Ticking Timebomb

Chapter 56 – For a Little While

A/N: For all those that read the original chapters 56 and 57, they're about to change drastically. I have a point to prove and won't stop until I do. So I hope these will be more enjoyable than the previous versions. And the changes will not affect the overall plot. This chapter continues in Kasumi's POV (Yep, you read that correctly).

. . .

There was a rush in my ears, a dull roar that cast a blanket over any other sound. There was a warmth that soaked through me, wet and thick and reeking of iron.

But it was the pain that took my breath. The utter agony that tore its way through me in electric currents.

I remembered screaming, someone pinning me down onto a hard surface to keep me still. I fell in and out of consciousness, but it was never enough to stop the absolute torture they put me through.

I screamed until my lungs gave out, until I was pleading inside my head for it to go away, for someone – anyone – to just make it stop.

The only one who answered was Chronos. She could not help me, she had said. It was now beyond her abilities to fix something so grave. I had taken too much from her. I had stolen any chance of her being my savior. She berated me, drove me deeper and deeper into madness. She told me I would die and I only had my own carelessness to blame.

And then came the cold. Pure and crisp and white hot in its intensity as it crossed over my skin. And still those hands pinned me down. My sight had been taken from me, everything blurring together in a jumbled mess until I was sick.

I think I wretched then. Someone pulled my sticky hair away from my lips. Hands I should have recognized but for the life of me I couldn't recall who they belonged to.

Eventually it all just went numb. And the ringing in my ears softened until it was gone entirely. Voices flooded in to take its place, but they were disjointed...confusing. The words all blended together, nonsensical and strange. I couldn't even tell you what language they were speaking.

Then came the needle...the thread. And the agony returned anew. But this time there was a voice in my ears instead of the constant rush of blood from my too fast beating heart. I connected then who the hands belonged to, the rumble of his voice so tired, exhaustion lining every word.

But it grounded me, even if I didn't comprehend what he was saying. And though the pain still raged I could bear it, if only for just a little longer.

I had no concept of time. It could have been minutes or hours or days. The only thing I could remember was that I should've died. The injury so grave I should have bled out. But I was alive, I had to be. Either that or this was hell and I had landed a first class ticket straight into its fires.

An eternity passed. The hands fell away. I did not move.

The pain never went away. It just dulled, as if my senses had been diluted.

Quiet fell.

For a long time I concentrated solely on my breathing, thankful for the oxygen that still managed to fill my ravaged lungs. And then I just floated there, stuck somewhere between asleep and awake.

I missed the hands. The breathy words that he'd spoken.

At least then I had felt less disassociation with my own body. I had thought – at least for a little while – that I wasn't just a corpse laying in a hole somewhere.

Next thing I knew I was being lifted into the air. The pain came rushing back with a vengeance.

I blacked out again, thankful when that darkness swallowed me. But it didn't last nearly long enough. Even an entire century wouldn't have been enough.

It was like having claws raking down my back, even as I was placed somewhere soft, a sharp contrast to the cold unforgiving place I had been before. And through the haze someone spoke. They used soft tones, speaking the same words over and over until things cleared just enough and I understood.

"Can you hear me?"

I couldn't talk, moving proved difficult. I couldn't make out who it was, even so close. My vision sucked on a good day...but with eyes half-mast and eyes unfocused from the pain I might as well have been blind.

Whoever it was sensed my distress. "It's okay. Just blink if you can hear me."

And so I did, slow and deliberate.

It was difficult not to just leave them closed. Except I didn't want to die. And something inside me told me that if I were to fall asleep now I wouldn't wake up.

I couldn't deny that it was a tempting thought.

"Good," said the voice. "That's good Umi."

Umi...

Only one person called me that.

I reached for him, my arm dead weight and useless, but fingers grasping at nothing. A warm palm connected with my own and squeezed.

"Just hold on, Umi. Everything's going to be alright."

. . .

Takahiro was a goddamned liar.

But at least I could fucking see now. Someone had gone and gotten my glasses. For two days I had lain in this bed, face down and unable to move.

Genkai had pulled some shit that literally froze me unless someone made the movement for me. I was limited to blinking, eye rolling, and glaring at any idiot that was brave enough to walk through the door.

And may I add, none of those idiots happened to be Hiei.

I didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse that I had become increasingly more aware as time went by.

At first the necessity for constant care hadn't seemed a big deal. But now I was pissed and wanted out of this stupid bed.

"Don't give me that look."

My eyes narrowed further. He tried to smile but his lips twitched.

"Tell the old hag to take this goddamn spell off me," the words came out sounding as if I'd just been shot up with too much novocaine. I couldn't move my lips so well.

"You know I can't do that Kas."

I rolled my eyes and his smile turned sympathetic. Damn you, Kazuma.

He picked back up the book he'd been trying to read. Some textbook. I watched him read the same page at least ten times before he sighed and slammed it shut again. "I can't believe the pipsqueak just ran off."

I was told the day before that Hiei had spent several hours sleeping...and then immediately afterwards had run off to the Makai. The only person I knew for certain that had some clue as to why was Kurama. And he'd been avoiding my room like I had the plague.

We had been back all of three days.

One of those days I had spent on the cold stone floor of one of the rooms in Genkai's temple. I'd needed around the clock medical attention. Yukina, Botan, Kurama, and Genkai had been on the front line, with the rest of my friends in the wings to back them up.

Hiei had nearly killed me.

He'd almost cut me straight in half.

It was a miracle I was even alive, let alone able to give everyone here shit for forcing me to lay still.

Kurama had said there could be damage to my spine. The fact I couldn't feel too much past my waist didn't give me much confidence. But I couldn't think about that now.

Yusuke had filled everyone in on the important bits of the mission. Making sure to tell me that Hiei had foolishly left behind the heart, so everything we'd done had been in vain.

Every. Single. Goddamned. Thing.

I'd been imprisoned, tortured, become a killer, fought for my life, been nearly married to a child, and last but not least, nearly been killed by my boyfriend. If I could even call him that.

And for what?

To say I was angry was an understatement. But not with him. Maybe I should have been, except I couldn't help but think everything had been my own damn fault.

"I know that look," said Kazu, his lips turning down into a frown. "Stop blaming yourself. None of it is your fault. If anything it's that little bastard Hiei's."

"I jumped in front of him," I slurred out, voice sour. Why was I such an idiot?

According to Keiko, who had witnessed everything, Hiei hadn't denied what he'd done. Even though he'd been exhausted from using his finisher he'd stayed awake by shear force of will in order to help hold me down. He had been the one that had whispered in my ears. The one who had brushed my hair from my sweaty face each time I had wretched.

Keiko had said she'd never seen him act in such a way – like he cared. Like he felt actual remorse.

Only when it had come time to move me did he sleep. And then he was gone, having given a brief explanation to Kurama and nothing more.

It irritated me beyond belief.

Here I was, half dead, and he was running away.

And don't even get me started on the fact my sister had pulled a similar stunt. Hitomi was nowhere to be found either and it made anxiety eat its way through my stomach.

"Are you thirsty?"

"No," I groused.

"Do you want me to go away?"

"No."

Kazuma sighed, leaning forward to rub at his face. He looked just as exhausted as I felt. "It's almost time for Yukina to give ya another dose of healing anyway. I'll go get her."

I wanted to argue, but he was up and out the door before I could work my tongue around the words.

Apparently I wasn't such good company these days.

I'd wished they had just taken me to a hospital. But when I said as much I was met with several different arguments as to why that hadn't been in the cards – there wasn't time, the wound couldn't be explained, my ability to heal faster than a regular human would cause problems, etcetera. It had both annoyed and pleased me that they hadn't wanted to trust my care in the hands of others.

As I laid there waiting (not that I had any other choice) the sound of the window being thrown open startled me. But beyond a slight widening of my eyes you wouldn't have noticed.

I wasn't worried it was an enemy. I'd known who it was the instant his foot had touched the sill.

"About time you showed up," I growled, my poor attempt at trying to sound annoyed falling flat.

The sheet was rudely ripped away from me, exposing my back to the open air. I knew I was nude beneath and felt my chest heat up until the blush spread towards my face. I don't know why it mattered. He'd seen me naked more times than I could count.

But there was shame to be felt now. I was broken...weak. Practically useless.

I hadn't understood what Hiei had seen in me before. But whatever it had been was surely gone now.

"What are you doing?" I asked, unable to see him. The only comfort he gave was his energy washing over me, a blanket of warmth that reminded me of sitting near a fireplace.

Except it was summer and it wasn't actually comfortable at all.

There was a long bout of silence where he touched my back in various places, fingers tentative and overly gentle. I waited for him to speak, knowing he would tell me if and when he deemed it necessary. But as the seconds ticked by I grew more and more impatient.

"Hiei!" I finally snapped, my voice as far from intimidating as it came. "Stop poking me and answer my goddamn question!"

He grumbled something under his breath and then the sheet was thrown back over me. He stepped around the bed until I could see him and then he was crouching so we were eye to eye.

His face gave away nothing – a neutral mask of no emotion in place. Even his eyes remained blank. And this alone irked me the most.

"What is it?" I asked, voice soft now in light of this.

Hiei tapped his temple, beside the Jagan, which was open. "I was transmitting information."

"Huh?"

But he was never given the chance to explain. I was pretty positive he'd planned for it to be that way too.

Kazuma returned with Yukina in tow, Kurama striding in behind the both of them. The latter gave me a small secretive smile before walking right by. I assumed he was headed straight for Hiei and I was proven correct when I watched them walk out together a second later.

I glared at the fox's back the entire time, sure he could feel it.

"Kasumi-san, if you don't mind I would like to take a look at your back now."

I glanced at Yukina, a literal saint, because no amount of animosity or irritation on my part had scared her off. She just kept working, a tiny knowing smile on her lips.

After day two of her using her powers on me I had tried to run her off. I could see the way her hands shook with exertion, I could see the weariness in her eyes. And yet she continued to push her limits.

I couldn't live with myself if I was the cause of her collapsing. And I was sure Hiei would never forgive me either.

"Just go rest Yukina, I'm fine. Let me outta this bed, I'll prove it."

She chuckled, thinking I was joking. "Do not fret over me." And then proceeded to pull back the sheet Hiei had replaced.

"Well," Kazuma said with a blush, "That's my queue to leave."

Yukina cast him a cute little smile as he scuttled out the doorway, before turning back to me. Her hands hovered over the massive wound, I could feel them there, but something caused her pause.

"I must be honest with you," her voice was sad, guilt ridden. "The damage that's been done...I don't think I have the power to fix it."

I wished with all my heart I could move, that my body wasn't so ragged and ruined. Because Yukina had begun to cry. With muted plunks her tears spilled onto my back, turning to yellowish green stones. I watched as some rolled off my skin, falling to clatter to the floor. I had never seen anything quite like this, but I sucked back my shock in favor of comforting her.

"It-it's okay, Yukina. It isn't your fault."

My poor attempt at comfort didn't seem to work, because if anything she had started to cry harder. I was left to wonder if Hiei's tears looked the same – if he even knew himself. If he had ever cried at all.

"How am I supposed to show him I'm worthy if I can't even do this?" she sobbed.

I realized with only a bit of surprise that Yukina was very much aware of who Hiei was. I had my suspicions, but this was confirmation. There was no reason to believe she spoke of anyone else. And it seemed she felt much the same as I did. But unlike me, Yukina had far more sway with Hiei than she realized. Hiei cared for and protected Yukina, even though he continued to hide who he was.

But it wasn't my place to say anything. I could not force either one of them to speak up, to stop the ache that had settled in both their chests. That hole would only be filled when they chose it to be. Not a second sooner.

So I stayed silent. I let Yukina cry her fill until she sucked back the tears and began to pick up all the fallen stones.

"What are those?" I asked, unable to contain my curiosity.

She answered graciously, without skipping a beat. "When my people cry they turn into gems called Hiruiseki. They're extremely valuable on the black market and coveted by the...greedier members of society."

"You mean the scumbags of the world. No need to be polite."

"Yes. And I suppose even that is too kind a word for most."

The myriad of stones were placed between the folds of her kimono. I did not ask what she planned to do with them, letting silence fall over the room. During that time I felt her youki wash over me, the cold biting and intense. But it soothed the horrible ache that had become a constant. Only when she healed me did that throb lessen.

Yukina hummed softly, clearing her throat and wiping any remaining tears from her eyes. "I think by tomorrow Master Genkai will be able to remove the spell so you can at least have something to eat. I'm sure you're famished by now."

The thought of food caused my stomach to growl. I'd had only water for two days now and some disgusting concoction Kurama had made that was supposed to accelerate the healing process. It also acted as a pain reliever, which I was thankful for, though it didn't help much.. And although it had been just about the grossest thing I'd ever tasted it settled my stomach so I could hold down liquids at least.

Yukina giggled at the rudeness of my stomach and said, "I wish I could have her remove it now, but I'm afraid the wound is still too fresh."

I sighed, I'd had a feeling that's how it was going to be. Three days confined to a bed was not in my nature. I was starting to get stir crazy. And it didn't help that being immobile brought back horrid memories. My torture was still too fresh in my mind...I would need to convince someone to let me loose. I couldn't lay here much longer without going mad.

Yukina's perpetually cold hands ran over my skin, tracing new and old wounds. She followed the paths my scars made, her touch neither sensual or comforting, just curious.

"Your tattoo has been irrevocably ruined," she spoke, tone soft as if afraid I would snap.

I had known that already. It had been ruined after the whipping from Caius. While Chronos' power had reversed the wounds it had also made those parts of my skin fresh and new, essentially turning back time on those pieces of my body. So the tattoo was destroyed. Takahiro's magic now useless. And Hiei had just put the final nail in its coffin.

"It is beautiful all the same," she breathed.

Yukina rose from the chair that had taken a permanent residence at my bedside and brushed a piece of hair out my eyes. "You're good for him," she said. Before turning to pull open the door.

Even from the bed I could see the shocked look on Hiei's face. His hand was frozen in midair, having been reaching for the knob.

Yukina's smile was bright, but you could see the sadness – the pure longing – that lingered in those red eyes so similar to her brother's. "Excuse me, Hiei-san."

She bowed to him and then shuffled out the door, casting me one last knowing smile from behind his back. I tried to smile in return, but managed only a twitch of my lips before she was gone.

Hiei raised an eyebrow at me and I just blinked at him. Had he been listening through the door? "Eavesdropper," I mumbled.

"What was that?" he growled. Although I knew he had heard me.

"What do you want?"

He dragged the chair across the floor, so it wasn't quite so close, but still close enough that I could clearly see his face. He spent an unusual amount of time figuring out where to put his hands, before he just settled with crossing his arms over his chest.

His clothes were rather nice compared to what he normally wore, I noticed. A long sleeved shirt that was just the right amount of tight and a pair of black slacks rolled up at the ankles. I didn't dwell long on this, not wishing to hurt his ego. But it was obvious the clothes didn't belong to him.

He'd lost most everything during our trip to the past. And I realized with not much remorse that his beloved cloak was also long gone.

But knowing him he probably had another ten of those stupid trash bags stashed somewhere.

"You going to talk or just stare all day?" I groused.

He swallowed once, his lips set into a tight line. "In five days I will take you to the Makai. I will accept no arguments or entreaties on your part," he began, "What I have done is irrevocable, I do not deserve forgiveness nor kindness from you. And I do not want it."

"Hiei - !"

"I need you to understand that if you do not come there is little chance you'll properly walk again. You will no longer be able to fight. You will not be able to stand for long periods of time. Let alone continue doing martial arts."

"Stop!" I tried to shout. "Just stop...I know all of this already. What I don't understand is why taking me to the Makai will make a difference."

"I..." but Hiei couldn't finish. He averted his eyes, the red skipping over the floorboards, the wheels turning in his head at a rapid pace.

"I can't explain that now," he finished. Leaving me confused as well as angry.

"Get out," I growled. I couldn't accept that. I couldn't play games anymore. The secrecy had to end sometime.

His brows drew down over his eyes, face screwing up with a mix of shock and what I would call hurt. But what Hiei would call weakness.

When he did not immediately move I said it louder, "Get. The. Fuck. Out." I enunciated each word so there would be no mistake, no miscommunication.

He stood. I thought for sure he would flicker away. Running was what he was best at after all. But he just stayed there, hands clenched at his sides.

He was fighting a battle within himself. But I sure as hell wasn't going to make it easier for him.

"Are you deaf?" I asked, voice cruel and cold and just...mean.

I didn't know what had come over me. Because I was angry yeah, but I hadn't had the intention of hurting his feelings. Except now I couldn't shut up and I hated myself for it.

I didn't want him to look at me this way. To see the shameful thing I had become. I couldn't fight. I was no better than a useless lump of trash.

"Go away Hiei! I don't want you here!"

That hurt in his eyes was quickly swallowed up by anger. It was scary sometimes...how similar we could be. But yet so, so different.

"I will not," he snarled. "You will do as I say. And those thoughts floating around in your head – purge them."

I glared at him, sure my eyes were swimming with biting cruelty but it did not faze him in the slightest. If anything, his spine turned rigid with resolve, his shoulders squaring – ready for a fight.

"I'm not some lower life form you can just order around!"

"I am doing this for your own good."

"You wanna know who else said that to me recently?" I snarled in return. "Caius," I hissed.

The barb wasn't met well.

His youki leached from his skin, smothering me in an unbearable heat. But that did not frighten me...no, it was the look of viciousness that had adorned his face. As if he would like nothing more than to finish what he'd started, and truly cut me in two.

His jaw tightened to the point I was sure he'd fracture his own teeth. He was so furious that he could not even form a reply. And part of me reveled in that.

I almost continued, just to see how far I could push him. If he would explode and just kill me. But after a beat of silence...I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

He stood there for a long time, his shoulders shaking and fists so tight I could see blood leaching across the bandages wrapped tight around his right arm and half his palm. It took several long minutes before he was calm enough to speak, but even then his tone was bitingly cold.

"I am aware I deserve far worse from you," he said through his teeth. And it stunned me that he would take such a blow to his pride. "But I do not like it," he finished.

"You're not supposed to like it," I said as if he were an idiot. And then... "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm being such a bitch."

If I could hide my face with my hands I would. But considering my sorry ass was still frozen solid, I chose to clamp my eyes closed instead.

I was taking my frustrations out on him. And even though he was at fault, he was not entirely to blame. I had jumped in front of him – albeit to save someone – but it had been stupid all the same.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, my voice pleading with him for forgiveness. "I'm so, so sorry."

Because I didn't want what last moments we had left to be filled with animosity or anger. Six months can feel like a lifetime for some, but for me it was merely a drop in the bucket of my life. A life I would no longer get to live. A life I was going to sacrifice to the greater good.

It would have been easier if Hiei had just killed me.

I told him such, the words spilling from my lips – broken and trembling and full of self-hatred. "You should have finished me. God, I wish you would have."

And then came the tears. The sobs that I couldn't hide. It was an odd sensation, trying to weep when my body was forced to be so still. But the tears still dropped from my eyes in a steady stream, slipping over the bridge of my nose to soak the sheet beneath my head.

"I don't know if I can do this," I choked out. "God, Hiei...I-I..."

And suddenly it seemed so much harder to breathe. My chest constricted, my heart ached. "I don't want to die."

Because even though I thought it would be easier...I was really scared. I acted tough, like it didn't matter, that I could face it head on and come out the other side smelling like roses. But that wasn't true. I wanted to live. I wanted that life that I had been denied. I wanted to be a good cop, a good friend...maybe someday a good wife.

But I would get none of those things.

I sobbed harder, repeating those heartbreaking words, "Please...I'm not ready to die."

There was a gust of wind. My eyes opened.

Hiei was gone.

My tears dried just as sudden as they had started. I choked back the sobs, the heartbreak. But the evidence of my weakness remained.

I stared at that empty chair for a long, long time. I felt hollow, like a piece of me had been torn out.

I spoke to no one.

My gaze never shifted.

As my friends noticed my odd behavior they came in more often, checking on me like the invalid that I had become. I ignored each and every one of them.

The final person to visit me that night, long after darkness had fallen, was Yusuke. But he came with a gift in tow.

He poured a glass of Genkai's strongest liquor, stuck a straw in it, he held it to my lips. "Don't tell Keiko or Kuwabara."

I closed my eyes in relief, not even noticing the taste. I might as well have been drinking straight antiseptic.

Yusuke sat beside me on the bed until I had drank myself oblivious. The last thing I remembered was Yusuke setting aside the glass and picking up the half empty bottle of booze.

Just before he left he bent over me, bottle dangling from one hand, a sad little grin on his lips. He ran the back of his knuckles across my cheek, pushing my stringy hair out of my face and plucking my glasses from my nose. "He loves you, ya know," he whispered. "Sleep tight, Kas."

But I was already drifting off into a dreamless rest. And I wouldn't remember any of Yusuke's words come morning.

It was nice...to just forget. If only for a little while.

. . .

A/N: So, I'm really nervous to post this. I honestly wanted to stop writing this period, but then got mad at myself. SO here we are. I'm really sorry if this confuses anyone and I don't want to discuss my reasons for deleting and rewriting the chapters (it was more than just some reviews). I hope this is more to people's liking. And updates will be a little slow for a bit as I work on rewriting chapter 57 as well as starting over 58 (which I had to scrap completely). Thank you for everyone that has continued to support me, you're all awesome and I appreciate it.