A/N: Is there hope for our dynamic duo? We'll see.

A World Without Love

Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
December 24, 2003
1700 Local

Mac entered her apartment, then went directly to the Christmas tree to plug in the lights. She wasn't sure why she had bothered to decorate this year. It wasn't as if she would have any visitors.

A world without love.

Her new normal was coming home alone every night to an empty apartment. Okay, except the time Mic moved in with her, she had lived alone all the years she'd been in Washington. And from that experience, she realized it was better to be alone than with the wrong person.

When Mic left, she thought she and Harm would finally have a chance. Then came the incident with Renee's father. She'd run away to the Guadalcanal. Harm didn't tell her about his break-up with Renee.

Despite all that, they had started getting their friendship back after the Jagathon. By the time they went to Afghanistan, the two of them were as close as they'd ever been. When Bud was injured, things seemed to go downhill from there. The times she and Harm served on the bench almost destroyed them. Afterward came his arrest for Singer's murder, and then Paraguay.

Not for the first time, Mac wished she'd turned down the assignment. If she had, Harm would still be at JAG and not flying all over the world for the CIA. And maybe they would have been able to salvage their friendship.

Mac went into the bathroom, then filled the tub with hot water and scented bubble bath. She was tired, and her shoulders ached. A long-hot bath was in order. She stripped out of her clothes and immersed herself in the water. Leaning her head back, she couldn't help but remember past Christmas Eves.

Last year, she'd been concerned when Harm was late returning from the carrier. She should have known he would take time to visit the wall.

She smiled when thinking of two years earlier—their shared kiss under the mistletoe at the Roberts' apartment.

Mac wondered if Harm would visit his father this year. According to Harriet, he didn't expect to be in town. An idea came to her.

Well, Harmon Rabb. You may not want to see me or speak to me, but I still consider you my friend. I know how much your father meant to you, so I'll visit the wall for you.

Her decision made, she finished her bath, then dressed in jeans, boots, and a cowl-necked sweater. The weather was cold, but not unbearable. In the kitchen, she found a new votive candle and holder. The least she could do was to light a candle for a man who gave his life for his country. It didn't matter that he didn't die in Vietnam. He would have never been sent to Russia if he hadn't dedicated his life to serving others.

Vietnam Veterans Memorial
December 24, 2003
2000 Hours

Harm traced his father's name, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. He was fortunate that no one was close by, allowing him private time with the man who had been his idol.

Hey, Dad. Sorry I haven't been around much of late. Lots of things have changed in the last year. My job takes me out of town a lot. Yeah, that's right. I'm no longer in the Navy. It's been almost seven months now.

But hey, I'm getting to fly now. Lots of different planes. And oh yeah, I landed a C130 on an aircraft carrier. It wasn't easy, but I did it. If I hadn't had a skilled partner and co-pilot, it would have been impossible.

Guess you're wondering why I left the Navy. It wasn't by choice. At least not entirely. You see, I let my emotions get in the way of my judgment. Mac had taken an assignment with the CIA, and she went missing down in Paraguay. When Admiral Chegwidden wouldn't allow me to go after her and denied my leave request, I resigned.

The CIA would have left her to die. They don't hold the same creed as the military. I got there just short of too late.

I don't know if I've ever told you this, Dad, but I'm in love with Mac. Have been for years. I thought showing up in Paraguay to save her would have shown how much I cared. And I thought she cared for me too. Somehow, I missed the signal. She told in me Paraguay there would never be an us. Accused me of always wanting to be on top. She's moved on, Dad. Right into the arms of another man.

When we got back to Washington, I went to the admiral. Asked him if I could resume my duties. I guess he got tired of my antics because he expedited my paperwork. I knew there was that possibility when I resigned. Can't blame him for doing it. What got me was his words. He tore me a new six—told me to wrestle alligators or drive a cab. Said I wasn't a team player. Guess maybe I'm not.

Anyway, within hours, I got a call from the CIA. I've been with them since June. I stay away from JAG. Well, I keep in touch with Sturgis and the Roberts family. I was called in to help back in late October—had to testify against a former colleague. Guess Chegwidden was desperate. He offered me my old job back. I refused.

Does that surprise you? Did me too, but I had received a phone call that the terrorist leader we encountered in Paraguay was on the move. Sources say he plans to come after Mac. She doesn't know about it—at least as far I know she doesn't. But I've been on his trail for several weeks now. I'll be damned if I'm going to stand by and let him hurt or kill her. She may not want anything to do with me, but I still love her and would do anything to protect her. And if I had it to do over again, I would resign my commission to save her life.

Harm took a couple of steps back, then looked around at the makeshift memories people had placed. Small flags, wreaths, letters. He regretted not bringing something to memorialize his father. It wasn't something he usually did, but something told him this night was special. The least he could have done would have been to bring a candle to light.

He couldn't shake the feeling this might be his last visit to the wall. He was about to turn away when he felt someone's presence nearby. It was her. What was it he'd once told her?

I always know where you are.

Turning, he looked into the eyes of the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Hello, Harm."

Her source had been right. He was here. There was no mistaking the tall man who stood at the wall. He appeared to be carrying on a conversation with someone, although no one was nearby.

Guess he does talk to his father. Kind of weird, but what do I care? I have one mission and only one. He might not have paid attention to me the other night, but I'll make damn sure he notices me tonight.

She started toward him when she saw the other woman. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who she was. She'd seen photos of the Marine Lieutenant Colonel. She'd also heard stories about their relationship. Maybe those rumors were correct.

Well. Imagine that. Sarah Mackenzie and Harmon Rabb Jr. Better see where this leads.

Mac had parked her car on Constitution Avenue, then strolled toward the wall. She knew the exact spot where his father's name was listed. She'd been there before. Harm never knew she visited several times when he had gone back to flying.

Somehow, she'd always felt Harm Sr. was looking after his son, and it made her feel better to talk to him during the time Harm was away.

Yeah, and you should have been here during the last few months. He needs protection now more than ever.

Okay, tonight she would make up for lost time. She was about thirty feet away when she saw him. There was no doubt in her mind it was Harm. He wore jeans and a leather jacket. His hair was a little longer, and—what was that—a goatee?

Damn, he looks good.

The man looked good in anything. She'd once told him dress whites and gold wings were overrated. Not on him. He looked equally stunning in his dress blues. He was made to wear a uniform.

But now, in civilian clothes, he looked… darker. A little rugged. She liked it.

Mac hesitated, not wanting to intrude on his private moment. Maybe she should just turn around and leave. He didn't want to see her, and the last thing she wanted was to cause a scene. But no, Harm wouldn't do that here. This place was too solemn, too sacred for him. She would take her chances and bear the consequences—whatever they might be.

He turned as she approached.

"Hello, Harm." She wasn't sure what to expect. Would he even acknowledge her? Or turn and go in the opposite direction?

Much to her surprise, he nodded. "Hello, Mac. What brings you here?"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to intrude. I spoke to Harriet a couple of days ago, and she said you might be out of town. Didn't know if there would be anyone to pay respects to your father."

"I wasn't sure if I would be in town. It turns out I don't have to leave for another few days."

"I, uh… I brought a candle. I mean, if it's all right."

Harm always had the most expressive eyes. Their color seemed to change with his mood. Most of the time, they were blue. Other times, when he flashed the jealousy card, they appeared to be green. Yes, it sounded like a cliché, but it was true. And then there were times when they were smoky gray. She'd seen that color when they kissed on the admiral's porch—his eyes had been full of passion that night.

Mac recalled things she'd seen expressed in them from times past. His care and concern when they faced the crazed poachers. The time he'd tried to relay a message to her on the Watertown about Hodge. The look he'd given her in the admiral's office just before they'd gone to pick out new cars. And yes, even though he'd denied his feelings, their farewell hug before he returned to the fighter squadron.

Tonight, they were baby blue, but Mac had a hard time deciphering his expression. Gratitude? Hope? Regret?

It was one minute seven seconds before Harm spoke. "Thanks, Mac. I was just wishing I'd brought something. Please, light it for him."

Mac stepped forward, bent down to place the candle at the base of the wall, then lit it. When she stood up, she traced the name Harmon Rabb, Sr. and said a silent prayer that he was still watching out for his son.

Suddenly feeling awkward, she turned to Harm. "Guess I'd better be going. I'm sorry for intruding on your time with him."

"You didn't. But I'm sure you have things to do."

"Not really. Just going back to my apartment."

"You don't have plans?"

"Not unless you consider sitting by the fireplace and reading a good book plans. Harriet invited me to their house tomorrow, but I declined."

"Yeah, she invited me too. I bowed out. Didn't figure I'd be good company."

Mac smiled. "I said the same thing. Look, I do need to go. And let you spend some more time with your dad."

"Thanks for checking on him, Mac. It means a lot that you thought of him."

"Any time. Maybe I'll see you around sometime." Mac turned to leave, then stopped. Her words from Paraguay suddenly invaded her thoughts.

Things are never going to work out between us.

Why did I say those words to him?

She still remembered the look in his eyes. There was no mistaking the sadness in them.

And then it dawned on her what she had done. Harm resigned his commission to find her, and what did he get in return? A virtual slap in the face. Expedited paperwork from Chegwidden. And yes, she'd flaunted her so-called relationship with Clay every chance she got. It was no wonder he didn't want to talk to her. Had the situation been reversed, she wouldn't have answered his phone calls.

She turned back to him. "Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"What I said in Paraguay. I didn't mean it."

A/N: A World Without Love by Peter and Gordon