A/N: Hey readers! So what's new with your life? I recently sprained my ankle for like the 5th times but whatever? Who cares am I right? Anyway, so life has been pretty busy. I wasn't really home all of June so I wasn't working on any of my stories, but right now I'm trying to write them as fast as I can when inspiration hits. Which isn't all that often as you can see since it's already September.

So I wanted to give a shout out to Charms22. I will admit that I stalked your account for like a full 2 minutes and I wanted to say how many of the same stories we've read, like, it,s a lot! I also wanted to thank you for the your support. It means so much, and by the way, I really loved your review to chapter 11. Your constant reviews, even when you don't have to because those chapters were posted a long time ago, mean so much to me. Thank you! PM me sometime!

Now...on to chapter 17

Tobias POV

Today is the day.

I sigh. It's officially 2 years.

2 years to the day.

2 years since the war ended.

2 years since we've had a choosing ceremony.

2 years since Tris died.

I lay flat on my back, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to get out of bed. I turn to look at the clock.

6:45am

It's almost time. Almost time for the choosing ceremony to start. Then after that I have to greet the initiates.

The last time I went to greet the initiates it had been when I was going to leave. i had found out some of the things Erudite had been doing and didn't want any part in the war they were planning.

Then, she showed up. She showed up and basically changed everything. she literally fell into my life. She turned my life upside down. I couldn't leave her. So, I stayed.

Tris.

Fuck, I miss her.

I get up after overthinking and staring at my ceiling for far too long that I don't even know how long it was until I look at the clock and see that 15 minutes have passed.

7:00am

I walk into my bathroom and turn the shower water on as hot as it will go, steaming up the bathroom effectively in the process. I watch as the mirror gets slowly covered with the steam coming from the shower behind me. Watching in as my own eyes seemingly disappear.

I strip from my long sleeve grey shirt, and then my sweatpants and eventually my boxers, despite it being mid July( I don't actually know when choosing ceremony is so this is where i placed it) I can never seem to stay warm at night. I look down at my wrists and see the scars I've given myself throughout the past...2 years, not surprisingly.

What have I done? I mean, sure I kept my promise, but not completely. I told her that I would live and this is clearly not living, but how can I live when she is not living next to me? I told her I'd try, so I guess I should start.

I get into the shower and hiss as the hot water touches my skin, effectively burning me, but I still don't turn the temperature down. I guess I feel like I deserve the pain just a little bit. I reach for the bottle of shampoo and put some in my head before lathering it into my hair. Then I grab the body was, taking in a sharp intake of breath when the soap suds sting the new cuts across my wrists.

I find myself crying. Not realizing it until the sobs rack my body.

What am I doing?

I'm not only ruining my own life by inflicting my self hurt, I'm ruining all those around me that care about me. They have to watch and worry when my next attempt will be. It disgusts me.

Why didn't I just throw myself over the casm? It would've ended it completely.

No. I know why I didn't. I'm too much of a coward. I want to welcome Death but I'm too afraid of opening the door.

Tris POV

Just a few more hours. That's it. Then we are free of this barren land.

"Hey Tris! Are you ok?" I can hear the concern laced in Uriah's voice. I clear my throat. It hurts.

"Yea. I'm fine. just tired"

"Do you want to stop for a little bit? There's some shade over there. I can keep watch while you sleep."

"No. No. I'll be fine. I don't want to stop out here. We need to get to Chicago as soon as possible. You never know when Evelyn's minions will come looking for us."

"Alright." Uriah looks at me warily before taking the lead and walking on.

Do I want to stop? Of course I do. But we can't. We need to get to Dauntless. I need to see Tobias and Christina and everyone. So does Uriah. I won't slow us down.

A/N: So like I get that I'm a shitty person for not posting in a really long time and then when I do the chapters aren't even that long. I'm having trouble figuring out how I want to incorporate all the new characters I want to.

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