His head pounded.
His ears rung.
His vision blurred against the swollen flesh of his eyes and broken nose.
Ben coughed heavily, heaving warm liquid from his throat. The taste of iron burning within his mouth was a faint echo of the sharp and overwhelming pain that ricocheted throughout his entire being.
The thick metal that bound his wrists pulled at his injured shoulder, leaving his broken body at an awkward angle. The burnt flesh of the blaster wound melded with the black fabric of his tunic, a wound that disappeared in sight, yet the pain continued to flood through him.
He could not be sure how long he had laid against the cold floor as he faded in and out of consciousness. Had they exited warp? Had the Knights of Ren found Rey yet?
Ben's attempts to connect with her were smothered. He could feel the force, but it was distant and faint. It was as though he were engulfed by an ocean, sinking downwards. He reached out desperately but drifted further underneath the waves.
Ben's breathing hitched as he expelled more blood from his mouth. He struggled against the restraints once again, the movements futile in his effort to escape.
He would not make it to Rey in time. His attempts to take the course of action he felt were grounded within the grey were misled.
He was wrong, and it would cost Rey and her friends their lives.
"Ben."
He almost did not hear his name being called over the throbbing of his skull that refused to lessen.
Lifting the remnants of his gaze from the metal floor before him, he realised he must still be unconscious.
Han Solo stood before him, younger than he had ever remembered seeing him. His hair flopped over his forehead lazily, and his eyes sparkled with something Ben could not quite grasp.
"Father…" Ben made out through spilt lips. Perhaps he was hallucinating. Hux's beating must have caused more internal damage than he had assumed.
Han knelt before Ben, looking over the wounds that his son had acquired. Shaking his head, he smirked slightly.
"I certainly do not miss those type of interrogations." Ben opened his mouth to speak, to say anything, but the only thing he could bring up was more blood.
"Ben, don't try to speak. You need to save your energy for what is ahead. This will only be the end if you allow it." Ben stared at him, shellshocked, not understanding the words through the pounding in his head.
"You have everything you need." Han moved his hand gently to Ben's chest, and then his cheek, nodding, as though his words were clear as day.
Ben still could not understand. He had no means of escape. He could not connect with the force, or with Rey. He had no weapon.
Han stood, smirking fully now. The sparkle in his eyes radiated through the space between them, and Ben understood what it meant before his father spoke again.
"I am so proud of you." He turned away as though to leave, to dissipate back into the depths of his son's imagination, but Ben called out after him.
"Father, wait!" Actions for which he had not atoned still blistered his mind. Through another liquid cough, Ben attempted to speak the truth of his being, and verbalise the regret of his actions.
He needed to tell his father he was sorry for everything he had done.
Turning his head to look at Ben one last time, Han winked and nodded at his son.
"I know." His figure became one with the air around him, and Ben's tears swirled through the blood that stained his face.
A sob escaped his broken chest as a flood of guilt and forgiveness washed through his body.
His father's forgiveness…
He was certain it was a hallucination, a side effect of his injuries, but the fingers that had rested at his chest and cheek felt so real.
The forgiveness felt real.
Ben fought against the restraints, desperate. He needed to breathe, but he felt as though the room were closing in around him.
With his broken body bounded, he did not have the means to save Rey.
In his pain, he stopped struggling with the cuffs, allowing his hands to fall to the small of his back as he lay, despondent.
His fingers brushed another piece of metal there, a casing which he had pushed so far within his mind that even he had forgotten about its existence.
His father was right; he had everything he needed.
He had a weapon, hidden away, just as his grief for his father had been buried within him for months upon months.
The weight of his secrets, the guilt, and the fear that had crushed him for so long were no longer the rubble that he was pinned underneath.
Finally, they were the steppingstones he used to push himself onwards, to drive himself forwards.
He used the pain to find the love, and he weaponised the fear to push himself to hope.
Crying out as he leant into his burnt shoulder, he pushed his hands past the fabrics at his lower back.
His fingers grasped desperately for the metal casing of his saber, but he could not reach the clip that attached the weapon to his belt. Sobbing desperately, he tried again, but it was in vain. He did not have the strength. He did not have the ability.
But the vision of his father crossed his mind once more. He thought of his mother, who still believed in him. He called to the memories he held tightly within his chest of Rey, her arms around him, her laugh emanating through the air around her, her fingers curled tightly around his.
Rey was still alive. He had to believe she was.
Ben could only feel an echo of the force, but he turned inwards, calling on the love and the pain, the fear and the hope, the anger and the peace that pounded within his chest.
He called on the balance within himself, and shifted his saber upwards, trusting the feeling within that guided him.
Inhaling deeply, he paused briefly before igniting his saber.
Just one centimetre too far astray could have severed his hands or destroyed the bottom of his skull, but the saber eviscerated the metal that bound him, slicing straight up the middle and breaking the casing between his hands.
Grasping his saber between the palm of his uninjured arm, he rolled slowly onto his stomach and pushed himself onto his feet with his now unshackled hands.
The remnants of the restraints dropped to floor beneath him, and he extended his saber before him, using both hands to steady his weapon.
The golden saber hummed before him, shining sunlight throughout the shadows.
The moment the metal shackles fell from his wrists, the force enveloped him, destroying the sensory deprivation of his connection, and allowing him to feel Rey once more.
She was terrified. Her paralysing fear exploded through their connection, and Ben knew that he was too late.
Dragging his broken body forwards, he exited the extraction chamber and beelined his way towards the bridge.
Ducking within corridor alcoves, his presence went unnoticed by technicians and stormtroopers, who ran in either direction, their panic palpable throughout the air.
What was happening?
Ben could hear heavy footfalls sounding towards him, and Hux's orders echoed frantically through the passage.
He backed around the corner, away from the approaching troop, and was instead thrust into the nearest alcove by unfamiliar hands.
Blaster against his throat, Ben's eyes fell to the glare of the General who had been overseeing his transmission to the fleet.
He opened his mouth to speak, to distract her while he called to the force, but her words rushed out first.
"Tell me. What you said aboard the bridge, in your address. Did you mean it?"
Ben looked into her green eyes and felt around the edges of her mind.
A determination fuelled the fire in her chest, but it was awash with the fear of another battle…
The lingering fear of the battle on Crait.
He had felt this exact mix of fear and determination prior to this moment, and he had seen her before the transmission on the bridge.
He had already felt her longing for the partner from whom she was torn.
It was a longing that pushed him to make his address, as he felt the fears of those subjects he had passed on his way to the bridge, what felt like hours ago.
It was a longing he had felt grow within himself with each passing moment, a longing to be by Rey's side.
As Hux's shouts drew closer, the General pushed them both into the shadows of the alcove, their breathing shallow as they begged to meld with the darkness. The moment the last trooper passed, the General's blaster was again at Ben's throat.
"Answer me." She whispered hurriedly.
"I meant every word of it." He murmured, his gaze holding hers. She glanced to his saber, eyes widening slightly as she took in the colour.
"Please. I need to be on that bridge. I need to finish what I started." She eyed him cautiously. Moments drew out as she assessed the truth of his words, but finally she nodded. She tore the General's cap from her head and pushed it into his arms.
"Your address did not end the moment Hux ordered it so. I switched off the projector, but the audio continued to transmit to the entire fleet. Every single vessel within the First Order heard Hux's words. The moment we exited hyperspace, several Star Destroyers reported coups. It is chaos. You still have time to help your friends."
The General ducked her head around the side of the alcove and pushed him onwards.
As he stepped into the corridor, he turned to her.
"Go. Get to an escape pod. The Guillotine will fall from the sky if I can make it to the bridge."
She nodded, fear palpable, but a determination brimming within her being. Ben grabbed her wrist, passing on a memory he hoped would save others aboard this vessel, those who he had felt were not allegiant to the First Order.
"If there is any chance that you meet this stormtrooper, and this mechanic on your way to the loading bay, take them with you. You can trust them." Ben paused, whispering words of encouragement he also needed to hear.
"Your partner. I hope you find her again." With a final nod, his fingers fell from the General's wrist and he made his way around the corner of the corridor, on the final stretch towards the bridge.
Ben peered from the final alcove before the entrance of the Guillotine's command and witnessed firsthand the chaos of his transmission. Commanders and Generals were in disarray, frantically calling orders and barking developments through the air that lingered with blaster smoke.
"Star Destroyer three has reported a coup aboard the engine bay!"
"Star Destroyer six is preparing to flee and enter hyperspace!"
"Fire weapons on all who attempt to escape, those are Hux's orders!"
Ben used the havoc erupting throughout the fleet as cover to enter the bridge. Righting himself as much as physically able, he made his way halfway across the deck before he was noticed by the panicked gaze of a Commander.
By the time he cried out, it was too late. Ben lunged behind the shield control panels, throwing those closest to him aside with what strength he could muster through the force.
His fingers were quick and precise, dials and controls memorised days earlier to take down the Guillotine's shields and send a disruption transmission throughout the First Order fleet.
The defence systems protecting the fleet would be temporarily disabled.
It would be enough time for the Rebellion to strike back.
It would be enough time for the Resistance to fire the weapon they had been salvaging from the Moon of Endor.
Blasters ignited the panel before him, destroying all operating systems to control their shields, but Ben's deft hands had already completed what was required of him.
He had wiped out the primary defence system, and it took mere moments for the Rebellion to realise.
"All shields are non-functional!"
"The Rebels are firing a weapon on the Guillotine!"
"Our shields are down!"
The First Order subjects were without leadership. They scattered, abandoning the bridge as the fallen death star weaponry was harnessed on the fleet its legacy had borne.
Ben watched as the laser projected from the surface of Endor, sending a blast of energy directly through the flank of the Guillotine.
The ground shuddered violently beneath Ben's feet, and he was thrown as an explosion erupted from a wall beyond the bridge. His body hit the floor beneath him as the entire ship begun to tilt, sending him rolling across the metal where he once stood.
His body hit the side panelling with force, and debris cascaded after him.
Ben scrambled away from the sheets of contorted metal that slid across the deck towards him, but his attempts were in vain. Remnants of control panels fell towards him and it was all he could do to use the force as a buffer.
As his strength faltered, the debris rained upon him, and Ben cried out as a heavy piece of equipment collapsed onto his legs. Despite his distressed struggles, the metal refused to budge and instead threatened to crush him completely.
Another explosion radiated through the Guillotine. His stomach lurched as the vessel begun to disintegrate and fall through the upper atmosphere.
Even if he could use the force to move the debris or destroy it with the saber he still held within his rigid grasp, his attempts would be futile.
He would not reach an escape pod or fighter with enough time.
His anguished gaze cast to the viewing glass on his left, surveying the way the turquoise and emeralds never of Endor swirled together, sparkling in the light of a sun hidden from his reach.
Ben realised with an infallible fear that the final image his eyes would hold would be the twisted carcass of the First Order setting fire to the glimmering planet below him.
ooof this was a big chapter to edit. it's literally all I've been working on the last three or four days, and I am still not completely sold on it but I'm much happier than where I started.
alright, thoughts on a gold saber?! I considered purple, but the advice from my Star Wars pal was that purple sabers are reserved only for 'motherf**kers', haha. Samuel L Jackson is the OG and I respect that!
anywho, how is our boi going to get his way outta this one? will he get out of it? hopefully you won't have to wait long to find out!
thank you to stepankahanusova86 for your review, and for the new follows/favs! ya'll are amazing and I hope you're safe and well. sending lots of love!