Shel's Note:
This story was written by my teen niece, who has only begun testing her fanfic muse, so please be constructive in any criticism.
Remember
By Erin
(Written August 17-19, 2020)
Author's Notes:
- This story is a continuation of the arc established in my other stories, "Again," "Recovery," and "talk."
- The first two flashbacks take place during "Recovery;" the last one happens after the end of "Recovery."
- I never intended to write a fourth part to this. It just kind of… happened.
Hera found Kanan sitting, deep in thought, by the dejarik table. "You know, technically, you're not supposed to be out of bed yet."
"I know," he shrugged. "Cabin was getting a little too cramped."
"Don't tell me you've got claustrophobia," Hera teased.
Kanan snorted. "Definitely not…"
She could tell something was bugging him. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing," he answered.
"Really?" Hera smirked. "Nothing at all?"
Kanan shook his head, "You know what I mean."
"And you promised you'd share with me what's bothering you," she reminded him.
"I did, didn't I," he sighed.
There was a beat of silence before he finally admitted, "I'm trying to remember."
"Remember?" Hera echoed.
"Yeah," Kanan quietly clarified, "remember what happened."
"You want to relive that?"
"No," he shook his head again, "not what they did. I'm good with forgetting that. But what happened afterwards. All I remember are individual moments. And I think things would just be - easier - if I could piece them all together into one timeline."
"You were pretty in-and-out if it," Hera suggested, taking his hand, "and Meddi warned us that you might have some gaps of memory, remember?"
"Uh-huh. But that doesn't change the fact that it's bothering me that I can't remember." With slight hesitation, he asked, "Do you think you can help?"
Utterly pleased that he was willing to let her in instead of wallowing alone, she smiled, "So what do you want to know?"
Kanan shrugged one shoulder. "I remember you trying to get me to drink something and then falling asleep. Next thing I knew I was in bacta."
Hera nodded. "That makes some sense. You kept using the Force anytime they tried to inject you with the sedative."
"They used needles on me," Kanan quietly recalled.
"I suspected," Hera admitted, "so they had to administer the sedative orally. It smelled awful but it worked."
"Kanan, you need to calm down," Hera said as his breathing quickened and he tried to pull away.
Kanan clenched his eyes shut. "Not real not real go 'way!"
"I am real," she insisted. "Look at me. It's me."
He shook his head. "Lying."
"I'm not." She gently stroked his cheek and turned his head toward her. "It's me."
After a moment, he blinked up at her, "...H'ra…?"
"That's right, it's me," Hera repeated with a smile. "You need to spend some time in the bacta tank and they have to give you a sedative first."
Kanan began to struggle and she assured him, "I promise, you'll be okay."
Hera nodded to Meddi Cahl, who came forward again. "I'll be so quick you won't even know I've given you the shot," the medic confidently stated.
"Just focus on me," Hera told Kanan. "Don't pay any attention to Meddi."
Meddi rolled up Kanan's sleeve and sterilized a patch of skin on his arm.
Kanan kept trying to see what she was doing but Hera blocked his peripheral vision. "Kanan. Don't look at what Meddi's doing. Just me," Hera murmured, "just watch me."
But when Meddi took a deep breath and steadied her hand against his arm, Kanan flinched and a glass from his bedside table went flying at Meddi who darted to the side just in time.
"Hey, shh," Hera soothed. "Shh, luv. You're safe."
Kanan met her gaze.
"Do you trust me?" she asked.
"H'ra—"
"Do you trust me?" Hera repeated.
He took a quavery breath and jerkily nodded.
"Good. Then you know I won't let you get hurt."
Kanan hesitated, then gave another slow nod.
"This shot isn't to cause you any pain, it's to help you. It's medicine." When he remained calm, she turned to the medic, "All right, Meddi?"
The young woman stepped forward again.
Hera again cupped her hand by Kanan's eye, making sure he had no view of what the medic was doing. She squeezed his hand, trying to distract him.
But, as soon as she was about to inject him, Meddi had to jump aside from another flying object.
"Is there another way to administer the sedative?" Hera asked her. "Maybe a pill he could take?"
"It is available in liquid but," Meddi admitted, "because it smells awful most patients can't drink it all and end up having the injection anyway."
"Let's try it," Hera decided after a weary nod from Kanan.
When Meddi returned with the sedative a few minutes later, Hera wrinkled her nose in distaste as she helped hold the glass for Kanan.
He gagged after drinking and she held her breath waiting to see that he kept it down. "You're fine, see?"
Kanan nodded as the sedative began to work and his eyes closed.
"And it was into the bacta tank after that," Hera finished.
"Mm-hm," Kanan agreed.
"What next?" she wondered.
"Well… You told me Meddi didn't want to release me," he said. "I don't remember that."
"You mean when we argued over whether you could be released to the Ghost or not?"
"I guess?"
Meddi shifted her weight, looking uncomfortable.
Hera supposed her senior rank as a captain had something to do with that as she pressed, "Why can't Kanan continue recovering on the Ghost? You said there wasn't a lot more that needed to be done to treat him."
"Well, yes," Meddi agreed, "but I'd like to keep him here for another day or two for observation."
"Wouldn't it be better, psychologically, for Kanan to recover in his own room on the Ghost?" Sabine put in.
"What treatments does he need that can't be done on the ship?" Ezra asked.
"None," Meddi sighed. "But—"
Kanan's weak voice interrupted her, "S'goin' on?"
"Nothing you need to worry about," Hera told him gently as she carefully patted his shoulder. "Go back to sleep."
To everyone's surprise, Kanan didn't argue. "M'kay," he drowsily mumbled.
"Karabast," Zeb observed.
"Whoa," Ezra muttered, glancing from the IV pole to Kanan and back. "What's in that thing? And can we have a supply for the ship?"
Kanan snorted. "I guess they're not used to me listening to you the first time around."
"Nope," Hera said, "I guess not. But that reminds me: I need to treat your wrists."
"How does me not listening to you remind you of that?"
"It just does," Hera smiled as she left for a minute to get the healing salve.
Kanan sighed as Hera began to dab the ointment on. "I hate this stuff. It stings."
"I know, but it helps, doesn't it?"
Kanan regarded the burns on his wrists, "I guess…"
"You know," she teased, "you complained about this stuff even while you were unconscious."
The others had left, for which Hera was grateful. Kanan needed as much quiet and rest as possible now.
His breathing was slow, with barely a hint of a wheeze. It was so much better than before; when just listening to his respiration made her own ribs hurt.
Careful not to wake him up, Hera eased her hand from his. He made a soft sound of protest and Hera stroked his cheek. "I'll be right back, luv."
Meddi had given her a special cream to put on Kanan's lower arms, where he had burns from the interrogation he'd suffered.
Hera sat on the edge of his bunk, the container of salve in her lap. She gently tugged one of Kanan's arms toward her and slowly unwrapped the bandage. He mumbled something she couldn't quite hear and she patted his hand in response.
As soon as Hera began to apply the liniment, Kanan moaned and tried to pull his arm back.
"Stop that," she told him even though he was asleep.
He quietly grumbled something.
"Uh-uh. You may not like this, Kanan, but it needs to happen," she insisted as she continued her task. "It was part of the terms Meddi established when they released you from the medbay." Hera was pleased that the girl took her job so seriously. "I like her," she decided as she bandaged his arm again, "and I trust her."
Kanan gave a soft snore and tried to roll over completely.
"Not yet," Hera scolded. "I still need to do your other arm."
He frowned but stopped moving. She caressed his furrowed brow. "Almost there, luv."
Kanan relaxed and leaned into her hand and continued to sleep.
"I wish we had more time to take it easy," Hera noted as she rewrapped his left wrist. "I think we could all use some time to recover."
"Pretty sure the Empire's not into giving vacation days," Kanan reminded her as he flexed his right wrist.
"They'll come after you again, won't they," Hera murmured, resting her head on his shoulder.
He looked away. "Nothing to be done about it now."
"Except go back and feed all the Inquisitors to a lylek?" she suggested.
His eyes widened and he glanced down at her. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Anything else you can't remember?" Hera asked.
"Probably," Kanan agreed. "But it can wait."
The End