'I'm looking forward to 2022 with you', Phil muttered along with the soft music playing in the background. In front of him, there were at least 3 or 4 rows of seats filled with friends and family of Dan Howell. The person that had changed Phil's life, the person he had loved, and the person whose coffin now stood all the way in front of the crowd that sniffed into their handkerchiefs.
They were marble statues, cold and hard. Expressions like masks plastered onto their faces. Phil was a glass puppet, see-through and fragile. Broken and shattered. Tears streamed down his face, but he managed to keep his sobs quiet. He was already a stranger here.
Suddenly, everything went completely silent. Katherine's voice kept singing and started a new song, but the sad words didn't get through to Phil's confused mind. He looked up, startled by the sudden lack of noise.
Then, he realized it was his turn to speak. He had volunteered earlier that day, but now, with all those people he had never talked to, he doubted he would be able to say something that made sense.
Phil got up from his seat and slipped through the mass of people. He climbed the three steps leading to the mic, but then managed to trip over his own feet, resulting in him almost falling over onto the first row of people. He wiped his eyes, adjusted his glasses and started to talk.
'Dan was…', he cleared his throat, his voice was raspy and hoarse but he kept talking. 'Dan was… special. I guess. It's hard to describe. I've known him for 6 years, and we had so much left to do. It's not fair. He knew me better than anyone else. It used to be just Phil. But then, he found the courage to travel all the way to Manchester, just to be able to meet me. I'm so grateful for that. From that moment on, it was Dan and Phil.
'Sure, people knew us separately. On our own we were something. But together we were everything. We made videos, had a job at the BBC, we even made a book. It's almost unreal how much we achieved together. I never could have done this without him.
He was, and still is, the kindest person I've ever met. Yes, I know, he is the most socially awkward noodle to have ever walked this planet. but all you had to do was dig a little bit deeper. If you look past the memes and the ironic jokes, he is an amazing human being. There was just a smile, a shoulder to cry on, encouraging words.
'He always said I was the stronger one, I think it's the other way around. I helped him through the dark years in his life, that's true. But without him I would have collapsed. He supported me, even when no one else would. He didn't mind people being themselves. I remember once he said: "What do you mean, not myself? Who else am I supposed to be?"'
Phil smiled, remembering Dan standing in front of PJ with his hands on his hips. Newspaper pages were stuck all over his face. Dan was an actor, he didn't need anyone to tell him what role he had to play. Not even PJ.
'Hey Dan?' He half-yelled, looking at the ceiling, 'I hope you like it up there! We'll never forget you. Your channel's going to get a proper last video, our radio show is simply going to carry on, but no one will ever forget you. You'll always be in our minds.
'My heart has a special room, for you and you alone. I'm forever grateful I got to spend 6 full years with you. I might not be good with words, but I have one last thing to say to you…'
Phil formed his hands into a heart, still holding his head up high.
' This was the most fun I've ever had… Goodbye Bear.'