heyoooo,
ooop this is a really short chapter, but we are getting to the pointy end of thangs and I might start ramping up a little more suspense with slightly shorter chapters, but we will see how it pans out. I wasn't planning to go the way I am right now, but I'm just going to keep rolling with it. Anyway, I hope everyone is going okay? Please keep safe in this crazy time xxxx
He held his mask within shaky fingers. It had been repaired by several welding technicians, on his orders, shortly after Rey had healed the scar on his face.
There was no desire to wear the distorted metal; there had not been for some time now, but there were no other options.
He could not allow anyone to see his unblemished cheek and nose, and he could not give Hux a single opportunity to discern his plan.
There was a visceral shift in his being, a disposition that he could feel radiating from his eyes as he stared into his reflection. One glimpse at his face could alert the entire fleet to his newfound loyalty, and the chances of Rey's survival relied heavily on being on the brig of the Guillotine.
The survival of the Rebellion hinged heavily on him following through with his facet of their plan.
He could not waver now. He needed to wear the remnants of someone he felt he no longer knew, even if the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach fed strong resistance.
Inhaling the fresh air, he turned the mask around and placed it over his face. No longer did it make him feel powerful.
Now, he felt claustrophobic.
He moved to his war table and stared at the two sabers laying between unused materials. The pull he felt towards his new lightsaber completely eclipsed any attachment towards the unstable crossguard that he had tried so desperately to make his own.
The feeling that coursed through his bloodstream as he first observed his glowing kyber, and then seeing the same light emanate once he had fixed it within his case, was phenomenal.
As the hours passed from that moment, the gratification and pride remained. It filled him with fear and excitement, and if he did not survive this battle, he only hoped he lived long enough to see Rey once more, with her own saber in hand.
His anxiety fretted to know if she had been able to finish attuning her crystal, yet his curiosity wondered what colour her kyber had turned.
They were within the final hours of exiting hyperspace, and he longed to reach for her, to ask her these questions himself, but he knew she would be busy preparing with the Resistance.
With a deep exhale, he picked up his lightsaber with gloved hands, and moved the robes and fabric from the small of his back, clipping it to the belt hidden under several layers of clothing.
Drawing on the secrecy he shrouded the kyber in for most if its life with him, he hid the sabers existence in a small part of his mind, hiding it behind just as many layers of memories and emotions.
Picking up the crossguard, he holstered it visibly, using it as he used his mask. It was a defence, much more than just the weapon it was.
Knowing the energy he required to not arouse suspicion, he quickly called to the light, the love and the forgiveness that he had become more acquainted, and held it deep within his chest, before calling upon the darkness within, cloaking himself and his true intentions.
He had to become Kylo Ren once more.
Stepping from chambers he had not exited in what felt like a lifetime, he stormed his way to the bridge. Despite the way the stormtroopers, mechanics, technicians, Generals and Captains rushed through the corridors on their preparation for exiting hyperspace, they still found the moments to stop and greet their Supreme Leader.
He could feel the fear emanating from them, the fear that had always emanated from their bodies when he was in their presence.
This time, it felt different.
Perhaps it was the way his being was no longer tangled within the throes of darkness, or perhaps it was the way he had become familiar with the light of compassion that radiated from Rey, and from his mother…
Regardless of its origin, he truly felt the fear now, as though he were underneath the skin of it, tangible in a way he had refused to acknowledge prior to this moment. He felt the fear that radiated from a General, wondering if she would see her partner once more. She had only just escaped the Battle of Crait by the skin of her teeth…
He felt the anxiety of a mechanic, sparing barely more than a deep nod, as his thoughts were occupied on the daughter he had left behind, galaxies away...
He felt the fear that dripped from a passing stormtrooper, as they near tripped over their own feet to scramble out of Ren's way. It was a terror that near paralysed them, as they wondered whether they would die today, or if they would have to take another rebel's life.
It was a fear that he had felt before; it was the same fear that encompassed Finn as his troop entered battle on that godforsaken planet all those months ago.
Finn had found his way through the manipulation and the brainwashing that the First Order used, seeking his own path.
He contemplated as he continued to stalk towards the bridge. Calculating the risk, he knew what he needed to do.
He knew what Rey would do.