Chapter 47 - If It Hurts

A/N: Guess what, this chapter is in Hiei's POV! How the hell is this almost 50 chapters in? Haha, told you guys I was in it for the long haul.

I really love this chapter and feel like I got back into my groove of writing Hiei. I know a lot of you have mentioned that this story is very dramatic, but it's been serious since the beginning, and I'm sorry if it's made you hate it. But I enjoy writing it and will continue to do so, even if all my readers disappear.

. . .

The woman was hiding something. I could smell it on her just as well as the sickness that coated her skin. Even days later she hadn't completely recovered. The herbs I'd given her - and the salve I had smeared on her shoulder - had helped, but not enough.

I stared at her back, the short hair, the muscle that rippled hidden beneath her porcelain skin. She was putting on a good show for the detective, but I wasn't fooled. Even as she smiled at some joke he'd just told her, I could see the weariness in the set of her eyes.

I knew the illness still festered. But it wasn't from just infection any longer. She'd spent a long time breathing in the Makai's air. In her compromised state she would not have been able to fight it off. Without a serum it would soon drain her spirit energy. And eventually it would kill her.

If Kurama were here he could easily make one. But while I was knowledgeable on basic healing herbs, I was no plant expert. I'd learned just enough to survive on my own. I would have to steal one for Kasumi, which meant possibly venturing into a city to find an herbalist. I could also find a shaman, but being five hundred years in the past put me at a disadvantage. Things in the Makai didn't change as swiftly as the human world, but it was still different and strange to me.

I'd voiced my concerns on Kasumi's condition to Yusuke one night while she had been asleep. He hadn't left her side since. He was feeding her tiny bits of his spirit energy. She hadn't even realized. But if it continued like this, we could end up in a deadly situation. Yusuke had boundless energy...but even he would reach the bottom at some point. And if the same occurred as the night she'd died...Yusuke would not be able to help her for long anyway.

If Kasumi had been with us the entire time we would have known to protect her. I'd hoped she had absorbed enough of the god for the air not to affect her…

But I'd been wrong. And she would pay for that mistake.

I should have had Kurama make a serum before even leaving. I should never have let her out of my sight to begin with.

I fingered the tiny item I held in my pocket. Contemplating. I hadn't given it to her. Out of spite or anger, I was not certain. But her sister had asked this of me as well.

'Place it on her finger when you get there. It won't work until it touches the Makai's air.'

But we'd been separated. Now the ring was as good as useless. It wouldn't make her well and it wouldn't make a difference until a serum was administered. There was no point in giving it to her now. Later...but not now.

I'd had Yusuke lie about a lead in Alaric, when really I had come here for the serum. Mukuro did not rule these lands now, but I still knew where I could find the antidote. I was certain that person would be there, in the past or not. No matter who ruled. Even Mukuro hadn't known how long the bastard had been in these lands.

It was just a matter of finding him...and bartering for the drug.

It was a less than favorable choice, but given the circumstances there was no other way. I did not have time to hunt down a shaman. And venturing into a city could prove a problem as well. I was certain Kasumi's butchering of one of Yomi's lords would have spread far and wide by now. There would be people out for her head.

A sharp bought of coughing brought me out of my inner musings. Yusuke and Kasumi had stopped. The girl was doubled over, clutching her chest. Yusuke stood there, patting her back, uncertain what he should be doing. He shot me a look. Behind his back I watched Kasumi wipe blood from the palm of her hand onto the underside of her shirt. As if I would not notice such a thing.

I flickered back to their side and waited for Kasumi's fit to subside. As I had since finding her at Konstantin's keep, I spoke to her coldly. "Die and be done with it."

She glared at me, fire burning in her eyes. Good...be angry. Do not become complacent. Do not just lay down and die. Show me that spark burning bright within you and never let it fade.

"You alright Kas?" asked Yusuke.

She nodded, catching her breath. "Yeah. My throat's just dry."

Yusuke didn't buy her lie but handed her a skein of water anyway. She took a long pull and then handed it back. "Okay, lets keep going," she said.

She was pushing herself recklessly. I knew I was the cause of it. But I had needed to get her here as soon as possible. Even with minimal rest, I still didn't think I would make it in time. Not with her traveling alongside me.

As Kasumi pulled on ahead I grabbed Yusuke by his upper arm. He skidded to a halt and turned to stare at me. "What's up man?"

"She isn't going to make it."

He gaped at me for a minute. "But...she doesn't seem that sick."

"She's hiding it well. But I can smell it on her."

"So what do you want to do? We can't just let her die."

I had made a decision already. I just needed the detective's cooperation in order to execute it properly. "I will find the Bokur. You stay behind with her."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

My eyes flicked to the woman marching on ahead. She had always been so good at hiding her true self. But I saw through it all. No matter my grievances with her I could not just allow her to die. Not when I could do something to prevent it. This was the only way.

"Just don't let her fall asleep. I'll come back as soon as I can."

Apprehension built in his eyes and body but I didn't give him time to question me further. I bolted, flying by Kasumi, making her shortened hair billow in my wake. Her eyes darted after me, but not fast enough. I knew she would be confused. But I had chosen to hide this from her so she would not be afraid. Unnecessary fear could cause even more problems. We didn't need her to overreact.

I pushed my limits towards their edge, running faster than the sigh of the wind. It would still take me hours to reach my destination. And even then, I might not find the demon I was in need of.

And if I did…

Best not to think of that now. He would ask a price. A price I must be willing to pay. A price for her life. There was no point trying to barter or think of what he could possibly want. There was no way I would be able to guess.

I only hoped it would be something within my power to give.

. . .

Night was drawing near when I arrived at the hut the Bokur claimed as his den. He waited outside. No different than when I had seen him last, as if time had no place or purpose for him. He sat crossed legged on his front step, a pipe clenched between his teeth. He was old, stooped, and saggy skinned. Two small black pointed horns protruded from his head. His skin was the color of dried mud and his hair was almost nonexistent.

A sinister smile full of rotted teeth greeted me when I approached him. "Welcome, Jaganshi."

He spoke as if he recognized me. Just as he had done the first time I had met him. But this time made far less sense. Not many residing in Mukuro's lands did not recognize the name Jaganshi Hiei. But five hundred years in the past...this creature should have no knowledge of me. It instantly made me wary.

I kept one hand on the hilt of my blade as I drew closer. I would kill this man and steal what I needed if that is what it came down to. It would affect the current timeline...but I could not risk Kasumi's life.

But his smile only grew wider. "I do not wish you ill will," he said.

"How do you know who I am?"

"I saw your coming."

Clairvoyance. I was sick of people who knew things no one should be privy to. Kasumi's sickly sister also irritated me in that regard. She knew so much...but revealed so little.

"I will ask a hefty price for what you seek."

I growled low in my throat. "Name it."

He gnawed on the pipe for a while, debating. But I was no fool. He knew what he wanted. And I knew it too.

"I will give you three guesses," he said, that perpetual grin never fading.

"I need none," I replied.

The pipe clacked between his blackened teeth, an excited, shuddering breath slipped from between his lips. "Say it aloud, or the deal cannot be completed."

I shifted my weight from one foot to another. I should not care as much. It should be something I could give with no remorse.

But it was not so simple.

"What will you do with it?" I asked.

"I will only take one small thread from that rope you carry. Do not fret."

"That isn't what I asked," I snarled.

He released a wheezing laugh, smoke billowing out from between his lips. "You will find that many wish for its power," he said. He removed the pipe from his mouth, knocked it against his knee to remove the ashed herb. "It is a rare thing, to find a person that carries that weight."

He looked up, dark, sunken eyes piercing me. "It is even rarer...for it to be a demon."

"I will only ask once more - what will you do with it?" I had no need for his knowledge or opinion. I wished only to get the drug that I needed and be done with it. But I could not in good conscience give him what he asked without first knowing the impact it would make.

The Bokur made me nervous. I could feel my blood rush in my veins. Hear the sound of my breaths filling up the empty space in my ears. I stared him down, unwilling to show even a hint of weakness before him. He would eat me alive if I allowed it.

As far as I knew he was ancient and all who had come to see him had paid high prices for his services. None had succeeded in killing him. But that didn't mean I could not try.

"Love can be a fickle thing," he began. "But it can also be dark. Strong. Powerful. It can hold the intensity of fire within its palms."

"What does this have to do with anything, you old fool?"

"Demons and humans alike would pay a high price to have the latter."

I stopped. Took a breath. And swallowed hard. I had feared for nothing.

He meant to use it for his own gain. To brew love potions or some other such nonsense. I had no idea how it would work, but I didn't care.

"I do not love her," I said. As if it had needed to be said. As if it mattered.

It was then he rose, his old bones crackling on the way up, that rotten smile once again stretching his lips thin. "A bond that heavy does not come out of hatred," he said.

"No one has a choice in the one fate has bound them to," I told him.

He laughed again, "Ah, but that is where you are mistaken."

He stepped up to me, hand outstretched, palm raised upwards. I stood there, defensive, teeth bared. I did not know why I cared so much. I should just give it and be done. It would save her life.

"Tell me what you mean. How does one have a choice?"

He crooked his fingers - once, twice. "Give me what I ask. I will tell you all."

"Fine," I spoke through gritted teeth, "Take it."

I had not at all been prepared for how fast the old bastard moved. He shot forward with a speed not unlike my own, his hand now turned into a weapon. He struck me in the chest and I felt the air whoosh from my lungs. I fell to my knees and he came with me, never removing his hand, never faltering.

"It will hurt a bit, I am afraid," he said. A little late.

He dug around inside me, fingers pulling and clenching and pinching. I gritted my teeth, resisting the urge to maim him, to tear him to shreds. I couldn't deny that it hurt. It hurt like I'd just lain in a bed of hot coals. It was like having my insides shredded.

As he dug he spoke, telling me what I had wished to know. But now I listened with only half an ear, too focused on keeping the pain at bay.

"A soulmate bond is there, imbedded in the soul. Yes that is true." His fingers pushed deeper, ever searching. My eyes fell closed, breaths turned to pants.

"But it does not come into true being until the other half has been found."

"Get on with it!" I hollered. I cared not for his petty words. I just wanted this to be over. He could take the whole damn thing if it would just end.

But he did not do as I demanded. He only dug deeper, shifting his hand farther to the left, and continued to speak. "That is why so many souls can love others in their many lifetimes."

He paused in his searching and sighed. "Ah, there it is."

I felt the pinch and pull as he grasped the rope that bound me to a human woman. A fate I had never wanted or asked for. A fate I would deny until my last breath. But here...now, I could not pretend that it did not exist.

The Bokur pulled his pointed, gnarled fingers from my breast bone. Slow, so slow. With gentle care I did not understand. With a final tug he pulled the cord from my chest. Long, thick, the color of blood. It was many threads tied into one. To many the sight might have been stunning, perhaps even awe inspiring. But to me...it was a burden my shoulders did not wish to bear. It was a price I had not been willing to pay.

And most of all...it reeked of weakness. It spoke of things no man such as I should ever touch. I was a killer - black straight down to my core.

Because even though I associated it to a chain binding me to a life of failure...I was also not worthy to carry it. I wished not to be tied to anyone...just as I wished for no one to be tied to me. Not in all the years I had lived did I wish for a companion. I never thought that would change.

But I was finding far too often that I was inexplicably wrong about all the things I'd thought were truth.

The Bokur held the thread in tender hands, his sunken dull eyes suddenly shining with an excited light. "Stunning. A masterpiece of godly design."

I was still breathing heavy, unable to catch a single breath. They left just as quick as they came. Sweat beaded on my brow and dripped to slide over my lips. Hurry, I thought, hurry and take it.

He admired it a bit longer, running it across his palm, before pulling a pair of golden shears from the folds of his robe. He poised them over the piece of thread and then locked eyes with me.

"I will give you one last chance to change your mind," he said.

I growled at him, sick of the dallying, sick of the ache it caused. "Cut it, old man."

That menacing grin widened and just as he was about to snip the thread he said, "How terrible...the loss of a child."

"What?"

But it was too late. The shears rent the thread in half. I felt a snap and the rope disappeared. My core pulsed once...twice, then grew still. I thought there would be some other kind of pain. But all I felt was a misplaced sense of loss. As if the universe had shifted only slightly and changed the order of things.

I did not dwell on this long, for what the old bastard had said confused me. "What child?"

The Bokur produced a glass vial from his pocket and slipped the thread inside. "Your child."

I glared at him, the old moron actually thought I had spawn? It was almost enough to make me laugh. "I have no bastards to speak of. You are mistaken."

The light did not leave the demon's eyes. He turned his back on me to shuffle into his hut. He returned not long after, a small bottle clutched in his hand. He held it out to me and I swiped it from his palm, placing it within my cloak for safekeeping.

I made to leave, but the Bokur's hand on my shoulder had me turning to glare at him. "What?"

"To produce a thread so thick you have loved that woman in many lifetimes." His hand clenched, digging into my skin. "She is the beginning and the end."

I scoffed, tearing away from him. "Fool," I said, before flickering away. He stood, just as I'd left him, until he was out of my view.

I forged on ahead, forgetting his ramblings and focusing on reaching Kasumi as quick as my body was able. There wasn't much time left…

. . .

It was nearly morning by the time I reached Yusuke. He'd made camp in a cave about a mile from where I'd left them. He greeted me at the mouth, his hair mussed as if he'd been running his hands through it.

"She's in bad shape man."

"Is she awake?" I snapped.

"Barely," he replied.

I pushed passed him, ignoring his questions about the serum he fired at my retreating back. The unbearable smell of sickness stung my nostrils and eyes. My sensitive ears picked up the panting breaths and small moans of pain before my eyes spotted her.

She was curled up by a small fire, wrapped in her bedroll. Her already pale skin had become sallow and sweat had soaked her hair. It hung in unattractive strings about h er face. Her eyes were unfocused and distant. She hadn't even noticed my presence. She did not even look up when I stepped up beside her.

"Kasumi," I said. No reply. No acknowledgement at all.

I bent at the knee, crouching next to her, and pushed the plastered strands of hair from her forehead. I missed the long hair. Though I would never admit that to her. Just like I would never admit it was my fault it was missing in the first place.

I pulled the drug from the inside of my cloak and flicked the cap up with my thumb. Her dazed eyes finally drifted towards me and of all the things I thought she'd do the idiot smiled.

"Hi," she said. Voice raspy, tired...weak.

Highly aware that Yusuke was behind me, I held the bottle to her lips and said, "I need you to drink this."

She took one look at the blackened liquid and then shook her head. "Your stupid grass didn't help me."

"This will," I said, trying to be patient.

She turned away from me, eyes drooping. "I just want to sleep," she said.

"I had a hell of a time keeping her awake," Yusuke said at my back.

I ignored him for now, still trying to placate the woman before I just snapped and shoved the antidote down her throat. "I swear this will help you. Then you may sleep."

But it was as if she hadn't heard me. She'd stopped paying attention completely. The sickness had spread farther than I'd realized. I'd thought I had at least another day. But given the infected bite on her shoulder and the various other wounds that weren't healing, I should have known better.

Her head had drooped and the telltale signs of hibernation - a body's natural reaction to extreme strain - set in. Her breathing slowed and before she could fully succumb to sleep I whirled her around.

She reacted with violence, jerking an arm out in a sad attempt to try and hit me. "Go away!"

Before she could strain herself even further I shoved the bottle between her lips. Her teeth clacked against the glass as she attempted to push it out. But I stood firm, forcing her to tip her head back. She struggled feebly, but gave up in short order.

Except she hadn't swallowed. Of all the times to be stubborn…

I pinched her nose closed and threw the bottle aside so I could clap a hand over her mouth. She held her breath for a few seconds before giving up. She swallowed down the drug and then I allowed her to wrench herself away from me.

She tumbled to the ground and then just laid there. "You better not have poisoned me," she grumbled.

"Just sleep, woman."

It didn't take long after that. Willful as she was, the exhaustion of fighting off this illness won out in the end. I was soon greeted with soft snores and I was able to sit back against the wall and take a breath.

Yusuke had not said a word the entire time. But now he joined me on the floor, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Fuck, I was really worried for a second there."

"Did you think I would return empty handed?"

"Nah...not really. But...she looks like death. Smells like it too."

That wouldn't change. Not for a few days yet. The serum was no instantaneous miracle. It needed time to work its way through her system. Rest and plenty of water would help it along its course.

But then there were the side effects to worry about. Humans reacted differently to the plants in the Makai, and in turn the drugs and medicines. Kasumi would be no exception to that rule, of that I had no doubt.

My eyes flicked towards the detective. "When she wakes I need you to leave."

He stared at me with raised eyebrows, momentarily forgetting to poke at the fire with a stick he'd found. "Why?"

"She will not be herself."

"Okay...and what is that supposed to mean?"

I looked back towards the sleeping woman, my lips pursed. Why was he such an idiot? It shouldn't be so hard for Yusuke to pick up what I was saying.

"If you do not understand there's no point in wasting my breath."

"No need to be dick," he said with a grin. "I get it. She's gonna be higher than a kite, right?"

"To put it mildly…"

He outright laughed, slapping a hand against his thigh. "Like hell will I miss out on that!"

I turned to him with a snarl, lips curled in disgust. "This isn't a joke!"

He held his hands up defensively, "My bad loverboy."

I was on my feet and had a hand wrapped around his throat before I'd even realized I'd moved. Yusuke's eyes were wide but swimming with mirth. I wanted to kill him. There was little that irritated me more than being mocked.

Yusuke grabbed my wrist, wrenching my hand from his neck. "Gimme a break, if you were serious just now you would have crushed my windpipe."

I deflated, turning from him with an annoyed grunt. He was right. Not that I wasn't still angry. He needed to keep his nose out of my personal business.

"When are you going to admit that you like her?"

I sat back down, doing my best not to glance at the smug look he had across his face. He spoke nonsense. Nothing unusual for Urameshi Yusuke. I didn't need to listen to it.

"Ridiculous," I replied.

"Right. Because you didn't just defend her honor or anything." He laughed again and then laughed harder. With tears appearing in the corners of his eyes he said, "You and Kuwabara actually have a lot in common."

That did it.

I slugged him hard in the face. He went skidding backwards on his ass, took one look at me, and then launched himself across the cave. This started an all out brawl. For days I'd needed to release this pent up aggression. I needed to bleed, to hurt, to bruise. I needed to cleanse her from my system. I needed to forget every pathetic thought that had crossed my mind regarding her. I needed to feel the smack of flesh on flesh, feel the burn of my energy - maybe then I would move passed this.

We were in a confined space but at this point it didn't matter. The rock around us crumbled and cracked, but it held. I cared for little else at that moment.

It was when Yusuke landed one good punch to my jaw that a burst of bright reiki had us both throwing up a barrier. My eyes darted towards Kasumi - who had awoken earlier than expected - and saw her on her knees, hands held before her. The righteous rage in her eyes sent a thrill through me. But that feeling quickly faded when I noticed how blown her pupils were.

I'd dealt with drunk, injured, enraged, and beserked Kasumi. But I had no idea how she'd react under the influence of drugs.

I hadn't wanted Yusuke to witness this for the simple fact that I wanted this experience to myself. I was by no means excited to see her like this, but it would be another facet of her. It was one more piece that I wanted to hold in my palm and examine. I would probably regret that wish. But I didn't care.

The battle with Yusuke long forgotten I dissipated my youki shield and took a step towards her. Electricity crackled through the air in warning.

"Looks like we woke sleeping beauty," quipped Yusuke.

I threw my cloak off, the air in the cave suddenly stifling, and cocked my head towards him. "Leave, detective."

He raised a single eyebrow, opening his mouth to argue. But a snap of my energy had him clamping his mouth shut. "You're serious?"

"Keep watch. Do not interrupt no matter what you hear."

He gaped at me and then turned his attention back to Kasumi. He stared for awhile as her energy sparked and sang through the air. And then nodded. "Alright. But don't kill each other."

I scoffed. I had no plans to fight her. Restrain her, perhaps, but not fight her. Her body was ravaged enough.

I recalled all the new scars that littered her skin. Some would fade with time...but so many others would remain as reminders. She'd paid for her tryst with Ren ten fold.

Although...if I were to speak the truth, she had no need to pay for what she'd done. I'd laid no claim. I had no right to her body. No right to hold her back from what she wanted.

Even if what she wanted did not happen to be me.

I listened for Yusuke's footsteps to fade. The sound of rain outside the cave registered but I felt no remorse that the detective would be stuck out in the elements. He would make do. He would have to.

This was my mess alone to clean up. I was the cause of all her suffering. I was the cause of her wounds and her scars and her pain. There was no point getting Yusuke dragged into it.

Kasumi had her moments of idiocy.

But she hadn't deserved this.

I approached her as I would a wounded beast. I took the brunt of the energy surrounding her, feeling the zing of electricity against my skin. It didn't hurt, not like I had expected it to. Or perhaps she hadn't wanted it to.

I knelt before her, watching her eyes go wide. I didn't think. I just did what my body told me to do.

I wrapped Morimoto Kasumi in my arms. And held her as if she would disappear. I buried my face in her sweat soaked hair, breathed in all that was her.

Next thing I knew I had the wind knocked out of me courtesy of a swift punch to my stomach.

...I should have known.

. . .

A/N: Just a little info dump. A Bokur is a type of Voodoo priest. More specifically, they practice the black magic side of things, even while being knowledgeable on the other aspects of Voodoo, as it isn't an evil religion by any means. But people have been known to do evil things with Voodoo magic. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up for any confusion. The Makai is home to many different demon races, species, etc. The show might be set in Japan, but I headcanon the Makai as a very vast world with just as many races as Earth.

The next chapter will be in Hitomi's POV. And then it will continue with Hiei. So until next time, I hope you liked this chapter! Thanks for reading!