Hymn of the Fayth

by Soraaly

Vanitas is the star player of the Radiant Tempests. Life is good, life is simple... until it isn't. Until a gigantic, grotesque monster swallows him and spits him out somehere unfamilar. Until he's told his entire life may be no more than a toxin-induced hallucination. Until the only good thing left is a summoner with the sweetest smile, who's about to go out to save the world.

11. Chapter 11

Moments like this are usually your favorite.

Night has fallen already, though it's not always easy to tell – Radiant Garden is the city that never sleeps, after all. This house that you both share, however, is situated in a tranquil spot by the edge of the water. It's a couple avenues away from the stadium and, therefore, away from the never-ceasing animation of the city center. It's perfect for him, because it keeps away most of the rabid blitz fans, and it's perfect for you, because you're not too distant from the natural, less urbanized, less artificialized world – where a summoner's heart and soul reside, after all.

Right now, the only source of light in the bedroom is the lava lamp on the nightstand. Yes, the one shaped like a Moogle, that you bought at the trainee acolytes' stand during the last charity fair, and that bathes the room in soft, soothing shades of pale pink. The one he always complains about, scoffing at how ridiculous it is, though you know he actually enjoys the goofy little thing as much as you do. What else could you expect, anyway, from something made by children and worth 100 gil?

You're lying on your belly, comfortably snuggling the pillow under your head. He's lying on his side, propped up on his elbow so very lazily, while the fingers of his free hand dance along your skin and play line-the-dots with the freckles scattered over your back and shoulders. He does this so often that you're convinced it's become his favorite hobby. And an actual stress reliever, whenever his fiery temper kicks in.

Yes, usually, moments like this are your favorite – when everything is so relaxed, so intimate, so delightful. Moments after making love to each other, in that perfect blend of sweetness and eroticism and pure bliss. Moments when it's just the both of you, basking in each other's presence, feeling so grateful that this world allowed you to meet and be together.

But, tonight…

Tonight, there's news to share. And not so great ones. It's been on your mind the whole day, as you fumbled for a way to bring up the topic, without success. And you hate that, in the end, it's helplessly going to ruin your favorite moment.

"What're you thinking about?"

He asks and you hesitate – because you don't want to lie and say it's nothing (especially, with all the times he points out how terrible of a liar you are). Because it's something you have to share, as it concerns the two of you. Because you trust him with your life, and there's nothing you'd ever hide from him. But… it's really not an easy topic, and you rather take a moment to carefully choose your words, first. Though, as the silence lingers, he now brushes his fingertips down the whole length of your spine and only stops at the small of your back, and you can't help the shiver that immediately follows.

"…That's unfair!"

"Then answer my question. What's wrong?"

You're not surprised that he noticed you're quieter and more thoughtful than normal – at this point, he knows you better than you know yourself, and vice-versa. Figuring there's no point in delaying this, then, you shift to lie on your back and inch a bit closer to him.

"I have to go to Bevelle, tomorrow. Master Yu wants to meet with the head priest."

"Then why do you have to go?"

Despite everything else, you smile at how he sounds like a little kid right now. It's obvious why you must go as well, as one of the most representative summoners in Radiant Garden – only outranked by Yu Yevon himself and by his daughter, Yunalesca. Still, he never takes well to having to spend time away from you and, as if to prove it, he's already shifting in order to leave an arm draped protectively over your chest. And so you leave a little peck on his cheek and another at the corner of his lips, for comfort.

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I could go with–"

"No, you can't! Remember it's the tournament's semi-final, tomorrow? What are they gonna do without their star player?"

"Well, and what's the fucking point of playing if you're not there to watch?"

Again with acting like a puppy who just got kicked. He's even pouting, now, and you feel your heart melting like butter… but the situation is too serious to allow for an easy way out. Cupping his cheek, you nuzzle his nose with yours.

"From what I was told… the grand maester intends on declaring the people of Radiant Garden as heretics, for straying from the path of the gods and relying too much on machina."

Which is unbelievably hypocritical – because no one treats the Bedore more tyrannically and inhumanly than Bevelle, no one relies on their machina more than Bevelle, and the technology of the capital is only surpassed by Radiant Garden. Yet summoners are also equally powerful here, bonding easily with nature and its spirits despite all the modern contraptions… So, truly, it is an argument with no logical foundation. Almost as if Bevelle is preoccupied only with their own secret agenda, rather than the good of the people.

And you pause for an instant, in reluctance, but avoiding reality won't make it any less real. "There's a high risk this will end up with them declaring war."

He pauses as well, distracting himself with brushing back your bangs. And you have to give it to him, that he's able of such a tender gesture when a murderous glower is already taking over his expression. "You're basically saying I should let you get sucked into a war born from the pettiest fucking reasons."

He's not wrong, is he? Or, well… It's possible that he won't be wrong, unfortunately. "We're going there because we want to prevent this war. Because talking to the grand maester personally may be the only way to make him understand that we have no intention of turning on the temples."

A heavy silence falls after this, and it's entirely justified. What is heavier and uglier than war? There's nothing glorious about it… War is dark and dreadful and full of despair and sorrow. War doesn't make heroes, it makes corpses and widows and orphans. Which is, precisely, why you'll do everything you can to not let it get to that. You'll accompany Master Yu and assist him with everything he'll need. If you can do something, anything at all, to help – then you will.

All of a sudden, he sits up, and you're half-expecting him to toss the Moogle lamp across the room in one of his volatile reactions… But what he does is to slouch, as he rests his forearms on his thighs, in a way that breaks your heart. Isn't it cruel, having to choose between a lover's embrace and the good of the people? Hopefully, it'll never be a sacrifice greater than a few days apart. Sitting up as well, you lace your arms around his waist from behind and rest your cheek on one of his shoulders.

"I fucking hate this…"

"I know. I'm sorry, I wish it could be different… but I have to go."

"If anything happens to you, I swear… I'm gonna fucking tear that palace down, piece by piece."

Regardless, as he spews out this threat that you have no doubt he'd make come true, he snuggles back into your hold, and you take it as your cue to start peppering little kisses all over his cheek and the side of his neck. "You know I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, yeah… You and your dragons. I hope you'll burn the fuck out of them all right on the spot."

"Hey, I know! What if I write you a letter, as soon as I get there? Will that help?"

"Depends on what's on it… You gonna write about all the things we could be doing together, instead? With all the details?"

Now you have to laugh, leaving a playful bite on his earlobe. He smiles cheekily as well, and tilts his head further back to claim your lips… And, at least for now, everything is right in the world. Soon he's shifting again, and you end up with him on top of you, basically trapped between his body and the mattress. Which you have exactly zero complaints about, especially as he's already poking with that wicked tongue of his at the corner of your lips.

"Guess we should make the best outta this night, then? So you'll have a lot to think about while you're away?"

You agree immediately, parting your lips to let that tongue in.

---

With everything that'd happened in the past days, waking up to the gentle nudging of a dragon didn't even make it to Ventus' list of strange occurrences. Bahamut growled happily as his summoner was finally stirring awake, again poking carefully at him with his muzzle, and Ven snuggled the aeon's large head as he could.

"Where are we…?"

Not that he expected an answer, but he asked anyway – if nothing else, to make sure that this wasn't still part of the dream he'd just had. Because, frankly, that whole a war is possibly about to start vibehad felt far too real for his liking. That's just what they'd need after Sin and Xemnas and the grand maester, wasn't it? The Machina War happening all over again… Yevon have mercy on them, though at this point Ven wasn't sure if he could keep turning to his faith for encouragement, either. Sighing loudly, he nuzzled Bahamut one last time and sat up, as the aeon stepped back.

First of all… where were they, indeed?

Now that he could see beyond the dragon's glistening, dark scales, Ven took a good look around. A cliff side was what he noticed immediately, covered in sea reef. An eroded cliff side, that looked too much like a conglomerate of giant mushrooms carved out of rocks… Were they at the bottom of the Mushroom Rock? Had they really traveled this far away from Bevelle…? Ven could recall flying over the woods of Macalania, diverting towards the sea so that they could avoid the endless storms of the Thunder Plains… but, after that, his memory was a blur.

Did he pass out, and somehow Bahamut ended up here? And how come Bahamut hadn't automatically been dismissed, if his summoner did pass out? Questions, questions… Whatever might have happened, though, at least he knew where he was. It was better than nothing. By now, Ven was really going to cling to every little good thing he could get.

Slowly, he made himself get up, though not without effort. Literally everything in his body was hurting, which didn't surprise him after the strain of summoning a grand total of five aeons at the same time, for the sake of defeating Evrae. Even as he eventually managed to stand up straight, he felt so lightheaded that the ground seemed to sway under his feet, as if he was still clinging to his dragon's back and gliding above the earth, rather than trying to walk on it.

Thankfully, he didn't seem to be too badly hurt… though his palms and the inner portion of his forearms were covered in cuts and scratches – and, if the stains of dried blood on his wedding robe were anything to go by, his belly probably wasn't too different. What else could he expect, after holding literally for his life onto hard dragon scales? The robe itself, still so beautiful, was not only growing dirty all over but also already had tears in a lot of places, and the sleeves were tattered from the elbows down.

As if understanding, Bahamut let out an apologetic growl, and Ven smiled as he sluggishly walked closer to the aeon. "It's all right… We did what we had to do."

Ironically, it was back to the loop of saving his friends only to be left wondering if they were truly safe – if they'd been able to flee the palace or, instead, if the warrior monks had captured them once more. Better to forget all else and go to check, right? Leaving his hands on the side of Bahamut's neck, Ven cast a Curaga to ensure that they'd be able to fly back without incidents, and then did the same on himself – which didn't really help with how exhausted he felt, but at least it mended the flesh wounds.

As he was about to climb back on the dragon, however, his gaze landed on something that he wasn't expecting to see – a hidden cave in the rock, with a very particular sort of glyph engraved on the floor at its entrance. And maybe Ven had never seen one before, nor had he cast one, but he had no doubt this wasn't just any common glyph – this was a seal, and a rather intricate one at that. Why would someone seal a cave at the bottom of the Mushroom Rock? More than that, the entrance was wide open. Nothing prevented a person from going in there. So… the seal's function was to prevent something or someone from coming out…?

Now, evidently, Ventus could have not cared for any of that. Could have assumed that, whoever did that, must have had their purpose, and it was none of his business. And he could have climbed on Bahamut, as he'd fully intended to do, and return to his friends and forget all about this.

But he didn't.

And he didn't because, for reasons that he couldn't explain nor understand, something about this cave was captivating him. Something in this cave was calling to him, urging him to venture inside… and, as he walked closer to the entrance, Ven found himself again remembering that dream. Thinking about a war that'd happened a thousand years ago, as if it somehow had any sort of pertinence to whatever lurked within this cave. How could a cave that, up until five minutes ago he hadn't known existed, feel so much like he was connected to it…?

Before he could truly process what he was doing, Ven was already bringing his staff forth and using it to break that seal – and, immediately, he was overcome by the dismal aura that poured out. It reminded him of the Farplane… though the resting place of the dead possessed its own kind of serenity, whereas this cave felt like a bottomless pit about to swallow him. Like a den filled with pure woe. Pursing his lips, the summoner glanced back at Bahamut.

"Please… Will you go in with me?"

The dragon promptly complied, and they entered together.

It was dark inside, unsurprisingly, and the only source of light came from the countless pyreflies that roamed around. The air was thick and stifled, making it difficult to breathe, and it smelled of something that Ven could only describe as death. This entire cave reeked of death, of a sort of decay that'd lingered and thickened for years and years and years. It was a maze as well, and filled with fiends. Fortunately, the presence of the King of Dragons was keeping them at a safe distance… but Ven was still able to see what they looked like, and the sight did nothing to calm the anxious beating of his heart. Because these fiends were human-shaped… and they looked awfully like warrior monks and temple guards, only their garment was slightly different.

What existed in here, that the memories that these pyreflies resonated with, in order to give form to these fiends, were of dead humans…?

Having reached the back end of the cave, Ven now stopped in front of a sealed door with an inscription above it. CHAMBER OF REPOSE. This seal was even more convoluted, and the writing, besides faded and ancient, wasn't the common Spiran language… yet, somehow, Ventus was able to read it without an issue. Similarly, he was able to undo the seal despite its complexity… and entered the new area, with his dragon close behind.

At first sight, this chamber wasn't different than the rest of the cave. Suddenly, however, the pyreflies began reacting to something that Ven couldn't identify, and reshaped the surroundings. It wasn't the cave anymore, rather a… a modern building's room that felt as eerie as it felt familiar. Most of it was shrouded in mist, but the splatters of fresh blood drying on the walls and the floor were well noticeable. At the opposite end of this room, there was another entrance that led to a dark corridor… and, by this entrance, a few figures that looked awfully like human corpses lied carelessly slumped.

Whose memories were these, that were causing the pyreflies to recreate such a grotesque scenario…?

As if to answer, someone who'd just appeared from that dark corridor was now walking towards the summoner.

Shoulder-length, disheveled black hair. Gold-colored eyes. A short-sleeved jacket with a black front and a checkered, dark crimson back. Black fingerless gloves. A necklace with a pendant that was the sigil of the Radiant Tempests. Dark gray shorts that reached just below the knees, held up by an unnecessarily complicated mess of silver and leather belts. Black boots with vibrant red laces.

The outfit wasn't the same, and the sword he carried attached to the hip wasn't Wayward Wind… but it didn't make a difference.

To Ven, they were one and the same, right now.

"I finally found you."

Even the voice was the same. As was the smile. The style of walking. The aura.

And Ven went further into the chamber.

"Is that really you…?"

"It is me – Niyuhs. I've waited so long, Ennel."

And Ven stopped, feeling like all the air had been squeezed out of his lungs.

As far as priorities went, maybe what he ought to question was how and why would Vanitas even be here, sealed in a cave at the bottom of the Mushroom Rock Road. And that, alone, should have been enough to make him realize the obvious – that this couldn't be him. Whatever was happening right now, there must be another explanation.

Instead, what the summoner focused on were those names that he'd never heard before, but that felt to him like finding a long-lost fragment of his heart. Even the pyreflies reacted to his own thoughts and sentiments, swirling around him and clinging to his robe like little dots of light – whispering voicelessly to him that he was forgetting about something very important.

Frowning in confusion, Ven turned away. "…But I'm not Ennel."

"Enn…" When spoken like that, there was almost no telling the difference between the shortened version of one name and the other. Enn and Ven. So similar that it was almost impossible to call it a coincidence only. As if it was the two sides of the looking glass. "Don't you remember? We faded together… When I awoke, I was alone. They took you from me, but I vowed I'd find you again – no matter where or when. I looked for you for so long."

As he listened to Niyuhs, whoever he might turn out to be, Ventus clasped a hand over his heart – feeling it growing more and more suffocated, with each word. They'd faded together…? How did that make any sense? Was Niyuhs an unsent? But, even so… Ven was very much certain that he was alive. He'd never died, and he'd never died along with someone else.

Regardless, as Niyuhs walked closer and wrapped his arms around him from behind, the summoner couldn't deny the overwhelming sense of dread that immediately overcame him. Not for the embrace itself, because it was so loving that Ven was leaning into it as though it was the natural thing to do. As if he'd been in Niyuhs' arms like this countless times before. As if he belonged there. This person, however, if he was still a person – Niyuhs was filled with so much grief, sorrow, hatred, anguish, loneliness… The only similar presence that Ventus could ever recall feeling was Anima. The same sort of indescribably tortured soul.

Was this why Niyuhs was here? So terrifying that no one had dared to get close enough to send him, and rather sealed him in this cave?

Ven didn't pull away, and Niyuhs continued.

"They locked me here… those filthy fucking cowards. A thousand years have passed, and they are still thirsting for power at all cost. Still lying and fooling the people they pretend to care for… Not even Sin changed that. They only care for their own disgusting selfishness. Spira hasn't changed at all."

Was it just him, or this sounded exactly like something Vanitas would say…? Ven's chest rose and fell heavily, in a strained breath, and Niyuhs made him turn around – hugging him again and, now, cradling the summoner's head on the crease of his neck.

"This world continues to fail us, and what's worse… I failed to protect you, my love. My light. I let them hurt you. I let them take you away from me. I let them use you as the sacrifice in the war that their own greed caused. But I'm going to fix it, now… and I'm going to make them pay. Every single one of them. I'm going to make them regret it."

Ventus was starting to have trouble to tell what was real, at this point. Because all of this had gone from non-sense to… something that, somehow, made a lot of sense. His own heart was gradually filling with regret over choices that he couldn't recall but that existed somewhere in his past, with feelings of betrayal towards persons that he couldn't remember but that he knew he should have been able to trust… And it took a great amount of willpower to make himself take a step back, looking at Niyuhs as he tried to clear his mind.

"Whatever happened… you won't make it better with a bloodbath. Revenge won't soothe your heart."

Despite this attempt to break the trance that he seemed to be falling helplessly into, Ven already felt like he'd been taken back a thousand years in time. His words weren't entirely his own anymore, and his will was becoming enmeshed with an urge to prevent his lover from committing an atrocity. Again. After the events that'd once led them both to this room in the undergrounds of Bevelle.

Perhaps because he could feel his summoner's consciousness slowly succumbing, becoming trapped in the daze that this phantom's presence provoked, Bahamut made himself noticed once more. Protectively, the aeon stepped closer to Ventus and the growl that he sent in Niyuhs' direction could only be taken as a threat.

Niyuhs, however… what he did was to smile. That and he suddenly burst into pyreflies, passing through Ven and then actually merging himself with the aeon. Bahamut cried out and stumbled, as his eyes flickered into shades of golden, and soon was keeling over and fading into pyreflies as well – as Niyuhs returned to his human form, very nonchalantly, as though he hadn't just possessed the King of Dragons and forced him to dismiss even in the absence of his summoner's command.

"You and your dragons."

Ven could feel his knees growing weak and about to give out on him. It all happened so quickly and so unexpectedly that, for a moment, he hadn't understood what was going on… And he still wasn't sure that he did, now, but the sight of his aeon being unmade from the inside out like that was more than enough to push him close to panic. Swallowing thickly, he stepped back even further.

"Wha– what have you done…?"

If Niyuhs was aware of the sheer terror he was causing, however, he clearly didn't think much of it – because, as soon as Ven moved away, he moved closer all over again. This time, his arm wrapped firmly around Ven's waist and he brought his other hand up to brush back the messy blonde bangs.

"Help me do it, Enn. You already set me free… now help me get my revenge – our revenge, for everything they made us suffer through. Help me kill them all, and we will free Spira from their lies and their tyranny. And then we'll fade again… together."

The pyreflies were going haywire at this point, reacting so intensely to Niyuhs' memories and sentiments that they were cutting through the fabric of reality. The mist had disappeared and the room was vivid and clear now – as was the scent of blood just spilled, the wails of the warrior monks in their deathbed. And then the deafening sound of machina guns being fired, and the sensation of blood-soaked clothes clinging to the skin, and the appalling realization of being about to die… and, far more grievous than all that, the sight of the love of your life, your lover, your soulmate, about to die right before your eyes, whilst you were unable to do anything to stop it.

Ven gasped quietly, shakily, breathlessly, as large tears broke free and rolled down his cheeks. Was this how Niyuhs had died…? Was he dying, himself? He probably was, because how could someone survive the pain caused by so much grief, so much sorrow, so much hatred? He wanted to say something, to scream, to promise that he'd help… but his voice had died. Instead, he clung back to Niyuhs, hands tightly clutching at the back of his jacket, and closed his eyes.

And then he heard it.

The whistle.

It was a sound from outside this room, a sound that wasn't a thousand years old… and that made Ven's eyes snap open again. For an instant, the room flickered and looked again like the cave that it truly was. Niyuhs must have heard it too, or, at least, he must have felt something… because his whole posture stiffened and his embrace grew even tighter. And, again, Ventus could feel that surge of extreme negative emotions washing over him, as if his and Niyuhs' hearts were tied together by invisible strings – but, right now, instinct made him finally react.

Using the moment of surprise to his advantage, Ven broke that hold that might as well have been a serpent wrapped around him and ready to strangle him to death, and summoned his staff. And then… truth be told, he couldn't really process what he was doing. He couldn't focus, still so disoriented by Niyuhs' overbearing woe, and he wasn't even sure of what he was trying to do. To send Niyuhs? To summon another aeon, despite what had just happened to Bahamut? To try and cast some sort of spell for self-defense? All he knew was that he wanted, he needed, to get away, to leave this room, to stop the rush of memories that was so dangerously close to consuming his sanity. Though he must have done something right, somehow, as he brandished the staff in such a frenzy… because it succeeded in banishing Niyuhs and reverted him to a shapeless mass of pyreflies, at least momentarily.

And that's all that the last-remaining lucid cells at the back of Ven's brain needed.

Still acting on whatever his self-preservation instinct was screaming at him to do, Ven headed for the corridor and ran as fast as he could, struggling to keep his balance and to remind himself to keep breathing. Wedding robes were not made for running, it seemed… He couldn't move his legs as freely as he needed to, and the long tail at the back kept getting stuck along the cave's irregular ground and tearing more and more. The fog was thicker again, too, making it difficult to keep track of directions and creating the ghastly illusion that the walls were closing in on him… and, no matter how much he ran, there was no end in sight.

I'm going to die here. I'm already dying… I'm already dead.

Sucking in a breath, with his thoughts already so close to tipping over the edge and falling into a pit of real panic, Ven made himself bring his fingers to his lips and whistled as loudly as he could. The reply came right after and signaled the way to follow, and so he didn't hesitate. Another corridor, more fog, more pyreflies, running non-stop… and eventually, as he crossed a corner, he slammed against someone so harshly that both of them almost fell over. Relief filled Ven's heart for a fleeting instant… until he looked up again and found a mane of tousled black hair and piercing golden eyes.

And he stumbled back, almost falling over again, as he brought up his staff.

"Stand back! Stay away from me, or I'll summon!"

"Ven! Ven, it's okay! It's me!"

"I told you, I'm not Ennel! Stay away, just– just… please, let me go…"

How could Niyuhs be here? Had he been running in circles and ended up in the same place…?

As Ven now clutched the staff tightly with both hands, though, as if his life depended on it, Vanitas hesitated. He'd expected a lot of different outcomes after entering the cave to look for the summoner, but Ven being terrified of him certainly hadn't been one of those. And what was this about Ennel? Who was Ennel?

"Ven…" Aqua warily walked closer, trying to not make any sudden moves. Whatever had happened in this cave, Ventus looked about to collapse, physically and mentally… but this wasn't the time to wonder just yet. She smiled, and slowly held out her hand. "It's all right… we're not going to hurt you. Take a good look at me – do you know who I am?"

Despite still holding up the staff defensively, Ven was able to follow the gentle voice addressing him – and, when his gaze landed on his big sister, a faint glimmer of hope finally fluttered in his chest. "Aqua…?"

"Yes, it's me! Aqua, Terra, Vanitas… we're all here for you. You're safe now, Ven."

The summoner desperately wanted to cling to those words, but the question was: was this real? Had Niyuhs been just an awful dream, or was he dreaming right now? The lines between reality and illusion still felt blurry at best… but he took the risk and reached for that hand, and could have cried when he grasped it with his own. It was real… it felt so warm and soothing, as their fingers entwined.

"Aqua… It's really you…"

Terra now walked closer as well, and Van followed tentatively behind – still having no idea what it was about himself that'd frightened Ven so much, but not wanting it to happen again. Ven did look like he'd just escaped out of Hell, trembling in that torn robe stained with dirt and dried blood, and with hauntingly hazy eyes as though he could see things that no one else was seeing. Aqua's nurturing instinct rang louder than anything else, though, and she tenderly left her arms around him and brought him snug against her.

Ven flinched at first, the memory of Niyuhs' embrace still so striking… but this felt nothing like it. This was an embrace that was breathing life back into him, rather than sapping it away. Letting his arms drop and the staff along with them, he leaned in and reluctantly clung back to Aqua – praying to whatever gods were listening that she wouldn't just turn to pyreflies and disappear. Or try to possess him. Or who knew what else, at this point.

Sighing in relief, Terra gently mussed Ven's hair with a hand. "I'm sure you have a lot to tell us, but we better get out of here." Maybe the Crusaders hadn't been so wrong in calling this wretched place the Den of Woe, after all. And maybe their rumors and stories, about people who entered here turning insane somehow, did have some truth to them. And Terra didn't want to think about what might have happened if they'd gotten here any later than they did. The only thing that mattered, right now, was to get Ventus out of this place.

Aqua immediately nodded in agreement, and Vanitas was already summoning his sword to cut through the hordes of fallen monks that'd pestered them on the way in – but Ven suddenly tightened his hold on Aqua, sounding strained as he tiredly rested his head on her shoulder. "The seal… I– I broke the seal…"

The guardians exchanged a look among them. Had there been a seal anywhere? When they reached the cave, the way had already been open… And what could have been sealed in this cave, anyway? They waited a few seconds longer, to see if Ven would explain it better, but the summoner only repeated the same thing in a sort of mantra that, again, made him seem worryingly like he was losing touch with reality. And that's when Terra decided.

"It's all right, Ven. Whatever happened, we'll deal with it later."

Without further ado, he easily picked up Ven the same way he used to do when the summoner was little (and it wasn't like Ven had grown much ever since, really) and already started towards the cave's entrance. Aqua and Van promptly joined after him, and Ven's resistance didn't last longer than three or four seconds. Now that the life-or-death rush of adrenaline was over, the only thing left was pure exhaustion, inside and out… and so he clung back to his big brother with arms around his neck and legs around his waist, and finally let his eyes fall shut with a deep sigh of relief.

---

Ventus wasn't sure what woke him up, between the chattering coming from another room and the happy kueh kueh! of chocobos outside – but the first thing he noticed was someone else snuggled into him from behind. And it would have been an easy guess, if he glanced down to see the tattooed arm or if he reached behind him to feel a mop of fluffy hair identical to his own, but there wasn't a need for that. Twin senses never lied, after all.

"Roxas…?"

The younger twin mumbled something against the back of Ven's head, but didn't move yet – not even when the summoner carefully inched out of that hold, sitting up on the bed. This wasn't a temple's room nor did it look like an inn, and it was far too modern-looking to be a ship's cabin… And, suddenly, there was a lot of things for Ventus to wonder about.

First of all, where had Roxas come from and how come they'd been, apparently, napping together like this? What and where was this room? Where were his guardians? What had happened? The last thing he recalled was thwarting the council's decision and saving his friends from the Via Purifico, the battle with Evrae, flying away with Bahamut… and then landing somewhere. If Roxas was here, had he landed on Bikanel Island?

Speaking of the twin, and despite everything else, Ven had to smile when seeing him sleeping so peacefully – it was indeed a rare sight, for Roxas to be anywhere close to peaceful. The desert of Sanubia was the perfect matching place for his brother to live at, considering he burned as bright as the sun above. Regardless, curiosity was getting the best of him, and so he leaned down to playfully blow raspberries on Roxas' belly, that was peeking out from under his oversized, bright blue top.

"Wake up, lazy bum!"

It worked immediately and Ven snickered as his twin nearly bounced off the bed – though revenge struck right after, as Roxas reached for the pillow to smack him with. "…Fucking hell, you scared the shit out of me!"

"Language."

Roxas rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out, flopping down again to bury his face in that same pillow – needing a moment to properly wake up and also for his heart to calm down. "Fuck off with that!"

Ven's smile widened, and he poked at his brother's side. "Or else? You're gonna send a machina after me again?"

This time, Roxas sat up for good and glared at Ven – one second before clinging to him, and squishing him so hard that Ven actually squealed.

"…You're gonna break my ribs!"

"I should, you little shit! You had me worried to death!"

Another squish but now Ven squished back, and the two of them stayed like that for a bit longer – hugging each other tightly and fondly, after so much time apart. Ven's hand then moved to Roxas' back, gently stroking up and down as he kissed his twin's temple. "Sorry, I didn't mean to… so much has happened."

"You can say that again." Sighing, Roxas eased up his hold but didn't pull away just yet. No one ever said that a tough, badass Al Bhed leader also couldn't enjoy cuddles and snuggles. And he bloody well did. "On the bright side, the Yevonites are done for. It's been a mess everywhere in the temples."

This made Ventus frown. Much as he would have loved to just have another nap with Roxas and forget about the world, he knew that he couldn't. There was so much to catch up with. Kissing his brother's forehead now, he moved back a little. "What happened? Tell me everything."

Roxas flopped back against the headboard, lazily slipping his hands behind his head. "Hell, where do I even start… First, Kelk Ronso was excommunicated. They kicked him out after the trial, apparently for refusing to obey the precepts or whatever the heck they call it."

This much had Ven only half-surprised. He'd missed the trial entirely, but he was pretty sure that his guardians must have reported Xemnas to the High Court… and, from what he knew of Maester Kelk, benevolent and earnest and loyal like all the Ronso were, he would never have taken lightly to Lord Jyscal's murder.

Roxas wasn't done yet, anyway. "Also… that old fart Ansem issued a personal order, saying that you and the guys butchered Kinoc during the attack on Bevelle."

This, however, had the summoner's eyes widening. "What…?"

"Kinoc was found dead somewhere, or they did it themselves – which is probably the case. But they're pinning this on you and your guardians, and all temples have been warned. You're to be killed on sight, for high treason against Yevon."

Maybe Roxas should have been more concerned about this, but… One, he was damn proud that his brother had turned the fucking temples inside out like this, and, two, he knew for a fact that priests or even other summoners had nothing on Ven. Not after what Vanitas and the others had told him about the fight with Evrae, and Roxas only wished he could have been there to watch it.

The news were weighing heavily on the older twin, though, and Ven scowled as he ran a hand through his messy hair. "So… we're officially traitors, then."

"Good fucking riddance, if you ask me. Now you don't have to get yourself killed for the sake of their selfish asses anymore."

Despite the twins' shared passion for sweet treats, Roxas had never been one to sugarcoat things – and his blunt words, just now, plunged the room in silence for a brief while. It was true, wasn't it…? If Yevon had deemed him a traitor, Ventus doubted he'd be allowed to continue the pilgrimage. Ironically, despite all of Roxas' efforts and opposition, he'd been the one to bring this upon himself. Sighing again, Ven stood up and stretched his body with a little quiet noise – at least enjoying the way in which his back popped.

"What about the others? Are they all right? Do they… know about this?"

"Yeah, they're fine. Or as fine as they could have been while you got married to a fucking creep, pranced around on the back of a dragon, and got yourself lost in an underground haunted cave."

The initial part had Ven smiling a little, realizing in fact how much had happened in such a short period of time… but the last remark made him glance back at his brother in confusion. "What cave?"

Roxas mirrored his expression. "The cave where they found you? You know, after we spent hours looking for you in the oscillo-finder, and turns out you were all the way down at the freaking bottom of the Mushroom Rock?"

"We're at the Mushroom Rock…?"

"No! What the heck, Ven! Right after you left Bevelle, we arrived with the Fahrenheit and we turned those monks and canons to toast. But we couldn't find you anywhere already, so we had to look for you. The airship's oscillo-finder found you, Aqua and the guys went to get you from that cave, and we've stopped here for now to regroup. We're at the Calm Lands."

There was so much to process at once that Ventus had to stop and breath in, before anything else. He had no idea what a Fahrenheit was and he also really wanted to question about that airship… but it was the mention of the cave that was bugging him, more than anything else. He couldn't remember anything at all about a cave, or the Mushroom Rock for that matter… as if there was a black hole in his memory, in between leaving Bevelle and waking up with Roxas. Maybe he'd hit his head somewhere, among all that? His twin must be thinking the same, already feeling Ven's head for any possible lumps after tugging him to sit down again.

And so Ven sat, absently shaking his head. "…I'm confused."

Roxas frowned in response. Aqua had told him that Ven had really not been well when they found him, in a panic and sort-of hallucinating and talking of things that didn't make sense – but he'd been apparently all right, after waking up. Or, at least, up until right now. Then again, after so much shit that'd happened, maybe it wasn't surprising that he was a bit out of it. Brushing back his bangs, Roxas kissed the side of his head.

"I'll have Naminé and Olette take a look at you. Get some more rest, while I tell the others you're okay and that the pilgrimage is over."

Still wrestling with his mind for answers, Ven was about to question why the girls were around as well. His brother's conclusion, however, made him reach for his hand out of instinct, before Roxas could get up from the bed. "Wait… Don't tell them anything."

Again, Roxas frowned, though he held that hand back. "You wanna break the news yourself?"

"No… I– I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"You're gonna rest right now, like I just told you. You're gonna go for a shower 'cause fuck knows that you need it, and I'm gonna burn that robe. Then you're gonna tell everyone it's done, you don't owe the fucking temples anything, you're gonna move in with me if you wanna or you're gonna go back to Besaid, and that's it. Simple."

It did sound simple, as did everything in this world whenever Roxas slapped his personal logic on it. Ven had to smile, because his brother hadn't changed one bit, but that smile was short-lived. Ending the pilgrimage sounded almost inevitable… but. Maybe he wasn't prepared to drop everything so easily and so casually. Maybe he needed to talk to his guardians first. Maybe he refused to accept that everything he'd always believed on, for his whole life, was turning out to be a fraud.

"Please… don't tell anyone anything. I need time to think."

"And what the fuck do you have to think about? Because if you tell me you wanna sacrifice yourself even after the sick bullshit they pulled on you, I swear I'm gonna punch the lights out of you right here and right now."

Words that Roxas backed up by curling his other hand into a fist, but the one remained laced with Ven's and that was why the summoner was still smiling. His twin's anger was born from love more often than not, he knew that better than anyone. It'd been like this ever since their father died – Roxas didn't know how to openly express how much someone meant to him, because he was always afraid he was going to end up losing that person as well. Lea was the perfect example, with how they butted heads almost daily, because screaming and cussing and breaking things was much easier for Roxas than to acknowledge feeling scared or vulnerable.

"You wish. You can't do a thing without your machina."

"And you can't do a thing without your fucking ugly aeons!"

Now Ven laughed quietly – of all the childish insults that Roxas could have chosen! Pulling him into a hug again, he tucked the younger one's head on the crease of his neck and held him warmly for a moment longer. Roxas struggled at first, wanting to keep his pride and also to have the last word in this argument, but it wasn't long before he was snuggling back. And he continued, now in a murmur.

"I won't let you get yourself killed, Venty."

Ven kissed the top of his head, starting to rock the both of them gently and slowly. "I know, Roxy."

It must have been at least ten years, since last they'd used these nicknames with each other. They weren't little kids after all, anymore… In truth, they'd stopped being children the day their father defeated Sin. And Ven truly hated knowing that he might end up forcing his twin to live through the same sort of grief, if he indeed succeeded in becoming a high summoner as well – no part of his decision, back then, had ever been taken lightly or without various nights of no sleep while weighing the consequences. And it went a notch further in their case, because… Ven was born first and so, for ten minutes, he'd been on his own – but Roxas had never known this world without him. Even before Roxas was born, Ventus had already been there waiting for him. It was the sort of connection that you couldn't explain to anyone. You could only feel it.

"I wish you'd stayed away from the temples and their fucking lies. So that they couldn't brainwash you like they did to vydran. Both of you are fucking idiots."

Ven wasn't fluent in the Al Bhed language – despite their heritage, he'd never had much chance to learn it, because it was shunned everywhere outside Bikanel. He knew only a few words and basic sentences, but he knew what Roxas meant right now. Vydran was the Al Bhed word for father. He hugged a bit tighter, and tucked a rebellious strand of hair behind Roxas' ear.

"Remember that day you made me sneak out with you to the Calm Lands, because you wanted to see a Malboro? Just because you heard that drunk Crusader saying they looked like cabbage with feet, so of course you had to go see."

"Remember we didn't even make it past the cliff, because we saw one of those gigantic fucking bees and we ran away crying?"

They both laughed, reliving the silly but fond memory. And Ven continued. "I don't think I ever saw father as angry as he was that day, when we returned… He was so worried. And he always said we would give him gray hairs before middle age."

"Yeah… Too bad he was a self-sacrificing stupid idiot who didn't live long enough for that."

It wasn't an argument that Ventus wanted to fuel, considering that neither of them would win and it wouldn't ever end. Both twins were equally stubborn, they just expressed it differently. "He died with no regrets, Roxas. And I'm sure that's what he would have wanted for us, as well… no matter what path we chose."

Roxas then went quiet for a moment – because not even he had a convincing comeback for that. His twin, their father, Olette, Naminé… all of them were, yes, self-sacrificing stupid idiots. And he hated them all. And he also loved them all more than his own life and would gladly die for any of them so, in the end, maybe he did understand. It was just that understanding and acceptance were two different things. Eventually pulling away, putting the argument on standby rather than giving up, he pulled a capsule out of a pocket.

"Go shower then, and I'll show you around the airship when you're done. But, before that – I got something for you."

Ven looked curiously at the capsule. "What is it?"

With his usual big grin back in place, Roxas clicked the capsule at the top and tossed it up, and it poofed into a mage's staff that he then grabbed and held out for Ven. The handle was colored in a green so deep it was almost black, but it shimmered beautifully in the light coming in through the cabin's window. The top was a mix of silver and gold, shaped in a way that vaguely resembled a heart with wings protruding from the back, and had a peridot gem encrusted at the center. There was also an ivory-colored silk ribbon tied around the junction of the handle with the top, in a small bow.

Ven's eyes went wide at the sight, carefully accepting such a beautiful thing. "It's for me…?"

"If you insist on continuing this stupid non-sense… at least I know you'll be well equipped. It's made of adamantite, nothing can break it. And it should boost your magic casting as well, because of the gem. Pence found a ragged book somewhere talking about that."

Ven was speechless, softly running his fingertips over the staff like the precious treasure it was. To think that his twin had made this for him with his own hands, putting so much thought into the details, even when he was so tenaciously against the pilgrimage… it warmed his heart more than any words could tell. "Thank you, Roxas… it's gorgeous! I don't know what to say!"

"Hush, don't say anything. I don't need your sap." Still grinning, Roxas ruffled Ven's hair – as if it wasn't all over the place, as it was. "Gotta take good care of my baby brother."

"You are the baby! I'm older than you!"

"Yeah, shut up with that too 'cause no one cares! And go shower, you stink."

Shaking his head with a big smile, Ven kissed his brother's cheek one last time before getting up to head for the bathroom.

---

Surprisingly, or maybe not as much, Vanitas hadn't paid much attention to the Calm Lands so far. Sure, vast grassy plains that stretched into the horizon, with powerful as heck fiends running back and forth all the time, sounded interesting enough… but so much had happened in only a few hours that, honestly, he felt himself numb to pretty much everything, at this point.

Fighting Xemnas and his aeon, dreaming about Baaj Temple, waking up in the middle of the desert, the destruction of the Al Bhed Home, flying in an airship, crashing the wedding, Xemnas kissing Ven, Ven tossing himself off that balcony, Bevelle's temple and fayth, being captured, the trial, Ven riding a dragon, Ven fighting that huge wyrm guardian, Ven flying away, the airship returning to save them right at the perfect time, looking for Ven, finding that cave, finding Ven and Ven being literally out of his mind… Now that he was counting, Vanitas didn't even have enough fingers in both hands to keep track of all this.

Small wonder, therefore, that he felt like he'd been hit on the face repeatedly by a blitz ball made of iron.

At least, Ventus seemed to have recovered… even if there was that concerning part of being unable to remember anything about the cave, from what Terra had told him. Van hadn't talked to the summoner yet – partially because he felt like Roxas deserved quality time with his twin and he wouldn't want to intrude, and partially because Van himself had no clue what to tell Ven after finding out what summoning the Final Aeon truly implied. And running away and using others as an excuse was obviously easier.

Regardless, as the day was coming to an end and night was already falling, Vanitas knew he couldn't let it stay like this. Hell, they'd gone through so much unbelievable shit to have Ven safely back with them… and now he was going to just sit idly in the corner like a coward? No, he had to talk to Ven. At the very least, he had to apologize for all the careless things he'd said to him, on account of not knowing the truth. Making his way out of the airship, then, he chanced to find Hayner entertained with tinkering with one of the automated doors.

"Hey… you know where Ven is?"

Hayner looked up from the small machina engine he'd been fighting with, and losing this fight from the looks of it, and brushed his dirty blonde locks out of his face. "No idea, been busy all afternoon with this. I saw Aqua heading for the woods, though – maybe she knows."

Good enough to start with. Thanking Hayner, Van headed for the northern exit of Macalania and, indeed, soon came across Terra and Aqua who were huddled by a campfire. Terra was cleaning his longsword while snuggling Aqua on his lap at the same time, and Van had to give him props for that talent.

"Hey guys. Have you seen Ven?"

They both looked at him and Aqua offered a small smile as she glanced up from her book. "He's by the springs… Said he wanted to be alone for a bit. We're staying nearby just in case."

Once a guardian, always a guardian.

Van nodded and was already turning around to head that way, when Terra added. "Don't go too close to the route that leads to Bevelle. Don't forget we're all official traitors, now… We better avoid temples for the time being."

No problem on his end, really. If Vanitas could, he'd burn down those fucking temples one by one, as it was. Waving at his friends, he ventured further into the woods and went south at the crossroads, till getting to the springs area.

Ventus was there, as predicted – on his own, save for the few swirling pyreflies gathered at the surface of the water, standing near the center of the largest spring. The warm, tranquil water reached to his waist and his gaze was pointed up at the night sky. The summoner was back in his usual clothes and, while Van did prefer to see him like this, there was a part of him that wished he'd had the chance to look at that white silk robe from up closer. And in much better circumstances, too.

Shrugging it off, Van waddled into the water and stopped shortly behind Ven. A couple blue butterflies that the guardian hadn't even noticed fluttered away, and left the two of them in a silence that was halfway through between comfortable and awkward. Soon, though, Ven was speaking in a voice that was as soft as the rustling of the leaves in the woods.

"I always thought that this would be easier, somehow." After a brief pause, he continued – in an even quieter tone, and along with the slumping of his shoulders in a manner that made him look smaller than he actually was. "I've been trying so hard."

Van shifted uneasily, feeling the soles of his boots sinking slightly in the sand underneath. "Maybe you're trying too hard." He breathed in, and waddled closer till he was now by Ven's side. "They… told me everything."

Ven turned to face him, looking bashful. There wasn't a need to question what everything was about, given the context. Pursing his lips, he then opened a small smile and lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry… it wasn't my intention to hide it from you. I just–"

"It's not the kind of stuff you just tell, I know. It's okay, Ven. And if someone has to apologize for anything, it's me."

The summoner looked up again, this time curiously, and Van went on.

"All those things I said… like, let's go get Sin and let's go to Radiant Garden and we can be together when you finish the pilgrimage." Now that he was saying it out loud, Vanitas was almost visibly cringing. How could he have been so blind? It made so much sense, when he thought of it in retrospect, yet he hadn't suspected a thing up until the moment Roxas practically punched him on the face with the truth. "I didn't know what would happen to you. I didn't know what it really was about, and– And… I hope I didn't make you sad. And I hope you can forgive me."

Just like during all those times, Ven was smiling now. That same sweet smile that'd gotten Vanitas inevitably lost in it from the very first moment. "I wasn't sad." Ven shook his head, for emphasis. "I was happy. Every moment I got to spend with you… those were the happiest moments of my life."

For Vanitas to feel himself blushing, it was as rare as a comet passing above – yet, hearing these words, it was like his whole face was suddenly afire. Maybe because he had no doubt that Ven was being absolutely sincere about what he was saying… and because he had no idea how this angel right here thought of him in such a meaningful, loving way. Not knowing what to do with his whole self, Van saved his dignity by diving underwater, and swam a short distance away – shifting to float casually on his back after he surfaced again. Luckily, Ven was also too kind to tease him for his awkward reaction just now.

Still, despite the chat going well so far, the actual big, sensitive, terrible topic was left untouched for the most part. In the quick exchange they'd had earlier on, Roxas had told Van that his twin wanted time to think about what he was going to do – whether he'd quit the pilgrimage or not. Right now, Van wasn't sure if a decision had been made already… but he reckoned he might as well take the chance while he could.

"Ven… Just don't do it."

"You mean the pilgrimage?"

"Yeah. Forget about it. Forget all about Sin, about being a summoner. Forget all that. You know… live a normal life." Or, at least, a life where you won't have to get yourself killed. A life where you don't sacrifice yourself for a bunch of ungrateful, disgusting, lying fuckers.

Even in his most optimistic expectations, however, Van wasn't prepared for the answer that he got.

"Maybe…" Ven hesitated for an instant, but said it nonetheless. "Maybe I will."

Shifting immediately, Vanitas waddled back and stopped in front of Ven. "Really…?"

For once, the summoner's expression was hard to read. Ventus was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve, to show everything he was feeling in a crystal-clear manner… but, as he spoke, his expression could be taken for hope as easily as it could be taken for fear. "If I did… wouldn't everyone be surprised?"

If all it took was convincing, though, Van was definitely up for doing his part. "I guess, but – hey, I'm sure Terra and Aqua will understand. I'm sure they'll support you, no matter what you decide. And if anyone else has a problem, they can come talk it up with me. And with Roxas."

This last part made Ven laugh quietly. "But… what will I do, if I give up my pilgrimage?"

"You're a white mage, right? I'm sure anyone will be glad to have you around, even if the snotty temples are against it." This was going surprisingly well, and Vanitas really wasn't about to let the chance pass him by. "Better yet… let's go to Radiant Garden!"

"You mean…?"

"Yeah, not the ruins here in Spira – the Radiant Garden I'm from. With the airship, I'm sure we can find a way to get there! Everyone can go, too, and we'll have a big party at my place."

Ven's smile was finally close to reaching his eyes. "Can we go see blitzball, too? The stadium, all lit up at night… I'd love to see your Radiant Tempests play."

"That'll be perfect! You'll sit front row, and I'll score at least three goals for you."

"And… then what would we do, after the match?"

A lot of different and suggestive ideas rushed to Van's mind, if he had to be honest, but – given how well this was flowing, and how much he didn't want to screw it up, he opted for the safest one. "We'd go out and have more fun, of course!"

"In the middle of the night…?"

Ven's eyes widened, and Vanitas opened his smug grin as he took one of the summoner's hands to leave a kiss on the palm.

"I thought I'd told you – Radiant Garden never sleeps."

Vanitas then stepped farther into the water again, sprawling his arms open as he stared up at the stars and thought of the sights and landscapes that he hadn't realized he still missed so much.

"I'll take you to the beach, too, and I'll show you the sea right before sunrise. The city lights go out one by one, and the horizon starts glowing… almost like it's on fire. First in the sea, then it spreads to the sky, then to the whole city. It gets brighter and brighter, till everything glows. It's really pretty… and I'm sure you'll love it."

It was the first time, in a long while, that Van felt so cheerful when talking about home – and so hopeful, when thinking about the future. If Ven really quit the pilgrimage, and if they really were able to return to Radiant Garden together… What else could he ask for? What else would he ever need? That would be perfect!

The only flaw of perfect scenarios was that they never came true.

As he turned around to look at Ven's smile again, after all these plans, what Vanitas saw instead were two large tears rolling down the summoner's cheeks and dripping from his chin to the water. Immediately, he waddled back to his side.

"Ven…?"

"I can't… I just can't. I can't go."

The last sentence coincided with the moment when Ven's voice broke, and already came out as a sob. Shutting his eyes tightly, as his hands curled into fists underwater, he hung his head and tried the best he could to stop the meltdown that was coming.

You must be strong.

You must be their hope.

You must be their light.

Everyone's depending on you.

Only you can do this.

Only you can save them.

Words that he'd been hearing for so long, and words that he'd been telling to himself for even longer. Back when he'd decided to become a summoner, he'd had no false expectations – he'd known exactly what he was getting himself into. He'd been well aware of the huge responsibility that would fall on his back, that he would have to carry the weight of the world from there on. And he'd accepted it all, gladly. While studying, while training, while spending hours on end improving his mind and body and soul, rather than doing everything that people his age were supposed to do and enjoy… Even through the harshest moments, he'd never balked. He'd never thought of giving up, he'd never regretted his choice.

But now…

"What do I have left, now?"

Ven could feel his voice shaking like a leaf in the wind and he hated it, but he had to let it out. His chest felt so tight that he seriously thought he was going to implode if he kept it inside any longer.

"What can I still hold on to, when everything I've believed on for my whole life has turned out to be a pile of lies and deceit? Yevon has betrayed me… All those teachings, all that faith, everything – it's been for nothing. All this time, all my life… I've been fighting for nothing. And yet…"

As more tears broke free against his will, he looked back up at Vanitas and smiled – and didn't even know why he was smiling. Maybe because he'd grown so used to smile when he was sad that it'd become automatic.

"Now that I was seriously considering to leave everything behind… I can't. I can't. If I give up now, I could do anything I wanted to… I could be with you, we could be so happy. B-but… how could I live with myself, then, if I abandoned everyone? If I don't defeat Sin, someone else will have to – maybe Naminé, or Olette, or maybe even Sora. How could I live with myself, how could I ever be happy or find peace… if I dropped this burden on them? My father gave his life for the people of Spira because he wanted to end their sorrow… it wasn't for the temples or for the scriptures, it was for the people. And… and everyone that I saw dying at Kilika, everyone that I saw dying during Operation Mi'ihen… everyone along our journey that I've talked to and to whom I promised I'd bring the Calm – I can't abandon them. It's not their fault… all they want is to live without fear. I can't stop now. I can't… I'm– I'm sorry, Vani… I'm so sorry…"

Ventus sniffled loudly, and he wasn't even sure if Vanitas had understood any of this, because he basically just blurted it all out – one sentence after the other, without thinking. And he'd hoped that this might have been cathartic, that it might have helped him feeling better… but now he only felt even more trapped. Even more lost. Unable to hold it back anymore, he hung his head again and finally broke down crying.

And Van didn't know what to do. He really didn't. He'd seen Ven tearing up, during the sending at Kilika. He'd seen him after crying, the day of Operation Mi'ihen, along the Djose Road. But… nothing ever like this. Ven was coming undone right now, crying and sobbing loudly and looking so absolutely disheartened, and Van felt as though his own heart was being wrenched out of his chest. Was there a feeling more painful than having to watch the person you love more than life suffering like this, and be unable to do anything to help?

What he could do, though, and what he did, was to make sure that Ven knew he wasn't alone and wouldn't have to face any of this on his own – no matter the final decision. Bringing his arms around the summoner, Van pulled him as close as he could be, and held him as he cried.

Sometimes… it's the little things, isn't it?

Yevon, Xemnas, Ansem, the temples, the priests, the maesters, everything… Vanitas wished he had the power to tear it all to pieces, to kill them all in the most gruesome way imaginable. If it meant Ven never crying again, never being this distraught again, then he would do it without hesitation. Instead, he had to be content with protectively holding the summoner's small frame in his arms, and with running the fingers of a hand through his golden locks, in an attempt to at least soothe him a little bit.

And it seemed to be the right thing to do because slowly, gradually, the sobs began dying down. Van couldn't tell how long it'd been, and, ironically, for someone who was willing to go and fight the whole Yevon cult with his bare fists, he didn't even have a tissue to offer, right there and then – so he offered the second best thing, smiling fondly as Ven wiped his face on one of his sleeves.

Taking Ven's hand, after, he guided them both back out of the spring and they found a cozy spot, under one of the large trees nearby. The water had been warm enough, but the chilly breeze of the woods had Vanitas soon starting a small fire, just for the sake of keeping them from getting too cold. He stripped his shirt, Ven did the same to his jacket and vest, both of them kicked off their boots, and, as the clothes were hanged along some lower branches to start drying, the two of them sat together in silence.

Again, it was Ventus who broke it.

"This is embarrassing… I don't think I've cried this much since my father died."

Regardless, his smile wasn't as strained anymore, so Van already thought it'd been worth it.

"It's okay. I'll wash your snot off my shirt later."

It also succeeded in making Ven laugh quietly, so Van counted it as double success.

"You probably think I'm such a fool. That… I'm still willing to go on, after everything that happened. After everything with Maester Xemnas and the grand maester. You probably–"

"How about you stop trying to guess what I'm thinking, and let me tell you myself?"

Ven pursed his lips sheepishly and nodded. "Then… what are you thinking?"

Despite the determination just now, Vanitas took a few seconds to reply. He reached for Ven's hand and held it for a moment, then brought it closer to kiss the palm again, then held it some more – until eventually speaking.

"I think that you really are something else. I don't know much about Spira, and I know even less about Yevon – but, from what I've seen so far… All those greedy bastards at the temples, they do it for themselves. For the money, for the fame, for the status, I dunno. But I know that they don't care for the people, unless there's something in it for them. But you – you care so much. For everyone, for everything. I never met anyone like you."

Maybe it wouldn't be noticeable, given the dim lighting, but Ven could feel his face burning. And he could feel his genuine smile blooming, even if he'd been a sobbing wreck not even five minutes before.

"That's why I'll continue. I must. For the people, and for Spira."

Vanitas nodded, smiling as well. "I guess… I always knew that you would, anyway. Even if I hoped otherwise. If you quit now, if you gave up on everyone who's not to blame for Yevon's bullshit and who's cheering for you… then that wouldn't be my Ven. So… I still fucking hate it, and I still wish you'd allow yourself to be selfish for once, but – if that's really your decision, I'll go with you."

"Really…?"

"Hey, I'm your guardian. Unless, of course, you wanna fire me and find someone better? Maybe Xemnas, since he offered to be your pillar of strength and all that?"

Ven made a face immediately, despite snickering at Van's mocking of the maester's voice. "Are you kidding me! I think I'm gonna scrub at my mouth till the end of my days and still it'll never feel clean again after that!"

"Yeah, technically you're married to him now…" Not that this fact had the slightest shred of relevance to Van – but it was the circumstances in which that wedding had happened that had him scowling, now. "I'm sorry, too… that I let that happen. That I let that disgusting creep get his hands on you."

It was Ven's turn to give Van's hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's all right. That wasn't anyone's fault."

"I'm still gonna make him pay for that, mark my words."

Ven knew better than to take this threat lightly – if nothing else, because a sense of nostalgia as old as time told him that there was nothing that Vanitas wouldn't do for him. Literally nothing. And so he focused on the best solution he could come up with, which was to replace the negative feelings with positive ones. Inching closer, he cupped his guardian's cheeks and pressed their lips together, chastely at first and then pushing his tongue into Van's mouth for a proper kiss. And he smiled, as he pulled away again, a few seconds later.

"He doesn't matter. Because the only one I want is right here."

Not that this completely erased the messy tangle of feelings still deeply rooted in Van's heart in regard to that accursed wedding, but… how could he keep scowling when looking at this smile? Grasping the front of Ven's black sleeveless top, he tugged him closer again for more kisses and only stopped when he could feel the summoner gasping for air.

Still, as he allowed Ven a moment to recover, he was now planting little kisses all over the side and front of his neck. "You looked really fucking beautiful, you know that," he murmured, against that impossibly soft skin, "The most beautiful person in this fucking world. Like an angel. My angel. My light."

It was hard to tell what provoked the shiver that suddenly jolted down Ven's back, between those words and the kisses – probably both, combined. His head tilted aside instinctively, baring his neck further to that delicious attack. "You know what…" As he finished that sentence, his hands went to cling expectantly at Vanitas' belt. "No one with these abs should have the right to tell that sort of thing to tiny little me."

On the other hand, it was also hard to tell what had just knocked the wind out of Vanitas – between Ven's mischievous little smirk and the lusty tone of his voice as he placed his hands so boldly. Likely both, but Van wasted no time with contemplating. Instead, he slipped both hands under Ven's top and left them on his shoulder blades. "Remember what I told you back then? You can touch."

This time, Ventus did touch. Pressing his palms to the abs he'd been daydreaming about ever since Luca, he pushed Van down on his back and promptly straddled him with both knees around his hips. Very honestly, he had no clue what he was doing, considering he'd never done anything of the like before, but he was totally up for letting his intuition guide him. And so what he did, at first, was to rub gentle circular patterns with his palms over Van's chest and belly, as if taking in how well defined the muscles really were… but soon he was leaning down to leave a trail of kisses all the way down from the collarbone to the belly button.

Vanitas reacted immediately, with a whispered fuck. One of his hands found its way to the back of Ven's neck and stayed there in a manner that was almost possessive, and the feather-like little touches of those fingertips sent a shiver running down the summoner's spine again. Ven then rocked his hips with a whimper, so that their lower regions brushed together, and that was all the motivation Van needed to roll Ven's top all the way up and then pull it away for good.

Ven leaned down for more kisses, but it was already different this time – these kisses weren't tender and sweet like before, rather with a bit more urgency. A bit more eagerness. Van's lips gladly parted to accept that other tongue past them, and it was like their mouths were designed to fit together. They aligned at just the perfect angle, and they kissed and kissed and kissed and then kissed some more, with no rush but at the same time without ever getting enough. Hands touched and roamed everywhere, feeling flesh and muscle and tiny scars born from so many battles.

Eventually, two of Van's fingers slipped beyond the waistband of Ven's pants and those knuckles brushed over the patch of skin right below Ven's belly button – and the gasp he earned in return made the guardian's smirk grow almost too wide for his face. Granted, he was amusing himself with how sensitive Ventus seemed to be all over but, just as much, with how vocal he seemed to be during intimacy.

"Your sweet little noises are my new favorite music."

"You're teasing me…"

"Am I, now?"

Of course he was, and he was having the time of his life. At this point, Ven's face was so close to his own that Vanitas could see those adorable freckles even in such dim lighting – or maybe it's that he'd memorized the pattern a long time ago, and now his memory completed the picture that his eyes couldn't entirely discern. And, as he glanced up at Ventus and noticed the glistening green of his eyes, the blush tingeing his cheeks and nose, his lips left damp and slightly swollen after so much kissing… Van had no doubt that there was no one more beautiful in this world, in the next, or in any of them at all.

(Was he repeating himself? He probably was.)

Soon, Ven's lips were aiming for the side of Van's neck – who sighed in response, so perfectly happy with this choice, and his arm slithered around Ven's slender waist to tug him closer. This caused their lower regions to come together again, still so gently but it was enough for Ven to drop a quiet moan by Van's ear and for Van to roll up his hips in response – suddenly dying to hear it again. It was really the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard someone make.

(Yeah, he was definitely repeating himself. See if he cares.)

Ventus retributed by leaving his lips now pressed to Van's Adam apple, gently nibbling there before continuing further down to kiss all over the collarbone and, from there, again to the chest. Heat was pooling up in his belly as he ran his hands over that toned chest, those firm abs, that little V-shape of the navel that disappeared into the pants as if taunting him… and he was the one rocking this time, practically grinding over Van's crotch and not bothering to hide his smile of triumph when Van squirmed under him and whimpered.

"Ven–"

"I love you."

This was when it exploded, though – in Vanitas' chest. A mix of fireworks going off and a horde of butterflies set free to gallivant around. Ven really said it, he really just said it out loud… It'd been crystal-clear and so certain, even for everyone else, but now having it translated into the three little words gave it a whole new meaning. Made it even more real. Before Van could answer and say it back, however, Ventus was faster and went on.

"I love you… and I don't care for anything else. You're here with me and that's all I care for. That's all I want. All I need. And… I wanna do it."

Van's eyes had fluttered shut for an instant, to better indulge in the devilish teasing his crotch was being put through at the same time, but snapped open again as he heard this. It's exactly the same as five seconds ago, again with his heart skipping a beat over something that wasn't even surprising given the current state of affairs… but he had to ask. If nothing else, because he wanted to hear Ven saying it word by word.

"Do what…?"

"This. You and me. Us, together… I want us to make love."

It also didn't surprise him that Ven had used this expression, out of all others. Because it wasn't about having sex, it definitely wasn't about fucking… it was making love. It was their bodies becoming an extension of their hearts, it was their bond materializing into kisses and touches and pleasure.

Ven added a please in a tone that was barely above a murmur, and Van's body reacted before his mind could properly wrap itself around what was truly about to happen. He was swift to flip their positions around, so that now he was the one on top of Ven, even faster to remove the summoner's belt and to discard it somewhere to the side – and, this time, his fingers slipped all the way past the waistband, starting to tug down the light-colored capri pants.

In response, Ven arched his back beautifully (again, Vanitas was convinced that everything in the way his angel does and acts was beautiful), letting the pants go without an ounce of hesitation. The forest ground was tickly under his back, and he pressed his feet over a few leaves as he now let Van remove his underwear.

Soon, the guardian was done with removing his own clothes that went to join the little messy pile they'd made – still lucid enough to push them safely away from the fire, despite the growing lust that was so quickly filling up his chest and threatening to spill. Lust, but also the fervent desire to make Ven feel delighted, better than he'd ever felt before. The desire to make love to him, as Ven had said it himself, so thoroughly and so intensely and so entirely, till their hearts became one.

The kissing resumed once more, tongues meeting in their wet dance as the two of them were now skin on skin. Van's hand slid down along Ven's side, calloused fingertips too used to holding a sword ghosting over the smooth, pale skin, in a way that made the summoner moan into one of the kisses and drape his arms around Van's neck. That same hand then sneaked in between their bodies, for far more intimate touching.

And it's not like he wanted to jinx it, but… for once, there seemed to be nothing to rush them and no one to interrupt, and so Van was taking his sweet time – till Ventus was all but whimpering breathlessly into their kisses. But then a very practical issue wiggled itself into the guardian's mind, and he slowed down again – having to smile at how this immediately earned him a whine of protest.

"So impatient…"

"Why're you stopping…?"

"We need– …something. I'm gonna hurt you if we do it like this."

Thankfully, Ven only needed a second to understand what this was about. Of course… neither of them went around fighting fiends with lube in their pockets. Or did they? Having an idea that was as uncanny as it might prove useful, Ven made the sacrifice of halting the kisses for the sake of a greater good, reaching over for his discarded pants, in order to fumble in his inventory – soon managing to find exactly what he was looking for. Facing Vanitas again, he slipped the bottle of Ether on his hand.

"Maybe this'll do."

Van blinked a couple times, definitely not expecting such… creative use of recovery items, but they truly didn't have many options available. If any, beyond this one. Ethers were something he wasn't fond of, exactly for their slimy texture that felt more like trying to drink seaweed fresh out of the blender… And, well, wasn't that everything they needed at the moment? Bringing the small bottle to his mouth, he used his teeth to pull off the cap, and it was Ven's turn to be fully convinced that he'd never seen anything more attractive in his life. For extra encouragement, he rocked his hips up against Van's again.

"C'mon then…"

"So eager!"

"It's not my fault that you're driving me mad, here!"

Snickering, Van braced himself with a forearm on the ground beside the side of Ven's head, so that he could keep the other hand free after coating his fingers with the Ether. Carefully, he started properly preparing his lover for what would follow, while also returning to the kisses for further distraction.

"How's it feeling?"

"It's–" Strange was a good word – the best kind of strange. It was strange and new and unlike anything Ventus had ever experienced before, and the fact that he was doing it with the person he loved the most only made it even more breathtaking. Resting an arm over his eyes for a moment, he sighed delightfully with a wide smile. "It's amazing."

It was everything that Van needed to know, and there was something incredibly addicting in knowing that he was the one causing this. He was the one putting this big smile on Ven's face, he was the one making him squirm in pleasure as he was, he was the first and only to know what every inch of the summoner's body felt like.

Is this why it's called making love? Because you get to feel your heart about to burst with the realization that you love someone so wholly and you are loved back the same way?

It wasn't even at its pinnacle yet.

It could still get so much better.

Ven's legs had wrapped around his waist by now, so Van grabbed the summoner's hips to steady them both and positioned himself. Despite not knowing any better, Ventus would call it a sort of pain that didn't really hurt, more like burned and made him have to remind himself to keep breathing. His legs' hold around Van's waist tightened and he threw his arms around his lover's neck as well, pressing his short nails to Van's shoulder blades.

It wasn't long before it felt like they'd been doing this all their lives. And maybe they had, as far as making love to each other went – the only difference was that now their bodies were doing the same as their hearts.

The rhythm started picking up as did their breaths, the kisses became more eager, Vanitas was grasping Ven's hips so firmly that he vaguely worried he might be leaving bruises. But he didn't relent, till Ven was all but becoming a shivering mess under him. Not that Van could talk much, with the way his heart was beating so fast. Ven eventually flopped back on the ground, a deep, breathless moan leaving his lips as he finished, and it wasn't even five seconds before Van joined him – because the sight of his lover's face lighting up in pure bliss like that was just too much to take. For the next minute or so, they simply stayed like that whilst recovering the air for their lungs.

Though Vanitas was the one to speak again first, because there was something very important that he hadn't had the chance to say yet. Heaving a very satisfied sigh, he nuzzled with his nose on the side of Ven's forehead. "I love you. So much. I love you more than anything."

Ven smiled widely with his eyes still closed, murmuring it right back, through followed at the end by quiet laughter. "Look at the mess we made…"

"That's what we got the springs for."

"Mhm… but gimme a bit longer? I don't think I can walk just yet…"

Vanitas grinned at that, all too proudly. "That good, huh?"

This time, the summoner didn't bother with replying, and instead wrapped his arms around Van again. One of his hands got tangled up in the mane of black hair, as he began gently massaging the scalp with his fingertips. And it was a damn shame that the dreamy moment had to be shattered, but… unfortunately, not even such a lovely first time together had the power to alter reality. After some more moments of intimate silence, Ven clung a little bit tighter.

"Stay with me… until the end. Please."

It wasn't like Vanitas wasn't expecting it, of course – it was gonna be a recurring topic from there on, truly. Still, it felt like a punch to the gut all over again, and he pulled himself up enough to cup Ven's cheeks with both hands. "Not until the end. Always."

Ven's smile softened, and he nodded. "Always, then."

There wasn't much to say after that, nor much to do – other than to get themselves cleaned, get dressed again, and return to the airship. Still, Van made himself enjoy that embrace for a while longer, as his mind raced and his index finger absently painted invisible patterns along the freckles of Ven's shoulder.

I'm not gonna let you die.

I'll find a way, somehow.

I promise.

---

Terra and Aqua entered the Fahrenheit first, soon followed by Vanitas and Ventus – who had their hands laced together, as they headed down the corridor. And maybe that's what caught Roxas' attention, as he was coming from the opposite direction with a big bowl of late-night snacks, or maybe it was the fact that his twin so casually led the both of them into the same cabin… or, really, maybe just the joy that was emanating from them and could almost be snatched out of the air. Either way, Roxas had a knowing smirk to offer to Vanitas before the door closed.

About time!