A/N: I chose some of the songs for chapter titles simply because the name fits. For instance, "Wicked Game" is a great Harm and Mac song, but I selected it as the title of chapter three because of Clay's wicked manipulation of the situation. However, the lyrics of "This Masquerade" are so Harm and Mac. Lots of dialogue in this chapter but they need to have "the talk."

Vietnam Veterans Memorial
December 24, 2003
2100 Local

What I said in Paraguay. I didn't mean it.

Harm couldn't believe it. Mac had been adamant that the two of them didn't have a future. Surely, he misunderstood her words. He decided the best defense was a good offense.

"I appreciate what you did tonight for my Dad, but I don't want to rehash the last conversation we had in Paraguay. It's best to leave some things in the past."

"I think we need to talk about it."

"Why? So you can flaunt your relationship with Clay again? Twist the knife a little deeper?"

"Harm, I'm not in a relationship with Clay. We went out a few times. That's it."

"Not what I heard. Two days ago, he made sure to remind me of that."

"Then he lied. Yes, he wants more, but I told him no. Harm, please. Can we go somewhere and talk? This conversation is long overdue. Just please hear me out. Then, if you still feel the same way, I'll get out of your life and never bother you again."

Never. There was that word again. Harm didn't know if he could bear the idea of never seeing Mac. To go through life without her, even if she remained only a friend, wasn't something he looked forward to.

Mac was the reason he'd turned down the admiral's offer to return to JAG. His purpose for still being with the CIA. Just like he'd resigned his commission to save her in Paraguay, staying with the CIA was the best way he knew to protect her. When it came down to it, Mac was his sole purpose for living.

"You're right. One way or another, we need to put this thing to rest. I'll be in town for another few days. Give me a call when you want to meet. I promise I'll answer the phone this time."

"What's wrong with right now?"

She had a point. Harm kept putting off the discussion when they were in Paraguay. If he hadn't, they might have been able to work something out. "I guess there's no time like the present. We should go someplace where we have some privacy."

"My apartment is closer if you're okay with that."

"Yeah, it's fine. You parked on Constitution Avenue?"

Mac nodded.

"I'll follow you."

She watched as Harmon Rabb walked side by side with Sarah Mackenzie.

Another missed opportunity. How am I supposed to seduce him if I can't even get close to him?

She pulled her cell phone from her purse.

"Talk to me," the person on the other end said.

"Once again, things didn't go as planned. Are you positive you're telling me everything?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You might be interested who came to the wall. Rabb carried on a lengthy conversation with her, and they left together."

"Don't beat around the bush. Tell me."

"Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. JAG corps."

"Son of a bitch. You're sure?"

"You aren't paying me the big bucks to guess. Of course, I'm sure. But I've decided this job isn't worth it. You're going to have to find someone else to do your dirty work. I'm done with it." She ended the call, placed her cell phone in her purse, then walked away.

Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
December 24, 2003
2145 Local

"Would you like some tea?" Mac asked as she and Harm entered her apartment.

"No, thanks. I'm all right."

"I'll make some for myself unless you're in a hurry."

"Mac, I told you I don't have any plans. I have all night to talk if that's what it takes. Go ahead. Make your tea."

"Let me know if you change your mind," She called over her shoulder as she entered the kitchen. Her hands shook a little as she filled the kettle with water.

Relax. That's your best friend in the next room. No need to be nervous.

He was your best friend. You destroyed that when you told him never.

While Mac waited for the water to boil, she thought back over the times she and Harm had "missed" one another. When he left to return to flying, it put a strain in their relationship that never completely healed.

Australia was the biggest blunder. She'd missed the signals somehow, and when Harm turned her down, she went straight into the arms of an eagerly waiting Mic Brumby. Then she allowed him to control and manipulate her.

The night she went to Harm after Mic left nearly destroyed her. It wasn't Renee's fault her father died, and Mac certainly didn't blame Harm for supporting his girlfriend. But it was another nail in the proverbial coffin. Finally, they had another chance, and this time, they had to get it right.

Mac poured water into her cup, waited for the tea to steep, then added a dash of honey. She'd dawdled long enough. She would open the conversation and hope Harm would talk. As she walked into the living room, she said a silent prayer that he wouldn't clam up this time.

He stood by the fireplace, looking at a photo of the two of them taken in Afghanistan.

His smile was wistful when he turned to her. "Seems like a lifetime ago when this was taken."

"Yeah. It was what—two, three years."

"Something like that." Harm sat on Mac's sofa.

She curled up in the chair opposite him. She needed to see his reactions while they talked. Here goes nothing.

"I owe you an apology."

Harm's eyebrows shot up. "For what?"

"For the way I acted in Paraguay. The words I said. It took me months to realize what it must have sounded like, and I'm sorry. I offer no excuses for my behavior. I was wrong to treat you the way I did. I'm sorry. I understand now why you haven't wanted to talk to me. I can't blame you for that, but one time you were my best friend. I destroyed what we once had, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." Once the words began, Mac found it hard to stop.

"Whoa, Mac. Slow down. Give me a chance to respond. For the record, yes, your words hurt. I was angry with you and that's the reason I ignored your calls. It also didn't help to have you mention Clay's name in several of them. It felt like you were rubbing salt in the wound."

Tears formed in Mac's eyes. "I'm sorry—I"

Harm held up his hand to stop her. "The blame isn't entirely on you. I could have acted differently. Given you straight answers, but I didn't."

"When you walked into that hut, I didn't think you cared. You acted like it was just another mission. You didn't even seem happy to see me."

"Happy? Mac, I had just killed several men in order to free you. I don't think happy was the right expression. I was relieved to know you were still alive. Gunny and I were kind of busy making sure we all got out alive, and I was running on pure adrenaline. There wasn't really time to reflect on my emotions."

"We had time to talk once we got back to the hotel. Why didn't you say something?"

"I felt it was important to complete the mission. Too many lives were in danger, and I wanted us to have plenty of time to discuss our relationship."

"Time? Harm, we've known one another eight years. How much time do we need?"

"Do you remember when I left JAG to return to flying? You told me you had a lot to say but couldn't find the words. I'm that way with you, Mac. I can talk to juries and have no trouble in the courtroom, but I always seem to get tongue-tied around you. Not to mention the fact we kept getting interrupted. Some of which I now believe was deliberate on Webb's part.

"What makes you say that?"

"Mac, please. Think about it. When you learned I'd resigned my commission, you said something to the effect of 'You did it for me.' Then Webb spoke up—quick to point out we were in the room where the two of you spent your honeymoon. Made sure to mention how comfortable the bed was."

"Harm, there was no honeymoon. And I certainly didn't share a bed with Clayton Webb in the way he implied."

"I know it now, and that's my point. Webb wanted to drive a wedge between us. I believe he's still trying."

"You could be right. Speaking of honeymoons, you didn't really marry Catherine Gale, did you?"

"No! What makes you think that?"

"Clay insinuated as much. Said the two of you had an open marriage."

"That bastard. It was a fake ceremony to appease Catherine's dying mother. I only agreed to it so that she would help me find you. I haven't spoken to her in months."

"So, she means nothing to you?"

"Just a friend. I have a question for you. Why did you bring up Webb's name in several of your phone calls to me?"

Mac took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. "I shouldn't have done that. I did go out with Clay a few times but soon realized nothing was ever going to happen between us. He kept asking me out. I didn't want to go, but I thought maybe he would tell me something about you since you wouldn't answer my phone calls."

Harm shook his head. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are. Or we could be."

"What are you saying, Mac?"

She chewed on her lower lip. It was now or never. "I'm saying that I want to be a part of your life. If it's only as a friend, I guess I'll have to be okay with that."

"Then why did you say 'never' in Paraguay?"

Mac stood, then began to pace the room. "I don't know. Fatigue. Stress. Frustration. If I could take back the words, I would. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

"So, how about it. Still want to be friends?"

"No."

She gasped. Now she was the one who felt like she'd been stabbed with a knife. Right through the heart. "You don't?"

He stood and walked to her. "No, Mac. I want us to be more than friends."

A/N: This Masquerade by George Benson