It had been weeks since he had spoken to Rey. Their connection had not faltered, much to the disbelief of them both. Kylo wondered if Snoke had lied about puppeteering their connection, as his death had done nothing but strengthen and magnify the effects of their bond. When they were thrown together from across the galaxy, Kylo swore he could smell the scent of stale rations and feel the brush of warm, mechanical air against his cheeks. He saw how Rey flinched when he was standing on the bridge listening to Hux throw arguments across the space towards him, and he swore she heard him, too.
Each time they connected through their bond, the timing was poor. Kylo was most frequently on the bridge when her presence brushed against the back of his neck and the inside of his mind, alerting him to the activation. It was quite difficult attempting to drive fear into the hearts of his officers, and confidence into the minds of the First Order sponsors when she was watching him.
Often, Kylo interrupted Rey while she was busy planning, discussing or fixing machinery with others. He could sometimes hear fragmented whispers of those she spoke with, enough to know that she spent much of her time with the traitor and the Resistance Pilot, as well as the BB Unit that led him to her in the first place. A jealous rage burned within his heart, and he wished nothing more than to sever the connection to destroy the way she made him feel.
The hurt of rejection frequently coursed through his being after the waves of rage subsided, leaving a hollow loneliness within his chest he didn't realise had begun to be filled somewhere along the line.
Rey would never speak or spare him a glance while she was in the company of the rebels, but he often saw her flinch as anger filled his being and spewed through their connection. Instead of recoiling from those emotions, she would gently enter his mind, filling a small space within, soothing and familiar as if to prove him wrong, to tell him that he wasn't alone.
He could feel her emotions as though they were his own. She was still in shock at their last encounter; the hope that she had lost in Ben aboard the Finalizer had begun to re-emerge, as she felt the changes within his words and within his heart.
The anger that filled her after Luke had become one with the force begun to dissipate, as he felt her reconcile his motives for hating Luke so overwhelmingly. The darkness he had felt beginning to roll from her had also diluted; it was still there, but it didn't seem to be as intense as it was before. He often wondered how someone who walked so fully within the light was able to be so readily encompassed by darkness. It scared him at the same time he marvelled at it.
Despite this, the days passed slowly and the strain on their already foreign relationship steadily increased. The bags under Rey's eyes deepened and she begun to curl into herself, her shoulders slumping as though an invisible weight was crushing her moment by moment. The concern he held for her was mirrored within her own mind; the same dark circles underneath Rey's eyes were paralleled in his own face. He could feel the strain of physical and mental exhaustion within them both, a rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter through the force, drawing himself and Rey further apart.
With the newly completed Dreadnaught tested and deemed ready for travel, Kylo, General Hux and the remaining army and crew had relocated their command to the larger vessel. Once control had passed to the Guillotine, signals from Crait's Rebel base were decrypted by analysists at Kylo's order in an attempt to discover where the remnants of the resistance were taking refuge. Hux had advised that they send several smaller Star Destroyers to the Outer Rim to raze possible allies to the Resistance and discover where the Last Jedi was hiding.
Kylo refused his advice, which seemed more like a thinly veiled order, and made a show of exerting his position and power over General Hux, who seemed to become more self-assured as the days passed.
Instead, Kylo ordered the entire remaining fleet to enter hyperspace and occupy the Outer Rim, to intimidate those within the region into submission of the First Order.
What Kylo failed to reveal was his true intentions, fiercely guarding everything about the connection with Rey from those within the Order, particularly from Hux. Kylo feared that charging Hux or another high-ranking commander with the task of finding Rey would result in complete obliteration of whatever rock she wanted to hide herself on.
He could not allow that to happen.
Not when he had only just begun to understand the ebb and flow of the dark and light within his chest, the balance of the two within the grey, and where he had begun to truly feel a lack of conflict, as though he was not being ripped in two.
Their journey into hyperspace towards the Outer Rim had just begun, and Kylo had finally found himself in his quarters after twelve hours in meetings with sponsors, attempting to gain more funds for the First Order, and planning the actions they would take once they exited hyperspace.
Their order was to occupy the upper atmosphere of several planets of interest without using their limited resources to destroy what may be resistance sympathisers. Kylo argued, and further enforced his will, under the guise that they could force supporters to submit through presence alone, and flush out anyone who would dare to cross them, including the scavenger.
He could sense within the minds of his higher-ranking officers that some thought he was being much more level-headed as the new Supreme Leader, however most others believed he was a coward, a child with the power to crush the final remnants of the resistance but not understanding how.
It had taken much of his strength to quash that sentiment from the minds of those who dared believe it, calling to the darkness that surrounded him and sending it in a flood through the minds of every single individual aboard the Guillotine.
Dropping heavily onto his bed, he had begun to shut his eyes with fatigue when he sensed her. He pushed away the feelings of lethargy and stood upright, coming face to face with a tear-stricken Rey.
Fear and pain filled his heart at the sight, every nerve within his body wanting and needing to encircle her small frame, fiercely protecting her from the world around.
He did not anticipate the words she spoke next, and everything within his body seemed to implode.
"Leia is dying, Ben… We… We don't think she has long…"
Kylo stared at her, looking for any trace of deceit, but there was nothing but pain and heartache radiating from her mind.
He stumbled past her, shaking his head in disbelief.
"No… No, I saw… I saw her… She died, she was… Murdered…" He choked the final word from his dry throat; he hadn't murdered her, but he had intended to. He had been so close to pulling the trigger…
"She did not die, Ben. But the impact of being in the vacuum of space, and losing… Losing Luke… It has taken too much from her… She fell into another coma after… Now her life signs, they are starting to weaken… There is nothing we can do…" Rey begun to sob silently, fresh tears cascading down her swollen cheeks.
Kylo couldn't listen. His heartbeat seemed to radiate within his ears, and he found it difficult to breathe, let alone respond. His vision begun to cloud, and he let out a strangled cry, throwing himself against the wall of his quarters in pain. In anger. In loss.
Kylo pummelled his fists into the walls, opening freshly healed wounds and causing blood to drip from his clenched fists. He pulled his fists back in preparation to slam them against the blood-splattered walls again, when they stopped halfway through the air.
He opened his eyes, tears that had brimmed them now flowing freely as his blurry vision settled on Rey, who had pushed herself in between him and the wall, holding his wrists with all the strength she could muster.
The rage subsided once more and only left that gaping hole within his chest, the hollow loneliness he desperately wanted to rid himself from. He wrenched his bloody and broken hands from Rey's grip and dropped to the ground, sobs wracking his chest.
He could feel the darkness writhing all around him, encompassing him as it grew from his fear, his regret, his guilt and the rage at himself that seemed to burn him alive. It gave him strength as he fed from it, but before it could completely devour him he felt a calloused hand on his cheek, and another wave consumed him, though this time it didn't come from him.
This time, it wasn't darkness.
He could feel Rey offering him her light, sending it crashing against his soul. He felt as though he should drown amongst it, but it wasn't a harsh tide. It was overwhelming, yet it was gentle and tender in its approach.
Rey was sending waves of emotions and memories through the bond, and with each hesitation, with each relapse into the darkest abyss, she countered it.
He pushed against her with his guilt, with his regret at everything he had put his mother through, but she countered.
"I still have hope. My son is still alive. My son is still inside him. Bring him back to us."
He saw Leia, her face full of hope as she looked at Rey, a vivid memory. She sent her own feelings of hope through the bond, beginning to fill the hole within his chest.
Disappointment and hurt quickly rose within him and he offered the darkness of his loneliness and the hatred of himself to her. Rey's breath hitched as the darkness almost overwhelmed her, but she sent a memory through his mind that caused him to gasp instead.
"Ben… We are not alone…" A spark of something she had not quite felt before, something she had not quite grasped the understanding of flooded her being and she kissed him, relishing the coolness of his skin under her warm lips. Then he was gone, the loss of his presence causing a frantic pain within her chest, and a determination that rose within her like a levee about to break.
Kylo's eyes focused on Rey as she knelt in front of him, her hand on his cheek and eyes imploring his own as though she were trying to decipher the workings behind them. He could feel everything within her heart as though they were one and the same, and he opened himself up completely to her, letting everything bleed through their bond.
Fear. Hope. Pain. Belonging. Anger. Love. Passion. Compassion. Loneliness. Happiness.
Balance, and the grey within it all.
Kylo moved his palm to her cheek, forgetting about the blood drying within the creases of his fingers. He needed more of her. He needed to drink in the grey that was pulsating between them both, as though his life depended on it.
The grey. The balance. The belonging. The loss. The hope. The fear. The love.
Oh Force, the love, he sighed within his mind. She felt that and instead of countering it, she flooded him with the love she felt. The love for her friends, the love for Leia, and the love, a timid and exciting love for him.
Just like that, the balance of the force extinguished, and it left them both breathless.
Light rising and dark to meet it.
Except that was completely light, Kylo thought incredulously. His wide eyes were still trained on hers, both trying to understand what was happening.
"Ben… That was..."
"What you've wanted all along, I suppose. For me to embrace the light." Kylo's words were far away from the bitterness he usually cloaked himself in. He sounded despondent and downtrodden.
"No… I mean, I thought that was what I wanted… But it… It didn't feel quite right…" Kylo's eyes snapped back to hers, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown.
What?
She felt his confusion through the bond, and she stood, gently taking his hands in hers to help him upright.
"Let me clean your wounds, Ben. There's blood everywhere." He nodded, trying to decipher her words as she rushed to the nearest drawers and begun to rustle through haphazardly. In her mild panic and in his shock, they both failed to realise what had just happened until Rey brought back several pieces of fabric and some water.
Kylo stared at her with wide eyes and jaw slackened, his composure shattered. How had she done that?
"Ben, what is it?" As soon as the words left her mouth she glanced to the dark fabrics within her grasp and snapped her head upwards at her surroundings.
She could see his surroundings, not her own.
"How are you doing this?" Kylo stood to his feet and glanced about him, making sure that he could still see his own surroundings.
"I-I don't know… Ben, how is it that this bond continues to strengthen? Have you learnt about these connections through any of your training?" Kylo shook his head slowly. He had never encountered information regarding force bonds; however, he knew that both Luke and Snoke did not trust him. Why would they have taught him about anything of this calibre?
Kylo opened his mouth to tell Rey as much, but the intercom at his door begun to beep insistently. Within the time it took for his eyes to flick to the door of his quarters and back to Rey, she was gone.
He snatched his gloves from where he had discarded them before he planned on sleeping, and ignoring the pain that shot through his hands, he covered the blood that had since dried and sculpted his face into the new mask he wore for his followers.
That mask stayed in place even while General Hux informed his Supreme Leader that the Knights of Ren would be joining them in the Outer Rim once they exited hyperspace.
Kylo was sure he felt fresh blood dripping into his gloves as he clenched his fists in a difficult attempt to stop himself from crushing Hux with his bare hands.
Pure fear begun to slither within his chest and strangle his lungs, a fear that he hadn't felt since the night Luke had betrayed him.
He was afraid for his own safety, but the image of Rey's face that flashed within his mind told him where his panic was truly founded.
Rey was in more danger than he could have foreseen, and he needed to think of a plan.
I sincerely apologise for my delayed update! I have just finished moving houses, have started two new jobs AND have had a minor pet emergency so the last six weeks have been super hectic. Now that I am settled and I have a bit more spare time since moving, I should be able to update every two weeks. I am looking to have this story finished at the 20 chapter mark as well, but we will see how that pans out. Anyway, I hope everyone has been well and thank you for your patience! xx