Behind Closed Doors: Chapter 20 - SOUL-TO-SOUL
Once the bathroom door closes you take a look at yourself in the mirror. All those bruises, and the black eye.. everything feels so tender. You turn on the faucets and grab a cloth next to the sink, soaking it in cold water and pressing it against your forehead and eye. Even the the most gentle application hurts, but you make the attempt to clean your bruises regardless. After a few minutes of sanitizing yourself you notice the clothes neatly folded and draped over the edge of the tub. As you pick it up to wear it you notice the skull and crossbones and roll your eyes with a smirk before putting it on. Definitely Papyrus' shirt.. it's way too baggy on you and the pants are elastic so they fit well enough around your waist. Once you exit the bathroom you descend the stairs to see all of them waiting patiently by the door with surprisingly straight faces. "Sheesh, are we going to a funeral, or something?" Despite the usual relaxed demeanor of your friends they all seem not to budge. Even Sans, who tilts his head in a confused manner before replying. "no, but to monsters this is kind of a serious thing.. so if we seem tense it's because we take this tradition to heart." Sans explains that matter-of-factly, and after he does you awkwardly rub the back of your head. "Oh, I, uh... sorry, didn't know it was that important to you guys. Let's not keep Undyne waiting.. does, she, uh... does she know?" Toriel only gives you a silent, unnerving nod, and even Papyrus is quiet. This level of seriousness unnerves you.. just what did you agree to?
Everyone exits the house and makes their way over to the shed. The three stop just at the door and Papyrus holds it open, and once you enter you're greeted by Undyne sitting cross-legged on the floor with her hands on both knees, staring up at you expectantly. Instinctively, you freeze after staring at her, and her slit-like pupils narrow as the staring continues. Fifteen seconds of silence pass before the other three enter the room and stand between the oddly-placed wooden pillars, blocking the exit. "Human. Are you ready to begin?" Undyne's voice is oddly calm but abrasive at the same time, and the idea of her being so still unnerves you from the recent experience with her. "I'm.. not sure, to be honest. I've never done something like this before and I don't want to do it wrong." As you say that you sit down... more than a couple feet from her. Noticing you scoot back as you sit she interrupts. "I'm not going to try anything, human.. you have my word on that at least, and I can respect you making some attempt at honoring our traditions but that doesn't meant I trust you." After finishing her statement she scoots a foot closer and you instinctively flinch. "I'm sorry- I just, It's... I'm trying to get used to this. What do I...?" Before you can finish, Undyne straightens her back, sighs, and exhales. During the exhale her SOUL exits her body but for some odd reason the room doesn't change.. no black-and-white, nothing. "Just do as I do, human." She gestures to her soul, then points to your chest. It takes a moment after you close your eyes but you calm your breathing, finally giving a long, drawn-out exhale. Your own SOUL exits your body.. the familiar GLOW from many times before, still having faded cracks and chipped edges. Your soul and Undyne's hover towards each other and circle before they switch places in the air, yours in front of her and vice versa.
Undyne leans inwards and places a hand on her round chin. Just now you notice the odd, red webbing on the side of her head as well as on her hands before she speaks. "So you've gone through some tough spots, huh?" As Undyne grasps your SOUL with one hand you wince at the feeling.. It feels as though the breath and energy has been sucked out of you. Once she notices after a few seconds she releases it the and the effects subside gradually, causing a gentle gasp from you. "What... was that.. feeling?" You squeeze the center of your chest briefly in disbelief but she seems to let you catch your breath before the explanation. "The feeling of SOULlessness is debilitating. Any monster who has their SOUL forcefully moved from their body will eventually fall down. The same goes for humans and their respective traits." Inspecting Undyne's SOUL you notice the similar cracks and chips, but it looks altogether normal despite it's flaws. "You've gone through a lot too, it looks like.. Not going to pry-" Undyne instantly interrupts you and places a hand firmly on the wood with a-thump-. She leans forwards with a glare
"I am." Undyne begins in an abrupt cold manner. "For starters, what the hell was that back there, some kind of illusion? Magic? Are you a sorcerer?" Her questions were direct and abrasive, something you were familiar with but never used to. "I-" Before you can even answer that set of questions she barrages you with a couple more. "What's with the goody two-shoes shtick, too? You're trying to get monsters to drop their guard, aren't you? Haven't we suffered-" Not having enough time to think you stare at the floor while she continues in her seemingly angry state and zone out. It takes three more seconds but this time you interrupt her, abruptly slamming a single fist into the ground and shouting back. "That was a bad memory, okay?! I don't know WHY or HOW it happened, but it's REALLY personal!" You glare seriously but fearfully into Undyne's eyes and notice they expand and contract briefly. There's a silence in the room and you look to your three friends who are simply watching with concern. Toriel seems to have a small look of regret, Papyrus worry, and Sans is simply staring at you with black, pupil-less sockets. After you look back to her she quietly asks a question.
"So.. that was a bad memory, huh? What caused it?" That question shook you to the core for some reason. Can you really explain that in front of your friends? Something you clearly explained to them that you weren't ready to talk about? Instead of wondering about the hypocrisy you tremble very briefly before taking a deep breath. "It's..." You pause before continuing. "The way you were choking me reminded me of... my mom." You expected a sarcastic remark or response from her given her stance towards you, but the room is still quiet. Undyne closes her eyes before continuing. "That happen... often?" The gruffness in her voice seemed a little less so but that could just be your imagination. You can only respond in a cold tone to that type of question. "..Very." Out of the corner of your eye you see both Paps and Sans wince. Toriel's paw grips the wooden beam tighter, and even Undyne appears unsettled by the answer. "You stayed with someone like that? Didn't you have a father to protect you? It sounds like you didn't even attempt to leave." Her question was normal enough. It made sense that if you had a mother, you surely had a dad, right?
Wrong.
After you close your eyes you answer with a quiet, single laugh before shaking your head. "No. He left her when I was 4. Thinking about it now I guess it was her behavior and drinking that drove him away. I didn't escape until ten or eleven, I think?" Realistically, you hadn't thought about it for years. It was something you kept piled in the back of your mind, forgotten and ignored. "It took you that long to get the guts to leave? Come on, you have to be joking. Humans are supposed to be tough!" Undyne seems to be in some sort of disbelief that you took so long to pull that off, and for the moment your face sours with revulsion. "Really? I'm supposed to be tough? Look at me!" You gesture to your body and the various bruises. "I'm a fucking loser! I only left there because I was afraid of what would happen next, not because I had the guts! Sure I escaped and managed to get to my father's place, but that didn't change anything! He was a lazy dead-beat who stayed home and smoked all day, he could have cared less if I was there or not!" Your volume slightly increases as you get slightly angrier, and Undyne raises her hand in a bit of shock and she looks unsure about how to handle the situation. "Hey, wait a second-"
"NO." Harsh and brief, you point and directly deny her before continuing. "The fact that I escaped only to be ignored and forgotten felt HORRIBLE. I literally felt as though I belonged NOWHERE." You stand up abruptly but your SOUL remains in front of her and it seems to shudder for a moment as you speak. "I'm not strong in any sense of the term! I only came down here on accident because apparently, I can't even fucking KILL myself the right way!" You scream the last piece of that statement at her before pausing in shock, realizing what you just said in your bout of anger. As you pant Undyne seems to be leaning back and the others are just staring silently.. Eventually your arms drop to your sides and you sit back down, clenching your fists and pressing them against your knees. You refuse to cry this time, despite your voice getting slightly crackly. "...The only reason I'm still here is because it literally couldn't get any worse for me. If I don't belong here of all places, then I'm done. I can't take anymore. I'm fucking tired." At the end of your monologue the tole has completely left your voice. There's a brief flicker of yellow light from your SOUL and the it seems duller than earlier. During this silence you notice the wind blow through a crack in the window pane behind Undyne. Before she starts speaking you notice her SOUL glow a brighter white than before. "Believe it or not, human, I can kind of understand your situation." For some reason what she says makes you recoil and lean back in distrust. Your scowl is still present but less so, and as she continues her tone is calm and from what you can gather, friendly..? What's with the change of heart? "There are plenty of monsters down here, including myself at one time, that thought 'Hey, if I just bury my past this pain will just go away!' and actually believed it."
The bridge of your nose wrinkles as you instinctively take that as an insult but Undyne continues regardless. "Running doesn't distance you from your past. It just gives life a chance to mess things up, and it always does." You instinctively raise your hand and quietly ask. "Stop, please." Cutting her off seems to have surprised her but before she asks why, her pupils narrow at your lack of tone. "I know this is probably working up to some big life lesson but can we not? I already know how this ends. You end up still distrustful and I somehow manage to make things worse. Come on, let's be serious." You shrug with a smirk and stare at Undyne sincerely before she realizes your expression.
*Manny has given up.
Mouth slightly parts in shock once she notices the abrupt lack of light from your SOUL after you say that. Undyne's own face scrunches with anger gradually before she grunts in anger and stands up. "...NNNGAAAAAHH! Come on, human! You really think that's it?! Everything you've encountered you survived and you're gonna throw in the towel like that?!" Undyne hovers over you and points a finger in your face as you lean back in confusion and fear. "Get back up and keep fighting! Don't set yourself up for failure like you just did.. and 'ACTUALLY' get up!" Undyne grasps you by the wrist and picks you up, holding you eye-level off the ground. "Don't you dare be ashamed of your scars! Physical or not, they mean you're TOUGH! Tenacious! Unyielding! You're here because no matter what life threw your way, you had HOPE! You turned those horrible memories into RESOLVE!" As you dangle in the air you notice for the moment, your SOUL shines a bit brighter as Undyne yells at you. You only meet her eyes after she finishes the talk and when she notices your SOUL gradually return to it's normalcy she sets you down, taking a few steps back. Both of your souls enter your respective bodies and she folds her arms.
"Well, punk? What are you gonna do? Throw in the towel, or keep fighting like a real champ would?!" There's an odd amount of energy in her voice once she asks that, like she's attempting to pep you up. Shortly after you realize this you cover your face with your hand, barely hiding the beginnings of a smile. "... Oh god, not you too." When you look up from your hand you notice a large, sharp-toothed grin before she pokes your shoulder harshly. "That's right! There's no way you're gonna give up now, and I'm personally making sure of that!" Truth be told, your smile was initially in disbelief, but the more she talks to you it seems that you're making progress, and you only notice this due to how close she is and her tone.
"I am happy to see that the two of you came to such a resolution, Manny." Toriel finally speaks in that warm, comforting voice, and it seems that the other two have gone back to their normal selves as well. Papyrus seems happy and excitable again and even Sans seems a little more relaxed. "I do, however, have some questions if you are okay with it." When she asks that, Undyne pockets her hands. "I kind of have some too, punk.. you never answered be before. How did you show me that memory?" As the two of them stare at you expectantly you simply shrug. "Like I said guys, I don't even know. Maybe I need my SOUL out or something? Can we do this later, though? Normally I don't open up, even to friends, so uh, I kind of need a moment to collect myself-" You stop once your stomach growls in a loud and abrupt manner, causing your face to flush red in embarrassment. "I, uh... mind if I go get something to eat?"
I wanted this one to be a little more serious than the others, given that it's a topic that's dear to the monsters in the underground. Regardless, thank you all for supporting me all the way up to chapter 20! I'll make a bonus chapter before chapter 21. For now, Inbox me a question for a specific character and they'll answer it! I'll choose fifteen at the most, so don't be shy!
-RampantMemory