A/N: When I began writing Seventeen (based on the seventeen phone calls Mac made to Harm during his tenure with the CIA), I intended to end it on an upbeat note. But my muse demanded otherwise. The Paraguay fiasco caused a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. I'm a shipper, but I couldn't see them getting together without first dealing with several issues.

This story is more AU than Seventeen (it would help to read that one first), and there are plenty of differences from that disastrous season. It picks up a month after Harm left Mac standing on the steps of JAG headquarters. As with the first story, the titles of each chapter are names of songs, but this time I'm not limiting them to Beatles' tunes. I'll give the artist's name at the end of each chapter.

I Don't Want to Talk About It

JAG Headquarters
December 8, 2003
0700 Local

Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie stepped off the elevator, then walked through the bullpen to her office. Closing the door behind her, she sat at the desk to boot up her computer. Each day, she arrived early and stayed late. Kept her office door closed and always ate lunch alone.

By now, everyone at headquarters knew not to talk to her unless it was work-related. Even Harriet, who had recently returned from maternity leave, kept her distance. On her first day back, she had made the mistake of mentioning Harm's name. She quickly learned that to face the colonel's wrath wasn't pleasant.

While in the courtroom, Mac acted much as she had before Paraguay. His skills as an attorney hadn't diminished. If anything, she showed more passion and zeal. Heaven help the ones whom she thought was guilty.

Once when Bud served as defense counsel in a manslaughter case, he had approached Mac about a possible plea bargain. She had been unyielding and had insisted upon taking the accused marine corporal to trial.

An hour after arriving, Mac looked at her watch to see it was almost time for staff call. Her internal clock had been off for a while, so she didn't trust herself to know the correct time. Funny thing, she knew the exact moment when it went haywire.

Over a month had passed since Harm left headquarters after testifying in the Imes court-martial. Thirty-one days, twenty-two hours, and nineteen minutes since she'd stood on the front steps and watched him drive away without looking back. Funny how she knew the exact time he'd broken her heart.

Mac glanced up from her desk to see Sturgis enter the office next to hers. It wasn't right that he was there. That was Harm's office. As far as she was concerned, it always would be.

Harm. She didn't want to think about him, but she couldn't get him off her mind. She didn't understand why he'd turned down the admiral's offer to return to JAG. Harm had lived and breathed the Navy for most of his life. She thought he would have jumped at the chance to come back. Why the sudden change of heart?

An idea crossed her mind. Maybe Sturgis knew something. She rose from her desk, then went to Sturgis's office and knocked on the door. "Do you have a few minutes, Commander?"

"Morning, Mac. Is this about the Hill court-martial? If so, I'm prepared to offer you a deal."

Mac shook her head. "No. It's a personal matter."

"Okay. Come in. Close the door."

"Maybe this isn't a good idea."

"Mac. I want to think we're friends. If something is on your mind, you can talk to me."

"Okay. Um, have you talked from Harm since he testified in the Imes court-martial?"

"Several times. Matter of fact I saw him this weekend. We get together whenever he's in town."

"You do? I thought he'd pretty much cut himself off from everyone at JAG."

"I wasn't aware of that. He stopped by Bud and Harriet's house this weekend to bring gifts to the boys."

"He did?"

"That's what he told me."

"So, he's in town?"

Sturgis shook his head. "He was leaving this morning for a mission."

"Where?"

"Mac, you know he can't divulge classified information."

"How is he doing?"

"You mean you haven't talked to him?"

Mac shook her head. "Except for the time when he was here for the Imes trial, not in six months. I called him seventeen times, and he never returned my messages."

"Yeah, he once mentioned that you'd called." Sturgis leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Mac, what happened in Paraguay? Harm resigns to go find you, then when you come back, the two of you are barely speaking. And suddenly, you're dating Clayton Webb."

"That is none of your business!"

"Mac, this is me. Sturgis. The one who you accidentally told you was in love with Harm. What happened to change that?"

"Him. Me. I don't know."

"Did you ever tell him how you feel?"

"No! He doesn't feel the same way about me."

"Harm told you that?"

"He didn't have to say it. I could tell."

"Mac, the man resigned his commission to find you. Don't you think that says something?"

"It's nothing he wouldn't have done for any of the rest of you. Remember, he defied orders when Bud was injured. You were there."

"That's not the same, and you know it."

She shrugged. "Before you came to headquarters, Harm threatened to resign so he could find his brother in Chechnya."

"Okay, so how many others has he done it for?"

"As far as I know, just Sergei and me."

"Sounds like he did it for those who he deeply cares for."

"Well, he has a strange way of showing it."

"Let's get back to my first question. What happened in Paraguay?"

"You know the story. Clay and I tried to save Gunny, and Sadik's men captured us. They tortured Clay and was about to do the same to me when Harm showed up."

"That's not what I mean, Mac. What happened between you and Harm?"

"I'm not going to discuss this with you." Mac rose from her chair, then rushed back to her office, slamming the door behind her.

It was all too much. Apparently, Harm was on speaking terms with everyone at JAG except for her and the admiral. She could understand him not having anything to say to Chegwidden, but couldn't figure out what she had done to make him hate her.

A/N: I Don't Want to Talk About It by Rod Stewart