Welcome to this one-shot connection of A new Atlas... so basically a new Atlas. Just well, with more crack. As someone that took a look at what I wrote saw I write either complete pointless shit no one cares about, crack humor, or totally happy and sunshine stories in where people do not drop like flies, no sir. Anyway, I just had a few ideas I thought might be funny but are also to crack to put them into the original story. Also, you may notice that Whitley is alive, I did change the part in the normal story where I say he is dead.
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''Sigh''
Ironwood was certainly surprised when he happened to stumble upon an obviously mentally exhausted Jaune. Deciding that he should help his young friend with whatever was going on in his mind he made to greet Jaune with a handwave.
''Whatever might be the matter Jaune? Trouble with Weiss?''
Jaune looked at him with tired eyes.
''Kind of yes.''
Relationship trouble was not exactly James strongest point but he supposed he could help just by lending an ear.
''Well then Jaune, tell me what that trouble entails.''
''She kind of caught me looking at her sister's breasts.''
''... Okay, that is not exactly what I expected but it shouldn't be that big of a deal right?''
But Jaune just closed his eyes and put his hands in front of his face.
''I wish she was just a bit angry with me but...''
''But what?''
''She, ugh, insisted on proving that small breasts are just as good as bigger ones.''
Okay, now he was really out of his area of expertise but he was pretty sure that this did not count as a normal reaction. Still, it sounded fairly suggestive in his opinion.
''May I ask what the problem is, this sounds like quite the enjoyable result doesn't it?''
But Jaune just let out what sounded like a sob.
''She held a fucking Powerpoint presentation with graphics and everything.''
... What?
''And not just me, she forced Ren, Winter, and even Whitely to watch it as well.''
... He honestly had not the slightest clue how to react
''We had to take fucking notes, there was a test at the end.''
''May I ask how the rest reacted to that?''
This was apparently not the right thing to ask as Jaune's face only continued to look even more pained.
''Ren was being, well Ren and just rose an eyebrow before starting to take notes.''
Okay, so far so fine.
''Whitely asked why he was there and if Weiss really hated him this much,which she just ignored.''
This sounded quite tame as of now and surely Winter wouldn't have done anything inappropriate.
''Winter though-''
Brothers damn it.
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''- and in conclusion, small breasts are way better than those useless lumps of fat that many harlots carry around, any questions?''
Jaune wondered if this situation could get any more fucked up before seeing Winter rise her hand, silly him, of course it could.
Weiss acknowledged her sister with a nod. ''Yes, Winter?''
''May I provide a counterargument to your theory?''
Weiss gave her a calculating look before relenting. ''I guess that is only fair.''
''Thank you, sister.''
And with those words, Winter stood up and walked over to Jaune who was now looking at her very confused. ''Would you please give me your hand for a moment Jaune?''
''Sure?'' And with those words, he suspiciously reached out his hand to her.
''Much obliged.'' And with those words, she grabbed his hand and pressed it right into her chest.
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He could not stop himself from giving her breast a small squeeze, Winter smirked.
...
One could have heard a pin dropped until.
''WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WINTER?''
In response, Winter gave her sister a smug smirk ''Proving you wrong of course.''
And with that, she left the room but no before giving her hips a good swing on the way out. Once again silence engulfed the room before it was broken again. ''May I go now sister? I have a sudden and very urgent need to find a bottle of bleach to drink?''
Weiss, having regained her composure fairly quickly gave him a measuring look before answering with a nod. ''You may.''
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Now Ironwood definitely understood Jaune's current state even if he could not really come up with much, besides maybe...
''Might I advise you the purchase of a Rape buzzer?''
Needless to say that this did not help.
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To be honest, I wrote this because I was a bit bored today at work, and at some point I randomly got the idea for this joke. Then I needed to wait for a friend to come online after work and just went ''Eh, why not?''.