QLFC round 11, Kestrels, BEATER 2: Love Them or Hate Them.
Optional prompts: (colour) ivory, (word) feature
Word count: 1690

WARNINGS: AU—Regulus is not a Death Eater. Injuries and blood (right from the very first line).

Many thanks to the lovely Arianna Waters for beta'ing :)

Regulus looked small and pale, too pale, his skin a mere shade darker than the white bedsheets, all the blood escaping from his veins from damaged tissues. And yet, schooling his features to impassivity, Sirius turned his back on his little brother, even as Regulus pleaded with him with fever-glazed eyes, and left without any words of comfort, the quiet click of the closing door covering his sigh.

How often had he turned away from Regulus so in these past few months? As children, the two of them had been close, and even when Sirius had run away, he and Regulus had managed to not drift apart. Due to the war, though, a rift had opened between them when Regulus had taken a wound that was meant for Sirius. Sirius shuddered as he remembered the ferocious fight he had had with Bellatrix and his horror as he had realized that Regulus had thrown himself in front of him, almost getting killed. Killed because he loved his elder brother. It had been then that Sirius, fear clogging his mind, had vowed that he would break Regulus of loving him, for how could Sirius stand it if he lost Regulus because the younger brother could not bear to lose the elder? Thus, Sirius had become like ice to his brother, keeping him at arm's length and further.

The hurt in Regulus' eyes had nearly shattered his resolve more than once, but Sirius remained firm in his vow even now that his little brother lay injured in bed—especially now, since Regulus had, after months of level-headed behaviour, again endangered himself by taking a curse aimed at Sirius. Sirius had never felt more furious and panicked. Thankfully, the rest of the Order had been able to dispatch the remaining Death Eaters as James and Sirius took Regulus and Apparated to Potter Manor, where Sirius had immediately thrust his brother's still—too still, too cold—body upon James.

Tearing away from the memory, Sirius glanced at the door behind which Regulus was resting after being treated. He should be inside that room, watching over his brother, but he could not. He could not show how much he cared, how much Regulus' pain broke his heart, or he might destroy the barrier he had built between them, leading to even more self-sacrificing actions from his little brother. Sliding down the wall with another helpless sigh, Sirius pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, willing for the image of his brother—ivory-pale skin barely standing out against the bed linen and red blood filtering through the bandages wrapped around his abdomen—to disappear from behind his eyelids.

When a hand was put on his shoulder, Sirius' head shot up to see James dropping down to the floor next to him.

"I failed him," Sirius muttered, averting his eyes.

"You did no such thing."

"It's my duty to keep him safe—my right. And I didn't."

"That's not your duty. Nor your purpose," he quickly added, preventing Sirius' reply.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked helplessly.

"It means that he loves you either way. Just as I would if I were him."

"That's the problem, he shouldn't love me."

James sighed. "Sirius, how many times need my parents and I remind you that you shouldn't fear love?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Your recklessness when it comes to protecting yourself if I am in danger is hard to miss. And now you're here, resenting your brother for wanting to protect you from harm. Don't you think that's a little hypocritical of you?"

"James, you don't understand. Regulus nearly died. He used his body as a bloody—" He choked on the curse, wishing he had used a different one, for this only brought up images of Regulus' motionless body. "You can't understand," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Can't I?" James smiled, though his eyes held an echo of pain. "Do you know how many times I was left waiting as you fought for your life after saving mine? No matter what it was, if you couldn't stop it, you would put yourself between it and me: a bludger, a curse, a slap from Lily, even a pillow from Peter once—should I keep going?"

"No no no, stop, I get it," Sirius said, warmth setting in his stomach at James' words. "Catch your breath, will you?"

"The thing with you, Sirius, is that you have a self-sacrificing streak ten miles wide, and I—" James shook his head and cleared his throat, adopting a stern expression. "Damn it, Padfoot, why can't you see that we're brothers and that brothers protect each other? I swear, I'll get Mum to lecture you about how much you are loved. How very deserving you are of this love."

For a moment, Sirius felt frozen, the amount of James' feelings too overwhelming. But then, something soft and warm shyly spread through his body, something akin to an embrace in a summer sunrise. It took Sirius a few seconds to realize that he was crying.

James had not finished yet. "It does not matter how much you try to keep him from the danger of loving you it will not work." With a gentle hand, he forced Sirius to look at him. "You cannot stop your brother or me from loving you. You cannot stop him from risking his life to save yours, just as we cannot stop you from the same. Or do you think we could make you hate us so much that you would no longer protect us?"

Sirius glared at him. "Never! I could never hate either of you, no matter what. I would die to protect you guys!"

There was smug self-satisfaction in James' voice as he asked, "Don't you think we feel the same? Do you honestly think we'd let you decide when we can love you or hate you? Do you really believe our love to be so fickle?"

Sirius stared down at his hands in silence for a long time, his mind feeling like a blank canvas as it digested everything James had been telling him.

"Regulus and I, as your younger brothers, believe we have as much right to protect our loved ones as much as you do," James said. "But if you'll ever pull something like this on me, I'll curse you to the next century. Without remorse."

"Ah, Prongs…" Any word of thanks Sirius tried to speak caught in his throat so he merely pulled James for a one-armed hug. "You—" He had tried to distance James and his parents from himself, but for once, his selfishness had won. Turning his head to bury it in James' chest, he said, "Never. My life is better because... becauseyoureinit," his words coming out of his mouth in a rush.

"That's precisely why I'm worried that you're going to ditch me, you self-sacrificing idiot. But I mean it. Do not even think about turning your back on me," James threatened again, before drawing back and punching Sirius in the arm, the fond look in his eyes giving him away. "Now go to your brother."

.x.

Slowly pacing forward in the dimly lit room, Sirius gripped the footboard of the bed for support, taking a moment to stare down at his brother. Even in his sleep, Regulus' features were still tense with pain, his ivory skin—the same colour of the old bones Moony and Padfoot had found in the Shrieking Shack—beaded with sweat. Sirius shuddered at how close he had come to lose his little brother, guilt clawing at him as he knelt next to the bed. When he brushed Regulus' hair away from his face, he was pleased to notice that the fever had subsided and his breath was now regular.

"Oh Reg, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I just wanted to protect you. I couldn't live with myself if you died to save me, died because you loved me. I'm sorry for leaving you alone."

"You should be."

Startled, Sirius jerked his hand away only to have it caught in his brother's cold hands.

Regulus had cracked an eye open and was now glaring at him. "You're a git, but you're my only brother, and I'm not about to let you get killed if I can help it."

"I would have been fine. James had my back, as always."

"He was too far."

"Not that far that he didn't manage to stop that Death Eater to cause you further harm." Sirius gripped Regulus' hands more tightly, rubbing them to warm them up. "Damn it, Regulus, I just don't want anything to happen to you, and if I have to make you hate me—"

"You absolute moron, you still don't realize it, do you?" Regulus gritted his teeth. "You have no right to tell me not to love you. You're so frustrating that I'm really tempted to hate you sometimes, but we're stuck together, and no amount of you trying to keep me from caring for you will stop me."

"As long as you're safe, I really don't care if you love or hate me, but—please, let me finish," Sirius said at his brother's outraged noise of protest. He chewed his lip. "Death could take either of us at any time, and I never want to lose you while you believe I hate you because that would be even worse than death. I love you, Reg."

"I love you, too. When you didn't talk to me anymore, believe me that it hurt worse than this." Regulus shakily pushed himself into a seated position, grimacing at the pain. "I will be careful—ouch, I definitely will, Sirius. But don't expect me to sit by and let you get killed."

Sirius stood and pulled his brother close so that Regulus could lean on his shoulder and remove pressure from the wound. "As long as you don't expect me to sit by and let you be killed, we have a deal."

"Deal."

They shook hands before wrapping each other in a tight hug.

"Go back to sleep, little brother," Sirius said, his hand drawing soothing circles on Regulus' back. "I'm here. I'll always be here."