Chapter 1: Not My Secret
Gracie
My footsteps echoed off the corridor's stone walls. Out the window was a cloud cover that hung heavy over the castle grounds. An uncontrollable shiver ran down my back, prickling hairs as it traveled. I suddenly regretted leaving my extra jumper in the dorms and I tugged the flaps of my jacket and the straps of my book bag closer to my body. Don't get me wrong, rain itself is quite lovely. It's distinct pitter-patter always calms me, but it was a particularly chilly Saturday morning with a gloom that almost ensured a dull rest of the weekend.
I had taken to helping Madam Pomfery organize and take inventory of her potions and bandages every so often, influenced mainly by a need for something to do. I am a fairly early riser, which is great on school days, but usually leaves me with nothing but boredom on the weekends while my friends sleep in. Hence why I was headed towards the Hospital Wing while the majority of the school still lay snuggled under their blankets. The expectation that most the school was still sleeping is why I was so startled to run into someone while turning the last corner.
"Oops! Sorry about that…" I stuttered while finding my balance, glancing upwards, "...Severus."
"Where are you headed to in such a hurry?" he drawled.
God, his voice annoys me. Still, I smiled cheerily, "The Hospital Wing," I pointed to the doors a few feet away. "I like to help Madame Pomfrey every once in a while. I should get going, sorry again for trampling you!" emphasizing the word "trampling" intending to be a joke seeing as a girl of my height could not have possibly come close to knocking him over. Needless to say, I got no response out of him. Worth a try, I thought.
Instead, I was met with what could only be described as a grimace that quickly turned into a smirk. "I'd be careful in there if I were you. Wouldn't want a pretty little thing like you getting turned into something evil and despicable."
"Excuse me?" Now I was plain confused, "How do you mean? Is there something dangerous In the Hospital Wing?" I was starting to slightly panic. What is he talking about?
"You know, one little bite would do. Then a monster forever." He seemed to take pleasure in his little secret he was sharing. It dawned on me what he was talking about, or more accurately who.
"Excuse me?!" I said again; only this time it was probably more of a screech. Bitterness dripped from my mouth, "I don't know what you think you are talking about, but if you are saying what I think you are saying, I would like to make sure you know that a rumor of that severity should never leave your mouth again!"
He couldn't possibly know, could he? Unfortunately, my silent question was answered. "Just a rumor is it? You are in the Hospital Wing all the time; surely you know that he's a werewolf," he smirked , I hated that smirk.
Play the oblivious card, Gracyn. "I haven't a clue what you mean." I said as innocently as possible while still trying to control the anger teaming inside.
"You may be a Gryffindor, but I hadn't labeled you as an idiot quite yet," he snarled. "That Lupin boy, he's a werewolf and you know it."
My face paled, Shit, he knows. Maybe he's just looking for confirmation. Don't give it to him. I composed myself and kept to the appalled and oblivious approach, "Jesus to Merlin, are you mad? How could you possibly toss that accusation around so carelessly? There's absolutely no bloody way that Remus Lupin of all people could be a werewolf. Besides who cares, everyone knows that werewolves are still human." I'm sure there was a glint in my eye as I took the opportunity to mock him, "You may be a Slytherin, but I hadn't labeled you as an idiot quite yet," I sneered. Ha! Right back at ya' asshole.
"Hmm, maybe I should reconsider your intelligence if you are willing to be so ignorant in the presence of a monster-"
I cut him off, "Shut it, you know absolutely nothing. Not about Lupin and certainly not about how to be a decent human being. Rumors like this shouldn't even exist in the first place! Don't you dare speak another word of this nonsense to anybody." I tightened my grip around my wand that I had reached for from my back pocket, "Or I will personally see to it that you'll be spending some of your own time in the Hospital Wing." I hissed, trying to be as intimidating as possible.
I guess I wasn't intimidating enough because he let out a low, condescending chuckle of disbelief. I don't know what came over me. Maybe I was fed up with his obvious doubt of my abilities or maybe I was especially horrified about the possibility that he would release Remus' secret. Probably a mix of both to be honest. Anyways, I did something I had never done before.
"Ugh!" a mix between a huff and a cry of frustration was released while I let a hex fly out of my wand aimed right at Snape's face. The words "Slimy Git" ran across his forehead in what I could only hope were painful sores.
"Oops," I said smugly. "Hospital Wing's that way. Do try not to underestimate me next time." I kept a brave face on while I was internally panicking over what I had just done.
He looked livid, brandishing his wand he gasped, "Why you little mud-"
"Mister Snape! That is quite enough." Thank god Pomfrey to the rescue, I thought he was going to kill me. "Come here this instant," she demanded in a tone that I knew, from years of assisting her, meant business.
"Look what she did to me!"
"Tsk tsk, blaming the first student you see for your own misfortunes is a low road to travel," Madam Pomfrey bit back. I caught her eye and realized she had heard the entire conversation. She knew why I had hexed him, and for the first time in Hogwarts history, she was going to ignore the rash decision to hex another student. I'd probably still get a lecture later but at least I wasn't getting detention.
She pulled him into the Hospital Wing, and I followed. Speeding past both of them as they stopped at the first hospital bed, I hurried to the back-supply closet. Finally, I could breathe without the presence of a complete and total jerk. I heard the door click open, thinking it was Pomfrey I turned around in a rush to give a hasty apology, "I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have done that- "I froze. That was not the school nurse. "Sirius?" Shit. "Have you been in the Hospital Wing the whole time?" He nodded and pointed to the closed curtains where I knew Remus was lying. Well I might as well admit what I've figured out now that he's heard all of that. I sighed, "Don't tell Remus I know. Not yet. I should tell him myself. Also, I apologize that you had to hear that squabble out front. Goodness, he is such an inconsiderate git!"
I thought he was going to be cross with me, hell maybe he would obliviate me, so I added, "I've known for a while and I haven't said anything. Nor will I ever, it is not my secret to share." Instead there was silence and then a chuckle, "Nice aim. You really got him good. Almost marauder worthy." I thought I was off the hook but then he continued, "I just wanted to tell you that I wasn't the only one who heard that conversation," he nodded his head towards the curtains and I felt the blood leave my face before rushing back all at once. "He's awake. This would be a good opportunity to go tell Remus yourself."
Crap. He laughed again. "I said that out loud, didn't I?" Ugh why do I do this to myself?
"Yeah, you did." only this didn't come from Sirius. It came from the scratchy and tired voice of Remus Lupin. "Crap!" I repeated. I felt my cheeks flush even more as I looked to the ceiling.
Taking a deep calming breath, I trained my ears trying to listen to the rain on the windows, giving myself a moment before marching on to more embarrassment. I approached the curtains and looked back at Sirius who gave an irritatingly enthusiastic thumbs up, obviously reveling in my discomfort. I shook my head, rolling my eyes in mock distaste before asking, "knock, knock, may I come in?"
"Yes, you may," I opened the curtain to an exhausted-looking boy, "just close them behind you and muffliato it will you please?"
I was stunned. Not by the bandages covering his arms and chest, or by the scars that peeped out from under the dressings. I had seen him like this plenty of times when Pomfery would rush in and out of his designated area. I was shocked that despite everything that had just happened, the full moon being the night prior and the argument outside the Hospital Wing, he was still the polite Remus Lupin everyone knew and loved. My mouth had run a little dry. Figures, my mouth has been hanging open like an idiot. I closed it immediately, cast the muffliato, and became hyper-aware of the awkward silence between us. Guess this is it. This is where I die of complete embarrassment.
"So, you know?" he asked tentatively.
"Yes, I know." I sighed in defeat.
"How long have you known?"
"Since 4th year, so close to two years now."
"And you never said anything?"
"Well, to be fair, we don't speak much and I figured that you wouldn't want to talk to me out of fear that I would ask why you were in the Hospital Wing so much, so I kind of just let it go. If you wanted to tell me, for some unknown reason at that, I'm sure you would have made the effort to on your own. Regardless, I'm sorry I didn't let you know and I hope that the… debate I had with Snape didn't give anything away," I rambled.
He gave a small smile, one where only the sides of his lips turned up. It only lasted a second before fading into a grim line. With his eyelashes glinting in the flickering light of the nearby torch I could truly see how broken he looked, not from the scars and the dressings, but from the bags under his eyes and the sickly green tint of his skin. "You're not afraid of a monster like me?"
My heart gave a twinge as remorse washed over me. I took his hand in mine, "No, Remus. I could never be afraid of you and you are no monster." I half whispered. "We may not talk much, but I have watched you grow up with me since first year. You help pick up books when they topple over, you give first years directions, and don't think I don't know you're the mastermind behind some of the most brilliant pranks. You are a caring, selfless man with a heart of gold and the most intelligent humor." I remembered something I had learned from Lily and gave a small chuckle, "Besides, from what I hear, you are the only reason that your dorm isn't a pigsty. How could I be afraid of someone who compulsively cleans? It would be like being afraid of Lily! Although, it may be wise to watch out for her temper." I put on a contemplative face, "I take that back, I'm afraid of Lily sometimes. Never of you though."
He seemed slightly doubtful, but relieved just as well. He switched back to my inquiry about Snape and my beg for forgiveness, "Madam Pomfrey seems to have let you off the hook, so I suppose I will too," a hint of teasing gleaned in his eyes. "And don't worry, Snape already knows due to the stupidity of a friend. Speaking of which, don't tell Sirius I called him stupid, I'll never hear the end of it." I let out a giggle and released the remaining unease.
There were a few beats of comfortable silence before I decided to ask him what was circling in my mind, "You wouldn't mind if I kept you company? I've already checked the supply closet and it's as tidy as I left it last. Really, you could just sleep, and I can catch up on some reading. I would feel a little guilty leaving you lonesome now that you know that I know. If you're uncomfortable with that it's totally fine and I can just get Sirius or James or someone, but I figure that maybe switching it up would be nice." Wait, don't let him take that the wrong way! Frantically I tried to recover, "Not that your friends aren't nice or that you need to change it up if you don't want to," You're making it worse! Bail, Gracie, bail! "Oh my goodness I need to stop talking!" There goes the comfortable silence. Good going, Gracyn.
He mustered up enough strength to give my hand, that was still with his own, a firm squeeze, successfully stopping all word vomit from leaving my mouth. I just stared at him waiting for a response, "That would be great, Gracie, thank you."
I smiled, and with that we both settled in, him with his head upon his pillow and me with a book from my bag. Not once did we speak in the hours to follow and even as he slept, not once did his hand leave mine.