Chapter 5: Crossroads

There was a change in scenery scheduled for Kursed's day. She stood on the observation deck of her employer's private dreadnought. The inky void of space stretched infinitely in all directions, dotted with innumerable stars. Small asteroids floated into view. They signalled that the ship was approaching their destination.

The Herald was nothing like the Great Fox. Most of the crew meant nothing to Kursed; and their special passengers meant even less. Yet, it did remind Kursed of how her life started as a mercenary. It was all that she knew how to do after her family, home, and culture all vanished in a flaming ball of shattered earth.

Her brief time with Star Wolf had a few charms, although it ultimately held no important comparison over Star Fox. Only Panther expressed anything beyond cold professionalism towards her. Maybe Kursed would have heeded Fox's apologies if she hadn't found comfort with the other man. In the end, she broke both of their hearts.

After fleeing the galaxy and recreating herself, Kursed operated alone. It was convenient that way. No one could hurt her, and she had no one left to hurt. Then the spirits threw Fox back into her life. Selfishly, Kursed indulged his offer to work together on more than one bounty. She wanted to feel close to him; close to anybody; once again. Kursed remembered hesitating when Fox then asked her out. Had it been right for her to accept? To keep accepting time and time again, even as the question became 'will you marry me?' Until recently, she thought she had known the answer to that.

Kursed expected their past problems to repeat themselves. Yet, when Marcus was born, it was Fox who gave up bounty hunting to raise their son at home. It surprised Kursed completely. He allowed her to continue working as she pleased with only one condition: that she never worked alone. Thus, Kursed found a crew to join, continuing to hunt and fight to her darkened heart's content.

Fox's greatest concern while she was Krystal had been her safety. As Kursed, he never spoke about the dangers of her work. This change in attitude came off as suspicious. So, Kursed began pushing some boundaries. She took riskier jobs, frequented less savoury hunting grounds, and disappeared from home for longer intervals with no contact. No matter what Kursed did, though, Fox said nothing. She would walk through the front door and, if he were awake, Fox would turn to welcome her with a loving smile. That was until that one night when Marcus was two years old…

Her target had been a slippery bastard. He had eluded Kursed's team for four straight days across multiple planets. By the time she returned home with her share of the bounty, it was past two in the morning. Kursed crept through the door hoping not to wake Fox. She heard crying in the living room.

Marcus slept in his lap. Holding their son, Fox wept on the couch, oblivious to Kursed hiding behind the wall. She reached to his mind, thinking that she would be safe. The stress born from his fear and worry for her burned Kursed like a hot iron. She drew back instantly and waited tearfully for Fox to call her out. When he didn't, Kursed finally made her presence known. The redness in Fox's eyes as he looked up almost destroyed her. She ran up to him and took Fox into her arms, where they bawled into each other's shoulders. As Marcus woke and cried, Kursed held him to her breast, rocking and kissing him with an endless string of apologies to her son and husband. She never took another high-risk contract after that, and always called home regularly whenever she went away on a long job.

Over the following eight years, Kursed took up permanent employment on-world under Morgen Salvatore, the CEO of a multi-planetary weapons manufacturer. Salvatore was a cold businesswoman with plenty of enemies, but she paid well for protection and respected Kursed as both a mother and skilled markswoman. The hours would often run long, though Kursed could always go home to her family at the end of the day.

"Yo, Reinard!" A booming voice snapped Kursed out of her daze. To her right, a hulking rhino waved as she approached her. "You ready for one hell of a weapons demonstration?"

"Hey, Winters," Kursed sighed back. "Sure. Looking forward to blowing up asteroids while a bunch of military suits kiss Salvatore's ass."

Winters tilted her head to one side. "You feeling okay, baby girl? You seem a bit off today."

"I'm fine." Alas, Winters was renowned for sticking her nose in more than just peoples' sternums. Kursed chose to cut the crap this time. "I'm just dealing with some shit at home, is all."

"You and hubby aren't having a domestic, are you?"

"No, nothing like that," Kursed shook her head. "I've just been hiding… some dirty laundry from my family. But… I found out from Fox last night that my laundry's been on display for a while now."

"Ooh," Winters winced. "Shit, sister. What else did Fox say?"

"That he understands… That he's sorry that he didn't talk to me about it sooner… All the kinds of things that make me wish he would just kick and scream at me instead."

"How bad is this dirty laundry?"

"It's bad. It's really bad." Kursed tried not to cry where others could see her. "It's so bad that I can't even tell you about it."

"Well, whatever it is, it sounds like Fox wants to work through it with you," Winters said. "What are you going to do?"

What was she going to do? Kursed racked what little of her brain wasn't currently curled up in the foetal position. Wolf O'Donnell had taunted Fox by revealing that she had masterminded Star Wolf's double-cross on Titania. His later announcement to the solar system branded Krystal as a traitor to Lylat's beloved hero. She never saw it, but she could only imagine the hurt and disbelief on Fox's face. At first, Krystal took satisfaction at the thought. Though after the deed was done and the people began to whisper, Krystal could only think of Fox with unrelenting remorse. It became too difficult to gaze into the mirror without the jeers hissing in her ears.

For years, she had done her best to move forward and make things work with Fox. Yet now that the scaffold of secrets had broken away, there was nothing to stop her regrets from caving in on her. They crushed her underneath, suffocating Kursed.

What should she do? What could she do? How could she go back to Fox and expect to live their lives with those painful feelings between them now out in the open? She couldn't bear the shame. It was too much!

She thought about running. Escaping to yet another galaxy and hiding herself away again. However, Kursed thought of Marcus. She couldn't leave him; not when he was just now developing his gifts. Should she take him with her? How could she even consider doing that to Fox?! That was the exact kind of scheming that got her into this mess in the first place! Kursed pulled her hair through her fingers. What other choices did she have?!

Kursed couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears burst forth from her, pooling into her hands. She felt Winter's burly arms pull her to her breast. Kursed cried all over her body armour.

"It's okay, Kursed… It's okay," Winters hushed, stroking her back. "I got you. I got you."

Kursed owed Winters big-time for finding a more private place on the ship for her meltdown. After ten minutes alone in a small room, Winters returned with a tray of coffees and sweets from the mess hall. She laid them atop the table and sat across from Kursed.

"Go on," she pointed to the muffins. "Eat up."

The taste of blueberries helped Kursed feel a little more at ease. She chewed slowly, dragging out the process before finding the strength to swallow.

"Better?" Winters asked. A single nod was all that Kursed could manage. "Come on, Reinard. Tell me what's wrong. We're out here on an important job and I can't have you breaking down on me."

Kursed shook her head. "I can't."

"Well, you can't keep this to yourself either. Whatever it is, it's killing you. Please just let me try to help."

Maybe she was so battered down that Kursed couldn't fight anymore. Maybe in her heart, she knew that she needed someone from the outside to guide her. "Promise you won't hate me?"

"Ah, girl… Now you really got me worried for you." Winters sighed as she crossed her heart. "I promise. No judgements from me, and nothing you say leaves this room. That good enough?"

It would have to be. Taking several breaths, Kursed forced herself to confide in Winters. She spared no details. It seemed to take ages to get everything out. The entire time, Winters sat and listened. Her eyes widened now and then, but she didn't say a word until Kursed finished.

"Shit, Reinard…" Winters wiped her brow. "That's some baggage to be carrying around. I'm sorry I didn't know you went through all that."

"I brought this all upon myself," Kursed whimpered. "Spirits, I been such a stubborn bitch for so long. I let my emotions get ahead of my brain, and now my whole life is fucked up! Now that I know that Fox knows who I am, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do about it."

A giant, grey hand consumed hers. For all its size, Kursed only felt the slightest pressure. "Kursed, let me tell you this: Fox was an ass when this all started. I won't deny it. But from what I also know, he's done everything he can think of to make things up to you. He gave up everything he's passionate about to take care of your kid and let you do your own thing. Fox was a dumbass. But he was a dumbass who learned to be better."

"This isn't about Fox!" Kursed hissed. "I know that he's grown up and become a better person! But while he's changed for the better, all I've done is change for the worst!"

"Hey! Don't give me that," Winters snapped. "You're a good mom and a loving wife. Sure, you made a bad decision that mucked everything up; but you've done the best that you could with what you had since then. The fact that you're so bent out of shape over this is proof that you're not as much of a heinous bitch as you think you are."

Kursed wiped her eyes and sighed. "But what am I supposed to do?"

"Do you love Fox?"

"I do."

"Does he love you?"

"I… I don't…"

"Don't bullshit me! He knew who you were, and remembered what you did, and he still asked you to marry him! Now try again. Does he love you?"

Kursed shivered. "He does."

"And do you want to be with him for the rest of your lives?"

"I don't know if I can…"

"I didn't say 'can.' I said 'want.' Now, do you want to be with him?"

Lest she be scolded again, Kursed thought carefully. Her fingers brushed over the golden ring she wore. She began to think of how her life became after Fox blasted back into it. At first, their professional relationship was like walking on eggshells. The slightest misstep could shatter the masquerade that Kursed hid so desperately behind.

Then Fox invited her to that bar. She had been terrified that he'd recognise her right away. He must have during that brief moment when he gaped at her like an idiot. Instead of speaking out, Fox recovered quickly and smiled throughout the night as though nothing was amiss. They talked; they joked; they swapped stories, even though Kursed knew Fox's already from having been there herself. It was what assured her that her secret was safe.

The longer that she and Fox spent together afterwards, the greater the impact he had on Kursed. He made it easier to collect the bounties that would have been tough as nails on her own. He took watch as they drifted in hostile space so that Kursed could sleep better. Fox also saved her tail more than a few times; and talked Kursed out of her more renegade tactics, through which she might have regretted the innocent bystanders who got hurt as a means to an end.

In their downtime, Fox often coaxed Kursed out of their safehouse for a few hours. They dined, they danced, they watched movies together, and took long walks along the coastline. Sometimes they cruised across the stars in their fighters, racing each other on occasion like the good old days. Fox taught Kursed how to smile, laugh, play, love, and enjoy life in the ways that she had forgotten how to. He brought her back from her darkness. Despite of all his faults and lies, Fox was her shining beacon in this cold universe.

While the devils in her brain howled one thing, the voice inside her heart whispered something that Kursed wanted to profess. "I do."

Winters smiled, nodding. "Then you go back home, and you talk things out with your man."

"I don't know what good will come of it."

"You won't know until you talk to him. Fox is a good fella. Maybe not the most sensible, but he's a good one. Don't you ever think about leaving him again." Winters then smirked. "Because if you do, I'm going to snatch him up. And you and I both know that he's gonna break after one use."

Kursed burst out laughing. "You bitch!"

"Don't want me to have him? Go and claim him! It's that simple."

Shaking her head, Kursed gave a genuine smile. "Thank you, Winters. I've spent so long trying to deal with my problems on my own. I really needed some help when I got stuck."

Winters smiled as she stroked Kursed's wrist with half of her thumb. "Anytime, girlfriend," she said sweetly. "And if Fox ever gets another dumb idea into his head, you call on me to smack it out of him. Got that?"

It became funny to stand back in the Great Fox and imagine Winters towering over pig-headed, self-righteous Fox McCloud, daring him to question Krystal's place on his team. Kursed giggled again and felt lighter than she ever had in years.

"Got it. Thanks."

Author's note:

The end is almost in sight.