alive. She rushed to hug him, mindful of his arm in a cast, but he still flinched. When she pulled away to apologize, he waved her off. The last time she saw him, he had been struggling to stay conscious as she carried him to safety with her quirk. Not hearing any updates on either of them had made her terribly nervous.

"I'm sorry about Iida. I–" Shinsou cut himself off when his throat constricted. He swallowed through the pain. "I saw him at the hospital, but then I fell unconscious and I didn't–"

Uraraka dropped her gaze to the floor. "We all failed him."

"You can't think of it like that," Aizawa said. Having been a hero longer than them on top of being an underground one, which was more dangerous, he had undoubtedly lost friends in the line of duty. Even worse, Iida wasn't the first former student of his to die or forced to quit before him. Just thinking of how many people he'd lost over the years and the deaths he carried on his shoulders was painful.

They hadn't truly known what they were getting into when they applied to UA. All she'd wanted to do was become a hero, sign on with a good agency, and make enough money to give her parents a comfortable life. Yes, she loved the idea of saving people and helping them smile, but there was so much more to it than she'd imagined. She'd never considered the pain and grief that came with being a hero until it was too late.

Bakugou, however, wasn't in the mood for wisdom from their old homeroom teacher. "How else are we supposed to look at it? He sacrificed himself to save me. Now Deku's gonna be gunning for me even more."

"I don't know…" Uraraka tapped her fingertips together in a nervous gesture, a habit she hadn't outgrown. It came back to her now as she thought about Deku. "He seemed genuinely upset."

"Yeah, and then he tried to kill me," Bakugou pointed out. "He blamed me for it."

Uraraka chewed on her bottom lip, nearly piercing the skin. "But…didn't you see him crying?"

When she first looked back, she hadn't recalled the tears. Too blinded by her own emotions, she'd struggled to remember anything else, but now, even amidst the pain, she saw them clear as day. The tears welling in Deku's bright green eyes as he screamed at Bakugou. Maybe he was mad and even blamed Bakugou in that moment, but it was either that or blame himself. The latter would go against everything the quirk convinced him to think. If he was at fault for Iida's death, then what else was he at fault for? What else was he wrong about?

He hadn't wanted to kill Iida. He said he would if he had to – but he hadn't wanted to kill him, just like he hadn't wanted to hurt Todoroki. Out of all of them, Iida was technically Deku's first friend at UA – maybe his first, actual friend in a long time after he closed in on himself during middle school. Losing him might have been the crack in that quirk's hold they'd been trying to find for a month.

Obnoxious laughter cut through the silence. Uraraka startled while Bakugou and Shinsou tensed, only for All Might to cough as he pulled out his phone and muttered, "Sorry, sorry, I keep forgetting to change that– Shit, that's not appropriate at all for the mo–" He furrowed his brow. "I don't recognize the number."

Uraraka connected eyes with Bakugou. "What if it's...?"

"You don't think he would, do you?" Shinsou questioned, sounding skeptical and wary.

"Like I said, it's been a year since he died." Bakugou moved his gaze to the phone. "I'm almost positive he's aware of it too. And now, after what happened with Iida…" He shrugged uselessly. She had never once thought to use the term weak for him before, but he looked so very exhausted. "If he really is upset, who else is he going to talk to about it? It's not like those villains he's slumming with are good for comfort."

"Kyōmu probably messed with Deku's memories about Iida's death too." Uraraka hated bringing it up, considering they might've found a chip in his armor, but it would be all too easy for Kyōmu to take Deku's guilt and grief and twist it into rage.

Bakugou waved a hand. "Answer it."

After hesitating for a second, All Might answered the call and put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"All–All Might?"

Uraraka's heart skipped a beat upon hearing Deku. All Might closed his eyes, unable to look at anyone in the room, like he couldn't bear to hear his protege sound like this. His voice was so fragile, so pitiful, so scared that the urge to cry out for him welled up inside of her. Bakugou remained utterly still like a statue, but it was a reaction in itself. She worried he might break the illusion of strength if he did move. Both Shinsou and Aizawa wore matching dark but impassive expressions while Midnight laid a gentle hand All Might's back.

"I'm here," All Might finally said in a voice she knew wasn't nearly as strong as he would've liked. He took a deep breath and repeated softly, "I'm here, my boy."

"I didn't know– I don't really know what– I haven't seen you since–since– I don't know. How long?" Deku couldn't even manage a full sentence. He barely got the question out. She could hear the tears in his words, the way his voice shook as he struggled to speak. It was like his mouth couldn't keep up with all the thoughts racing through his mind. Could he even make sense of them? Todoroki had been lost and confused after breaking free of the quirk. Was he finding it difficult too?

"It's been over a year – a year and two weeks. We had tea at UA on my lunch break. You wanted to talk about your future with Uraraka. You were thinking about proposing but were unsure if it was a good idea with One for All."

Oh. All Might had known too. It made sense for Deku to speak with him about it. All Might was like a father to him just as Deku was like a son to him. He trusted All Might more than his own biological father – or at least he had. Did. He was calling him now. That was a good thing, right? A sign of improvement or change when he hadn't reached out to All Might before. There had only been a festering bitterness.

"Yeah, yeah, you said… You said it was a bad idea – that any attachments would only hold me back – that I should end things with her and devote my entire life to being a hero. I was wasting her time and mine. I would never reach my full potential with her distracting me. I had a responsibility to uphold and I couldn't do it with her."

All Might's eyes snapped open, a flash of hurt crossing his face as if he'd been deeply cut. "Why would I say something so cruel? I would never tell you that."

"No, you said I was being selfish – that a hero like me couldn't afford a carefree life like that with her. I had to give everything away."

"I would never tell you to do that," All Might insisted firmly, a hint of fire in his eyes. "I never wanted that for you. I thought I had to push everyone away in order to become the Symbol of Peace. Maybe I did, but not you. The people in your life have always made you a stronger hero and a better person than I could have ever been. I…" His hand trembled until he pressed it down on the table next to the phone, holding himself up. Tears splashed on the wood. "I was always so happy you weren't alone. Being at the top is lonely, but every time I saw how in love you and Uraraka were or how well you teamed up with Todoroki or just...just how happy you were with the people in your life, I was grateful to simply be a part of it too. You saved me."

Deku was silent on the other end for a moment. Everyone held their breaths as they watched the phone, waiting to hear his voice again. When he finally did speak, it was void of any emotion. "I saved you." Was it the quirk's effects or was he trying to protect himself? It killed her a little not to know. If only she could see his face, she'd be able to read him then. She'd know. "Saved."

"Yes," All Might said. "If not for you, I would've been alone. I never would've understood how much light people could bring into my life."

"Well, you were just trying to be the best hero possible. Other people didn't really matter beyond saving them and making a name for yourself."

All Might winced. His role as the Number One Hero sounded selfish when put that way, but that was more along the lines of Endeavor's thinking. All Might had cared about people, hadn't he? Just not closely. He kept his guard up, only keeping a few people in his trusted circle. "It was easier to keep people at an arm's length. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me."

"Of course not." Deku paused. She heard him swallow and take a shaky breath. "Is Iida…? I didn't mean to hurt him, you know. I mean, I had orders, but I don't always follow them. It's not like they can stop me." Bakugou snorted lightly and shook his head. No, they couldn't. Deku was a hand grenade and the villains were holding the pin in after taking it out. "I knew I might have to hurt him, just not too much, but I– He wasn't moving. He didn't get up. He always gets up. He's stronger than that."

"I'm sorry, my boy." All Might put a hand over his face, shielding his eyes from them. "He didn't make it. He might've survived your attack, but when he struck the car–"

"No!" The sudden shout made Uraraka jump and slam a hand over her mouth to keep from making a sound. "No, you're just saying that to–to– I'm not going to fall for it. Kyōmu was right. You're lying to me."

"I wish I was," All Might said, his voice steady but streaked with grief. "He was your friend and he's gone. You have to accept this and your role in it."

"No, no, no, he's not gone. He can't be gone. What about Recovery Girl? How many times did she heal me when I repeatedly shattered and broke myself to please you – to become like you? How many times did she pick up the pieces of my body when I wasn't good enough for you?"

"Izuku, please–"

"She healed him, didn't she? He's fine! You're lying to me so I'll get upset and make a mistake or–or feel guilty or– I didn't do that. Don't tell me that I killed him because I didn't!"

Even with his hand pressed against the table to steady himself, All Might couldn't hide the fact that he was shaking. Midnight rushed to pull a chair up behind to fall on. He was one of the strongest people Uraraka knew, but over a decade after the debilitating injury that forced him to search for an heir to One for All, his body was not nearly as strong as it had once been. Blood dribbled from the side of his mouth, but he didn't even bother wiping it away.

"I would never presume to tell you how you should feel," All Might said quietly while Deku continued to mutter hysterical reassurances to himself. "I would never try to trick or manipulate you into feeling a certain way. Your heart is your own. Listen to it and no one else, not even me."

"You–you're lying. He's not– He can't be– Iida…" Deku's voice trembled weakly as he cried. She could picture him wiping his eyes with the back of his arm as he sniffed pitifully. "It was supposed to be Kacchan. I was supposed to finally take Kacchan out of mine and Ochako's lives. We were gonna be happy."

All Might frowned. "Do you really think she would've been happy if you killed him instead?"

"I–I– He's in the way. He isn't good for her. I'm just trying to protect her. He's not a good hero. He's a fake and only hurts and uses people. She would've– She would've seen that after..."

"How did she react after you struck Iida instead?"

Deku choked on a sob. "She yelled at me. She didn't even want me near her, like she never wanted me to come close to her ever again. What did I–?" He made a strange garbled sound she didn't recognize. Was he laughing? Crying? "I've never seen her so upset. I did that. I hurt her. I scared her. How can she–? Oh gods, she hates me, doesn't she? I–I don't…"

The urge to jump in and reassure Deku that she didn't hate him sprung inside of Uraraka, but… She didn't move. She didn't pull her hands away from her mouth or say a word. She didn't hate him, but she couldn't deny that she was upset. She was angry with him. He had hurt her. People tended to forget that, Deku aside, Iida had been her first friend at UA too. Maybe he hadn't meant to kill Iida, but killing Bakugou wouldn't have made it any better. She would've been just as furious and devastated.

Lying to him – placating him – would do them no good. It would only set them back. If he was terrified and upset over the idea that she might hate him, then all she could think was, Good .

He needed that fear instilled in him. If he believed he lost his future with her, everything he'd done might come crashing down on him. It would wound him deeply. It might shake everything to his core. Hell, it might even break him, but maybe that was what he needed in order to find himself. He'd broken himself repeatedly before to become the hero the world needed. She hated the idea of him doing it once more, but if that was what it took, then she couldn't afford to hold back and try to contain his pain. He needed to feel it. The truth hurt.

"Come home, Izuku," All Might told him gently. "We can work this out together."

"You don't mean that," Izuku said in a hollow tone. "You'll just lock me up and throw away the key. Make me give away One for All. That's what you're worried about, isn't it? Your precious quirk and the legacy you feel like you wasted on me. You don't care about me. It was never about me."

All Might slammed his other hand against the table, rattling the phone. "It has always been about you – right from the start."

"I can't… I can't come home, can I? Not really. It's gone. Do you think Ochako will forgive me? I–I don't know if I…" Deku sighed, sounding thoroughly wrung him dry. All those conflicting emotions and competing memories must've drained him. "I have to see this through. If I don't, then what's the point? I have to fix things. I'll fix them. I'll make things better. I always do. I can still– I can still make her happy, right? She'll still love me?"

Uraraka closed her eyes, letting tears seep out from underneath her eyelids and down her cheeks. Deku sounded so hopeful, but even more scared, like a lost boy alone in the woods trying to find their way back.

"I don't know," All Might admitted.

"Of course not. You never understood–" Banging on Deku's end interrupted him. Uraraka snapped her eyes open and stood at attention. He must be in his room when someone knocked on his door. "Shit, I told them not to–" More banging interrupted them. Deku sniffed and then huffed irritably. "I told you to leave me alone! I don't–"

"I know, I know, I'm so sorry!" a distant but familiar feminine voice cut in. Ikeda was captured, so maybe it was Mizumi. Whoever it was, they were beyond frantic. "We need your help right now. I'm sorry. I didn't want to bother you, but we can't–"

Distant banging and shouting cut her off, but Uraraka couldn't understand what was being said. It was muffled, which meant it was outside his bedroom. Uraraka pictured the layout of their hideout as much as she could remember. There was a long hallway outside of his room, the right leading to the room where Kyōmu used his quirk and the left to the room where she'd watched Bakugou's interview with the media outside UA. What the hell was going on? Were the villains fighting each other?

"What is it?" Deku demanded, his demeanor gone cold.

"It's–"

"–fucking don't touch me! Don't! I swear to god I will fucking burn his ass to a crisp if he gets near me! I'll kill you all if you even think about forcing me!"

"Calm down!"

"Oh, I'll calm the fuck down as long as he stays far away. Fucking...digging around in my head like that! Fuck!"

Uraraka knew that voice, although she'd never heard him scream so violently before. Dabi. Something had gone terribly wrong on the villains' side. There was a lot of infighting between villain organizations and sometimes within their own group. Dabi hadn't been known for being friendly toward villains before, having killed dozens of them while with the original League, but this sounded more personal.

Todoroki told them Kyōmu had messed with both his and Dabi's minds. He'd made them believe they were closer in their youth than they were, maybe in hopes it would convince Todoroki to join them or make his transition smoother. If he trusted not one but two people in their group, it would make him easier to turn. Plus, even without Kyōmu's quirk, they shared similar trauma due to their father's upbringing and training. Dabi hadn't been stable before, but with his memories tampered with and the fallout from Endeavor's death…

"Please, Deku, he's losing it and hurting himself–"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead and get your golden boy! Because he's so much more rational than me right now!" Someone yelped in pain. "I said to get your fucking hands off me!"

Deku let out an annoyed growl. "Fine. I'll deal with it. Get out of here."

Listening patiently before, All Might took his chance to jump into the conversation. "Izuku, what's going on?"

"I have to go."

"Wait, don't–"

"Tell Ochako I'm sorry. Tell her..." Deku hesitated. "Oh, she knows."

All Might snatched the phone and shouted, "Izuku–" right when Uraraka jumped forward and a single, "No!" slipped from her, but it was too late. Deku hung up. When All Might tried to call back, it didn't go through. He must've turned the phone off and tossed it to the side the second he ended the call – maybe even destroyed it for good measure so no one would know what he'd done.

No one spoke for a solid minute as they processed the call. It was painful to listen to Deku crying and reaching out to All Might even as he shoved him away. Hearing him switch so coldly at least told her something had changed. It hadn't been the way he would switch before. No, those emotions were genuine, even if he was confused about what he was feeling or what happened. Not to mention whatever was going down with the villains sounded even worse than the heroes.

"Well," Shinsou interrupted the silence in his typical deadpan, "that was enlightening."

"Midoriya was all over the place," Midnight said. "Could the repeated use of the quirk be causing it?"

"No shit," Bakugou grunted.

Shinsou hummed thoughtfully, undeterred by the interjection. "From what I gathered in Todoroki's interviews, it sounds like the quirk needs repeated use until a certain point or it'll become unstable. Its hold is a lot stronger on Midoriya, but even then, like how Uraraka's words and Endeavor's behavior contradicted Todoroki's manipulated memories, Iida's death and Uraraka's subsequent rejection of Deku chipped through the illusion."

He was trying to be methodical on purpose in order to remain objective, but the casual mention of Iida made Uraraka's knees buckle. She returned to the couch, scared she might collapse if her heart was forced to take another blow. Shinsou took a moment to gather himself, meeting Uraraka's eyes with an apologetic glance before looking away. Bakugou watched her but said nothing. They had still been trying to accept what happened to Iida before Deku called and shook things up.

"Dabi did react strangely after Endeavor's death," Uraraka added.

"Todoroki was able to break free from the quirk after he accomplished the goal put in his head," Shinsou said, "or he was easier to get through to once he realized things didn't match up."

Bakugou scoffed. "Great. All I have to do is die and we can get Deku back."

Shinsou tossed him a sideways, blank look over his shoulder. "We could always fake your death."

"Very funny."

"Naomasa called while you two were with Todoroki." All Might gripped his phone tightly. "He gave me the name of the man who started: Takami Yoshida. He was a therapist before becoming a villain. How can a man with a career helping people change into someone who hurts them and breaks them down?"

"That...makes sense actually," Shinsou said. "I had a feeling this wasn't what his quirk was initially used for. I don't know. You know, like how we're able to develop different, creative uses for our quirks? Maybe he stumbled across it somehow, like during a session." It was hard to say until Naomasa came back with a more detailed file on Takami. They would have his actual quirk registered, along with a description of it, and hopefully a paper trail that gave them an idea of his personal life and what might've turned him to villainy. Shinsou rubbed the back of his neck. "It sounds like a combination of hypnosis and brainwashing, but if he's not used to using his quirk this way, there's a chance something is going wrong after constant use."

"If Dabi is going nuclear, there's no saying what will happen if Deku does," Bakugou muttered.

The thought was terrifying. They had seen what All Might was capable of at one hundred percent, but One for All was even stronger in Deku's hands. Years ago, she saw him go past what they thought was the full potential to defeat All for One, but he'd been controlled then. Had he been in control or out of it when he moved to make the final blow on Bakugou and hit Iida instead? Would he have been able to restrain himself at the last second if he was in the right state of mind?

Uraraka wrapped her arms around herself. "I know I need to think about what to do, but I can't. I can't just sit here and not think about Iida." Her lips trembled, but no tears came to her eyes. "I can't focus. I'm sorry. You must think I'm useless right now."

Midnight squeezed her shoulder. "Not at all. We can't expect you to simply gloss over what happened. It wouldn't be healthy."

"Can't wait for the therapy after this," Bakugou drawled dryly. "Oh wait."

"Stop it," Uraraka snapped.

An abashed expression crossed Bakugou's face before he looked down at his shoes. Although he didn't apologize out loud, she saw him mouth the words, I'm sorry. She nodded in acceptance. He wasn't being callous on purpose to be rude or mean; he was trying to cope with the news and the phone call as much as her, just in a different way. He deflected and pretended not to care, but the pain in his eyes said something different. If he crossed the line for even a second, he would likely explode and he didn't want to do that in front of everyone else.

"He called me," All Might said, half to himself. "He called me in his time of need and I can't help but feel like I failed him again. I struggled as his teacher in the beginning. I could've done so much more for him." He rubbed the bottom half of his face, finally wiping the blood from it. "He called me. That has to count for something, right?"

"What if the idea was put in his head to cause you more torment or bring you out into the open?" Aizawa asked. The faint hopeful look on All Might's face dropped.

Bakugou swore viciously. "I'm so sick of all these fucking mind games. We can't even trust our own instincts. I hate this. Even the shit that might be good could be something bad in disguise. I fucking–" Small explosions rumbled from his hands, reminiscent of their times at UA when he lost his temper, but then his arm twitched. Using his quirk still hurt. He turned his back to them so they couldn't see his face. "I hate it. Iida was a better hero and person. Todoroki is better. Deku was… He deserved so much more than this bullshit."

Uraraka sank into the couch. Didn't they all? She wanted to hope this was the start of something – that this spiral the call implied meant there was a chance – but honestly, she was afraid to hope right now. She didn't know if she could handle another crash to a painful reality. She was supposed to be a hero – she was supposed to be strong – but even the strongest heroes had their limits. She wasn't impervious or impenetrable. Who was she but a hero not even in the top twenty? How could she stack up against all of this?

She could only carry so much weight.

After speaking with All Might and the others for a little longer, Uraraka excused herself from the room. They were doing their best to comfort one another, but she needed a moment alone to breathe. She ducked into the nearest bathroom to splash water on her face and try to wash away the tears. When she caught her reflection in the mirror, she gripped the edge of the sink and stared at herself.

She looked like hell: hair in desperate need of a brush, bags under her puffy eyes, cheeks pinker than normal. Even worse, she looked heartbroken. It was one thing to feel it, but she hated the way it permeated the lines of her face so no one would miss it. She rubbed her face with the heel of her hand, trying to put some liveliness in it, but it did very little to help. And she thought Aizawa and Shinsou always came off as exhausted. She looked and felt like she could sleep for days.

Not that she wanted to sleep. She'd only have nightmares. Uraraka didn't want to cry herself to sleep tonight, but she was so very tired of holding everything in and being strong for everyone to see. It wasn't fair to her. She should be allowed to be weak every once in a while - to feel things to their fullest instead of shoving them aside to deal with later.

Unable to do anything else to fix her appearance, Uraraka smoothed her hair and clothes down and then returned to the room. The others had left, leaving only All Might and Bakugou inside. With the door shut, she couldn't hear what All Might was saying to him, but judging by the hard look on Bakugou's face, it was something emotional he didn't want to deal with but had to anyway. When All Might rested a hand on Bakugou's shoulder, he flinched slightly but didn't jerk away like he most likely wanted. He stood his ground and let All Might comfort him, if only because it helped him in return.

Uraraka leaned against the wall so she couldn't see them. This was a private moment. All Might had meant the world to Deku, but he was also an incredibly important figure and role model in Bakugou's own life for different reasons. They had a complicated history themselves, what with the kidnapping and Kamino Incident, but it had made a significant impact on Bakugou. Even if he didn't always act it, he respected the hell out of All Might. Seeing him deteriorate after Deku's death had hit Bakugou hard. He hadn't known what to do to help or if there was anything he could do.

The handle clicked, signaling the door was opening, and Uraraka straightened. It was only Bakugou, who paused the second he saw her. She allowed her shoulders to drop. She didn't have to keep up pretenses with him. He knew she was done.

"What do you want to do?" Bakugou asked.

Uraraka had no idea, but she said the first thing that popped into her head. "I just want to go home."

"Okay."

And that was it. No questions asked, no arguing, no trying to tell her what to do. She was tired, but how put out was he to not even fight a little? Was it a good idea to go back there? Probably not. Would it hurt? Like hell. But she wanted to lay down in her own bed, the one she'd shared with Deku, the one she let swallow her when her pain and loneliness felt like too much, the one that brought her comfort in the light of the morning after a bad night. She wanted something familiar and known.

A passing Present Mic offered to give them a ride, but Bakugou had already called for a cab. To be honest, she was a little grateful. While she loved her old teacher and he would be respectful if she didn't want to talk, she didn't want to be around someone that knew her life well enough to pity her even more. What must everyone think of her? Poor, little Ochako – the love of her life died a hero and came back a villain, hellbent on killing his childhood friend out of jealousy. How sad. It was an exaggeration, but it was one she couldn't get out of her head whenever someone glanced her way.

The ride to her apartment was silent except for the radio. People discussing the destruction of Endeavor's agency and the clean up could be heard from up front. A part of her wanted to ask the driver to turn it over, but another part of her didn't care. No one talking about it had been there. They spoke with a clinical tone, describing the work being done to repair the street and what to do with the building. By now, the ice holding up the top half had melted away, but they'd used the time given to them to deal with it so no one else was injured. She didn't know how and she didn't care right now, tuning out the voices.

Upon reaching her place, they got out of the car, but didn't move toward the stairs. The two of them stared up at the building side-by-side. The last time she'd been in this position with him was on Deku's birthday. She'd been pleasantly drunk, not so much that she would regret it but enough to dull the senses. Bakugou had carried her up the stairs when she slumped against him and complained about being tired. She wondered if he would do that now if she leaned into him. He was tired and still recovering from Recovery Girl's quirk, but he would. He'd lift her right off the ground.

Asking something like that of him wasn't fair at all. Asking him to be here wasn't fair, but she didn't want to be alone either. She could be selfish, couldn't she?

Without waiting any further, Uraraka wordlessly made her way up the stairs to her apartment, Bakugou following behind her. She glanced at the security camera that had taken Deku's cheerful picture the morning he came back to life and then unlocked her door. It was a stuffy and warm inside from no one being around for a few weeks (well, besides the villain and Iida who came to get clothes), but everything looked exactly as she'd left it the night she was here with Todoroki and Tsu. She flicked on a light, getting her bearings straight, and then waited patiently as Bakugou checked to make sure it was clear.

"Anything?" Uraraka asked when Bakugou returned to the living room.

He shook his head. "No, everything looks fine. Locked up, undisturbed, empty."

Ah, so just like she felt then.

"Thank you."

Uraraka slid off her shoes and put them in the hallway by the door like always. Bakugou didn't move from where he stood, watching her with a guarded expression. She didn't know what to do. Go to bed? Take a shower? Plop down on the couch and cry? She couldn't make up her damn mind, not even about what she wanted him to do. Did she actually want him to leave? Did she want him to stay? And not just on the couch with a door separating them like that night, but actually with her. How badly did she not want to be alone? How hurt was she? Grief, anger, and emptiness fought for dominance inside her, leaving her unable to come up with a single answer.

Luckily for her, Bakugou was willing to make the first move. "I'll call someone–"

"Stay."

Bakugou hesitated. He never hesitated. "Uraraka…"

"I'm really tired, Bakugou." And not just in the exhausted sense.

"I know," he said quietly.

"I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of pretending like...like there's nothing going on. Like I have to shove everything aside and focus on this one thing. Because that's what a hero would do. That's what Deku would do." Uraraka rubbed her eyes and sniffed. "But I'm not Deku. I'm not selfless like him, which is why this whole thing is so messed up even more."

The moment Bakugou opened his arms, Uraraka stepped into them, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her face into his chest. It was completely selfish – this was probably a mistake – but she didn't care. Hot tears threatened to leak from her eyes, but she wiped them away on his shirt. He could complain about it later if he wanted, although it would only be a way to deflect the seriousness of the situation. He held onto her tightly, propping his chin on top of her head. How many times had she wanted him to hold her like this – to hold him like this – but they always held back? Touching him hadn't seemed like a big deal before until Deku made it one.

It wasn't fair. He had been gone from her life for almost a year. She couldn't have known he would come back. As much as she wanted to act like she would only be loyal to Deku even after his death, Todoroki was right. She had every right to move on. She hadn't, not entirely, but she could have and it would've been fine. It was totally unfair of Deku to assume she would wait for him when she fully believed he was dead. Had he truly thought she should be alone for the rest of her life?

No, her Deku wouldn't think that. If their positions were reversed, maybe he would throw himself into his hero work and cut himself off from others, but she knew he wouldn't have wanted that for her. She knew because when he first asked her to dance back in high school, she hesitated. She had put her crush on him behind her and didn't want it distracting her. He apologized for not realizing his feelings sooner and then taking too long to act on them – that he'd understand if she said no and never begrudge her for it.

What would her life be had she turned him down that night? Would any of this be happening or would she have simply gone on to live a life without him? Was it any better than what things had become?

"I was an ass today," Bakugou mumbled, his chest rumbling as he spoke. "I didn't know how to react to the news and I acted out like a total idiot."

"It's okay," Uraraka sighed. "You were coping like the rest of us."

"No, it's not okay," Bakugou ground out. "Nothing is okay. Half of what I did isn't okay."

Uraraka pulled her face away from his chest and let go of him. She slid her hands up and cupped his face, forcing him to look down at her. "You're better than this too. I know you are." She stroked her thumb over his stubbled cheek. He'd need to shave unless he wanted to get a shadow. She'd only ever seen him clean-shaven, but she imagined his stubble was as rough as his personality. "You told Todoroki not to blame himself. Don't go doing the same thing. You're too good for that."

"I'm not," Bakugou insisted, the words sounding like they were being torn out of him. "I'm really not. If I was…" He pressed her against him with one hand on the small of her back while he lifted the other to touch her face. A shaky breath escaped him. "I'm really not that strong."

"Do we always have to be?" Uraraka asked in a whisper.

"Yes." His voice was hoarse, but he stared into her eyes, demanding answers from her. Telling her to warn him back, begging her to push him away, asking her to tell him he was wrong. She did no such things. "Tell me to stop, Uraraka."

"No. Aren't you tired too?"

Bakugou didn't say a word, but the look in his eyes said it all. Yes, he was tired. Yes, he was sick of pretending. Yes, he was done with acting like he didn't feel anything. Why couldn't they discard everything hanging over their heads, if only for a moment? Why couldn't they be selfish when they had been fighting and struggling to simply live and do what was right for a year?

Uraraka didn't hesitate any longer. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Bakugou's.

The only person she had kissed since high school was Deku. She knew him like the back of her hand even now after only kissing him twice in a year. Bakugou was unfamiliar territory, but it didn't feel wrong either. His lips were slightly chapped and he was altogether warmer. She expected him to be rough, but he was tentative, almost gentle, like he was perhaps afraid of scaring her off. This was new for him too. She could feel it in the tense way he held his body against hers that he was restraining himself.

It wasn't the sweet kiss that people dreamed of or the happy one most imagined. Tears pricked at Uraraka's eyes even as she kept them shut. When emotion welled inside of her, instead of shutting it down like she had before, she let it consume her. She was sick of acting like nothing affected her – like he didn't affect her – and so she didn't. She deepened the kiss, practically demanding him to follow suit. He sucked in a gasp of air before pushing her against him and sliding his fingers through her hair to cup the back of her head.

She poured everything she had into him – her fear, sadness, anger, hope, desire. Everything she felt like she'd been holding back for a month, she gave to him in this moment.

What was the point in holding back? She could tell Deku over and over again that she was his, but that had hurt more than it helped. It hadn't mattered anyway. He was still being mentally manipulated to believe Bakugou needed to be killed to get him out of the way. Besides, it wasn't fair that she had to isolate herself to appease him when he'd been dead for nearly a year. It wasn't fair that he had brought these feelings up to the forefront when they weren't ready and then made her feel ashamed to feel anything at all that wasn't for him.

She had been alone. She had pushed her friends away. She had been an island and a damn good hero. She had acted like she was okay even when she wasn't.

It wasn't fair. Shouldn't she live her life too? How many times had Iida told her she didn't have to be alone? How many times had she smiled and told him he was right? How many times had she turned down his offer for lunch or dinner? How many times had he come over with a healthy home-cooked meal and her favorite dessert, so determined to make sure she was actually taking care of herself? Bakugou pulled her out into the light, Todoroki helped her mourn and move on in the dark, and Tsu reminded her that she was still a hero and good person, but it was Iida who always made sure she was simply okay. He didn't expect her to be good or great, just okay enough to breathe.

And now he was gone and she didn't know if things were going to be okay. She didn't know if she wanted to get out of bed, if she could handle taking a shower without huddling in the corner, if she could step out of this apartment and face a new morning. She was so scared moving on wouldn't be an option this time. He was gone and she hadn't been able to say goodbye. She hadn't saved him. Hadn't they promised to always have each other's backs?

In high school, everyone knew Deku would rise to the top, but she always admired and looked to Iida for advice the most. What would he tell her to do now? What would he say? Would he tell her she was making a mistake? Buckle up and focus on the objective? Allow herself to feel so she didn't blow up or have a meltdown? Would he allow himself to be so weak? She clung to Bakugou and kissed him like her life depended on it, begging him to pull her out of this hollow fog she'd been in for weeks.

"Wait, Uraraka–" Bakugou's lips moved against hers, his breath hot. She chased them, pushing him back, and he kissed her again, a low growl in his chest, but then stopped. "We need to– We need to stop."

The second he pulled away from her, Uraraka instantly missed his touch. He was so close to chasing every other thought away. He leaned his forehead against hers as he panted. Only when his breath brushed over her face did she feel the tears on her cheeks. Oh, she'd started to cry while kissing him. She hadn't even realized it. His body trembled underneath her hands.

"I'm–I'm sorry, Bakugou," Uraraka stammered. "I didn't mean– I'm sorry. I shouldn't have–"

"Don't apologize," he cut in, his voice like sandpaper. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I wasn't thinking clearly and I just wanted something good and to forget pretending like I didn't feel anything, but I shouldn't have pushed that on you and–"

"Didn't I say not to apologize?" Bakugou pulled back to look her in the eyes. "You didn't push anything on me. I've been wanting to do that for a while, trust me." He sighed and loosened his grip on her. "But it isn't right – not like this. You're upset, scared, and angry – and I'm here, but this isn't what you want." Her gaze hardened, but before she could argue with him, he added, "It isn't what I want. It isn't fair to either of us and I hate that."

Uraraka couldn't argue with that. While she couldn't deny kissing him felt good, now that they were out of the moment, she recognized it for what it was: a distraction. Shame flared in Uraraka's gut, but he shook his head as if sensing how she felt. He wasn't upset with her. She took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders. At the very least, all the pent up emotions inside of her were spent and now her mind was quiet.

"Besides, Iida wouldn't approve," Bakugou said, letting go of her. His strangely flippant tone was enough to catch her attention. "You know what he'd do? Flap his arms around like a robot and tell us this isn't a healthy way for us to express our emotions." He waved his arm in a jerky manner reminiscent of Iida. "He'd want us to talk about them – like rational people or whatever."

Despite herself, a watery laugh tumbled from her over Bakugou acting like Iida. "He was afraid I was holding everything in, so he'd volunteered to talk about his feelings first. He could go on for hours."

"Ugh, he tried to do the same thing with me." Bakugou paused, the faint smirk fading from his face. "I always hung up on him."

Uraraka laid a hand on his arm. "Hey, he never took it personally. You know that, right? He would extend a hand to help, but he didn't expect you to take it. The offer was always on the table. That's what was important to him: for you to know he was there for you if or whenever you needed him."

Bakugou swallowed. Even now, he didn't want to talk about how he felt, but she didn't push the matter. He needed to talk, but honestly, she didn't think she was the best person for it. She was too involved. He needed someone a little removed to completely open up to about this.

"He's really gone, isn't he?" Bakugou mumbled. "What are they going to do with the Ingenium agency? He just officially took over in November." He rubbed his forehead. "His sister is a hero, isn't she? He kept talking about her at Yaoyorozu's birthday party because Kaminari gave him some really strong, fruity drink."

"Yeah, his other brother decided not to go the hero route…" Uraraka took her hand from his arm and wrapped her arms around herself. "I don't know. After so many transitions, there's a chance it could be closed. News hasn't been released yet, but I'm sure his family knows."

Uraraka could still remember being there when Inko was told the news about Deku's death. She couldn't sleep for a full day after that, replaying the moment over and over again, his mother's pained sobs and pleas echoing in her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could picture was Inko weakly beating All Might's chest, crying, begging.

"Not my boy, not my Izuku."

She couldn't imagine anything more painful than a parent losing their child. She didn't like to compare grief, but Uraraka knew Izuku's death had broken Inko down more than her. On the opposite end, Rei managed to handle the news about Todoroki's kidnapping as well as she could, holding out her strength for her children, but then they more or less knew he was alive. Judging from the shocked, silent tears on the woman's face at the hospital, she'd already gone through the pain of believing she lost her oldest son.

Now Iida's parents would have the same pain dropped into their lives. Poor Tensei. She'd never seen a prouder older brother. His speech when Iida took over the agency brought tears to Deku's eyes.

Bakugou took a step back, putting distance between them again. Although a part of her wanted to bridge the gap, it wasn't a good idea. Using him to fill a void and distract them from their pain wasn't right. It didn't take away the undetermined and indescribable things she felt toward him, but then they hadn't been strong enough yet for her to pinpoint. They had still been in a fledgling stage where they sat right on the edge when Deku had forced them to surface out of jealousy. Now that they were here, underdeveloped and out in the open, she didn't know what to do with them but push them aside where they could either grow or die. Either way, something had brewed inside of them, begging for a chance to be released.

It simply wasn't the right time.

"Get some rest," Bakugou told her in a gruff, distant tone. She shouldn't be hurt by the thought that he was pushing her away, not when he was protecting himself. That impenetrable wall of his was back up, one she didn't have the energy to scale. "I'll call Asui. She can come over. You shouldn't be alone."

"What about you?"

Bakugou ran his fingers through his messy hair. "I don't know. Maybe I'll call Kirishima, go over to his place." Yes, that was a great idea. He could talk to his best friend about how he felt, just like she could talk openly to Asui and be told the blunt truth she needed to hear sometimes. "We haven't talked much since you and Todoroki were taken, but then again, so much has happened. It's like the damn world turned on its end twice."

"It's weird," Uraraka said, sweeping a hand to gesture around her apartment. "It all looks the same in here like it did the night of Deku's birthday, but everything's changed." She dropped her hand. "I'm surprised you didn't argue about me coming back here."

"He knew about the first safehouse," Bakugou pointed out. They hadn't been at the second one for long, but there was no telling how they'd been breached. "If he wanted to get you then, he would have. I honestly don't know what he has in mind now, but...I don't think he'll force you to do anything you don't want to do. He didn't take you until you asked him. He didn't push himself onto you. I think he'd rather you come to him once this is over."

"Is it going to be over?"

"Soon," Bakugou said darkly, "one way or another."

So he felt it too. Deku's spiraling over the phone made it feel like things were coming to an end. She wasn't sure how much longer he could take going under that quirk before he broke. Either he would be too far gone to save or they would bring him back into the light. She didn't even know if they could manage the latter without someone else dying. Iida's death clearly sent him to the edge, but she was afraid of what might happen if he fell once more. Would he be lost to those dark, choppy waters forever? She was afraid to find out, but it was coming, whether she liked it or not.

Uraraka slipped into her bedroom to change into pajamas while Bakugou called Tsu and Kirishima. Everything was just as she'd left it besides the clothes taken out of her dresser. She took her time, easing herself into the clothes and then sitting at the foot of the bed for a few minutes. Before she left her bedroom, she wandered over to the window and tugged on it, but it was locked. Bakugou got on her about it so many times, but she'd never considered it while Deku was here.

When she returned to the living room, Bakugou was standing at the main window, hands buried in his pockets. It instantly took her back to the night where Todoroki and Tsu guarded her. She easily pictured Todoroki standing to the side of the window, his body slightly tired as he peered through the blinds into the street. The blinds were open now, moonlight pooling into the room and washing over Bakugou. As much as she wanted to ask him what he was thinking, she didn't think she had to, if only because she knew what was on her mind.

Somewhere out there, Deku was cracking under the stress of the quirk and what he'd done and they had no idea what way he would swing. Either way could be devastating. If he buried himself further into the illusion of the quirk, he would destroy so much and the only way Bakugou would live was if he left. If he accepted what he was doing was wrong, he would either do what he could to fix things or shatter completely. The chance for a happy ending at this point wasn't even realistic, but Deku would still hold out hope, wouldn't he?

"What's going on in your head, Deku?" Bakugou muttered to himself. "What are you gonna do to end this?"

She didn't know. So far, Deku had somehow proven both predictable and unpredictable. They mostly knew what he wanted, but it didn't make sense half the time and he used unconventional methods. They should've been used to that by now. He had always been strategically creative. It was a part of what made him such an incredible hero and a dangerous villain.

When Tsu finally arrived, Bakugou gruffly thanked her. He hesitated, but then closed the gap between him and Uraraka, hugging her and pressing a tentative kiss to the top of her head. She wanted to say something that might ease the tension in his body, but there was nothing she could think of. Instead, she gave him a tremulous smile and mumbled goodbye. He gazed at her for a beat, his eyes unreadable as he reigned himself in, and then walked out the door.

"He told me the news," Tsu quietly croaked. It was different from her usual voice. She'd been crying. "Did you want to talk about it?"

Uraraka bit her lip. "Can we…? Can we talk about some good memories of him? Things that made us smile or laugh." She wiped her eyes. "I just want to remember him right now."

Tsu stepped forward to grasp Uraraka's hands. "Of course, ribbit. That would be nice."

She didn't want to think about the way his body hung limp in her hands, the sound he made when he struck the car, him screaming Deku's name, or the way he wouldn't respond to her. She wanted to think about his smile, his boisterous laugh, his intense and serious expressions that sometimes made her giggle, the passion he'd carried as he did all things in his life. She wanted to remember memories like him carrying her on his back so they could win a team race or how she had a hand in turning him into Emergency Exit Iida. All she wanted was to reminisce about a boy who became one of her closest and respected friends.

Was that too much to ask?

"Pst, Ochako, are you awake?"

"Mmph, I am now."

"Sorry." She can hear the grin in his voice and rolls over to see it on his face. He isn't really sorry, but she doesn't mind, not when he looks so sweet.

A quick glance at the clock tells her she's been asleep for a little over an hour, but judging from the alert glimmer in his green eyes, he hasn't slept yet. Has he been lying awake next to her this whole time? He does that sometimes, even when he needs the rest, his brain simply refusing to shut down. It's best to distract him when he's like that, but every now and then, he's able to hide it from her so he doesn't bother her or keep her awake when she's tired.

He's always been so considerate of others that he often forgets about himself and that others might like to take care of him too.

"Can't sleep?" she asks.

"I was just thinking," he says as if he's not always thinking.

"And?"

Deku turns on his side to face her. "Well, most kids inherit a branch off or combination of their parents – unless they're quirkless, of course – but I've got One for All. We know Shigaraki's quirk was a mutation and his father's quirk was a variation of his father's, not Nana Shimura's." He's rambling, but she doesn't interrupt him. It's easier to let him run the course until he gets to the point where his mouth catches up with his brain. "I was wondering what quirks our kids might have."

Uraraka chokes on her tongue. "Our–our kids?"

"Yeah, would they take after you or me since I was born quirkless or something else entirely?" Deku continues, oblivious to the blush rising in her cheeks. "Maybe the mutation in Shimura's bloodline was caused by One for All since it's passed through DNA. We don't know if any of the other One for All users had children, but–" He blinks, noticing the way Uraraka clammed up, and his face turns red. "Not–not that I'm ready to have kids or anything! We aren't even married! Not that I've considered marriage – uh, I mean, not that you aren't marriage material because I love you a lot and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but kids, wow, that would be something when we're so busy–"

The second Uraraka presses her gloved hands against his cheeks, Deku goes silent. "It's okay."

Is it? Sure, she thought about kids before, but then their careers got in the way. She isn't so disillusioned that she doesn't know Deku's rise to become the next Symbol of Peace isn't an all-consuming goal that takes precedence over everything else, herself included. Do they have time for children? Would it really be fair of them to bring a child into a world where they can't afford to make them their top responsibility? Maybe not right now – they're still young – but she doesn't want to wait until it's too late either.

"It's interesting to think about," Uraraka tells him.

Deku nods. "But we're definitely not ready yet."

She'll be ready before him, but he was so excited before that she doesn't want to burst his bubble. He's so great with kids. Given the time, he would be a great father. He will be. She smiles and teases–

A car horn startled Uraraka awake. She sucked in a gasp of air and then froze, her eyes locked on the ceiling. Once her heartbeat returned to normal, she relaxed in bed and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Four am. So she'd been asleep for almost three hours. No wonder her body still felt exhausted, even if her mind was sprinting. After sitting on the couch simply talking with Tsu about her favorite memories surrounding Iida, she shuffled off to bed while Tsu did a perimeter check.

She'd forgotten about that conversation. Of course, since it was a dream, it hadn't happened exactly like that. They'd had it over lunch at the restaurant she still frequented in her neighborhood. She'd asked him what he was going to order and he blurted that out instead. It had been a long time since Deku made her blush that much, not since maybe high school. He could be so oblivious about how strange his mind worked.

Instead of making her terribly sad, Uraraka smiled faintly. That was the Deku she loved, not this version. She could admit that now. She did love him, but this wasn't him, no matter what Kyōmu said. He might be making his own decisions, but Kyōmu was the one pushing him to choose.

With the memory fresh in her mind, sleep felt like a foreign concept. If anything, after crying so much, she needed to rehydrate. She slipped out of bed and tiptoed into the living room, making sure she didn't make too much noise so she wouldn't disturb Tsu asleep on the couch. After much debate, Uraraka convinced her best friend to sleep. She'd come over immediately after a fourteen-hour shift and needed the rest. Even if they were attacked, exhaustion would hamper her more than surprise.

After downing a glass of water and gently setting it in the sink, Uraraka made her way back to the bedroom. She might not be able to fall back asleep, but it wouldn't hurt to lay down. Her mind would eventually give in. It didn't run like Deku's or even Bakugou's. She shut the door as softly as she could and turned around, only to stare at her curtains blowing in the wind from the open window.

A hand slipped over her mouth and someone grabbed her from behind before she could react. Panic shot through her, and she reached up to touch her attacker's arm when a voice hissed, "Stop! It's me!" and she stilled, her pinky finger held up as she gripped a forearm tightly. The familiar voice in her ear didn't stop her heart from beating wildly in her chest. If anything, it only made it worse. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's rude of me to barge in on you like this, I know, but I...I had to see you and I didn't want to wake Tsu."

Deku. Deku was in her bedroom. They had thought he wouldn't show up here or bother her until he completed his goals – if his mind didn't break from the quirk – but they were wrong. Maybe the conditioning he'd gone through under the quirk made it impossible for him to ignore her for long anymore. No, he held off before. Maybe Kyōmu had reinforced his possessive behavior? Maybe he couldn't leave her be. He had to have her. She didn't know and, honestly, it scared her.

"If I let go of you, are you going to scream?" Deku asked. "I...really don't want to fight right now."

He should've thought of that before he broke into her (their) apartment for a second time, but seeing as how she didn't want to fight him either, Uraraka nodded. He took a deep breath and then lifted his hand from her mouth. He kept his arm around her waist for a few more seconds before letting go of her and fully stepping away, giving her the space she needed. It wasn't enough.

"How did you–?"

"The window wasn't actually locked, only jammed so you probably thought it was," Deku explained sheepishly. She turned around to face him. He looked away from her and rubbed the back of his neck. "It was like that when we moved in. I thought you knew."

"No, I didn't." Had she ever been safe? "What are you doing here, Deku?"

The question was valid, but her tone was flat enough to make Deku flinch. After his frantic call to All Might earlier, she hadn't been sure what he would be like when she saw him again. Watching him visibly deflate, his shoulders sagging and his arm dropping to his side, certainly wasn't what she'd pictured and yet… It matched her suspicions. He wasn't angry, jealous, or out of control. He was sad.

"I had to see you," he mumbled.

"That can't be it."

"I–I had to find out–" Deku furrowed his brow, but kept his eyes on the ground. "I had to know if you hated me. Because if you do, then I don't know what I'm supposed to do. No, that's not right. I don't know if it's worth trying to–trying to do something. I don't know." He winced and rubbed his head. "It's hard. I know what I'm supposed to do – I know how I'm supposed to feel – but nothing will feel right without you and I don't–I don't–"

Uraraka took a deep breath. "I don't hate you, Deku."

His eyes shot up to hers, but they weren't hopeful like she expected. "But you don't love me either."

"I do love you, Deku," Uraraka insisted. "I will always love you. How could I not?" She gave him a helpless gesture. "But I can't love you like this. I can't...be with you when you're like this. You know that, don't you?" He stared at her, his eyes blank. Did he know? Was he still trying to cling to that fantasy? "What you're doing… What you've done… That's not who I fell in love with."

"Is it Kacchan? I won't be upset with you if it is." Considering that Deku had sworn to kill Bakugou for ruining his youth and stealing her away, she didn't believe him, but he sounded so earnest. Even now, it was like she couldn't believe he would lie to her. Everything he said, he genuinely believed. "I...I understand now, I think. Shouto was right. It was my mistake for not fighting to see you sooner. I let you think I was dead for too long. I put the mission in front of me again, like I always did with you. I took your love for granted and I shouldn't have done that."

"No," Uraraka said, shaking her head, "it's not Bakugou." She pressed a hand over her heart. "It's me. This is how I feel. This is my life, my choice." She gripped the front of her shirt. "It could've been him. It could've been Shouto or Iida or someone completely new that I hadn't met yet. I don't know. What I do know is that, regardless of how I feel about him, this" – she gestured with her finger to them both – "has nothing to do with him."

Deku didn't say a word. He gazed at her for a while before nodding and leaning back against the dresser. A few of the drawers were empty now. She packed his clothes around six months after his death, but ended up putting them in storage instead of giving them away. She kept a few of his dumb t-shirts that she loved so much to wear herself, but after washing them so many times, they didn't feel like they were his anymore. Nothing here was really his, not even the bed they'd shared.

"It's over then, isn't it?" Deku said quietly.

"That depends on you, doesn't it?" Uraraka countered.

He laughed wetly. "I was an idiot, thinking we could– that you would–" He put a hand over his face, shielding his eyes, but she saw the tears slide out from underneath his hand and down his cheeks. "I've lost everyone, haven't I? Even if I do accomplish what we set out to do, you won't be there in the end. Shouto… He didn't truly betray me, but I know we'll never be on the same side again. And Iida…" His lips trembled. "And–and Iida is gone because of me… I really am a villain, aren't I?"

"Deku…" Uraraka reached out to him, but then hesitated and let her arm drop.

"Was this all for nothing? Was I–was I wrong the whole time? Everything I did… I could've sworn I was doing it for you, but now I don't know. I don't know if what I did was even what I wanted."

"The man I loved wouldn't have done these things," Uraraka told him, refusing to be gentle. He needed to hear the truth. The time for placating was over. If he got mad, then he got mad. "He wouldn't have let his best friend get tortured and put him in the position to betray everything he'd done to move on from his past trauma. You helped dredge it all up again and for what? So you wouldn't be alone?"

Deku grit his teeth so tightly that she could almost hear them grind, but he only held his hand over his face even more, his fingers digging into his temples. "I thought it would help him. I thought he'd feel better. After being hurt by a man he should've been able to trust – after having so much taken away from him – I thought he deserved to take something back."

"Kyōmu took even more from him!" Uraraka hissed furiously. He flinched, but still didn't look at her. "He's lost, Deku. He's lost and afraid and I'm scared he's going to give up entirely. I don't know how to help him. He didn't want to do any of that. He asked me to kill him before they could turn him, but I couldn't–I couldn't save him. You should've known Shouto would never want to hurt innocent people just to get revenge." She softened, if only for a moment. "What do you think is going to happen if you get what you think you want?"

"I don't know…." Deku murmured.

"Imagine it," Uraraka demanded. "Beyond what you think you know or feel or remember – beyond the voice in your head telling you that you need or want to do these things. If you killed Bakugou, would it make you any happier?"

"Maybe, yes, I–I think so. I don't know… No, yes, it would. It has to–"

"The fact that you don't know should tell you this is wrong." Uraraka grasped his arms to still his shaking body. He did so, but she could feel all the tension in his muscles, like a coiled spring ready to burst. "Don't go back. Stay here, please. Whatever you think you have to do – whatever Kyōmu or the League wants you to do – you don't have to do it. If even one thing feels wrong, trust that."

Deku licked his lips and dropped his hand from his face to look her in the eyes. "If I do that, then I admit that everything I did was wrong. I can't do that. I've got a purpose – a responsibility – to end this corrupt society, even at the cost of myself."

"No, no, you don't–"

"Iida is–" Deku swallowed. "Iida was a true hero. I didn't– He should still be here when so many others shouldn't. I have to keep going." He nodded to himself, his eyes distant and no longer on her. "Yes, I have to keep working at this to create a world in which only true heroes like him exist."

Uraraka reacted without thinking and slapped him in the face, stunning both of them, but she was too upset to be scared. "Don't you dare say you're doing this in his name." Deku gingerly touched his red cheek, but instead of becoming angry or flying off the handle, he only blinked. He was closing in on himself again, hiding behind a wall and blocking all the pain and conflicting thoughts. "This isn't you. I know it's hard to accept that everything you've done is a terrible, horrifying mistake and that reality is frightening, but you won't be alone. Shouto is scared, but I'm not leaving his side either. Please, Deku, stop."

"I can't." Deku slid away from the dresser and backed away from her. "I have to–I have to prove to you that I'm doing the right thing." He tightened his hands into fists at his side. "I have to show you a better world. You'll see it then. You'll understand. That's–that's what he said. You're clever, but you're too accepting and kind." He smiled at her. Wasn't he those things too? She had loved his kindness so much – his compassion and ability to accept and understand people that others might not. "It's okay, Ochako. It's my responsibility. I don't mind taking on that weight."

She stepped forward to grab him again, crying out, "Don't–" when he held up a hand to stop her cold. He wouldn't hurt her – she knew that – but his quirk also allowed him to travel at a speed far beyond her. She should've used her quirk on him earlier, but he seemed so close to breaking free before jumping right back in to convincing himself. Whatever Kyōmu's quirk had done to him, it was an ugly vicious cycle, even worse than how it had taken over Todoroki for one horrific day. He was tricking himself at this point without Kyōmu.

"Tell Shouto I'm sorry," Deku said. "I thought he would be happy. I guess I was wrong. It's not for everyone. Things were always so confusing for him. I shouldn't have presumed to know more." He twisted his lips into a frown. "Maybe I should've done it instead of Shouto. I didn't want to take his right to revenge from him, but it might've been easier on him had I helped him more..."

"What about Bakugou?" Uraraka questioned.

Deku sighed. "Kacchan has to pay, just like Endeavor. You know that."

"He's different now," Uraraka insisted. "He's grown. You two became something great thanks to each other. He wouldn't be the hero he is today without you."

"I'm sorry." Deku dodged her gaze and pressed a hand on the open window sill. "Tell him it's time. No more playing around. I'm done."

"It won't be worth it," Uraraka told him.

"Maybe, maybe not." Deku looked her in the eyes. "But that's my choice to make, isn't it? You can't presume to know what's best for me either. You weren't there and you've admired Kacchan from the start." That sad look was back in his eyes, but the tears were gone. "You always said I inspired you, but it was him first. I didn't see it then, but I do now."

A wave of anger swept over Uraraka. "I told you. It's not him!"

"No, it's you," Deku said softly. "It's always been you."

Before she could say another word, he activated his quirk and vanished through the window in a flash of green light. She swore and ran forward, sticking her head out the window, but he was gone. She'd forgotten how fast he could be when he activated his quirk to full potential. Swearing loudly, Uraraka grabbed the top of the window and slammed it shut hard enough to rattle the glass. How could she have been so fucking stupid? She shouldn't have wasted time talking him down. She should've tried to capture him when she had the chance.

The bedroom door burst open and Tsu jumped into the room. "Ochako, is everything okay?"

"Deku was here."

Tsu startled. "Why didn't you call for me?"

"I don't know." Uraraka slapped a hand against the side of her head. She wanted to scream; she wanted to cry; she didn't know what she wanted to do. "Ugh, I was so stupid! What was I thinking? I couldn't talk him out of this before. He's not like Shouto. He's worse off." She huffed and shook her head at herself. She could be pissed off and still get shit done. "We have to call the others."

Who exactly, Uraraka wasn't sure. Naomasa? All Might? Bakugou? Who in the world was in charge of this mess? The Number One Hero was dead, the Number Four was locked up for his death, and the former Number One had just fully committed to a rampage that she didn't even think he understood or wanted completely. One second he made sense and the next he didn't.

Bakugou was right: Deku was spiraling, but she was terrified of where that spiral would lead them.