Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Fairy Tail
Inviting Levy to stay in Vistarion hadn't exactly been something Zeref thought deeply about. Yet, as the silence in the room drifted onward, he knew that he likely should have considered it more carefully. She had her guild, after all. Wasn't it unfair of him to ask that of her? However, she hadn't moved away. She seemed to be chewing on her lower lip, watching him as if uncertain of what to do next. August did the same, looking wary but following Zeref's request nonetheless. "Your majesty…if I may, there really is little that this has to change. True, you—"
"I'd…I'd rather not, August." Zeref looked away, closing his eyes. Yes, August could typically explain away a situation like this with ease. Really, he excelled at being able to logically explain why knowing something really was no different than having not known moments ago. Yet, it felt like it changed too much.
"But, your majesty—"
"Stop calling me that." He was tired, and he was done with this. Closing his eyes, Zeref leaned back. The curse was gone, so really, why did it matter? Why would August refuse to acknowledge him? Perhaps it was because he had fled earlier. Maybe it simply came out of habit. Either way, Zeref didn't want this distant relationship with his own son. It was a cruel sort of punishment, the proximity they had that was not quite a bond of closeness despite their blood relationship. "I…as you stated before…everyone in this room is aware of the truth. What purpose is there in such titles then?"
August stared at him, frowning. "You are still my emperor…and you had given no inclination of desiring to change our current situation."
"That was when I was still doubtful that this curse would be so simply dealt with." He spoke sharply, before grimacing at the phrasing. Simply dealt with? The ache in his chest and the whispering voice in the back of his mind begging him to just end his life were no simple things to ignore. "Why would I wish to change things when it would result in your death? Perhaps…perhaps that line of thought was what made it so difficult to return…" He trailed off, closing his eyes. "Regardless…I have wasted far too much time as it is, treating you as little more than another pawn in my games. I'm tired of treating people like this…of pretending bonds do not tie us together, despite my greatest attempts to keep them away."
Nodding, August smiled ever so slightly at him. "I see." He glanced towards Levy, his smile widening. "Then can I assume that is why you requested for both of us to stay? You seem to be oddly attached to—"
"Yes." He didn't want August to speak so directly about what he could see. Many people failed to realize just how observant August could be, yet unlike most, he failed to see that some things were best kept to himself. "That and…well, it is difficult to cope with." He could speak calmly, but that came from years of experience. He was used to putting up a false appearance of calmness, or on occasion of dark joy at terrible actions. This was no different than either, but it felt like it was only making him worse.
Another face flashed in his mind, one that he had long forgotten the name of. How many times would he be seeing the faces of those he had killed? Before, he had hardly given them much thought. He had grown used to it…yet he was discovering just how wrong he was to think that guilt would leave him be. "I assure you, I will be here for as long as I am needed." August moved closer, reaching out and squeezing Zeref's shoulder hesitantly. "Not only am I here as your servant…I will also stand by you, as your son and as I should have been doing for all these years."
"You were always here August…" Zeref looked away, staring at his lap. "It was I who failed to recognize your purpose in being near me."
"And I'm getting the feeling that I should probably leave you two alone to talk…" Levy spoke, making Zeref blink at her in surprise. Why would she think that? He hadn't asked her to leave…but maybe she was getting uncomfortable. Maybe she didn't want to stay in Vistarion, not when she had her guild to get back to.
She rose to her feet, moving towards the door. Zeref watched her, but once she got close, he felt his heart rate pick up. Something in him was panicking at the sight of her leaving, and he irrationally was getting the idea that he would not see her again if he let her go. After all, what reason did she have for wanting to be near him, someone who killed heartlessly and cursed himself to kill even more? "Please don't leave…I—" He broke off, glancing towards August. Maybe he did have important things to discuss with the other man, but he just couldn't let her leave either.
Turning back towards him, Levy smiled and shook her head. "I'm not going far. You asked me to stay, right? So I figured I'd just…go down the hall or something and give you two some time alone to talk."
Whatever had squeezed his chest a moment ago seemed to release, and he took a deep breath. Why was he being so irrational right now? Of course she was kind enough to remain with him until he was past the worst of his depressive state. That was simply the kind of person Levy was. "Right." He glanced towards August, still feeling like he was abusing that very kindness however. "You…you mentioned enjoying reading before, correct?" Levy nodded, and Zeref rose to his feet. "Then follow me. If you truly wish to give us a moment to speak…I will at least give you the curtesy of some form of entertainment while you are here."
She blinked, looking surprised as he moved past her into the hall. Glancing back at August, Zeref smiled and nodded. "I will be back soon…Levy is likely correct about us having much to discuss, August."
"I will be awaiting your return, then." August sat down at the desk in the room, seeming to make himself comfortable. Really, he looked more comfortable in this room than Zeref did most of the time. Despite the massive bed in the center and the bright lighting of the room, it had always felt like it just…wasn't him. There were books on a shelf nearby, and a desk for working, but Zeref did little in the actual room beyond sleeping. One wall had a door resting on it, with the closet just beside it.
Shaking his head, Zeref turned around and left, not wishing to really linger in that place for now. As he moved to walk down the hall, he paused. Next to his room was another of the spare rooms in the castle, which usually were meant for the Spriggan Twelve. However, this room had never once really been used. Levy stopped with him, frowning for a moment. "If…Levy, how long do you intend to remain in Vistarion?"
The solid script wizard frowned, glancing at him. "I…I guess I haven't really thought about it." She smiled for a moment, folding her hands in front of her. "Since I didn't plan on telling you about the curse yet…I didn't really think that you'd want me sticking around for long. After all, we did kinda have that weird fight, and you never seemed to like me all that much in the first place…" Had he really seemed that distant to her? He frowned, watching as she fiddled with her hands. "I mean, yeah, you preferred me to the others, but that isn't really the same. So…I don't know. If you want me to stay for a while, I'd probably need to contact Fairy Tail so they don't get too worried. Right now, they just think I'm on a quick trip to get something I forgot while on a job I took a while ago…"
"I'm certain August still has a means of contacting them after working with them to retrieve me from Edolas." He spoke calmly, glancing at the room. "If…if you decide to stay, you are welcome to use this room here. It is fully furnished, and should at least give you the basic necessities for comfort."
She stared at the door for a moment, not replying. Still, Zeref didn't want to linger much longer. He was feeling restless, and already, more haunting faces were making him want to find the nearest dagger and drive it through his chest. Glancing at Levy, he tried to remind himself that somehow, this would get better. He had to hope it would, at least. "I…I think I might stay." Her voice came quietly after they had walked for a few moments. "When…when you're done talking to him, could you ask August to help me with that then? I don't really want to interrupt, not when you've been worrying over this for so long."
Even he did not know how long he had truly been contemplating the idea of August being his family, but he knew it had been a while. "Then I will pass along to the servants to not disturb you as you sleep. When rooms are unoccupied, they will occasionally attempt to do their cleaning at night while the others rest."
She nodded, smiling faintly. "This castle…it really is kinda huge. I'd probably get lost in it so easily if I was in a place like this." It was such a sudden shift in conversation that Zeref simply nodded. Yet, the image of her actually living in Vistarion like that…it lingered almost as well as the haunting images of death that plagued his mind. "Did you ever get lost, when you first came here?"
"I was the one who oversaw the construction of this castle…so I suppose it would be unfair to ask me such a question." She laughed at that, shaking her head.
"Right." She turned with him around one of the corners, her eyes still studying the place around them. "You know, I never imagined you wanting to be in a place like this in the first place. It just…you seem to be the kind of person who prefers things simple and straightforward. Castles like this just show off wealth and power, if you ask me. They're a status symbol that society could do without, yet most rulers can't seem to realize how wasteful they're being with resources when they build these things. I mean, take a look at Crocus! Even Fiore's royal family has a massive castle. Imagine how many homes could have been built with those stones? How many families could have been taken in from the cold, or even simply fed with the money spent on its construction?"
Smiling, Zeref tilted his head to study her. "Yet, what does such a status symbol do for royalty?" She blinked, frowning at him. "In the case of Fiore…perhaps it was not quite as necessary. However, when a ruler has a history of being rather…dark and destructive, there is often a need for something else to be seen about such a person." He glanced around, frowning. "I agree…this is not what I would have selected, had I been given the opportunity to choose a home for myself. There is far too much space, and not enough people…it serves as a rather strong reminder of how isolated my life has become. Yet, if not for this castle, for something bright and central in this nation that people were welcome to visit should problems arise…would I have gained the respect I have here? Or would I have simply been feared and hated, as I am in other nations?"
"Only you would give building a castle that much thought." Levy snorted, shaking her head. "I should have known you didn't just want it because it was comfortable and fancy to live here."
"As you stated before, that would be a rather pointless waste of resources. I built Alvarez with the intent of using it for a greater purpose, so I would not be so foolish as to waste our time on such a frivolous thing."
Oddly, the rather random conversation seemed to be calming him. It was about seemingly nothing, yet it relaxed him to talk to her about it. "Well, do you like it now?" He frowned, glancing towards her. "I mean…from what I heard, you're hardly ever here in the first place. It sounds like you don't like it that much, if that's the case."
"No one else is ever here." He shrugged, turning down another hallway again. "And as far as entertainment goes…there is little to be had in this castle, in my opinion. Perhaps I could find methods of keeping my mind active…but it was never quite a place that felt like mine, despite having built it for governing my own empire."
Levy's smile faded slightly, staring at him. "Right." She looked away, biting her lower lip. "It's easy to forget about that…to forget what it was like to be you for just a moment." She closed her eyes, and Zeref watched her, slowing his pace. What exactly was she thinking about? "It really was lonely. I couldn't go to any of the places I was used to going…too many people would shout at me in anger or run in fear. I wondered why it was so terrible, why it was so difficult for them to move past…and I realized, no one really bothers to understand, do they? They don't ask about why you did those things…they're just too focused on the fact that people were hurt as a result of your demons and your magic, too focused on the darkness to really see the light alongside of it."
So that was what she was referring to. He had been used to such reactions for so long that he hadn't considered how much it would affect her. Yet, Levy didn't seem to be done. "Did…did you ever have a home where you didn't feel like that? A place to call your own…where you weren't always reminded of how alone you had to be because of all of that?"
She actually looked like she was on the verge of crying. Her voice was pained, sympathizing with him far more than anyone he had known. He gave her a faint smile, looking away and focusing ahead of them. Really, they were close to the library now. Part of him wished they weren't, considering how calming simply talking to her had been. "If…if there was ever any such home in my past, it would had to have been when I was a child." Really, after that things had changed drastically. Even during his education after becoming an orphan, he'd been alone.
"That must have been so lonely for you…living like that." She looked away, closing her eyes. "Really…once that started to sink in was when I think I really began to realize why you reacted so drastically to what I said. You…it meant a lot to you, when I said I'd be your friend, didn't it?" This was getting dangerously close to asking about his feelings for her. Perhaps he could admit such things to himself, but he refused to scare her away like he had done with Mavis. For now, they'd remain friends until he was certain she'd accepted all of the darkness in his past. He'd wait, until he was certain she'd accept his affections and return them, even if it was in a much more minor extent than his own. "I thought it might have…back when I first saw your reaction, that is. But…it never occurred to me that it meant so much because…because you really didn't have anyone to call your friend. I always thought that at least the Spriggan Twelve were with you, that you had friends in Alvarez no one knew about…but you didn't even have that much, did you?"
"Friends and the curse I believed I was suffering from…were not a combination I was fond of." He pushed open the door in front of him, walking inside. "So, in that sense…I suppose I truly did not have any such companions." Glancing towards her, he smiled faintly. "On that note, I suppose we will be stopping." Levy frowned at him, before her eyes widened at the room they stood in. Surrounding them were massive towering bookshelves, lined with all kinds of books. Rows of them filled the room, and it seemed to fill a nearly endless span of space around them. A few small desks were close to the entrance, with seats allowing people to rest as they studied. "This is Alvarez's national archives. Over the years, I've collected these works from various locations while expanding our nation. Few even have access to this room, given its location deep within this castle. While there is little in terms of fictional texts if you prefer such tales…there should be at least one volume or two on some subject that interests you for while I am speaking with August."
"And I…I can read any of them?" Her eyes were wide, scanning the shelves.
Nodding, Zeref smiled faintly at her. "Of course. After all…I do believe I owe you, for all that you have done for me." She glanced at him, blinking in surprise. "You are welcome to return however often you wish. It would take some time to work through the entirety of this collection, but if you wished for me to direct you towards a particular subject, I'd be more than happy to assist."
"I can't believe you've collected so much…" She moved to the nearest shelf, scanning the titles. "Wait, you have books discussing enslavement magic? Those are banned in nearly all countries!"
Nodding, Zeref chuckled in amusement. "In fact, they are also banned in Alvarez. However…as I stated before, few come into this castle, so this has become more of my own personal collection." Levy still seemed to be staring at him with wide eyes, not quite processing it. "Perhaps it is a darker branch of magic, but I find them fascinating to read about. Granted, most are not detailed enough to get a decent grasp on the spells themselves, but the one you are looking at there should at least give you an overview of how it functions in a more general sense."
"This is just…this is amazing." She glanced back at him, her eyes bright. "And I can really read any of them? You won't…get upset with me for choosing something that's probably illegal to study or something?"
"And have you attempted to charge me for any of the illegal actions I've taken in my past?" Levy raised her eyebrows at him, likely aware of how ridiculous such a suggestion truly was. "I am the emperor, Levy. Given the militaristic rule of Alvarez, even if it contradicts my own laws, I can let you do as you please. So, while it may surprise me that you hold an interest in a topic such as that…it would not particularly concern me if you chose to read that volume."
She grinned, nodding and quickly scanning more shelves. "Then it sounds like I've got some work to do." He frowned, watching her quickly begin to pull out a few books for herself, moving to a table and piling them there. "I'll be here when you're done talking to August, don't worry. There's plenty of topics here that I wasn't able to touch in my own personal studies at home, not even when I worked for the magic council." She had worked in Era? Then again, he thought he recalled a few of Fairy Tail's wizards ending up with similar jobs during the period in which they'd disbanded. For Levy, Zeref supposed it wasn't impossible, but he could hardly imagine her with them. She seemed so free-spirited that a job with law enforcement such as them was simply too restricting for her.
Nodding towards her, Zeref turned and began to walk out of the room. There was something oddly pleasant about the sight of her in this room, where he himself spent most of his time in Vistarion. This was where he went when he wanted to get out of his own head and think about anything else for a moment of time. Levy was quickly finding escape inside of one of the books she had found, looking entranced by the words she saw. She really did belong here, no matter what she might think. Then again, she also had her own guild in Fiore. He couldn't force her away from that, no matter how much he might wish to keep her here.
He made sure to keep the door quiet as it shut behind him, letting him walk down the halls to return to August. He didn't know quite what he wanted to say to August himself, really. Levy was right that they had much to discuss…but how was he to even begin? Eighty years they had spent together, working side by side in Alvarez. For all of them, Zeref had been completely ignorant of a vital truth. Never once had August strayed in his loyalties, and Zeref had found himself relying on him more and more the longer he remained. Really, behind the scenes, it was August leading this nation. Zeref was never here unless absolutely necessary, and as a result, he knew exactly who was keeping things in order in Alvarez. Still, when he returned to the room and saw August sitting inside, waiting just as patiently as before, Zeref felt his chest grow tight. This was his son, after all, and for the first time in those eight decades, he now had the chance to speak to him as his father. It was a moment he had both never waited for, yet he somehow hoped would come to pass. After all, hadn't he fought this long to have some type of family in his life? August was here now, and with the war no longer an option in his mind, he had to embrace what he had before it was gone.
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