Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Fairy Tail
An odd routine seemed to form within Vistarion not long after that. Zeref felt relatively calm, all things considered, which he attributed to knowing Levy and August were both nearby. In the morning, he would walk with Levy to eat breakfast with her. During breakfast, he would speak to her about how her work with Invel was going, ensuring that she was still okay with whatever tasks he was having her work on. It was odd, being aware that Invel was pushing her towards knowledge about their government; Invel would normally be cautious to give such information out. Yet, Zeref would not stop her from learning if she truly wished to understand more. After an update on her work with Invel, he'd typically find another topic to speak about, usually magic with the occasional comment about his or her past. During meals was when he managed to give her a little more information on the inner workings of magic, which was why he had given her a notebook and pen on their third morning together, so she could study from the information later.
Given the amount of work left behind due to his decades-long absence, he still had much to catch up on. So, after breakfast, he would leave to work on legislation and other matters. He had finally worked through all of the updated trading agreements, approving them to be put into place. Next, he needed to sort through any legal flaws found by the Twelve, and see if the suggested modifications were suitable enough to remain in place. It was during his work that August normally came by, working with him through the papers while talking about things. Those conversations…tended to be more personal. August was not afraid to ask such questions, unlike Levy.
With August, he usually found himself discussing his own emotional state. It wasn't something Zeref contemplated often, but he suspected it was important for him to be focused on it currently. Given the way his mood usually shifted suddenly with little warning, he knew to try and manage it. Despite having gone a week without suicidal thoughts, August still had valid reason for concern given his history. So, that was why August's initial question was always something relating to his mental state.
When August was satisfied that Zeref was content enough to continue working rather than talking through his moral dilemma with the curse, he would move on to his next favorite topic - Levy. Zeref did not know when August found the time to talk to her at all, given their odd schedules, but he still continued to ask Zeref how she was doing. He questioned if Zeref had any news on how long she would remain in Alvarez, to which he still had no answer. Part of him was afraid to know, really. Zeref was getting used to the idea that she would always be here…yet he knew that would not be the case. With his rapidly improving mental state, it likely would not last for longer than a month, and even that was a bit optimistic.
When he told August as much, his son frowned, looking away. "And are you still certain she will not remain for other reasons?"
This subtle hint came up nearly every day with August, and Zeref had grown used to it. Always, it brought a bittersweet smile to his face, and a longing in his heart that he knew would never quite go away. "Of course not. Perhaps I may be able to convince her to study magic further with me…but that is likely the strongest reason I could provide her with beyond helping me improve my stability at the moment."
"Why are you still so certain of this?" August frowned, sitting by his side and sorting through some of the papers himself. Having worked together for so long, August was skilled enough to mimic Zeref's own organization, and Zeref trusted his son to know which ones were to be agreed upon and which ones were to be rejected. "Levy may be a part of Fairy Tail, but that does not mean she cannot grow to admire you just as anyone else could."
Yet, they still had only small moments together that expressed anything beyond friendship. Those moments…he treasured them, but he knew Levy saw them as simple friendly gestures. That second day in the library, he had not wanted to leave for lunch after being with her for so long. Perhaps there was the mystery of what she was trying to sort out with Invel, but it had been pleasant to speak with her. Plus, she had reached out for him that time, and while he may have abused the extension of her comfort, she had not complained about his decision to work with her hand in his, to just imagine for a moment that such a thing could be normal for them.
Past that, their time together had mostly been filled with discussion. She would be eager and excited to learn more, but Zeref had not been able to spend any extended periods of time with her. Gazing down at his work, he found it hard to resist glaring at the papers he blamed for not being able to truly spend time with her further. "And yet, the majority still see me as little beyond my actions in history. Levy may have moved on past such notions…but there is still that darkness in me that few would be willing to embrace."
Zeref knew it quite well, and that it wasn't something he'd grow out of just because the curse had vanished. He was desensitized to death, which meant he could easily see it as an available choice to solve issues. Whether that meant killing or dying himself, he was content with the thought of such things. "She does not have to embrace such things…she needs only to be able to accept it as a part of you."
Sighing, Zeref shook his head. "Currently, I think she's almost more fond of Invel than she is of me." It was a slightly half-hearted joke. Yet, she spent far more time with his general than she did with him. Other than meals, she was in the library working with him. Invel insisted that it was necessary for the task at hand, whatever that task happened to be, and while Levy was slowly beginning to look exhausted with her efforts, she didn't seem to be complaining.
"Invel would hardly consider such a thing." August crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head. "He is not the sort to get romantically involved with anyone, especially not when it is rather clear that you have such fondness for her."
True, Invel would be observant enough to notice the subtle actions of his directed towards Levy in kindness that Levy would miss due to her lack of familiarity with him. Smiling, he nodded as he worked through one last document. Then, he froze. "Invel…has assumed that I have such feelings for her."
"I suppose, but it is a rather valid observation to make for those who know you." August didn't realize what it meant, though. He had been trying to figure out just what assumption he could have made, what idea he had in his head, that made him want to force Levy to understand their government of all things. Yet, here it was, plain and simple. Invel was assuming…that Levy had a future role in Alvarez. Invel saw his affections towards her…and likely informed her of exactly that.
Rising to his feet, Zeref was ready to leave at once, to speak with Invel about discretion. However, August frowned, moving over to stop him. "Father? Is something wrong? I suspect Invel knowing hardly has an affect on anything."
"He told Levy." Zeref was certain of it. With the way she had been acting, too nervous to really speak to him about what Invel wanted…Zeref knew. Yet, did she? She claimed…she wanted Invel to be correct. Meaning, she wanted him to have an interest in her. Something in him just felt numb at the thought. She couldn't truly see him in that light. He knew she couldn't. There was no logical reason for it.
"Ah." August smiled, shaking his head. "I'd worry little over such things. Knowing Levy…she likely will not speak of such a matter until you are ready. Perhaps she doesn't know you as well as we do, but she is also observant in her own way and she has a strong mind for such things."
"That's why he's working with her…training her, to work on tasks such as this." He gestured towards the paperwork behind him, while August frowned.
"Do…do you wish for her to assist us? Perhaps it would slow down the pacing of the work, but it would—"
"I didn't want her to know at all, August!" Zeref spun around, glaring at him. "Levy…Levy was supposed to feel comfortable here, welcomed as a…friend." Yet, he knew he did not see her that way. He hadn't for a long time. "Pushing her into this, into hearing what I would desire for a future between us…Invel should not have intervened. Levy didn't have the slightest idea and for Invel to suggest that she would be—"
"But did she not stay regardless?"
Zeref paused in his rant, taking a deep breath. She was still here. She had stayed here…for a week, knowing. "She's humoring him. Once Invel gets an idea in his head…it takes a certain forcefulness to make him stand down, a forcefulness which Levy would not be willing to utilize."
"And why would she not go to you for assistance?"
"Because…" He trailed off, recalling her words. "Because she is afraid of me hearing exactly what Invel has told her. She does not wish for me to be angered again…or for my mood to become unstable yet again." He glanced down at his arm, where his wound was almost finished healing. It was odd, to have had the mark linger for so long. Yet, it was also a reminder that injuries would no longer heal immediately given his loss of the curse due to awareness.
August caught the direction of his gaze, pausing in his work as well. "And would you? Would you be able to speak with Invel calmly about the matter, and request that he stop?"
Closing his eyes, Zeref tried to think about it. He had just been about to charge into the library in rash anger over the news, but really, who would that help? "I…I'm not certain." He was starting to feel unstable again, for the first time since the night Levy told him the truth. Why now? He supposed it was his anger….his anger reminding him of just what kind of person he could be. "And that is why she didn't need to know. She deserves someone…who can control themselves, unlike me."
"You have far more self-control than you give yourself credit for." August spoke calmly, looking back through his paperwork. "Take the last week, for example. You've longed to spend more time with her, to give her the chance to grow affectionate towards you in return, yet you've held back and refrained, knowing there was work to be done instead."
"That was so I would not be interrupted in the future." Which, in retrospect, seemed to be a poor decision on his part. Levy would likely be gone before he finished at this rate.
"And your self-imposed isolation during your curse did not require the self-control to deny yourself of the joys of being with others?" Closing his eyes, Zeref grimaced. It wasn't the ideal image of such a thing, but he could see August's point. His curse had forced him to deny himself everything he wanted, when it came to being around others. "Therefore, having moments of anger do not equate to a lack of control, Father."
"But what good would it do now?" He clenched his hands into fists, sitting back down. "Part of me…still wants to go to Invel and demand that he leave Levy alone…that he take back everything he's told her, claiming he had misinterpreted the situation. Yet…what if she fails to believe him then? Or perhaps she'd simply ignore his words yet again…"
"What even gives you the impression that he's informed her of this?" Zeref looked up, seeing August leaning forward. "Levy has never given me any indication that she's aware of your affections."
"When Invel first started teaching her…she refused to tell me what it was that brought it about." He frowned, looking away. "She did say that it was based off of an assumption…that concerned myself, made by Invel. Would this not be a reason for him to insist upon her understanding the inner-workings of Alvarez? I would not put it past him to insist upon her understanding a role he believes exists in her future."
Frowning, August seemed to debate. "Ah. So, this concern of yours…is due to the knowledge that Invel is typically quite guarded about such information." Zeref nodded, frowning at the desk. "In which case…I would have to agree, unfortunately. Assuming for Levy to be the future empress of Alvarez…in his mind, it would justify such a course of action, believed to be on your behalf. As such…I would likely advise against a harsh punishment, despite your anger. He believes he is helping, though like usual, he is taking matters into his own hands rather than consulting you first like he should."
It didn't help that Zeref could easily dream of that very image, of Levy ruling this empire by his side. Perhaps it started as little other than a game and a way to escape the curse, but he was trying to make Alvarez into a home for himself. His prolonged stay in Vistarion thus far was part of his way of meeting that goal, and having Levy here…made it feel more like a possibility than just a dream. He wanted her to stay, and he was always pleasantly surprised to be greeted by her every morning. Smiling and talking with her about whatever information about magic that interested her on a particular day…it was calming, and it made him feel almost normal for a change.
Now, he could add in an imagined image of Levy working with him through this paperwork as well, discussing trivial matters just as he was doing with August. His son clearly approved…so what would be so wrong? Yet, the pounding in his heart seemed to stutter for a moment, and he realized that once again, Levy had no reason to stay and fulfill that role. "She won't be staying. Levy is in Fairy Tail, after all." He spoke quietly, mostly to himself.
August gazed at him, narrowing his eyes. "Yet, she still might. After all, have you given any indication that you'd prevent her from returning as often as she might wish?" No, he hadn't. Yet, Levy wouldn't abandon her family for this. Even he knew that the job wasn't all that glorious. In fact, it was rather boring, with little effort needed to make decisions. Perhaps he should take more time, given how many lives it would effect, but they were simple choices to make if he just thought about them logically.
"I'm not…I'm no replacement, for that." He looked away, closing his hands into fists. "Mavis…she would have made her guild like a family. I've made Vistarion…like a prison. There is no warmth, no welcome here…despite how I've tried to alter it for Levy's sake. It is a harsh place…and she would not wish to substitute her home for such a thing."
"I must disagree." August was getting more vocal with his disagreements as of late, which Zeref was growing used to. "Among the Spriggan Twelve, we've become rather close comrades. Take Dimaria and Brandish as an example…perhaps Dimaria was a bit harsh on Brandish when they were younger, but they've grown and are now quite close. They're practically sisters. As for Jacob, while newer to our ranks, he seems to get along rather well with Ajeel. Then, Larcade, as you well know, tends to irritate most but he is also someone we know will defend us all if given the chance."
"Yet I am not a part of that." Zeref looked away, and this time, August had no response. "I'm respected, and I'm feared. But…I am not family. Never have I tried to push that false pretense onto anyone…the idea that I could be seen as family." He paused, sighing and setting down his pencil for the moment. He couldn't focus, not with this conversation going on. "Though…I suppose I did differ in that regard with Levy. At least…I attempted to do so."
"It is not too late to change such things—"
"But Levy still will have no reason to agree." Zeref shook his head, rising to his feet. "I think…I think I am done with work, for today." He needed to think about this…to at least try and calm down. However…all he could think about was why she wouldn't tell him. The more he thought about it, the more he was certain of an answer. She was afraid of hurting him further, of telling him that she did not feel the same. Yet, she wanted him to feel that way because it meant he had something to look forward to in his future, just as she suggested.
He walked to his room, collapsing in his bed and closing his eyes. She was trying to be kind, he knew that, but she hadn't the faintest idea of just how cruel she was actually being. Knowing was always better in situations like this…and right now, he was certain he knew her answer. Why was he even trying then? What was he fighting to move forward towards? All this time, he had been thinking of Levy and August…but August would only be alive for another decade or two, and Levy would be leaving in a few weeks. There was no reason to keep thinking of them…no reason to keep thinking at all. Glancing at his desk drawer again, he felt himself hit another low spot again. This time, there was no Levy in the room next door, and he knew that this time, even August would not be able to convince him to stop. The thought made him smile, as the hollow ache in his chest drove him to rise back to his feet, moving closer to the dagger he knew he still kept in his room at all times.
Sorry for the time skip, but I felt like it'd get a bit too slow if I focused on nothing but some random conversations between Zeref and Levy for a few chapters. I can't quite get slower chapters like that written out in an interesting way to me...so you've got an overview and we're back to Zeref's internal struggles once more. Feel free to review and tell me what you think!