Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Fairy Tail
Being trapped within a lacrima was both like being asleep, and also not. It was like being asleep in the sense that Zeref had no concept of his body. Mentally, he was active and able to think, but he could not move nor witness the world around him with any of his senses. Yet, it wasn't like being asleep because Zeref could control his thoughts. There were no images created by his mind, and yet, he felt as if he could recall every instance of being trapped in this state. After all, it was likely one of the most peaceful moments of his life in a long time. There was no curse, and there were no worries over who would be near as he lingered in this lacrima. All he had were his thoughts, which often contemplated what he would do if Levy actually did manage to reverse the spell.
Usually, Zeref sided with the idea of attempting to persuade her to remain in Edolas with him. While it was unlikely she would do so, it would create a nearly ideal existence for him. He would have some variation of Natsu with him, and he would have the girl who was still growing more important to him the more he focused on her. He didn't know what it was about Levy that had intrigued him at first, but the more he thought about her, the stronger that intrigue became. When he asked her to consider him as a friend, he had faint hopes of that growing further in the future. Now, he was determined to change her opinions of him and create that future should he ever escape. Yet, once again, the curse was the largest dilemma to work around. Edolas would be the simplest solution, despite what it would likely do to her.
The other option would be to return to Earthland and decide from there. His curse would prevent him from approaching her at that point, which she would likely not mind given her more recent outburst towards him. Gaining her forgiveness for his threat would become rather difficult as a result, since he was quite doubtful that she would fully forgive him by the time she reversed the body switch he had established. Then again, why would she choose to reverse it? Thoughts of this future were no more than fanciful dreams, meant to consume his time with some sort of pleasant ideas rather than depressing concepts he preferred to avoid. Deep down, he knew that this was likely going to be his fate for whatever remained of his eternity of a life. Deep down, he knew it was almost a poetic end for him, meeting the same fate as Mavis had nearly a century ago by being here.
How was it that without her even being here, Zeref still found himself growing more attached to Levy? He never would claim to understand emotions in anyone, much less his own. Zeref typically avoided focusing on them, but love was something he had never quite been able to avoid entirely. With Natsu, it had been there from the moment his brother was born. With Mavis, he was almost certain that affection grew when she tried to alleviate some of his suffering with her illusions, giving him the false sense of being near something living for a change. With Levy…Zeref still didn't know. She argued with him, but she also held a certain logic from the first moment he spoke with her. Unlike the rest of the wizards he'd come here with, she had been reasonable enough to agree to an alliance with him. She had been willing to work with him, despite having seen firsthand the kinds of things he was known for. Really, maybe it was as simple as that. Unlike Mavis who ignored the darkness of his past, Levy knew it was there and accepted him anyway. In some ways, that made him feel as if she was all the more important as a result.
Then again, hadn't she just rejected him before he went and did this? He didn't quite know what piece of that threat was worse than the entire war against her guild, but he supposed it was bound to happen eventually. Yet, it didn't stop him from longing for more time, believing it possible for her to just accept him as he was. He wished they could have simply remained as they were on that bench, not worrying about the war or her companions in this world. From what he knew of Levy, however, he knew she would not leave them quite so easily. That was why he was so certain she wouldn't stay with him in Edolas, after all.
Currently, he had no idea how long he'd been in here, thinking to himself about such things. There were periods of time when he simply try to meditate, but his mind would grow restless and begin thinking about other topics. When he felt too emotionally exhausted contemplating his own feelings for others, he would switch to theorizing more on magic. Thus far, he had been debating a way to slow down the draining of magic from Earthland into Edolas. Given that his goal was to stop the time rift he himself had created, he figured it was a suitable project for him. After all, it was fixing his own mistakes in some ways. Yet, to stop the process, it would require him to completely eliminate the time rift. Closing it might be impossible, given the unpredictable nature of the object, and controlling it might accomplish something, but only so long as the one controlling it had enough magic to preserve the spell. Though…he thought Dimaria had mentioned something about closing it, during his initial war plans, but he wasn't quite certain if she could. Without her, eliminating the time rift was the last option left, but it also eliminated his ability to utilize Neo Eclipse entirely, since it was based on the idea that the time rift allowed a more complete access to the time stream than the original Eclipse Gate had given him.
Even if that weren't a concern, the inner workings of the time rift made it inherently unstable to attempt to alter. As it currently was, there was little interference between it and the physical world, but Zeref's attempts to do anything with it could just worsen the problem. Really, was it even such an issue either? Equilibrium would be established eventually, and then both dimensions would have the same pool of shared magic to utilize as they pleased. Still, considering it gave him something to keep his mind active, which was his goal in his current predicament.
Yet again halted on ideas, Zeref began to relax his thoughts to simply rest in silence. It was oddly difficult to manage without a body, since there were no physical sensations to focus on instead. Really, pure silence was not quite as calming as he expected it to be. It was unnerving, making him wonder if something was going to suddenly shift and make him aware in this odd haze he was in. From experience thus far, he knew it was unlikely, but it didn't stop him from being rather concerned about that probability growing quite suddenly.
After some time passed, Zeref's own paranoia seemed to be proven true. It came suddenly, with a flash of light bursting through the darkness he sat within. Something shifted, and his thoughts were scattered and agitated. Whatever progress he had made towards emptying his mind vanished and he became aware of something throwing him out of the darkness. As hard as he tried to resist, nothing seemed to be able to reach out and hold onto his grasp in that peaceful darkness. A brief moment of contact with a familiar mind made him pause, lessening his struggle. Thank you, for giving me the chance to say goodbye. They're waiting for you, Zeref.
It was the other him. Was this the body switching spell again? He couldn't help but feel shocked at the thought. Yet, he didn't have time to adjust to the idea that he was returning either. In an instant, he felt cool air wash over him. Grass covered the ground he sat on; he had apparently collapsed during the spell. His eyes flashed open, and he saw greenery and life all around, quite a contrast to the darkness he had known.
His eyes burned at the sight. Why was he taken away from that blissful sleep? He didn't want to be back. Finally, he had found a way to at least end the suffering of those around him…and while his own contemplations might not have been entertaining, they were better than being surrounded with death. "Your majesty? Was the spell a success?" August? Zeref looked over, frowning for a moment. How was he here? Sitting up, he frowned and rubbed his head. Thinking of it further, when was the last time he had contemplated his relationship with his son? It had been a while. Zeref had at least managed to come to terms with that much during his meditation in that state.
Zeref didn't even answer, his mind lost to the fact that August's presence meant his message reached the wrong person it seemed. Yet, someone else did. "It…worked." He stiffened, his head spinning towards her. Levy's voice was out of breath, sounding exhausted. When he saw her, he could tell that she looked to be the same. She was leaning forward on her legs, panting heavily. However, when she saw Zeref look towards her, she gave him a slight glare. "How could you do something stupid like this? We…we were supposed to go back…together…" She trailed off, her voice losing its energy quickly.
"Levy! I told you, I should have been the one to cast the spell." He heard August's voice, oddly concerned as he was in motion long before Zeref. Levy was falling, and August got there just in time to lower her to the ground, avoiding physical injury. "This is not good. Your body attempted to utilize its own magic in the casting of the spell…and there is no way to recover here."
She nodded weakly, glancing over towards Zeref with a faint smile. "At least…it brought him back." No. Zeref stared at her, his mind racing to his thoughts from before. Hadn't he just set his goal on a future with Levy in it? Her dying of magic deficiency would not be meeting that goal. Rising to his feet, he moved towards her, brushing his hand over her cheek gently. He forced himself to give her a small smile, watching her eyes widen at his sudden proximity. She likely still hated him, but once they left, he would not be able to be close to her at all. He would have to keep his distance, and as such, this was his only chance to show her anything of how he felt.
Leaning down, he gently pressed his lips to hers. She was weak, and likely on the verge of passing out, but he had to know the feeling just once. She was small and soft, yet he had seen just how fierce she could be. Even on the verge of collapse, she tried to fight back for what she thought was right. Smiling, he pulled back and nodded at her. She was silent, and he said nothing to her either. Really, there was nothing to say that was of more importance than saving her.
Looking towards August, his smile vanished and turned into the cold, demanding expression he was accustomed to around the Spriggan Twelve. "Bring her back, now. She won't survive in Edolas, not in this state."
"Not…not without you…" Her voice was weak, still fighting to stay awake. For a moment, Zeref nearly refused. He didn't want to return. Yet, he would not force another delay on them for this debate. So, he simply nodded, keeping his gaze focused on August. He would not have come without a way to return.
The elderly wizard rose to his feet, moving closer and holding out a lacrima in his hand. "As you wish. Where would you like to bring her, your majesty? Her guild likely has healers for jobs such as—"
"For a case as severe as this?" Zeref shook his head, not trusting any of them to care for it properly. No, Levy needed the best, and he knew of exactly who would be capable of dealing with it. "No, we're bringing her to Irene. Her enchantments should be capable of transferring enough magical energy into Levy to stabilize her condition swiftly."
He left no room for debate, and August did not offer any. Instead, he simply activated the lacrima in his hand, and before long, Edolas vanished from Zeref's sight. Instead, he found himself standing back in Earthland, with the familiar sensation of his growing headache forming. Touching his head, Zeref grimaced for a moment, shaking his head. "Now, I take it Irene is in Vistarion? I do not have time to waste on searching for her."
Nodding, August lifted Levy into his arms. The girl had finally finished collapsing during their return trip, and her skin was pale and shaky in his arms. Seeing that, Zeref felt his jaw clench. This was his fault, for asking her to do this. She was right. He shouldn't have gone and done something so stupid and reckless, not without considering the full consequences. Looking away, Zeref swiftly created a teleportation circle on the ground below them. He saw a few people nearby notice his presence and pause, giving the usual reaction to recognizing him. Yet, they didn't matter. All that mattered was getting to Irene.
In an instant, Zeref, August, and Levy stood within Zeref's castle in Vistarion. The white walls were dimly illuminated with the lights in the throne room he had brought them to. Closing his eyes, he sensed for Irene's magic aura. Without a word, he turned towards a hallway. August followed, bringing Levy with him. Before long, he opened another door nearby, not even bothering to knock to announce his presence. Irene was inside, lounging in one of the chairs with her staff leaning against the wall. "Your majesty…welcome ba—"
"Not now." He interrupted her, nodding towards August. "You've dealt with magic deficiency before, correct?" Irene nodded, staring at the girl with wide eyes. "I want you to stabilize her condition. Failure will not be tolerated." Irene looked like she wanted to ask more questions, but Zeref narrowed his eyes at her and stared her down. "Do I make myself clear, Irene?"
She nodded, smiling faintly in amusement. "Of course, your majesty. No need to be quite so strict. I am your servant, after all." He nodded, giving Levy one last look before leaving the room. Irene would work better without interruptions, and it was safer for her if he wasn't nearby. Moving further down the hall, Zeref debated what to do next. However, he had only returned on a sudden impulse to save Levy. He had no plans, and no true thought as to what he was going to do next.
Standing next to him, August seemed to frown. "Is everything alright, your majesty?"
Again, he was reminded of the fact that he had raised his son to be like this. He may have accepted that it was his own doing, but it still did not make it any simpler to get over. "I cannot say. Part of me…part of me still wishes I was back there, in that lacrima. Everything was so peaceful like that…I could rest, and imagine a life where I was not suffering as I am now."
Nodding, August frowned for a moment. "I see. Such an idea is appealing, I suppose." He nodded, sitting down in the hall and leaning against the wall. Part of Zeref wanted to keep his distance, but he couldn't go far when he needed to have a quick update on Levy's condition after Irene was finished with the healing. "Yet, perhaps your suffering will be shortened soon." That made him frown, glancing towards August. He knew of the curse, so why did he suggest something so absurd? "See, certain circumstances forced me to utilize Irene's enchantment so that Levy could mimic you. After all, our truce was only valid so long as the others believed you had returned along with the Fairy Tail wizards." No. He felt sick, already imagining what she went through. Someone like Levy didn't deserve his curse. It was already bad enough that he had forced it on his other self.
"Why would you do such a thing to her? This curse isn't her—"
"She volunteered to do so." August spoke calmly, interrupting him with a faint frown. "Oddly, the curse never made an appearance for her. She took it upon herself to research why…and before we went to retrieve you, she informed me that she believes she discovered exactly why that was the case. From what I understand…Levy knows of a way to eliminate it entirely, your majesty."
That wasn't possible. At least, that was what his initial reaction was to say. Levy, as intelligent as she was, wouldn't be able to solve the mystery that had plagued him for four centuries. There were no journals or records of the details of this curse. Really, the closest thing he had ever discovered were children's books fantasizing what it truly was for younger readers. Such things never managed to fully display the true sorrow that came from isolating oneself as a result, or the weight of the guilt that came from not being able to stop yourself from killing those you care for. Zeref hated those feelings, and he never wanted them to return. Yet, was it possible she found something he had not? Part of him was afraid to hope for it, but he couldn't help but hope August was correct. After all, wouldn't that be ideal? He could live here…and Levy could remain close.
"Also…she spoke to me of something else." He paused, frowning for a moment. "She informed me that you met another version of myself in that other world…and that you managed to learn something from that encounter. It was not her intention to reveal such a fact…but she did nonetheless." August knew, then. Zeref lowered his gaze, letting his head bury itself into his legs. He didn't want to face this, not now. He had been trying not to think about it, so that he could remain in Vistarion like he used to without worrying over his curse. "Are you angry with me, for not revealing the truth to you?"
Mutely, Zeref shook his head. He didn't know what to tell him. However, when the pounding in his head grew worse, Zeref knew he couldn't have this discussion right now. "Excuse me for a moment, please." He rose to his feet, moving swiftly down the hall. August watched him, frowning in confusion. Really, he just needed to be away from everyone right now. He was alive again, something that should have been a blessing, but all Zeref really felt the desire to do was collapse again and go back. Finding his room, he swiftly shut the door behind himself, sinking to the ground as his curse spiraled out of control around him. Never had he been one for decorating with living plants because of this curse. Nothing truly died because of the dark magic surrounding him, but the sight only reminded him of what he was. With Irene just down the hall working towards healing Levy, he could only hope that she would succeed.
Even after the magic faded away, Zeref remained in his room. Vistarion wasn't quite a place that felt like home to him, but it was the closest place he had. There was no feeling of family in the large empty halls here, though there were places he could go to for refuge. There was a massive library with all sorts of books. Zeref was nearly certain he had finished reading their entire collection, but the Twelve would often bring back new volumes from wherever they had been visiting most recently. If that wasn't enough, this room itself was a safe haven of sorts. No one disturbed him here, unless it was an emergency or something he had personally requested to be reminded of. Nothing living existed in this place to remind him of what he was. Unless he spent his time gazing down at the picture of Natsu he always held onto, there were no reminders of his past and who he used to be. Vistarion was the only place he could be someone other than Zeref, and as a result, it was the closest thing to paradise he had found.
Now, it was ruined. Even here, his curse had to destroy what he wanted to build. Tears were falling from his eyes, and he wished he could just make it all go away. When a knock sounded at the door, he glared at it with a ferocity that made it seem as if he wanted to murder whoever was disturbing him. "Leave me be! I have no desire to speak to anyone."
"It's Irene." Zeref paused, hearing her voice call to him from the other side. "I only wished to inform you that the girl is stabilized and recovering. After some rest, she should be well enough to return to her home." She paused again, while Zeref simply let himself try to cling to the small sense of relief that came with the news. "Were you aware that she was a member of Fairy Tail? That girl…she's still a threat, is she not?"
No, he wouldn't let that be true. Looking at the door, Zeref inhaled deeply, calming himself for the briefest of moments. He opened it, facing Irene steadily with a calm frown on his face. "Unless I state she is an enemy, she will not be treated as such. Until further notice…consider the war over, Irene. I'm tired of the fighting, of the game I chose to play." He looked away, frowning. "As far as Levy goes…if you give her any less respect than you'd give to me, I will be greatly displeased and there will be consequences. I owe her far more than you can imagine, and I will not tolerate you insinuating that she should be treated with hostility."
Irene nodded, giving him a slight bow. "Understood. I had the word that our truce was extending to an ending of the war…but I wasn't certain if Invel could be trusted without hearing it from you personally." She paused, shaking her head. "Good riddance, too. I wasn't looking forward to seeing that brat in battle again anyway…"
Who? Zeref didn't know, but Irene was already gone. Still, with her gone, Zeref sunk down to the ground again, letting the door shut. He couldn't fall asleep, even knowing that Levy was going to be okay. No, all he could think of was how even in the one place where he had been able to pretend his curse was nothing, he now had to suffer as well. There was no such thing as a paradise without that curse, even if he could imagine people as nothing more than pawns. Even pawns had the ability to become strong and somehow find a way to awaken the affections in Zeref's heart that he fought so hard to ignore.
And we now have Zeref back! He is not taking his return well, either. Here is likely the start of the angst I warned about...things are gonna get pretty dark soon, though I'll try to space it out a little with some calmer chapters as well. Feel free to review and tell me what you think!