A/N: So I wanted to write this chapter from Mac's POV but for continuity I decided against it. Though it was a much bigger challenge to keep it from Riley's POV. Hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own MacGyver or these characters, just borrowing for free fun.

Thank you for all the support angels. Here is the angst you ordered.

Moments Like This

Chapter Three- Sobering Thoughts

Riley stumbles out of the cab and manages to get all the way to the front door without falling over. She can smell the whiskey on her breath and regrets the entire night. Once at the front door she tries to center herself but the world keeps spinning. She feels like she's on a merry go round, but not the fun kind of ride. This ride is uncontrollably fast and she wants off. She digs into her bag for her keys but it slips out of her hand to the floor with a loud thud. Bending over to pick it up, the world flips upside down and suddenly she's on the floor next to the knapsack. She yelps loudly and covers her mouth as if the sound hadn't already escaped her lips.

She forgets what she was doing on the floor and just sits there outside the locked house. Her head falls into her palms as the spinning gets more intense. She remembers leaving headquarters after sending Bozer home. She remembers the dimly lit bar she winded up in, the creeps buying her drinks all night and the bartender calling her a cab. She doesn't know what time it is but she guesses its time to find her keys and get off the floor. Rifling through her bag again, her fingers close in on the bunch of keys same time the front door swings open.

"Riley?" Mac's in his boxers and a rumpled t-shirt, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. She's drunk but still feels sting of shame. She's a mess and he has a front row seat to the train wreck.

"What are you doing on the floor," he extends his hands to her and helps her up but having something strong and firm beneath her makes her go slack and he's not ready for all the weight that she puts on him. They both stumble into the house.

"Whoah, Riley?"

Mac gets his footing soon enough and hoists her up with one arm while the other closes and locks the door.

"You're wasted," he says but her drunk mind cannot tell if his tone is judgmental or not, angry or not. She's not sure she wants to know either. She just knows she wants to get away from him, limit the embarrassment she already feels.

She pries herself out of his arms and stands on her own, "I just had a little bit, I swear." She can't believe she's being that drunk person refusing to admit they're drunk but the words tumble from her lips before she can stop it.

"Mhm, I'm sure," he says, "Let's get you to bed,"

Before he can touch her, she feels the burning in her throat and the vomit spews from her mouth. She bends over and can't stop the puking, landing on the floor and splashing unto her shoes. She gets dizzy and almost topples over but Mac's steadying arms are around her in an instant, holding back her hair and rubbing her back. Why did he have to be so sweet? And why did she have to be so pathetic?

With a now empty stomach, she dry heaves until her throat hurts. The moment it subsides is the moment she burst into tears. Like a dam has been broken and she's finally able to mourn the thing she's never had, Mac. He's still reeling from the shock of the entire thing, he doesn't look sure what to make of her tears.

He guides her to her room. Sets her on the bed and stoops in front of her. She feels his hands work the boots off of her feet and though the world is spinning, he steadies her.

"I'm sorry, for everything," she says, her first sober thought f the night. She wipes at her eyes and then strips off her leather jacket.

He shakes his head. "You can make it up to me by telling me what's going on with you?" Once her shoes are off, he stands up with his hands on his hips and waits an explanation.

"Nothing," she tries but he doesn't even come close to buying it.

"Riley all the years I've known you, I've never seen you drink that much."

She shrugs quietly, tight lipped. He sighs loudly, not hiding his exasperation.

"But you can tell Bozer about it?" He clenches his jaw and she flinches at his cold look. She hates all of it.

"You should get changed, I'm gonna go clean up, I'll be back to check on you." He closes her room door and she's left with her mess. She's able to work her jeans off her hips and leaves it in a pile by her bed. She finds pajama bottoms and slips them on. She's working a tank top over her head when her door swings open.

Mac shuts his eyes and spins around, "Sorry, should have knocked."

"It's okay," After everything he has seen tonight, she's barely skittish about him seeing her stomach. "You can turn around." She's sinking herself into bed when he turns around. He has a bucket and a glass of water in his hands.

"Brought you these," he sets them down and sits on the bed next to her.

"Are you okay?"

She shrugs, can he see right through her? Is her glamour failing?

She takes a sip of the water just to have something to do because his gaze on her is microscopic and she's scared he'll figure her out before the night-or morning- is up.

"You never drink like this; would you tell me what's going on?"

Tears stream down her cheeks again, even though she's cried in front of him before, this time it feels like she's bearing her soul.

She shakes her head, "I can't tell you," her stomach hurts, her head hurts and her heart hurts. Everything hurts.

"Riley you can tell me anything,"

She shakes her head. "Not this time, it will change everything."

She knows she's not making any sense to him so he gets up to leave.

"Please don't go, I'm asking you to trust me…"

He looks back at her and she can see his resolve fading, little by little. He gives in with a sigh and sits next to her on the bed.

"I'm trusting that you'll tell me when you're ready," he says. Relief makes her close her eyes and it's the last thing she remembers before passing out.

When she opens her eyes a few hours later, morning sun is peeking through the curtains and Mac is rubbing at his neck in pain. Sleeping upright for a few hours would do that.

The headache splitting in her skull reminds her exactly what happened last night and she's even more ashamed.

"Oh my gosh, Mac-I'm so-last night was just-"

"Riles, it's okay, I'm just glad you're feeling better."

She sits up in bed holding her head, shoulder to shoulder with Mac. Was she better though? She's confused why he hasn't gotten up and retired to his room yet. She hopes he doesn't plan on grilling her for more information.

"You know, last night I was pushing you to open up-"

"No it's okay, you were jus-"

"Let me finish, I was pushing you to open up when I haven't opened up myself." he says.

His words make her more alert and she starts thinking about her own mess making her blind to his feelings, "are you okay?"

He shakes his head, "If I'm being honest. I'm really not. You know Desi and I were supposed to talk after the Codex fall out but we never really did, we just…"

"You just had sex and moved on?" She remembers, she had fled the house for Bozer's when she heard them.

He nodded, "I guess, yeah,"

She's feels bile creeping up her throat as she realizes he's confiding in her about Desi. She's not sure she can make it through the whole conversation without vomiting, much less be the sensitive friend he needs. It's a long moment before she says, "you guys should talk, if it's weighing on you."

He thinks about her words before he says, "I guess I'm afraid that if we do talk, we won't be able to come back from it. Not this time."

"I'm sorry," she says. She is and she isn't. She's sorry Mac''s hurting.

He shakes his head. "It's my choice. It's all my choice. I can choose to walk away whenever I want. It just feels like this job has taken so much from me. My family, my relationships…I have to save the day, save everyone but-"

"But who's saving you?"

He shrugs. "I hate complaining Riles, but lately…it all feels like a whirlwind, feel like I'm gonna be sucked up, I just want…need something solid I can hold on to."

Riley's breath hitches in her throat as he reaches for her hand. He's barely holding on to her hand, his fingers are just draped over her palm. But it's effective enough. She hates herself for being so selfish, so wrapped up in her own feelings that she's been ignoring Mac's. After everything he's done for her, everything he's been to her. She knows that in that moment, he could ask her to jump and she would ask him off of what.

She links their fingers together and his eyes dart to their knitted hands. "Hold on to me then," she says. She knows what she's saying. What she's giving up. If she was gonna be his friend, she couldn't be anything else to him.

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