We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts , we both know we ain't kids no more- Adele, Send My Love (To Your New Lover)
Toni had never been one to care about what other people thought of her, it was something she had always been told didn't really matter that much. All her life she had been told that if people didn't like her then that was a 'them problem.' Toni had always agreed with this philosophy that her granddad and uncle had always taught her. So for the past sixteen years, she had always been so unapologetically her.
But for some reason (that she couldn't even begin to explain to herself), as she walked into the entrance of Riverdale High School, to complete her sophomore year, she was suddenly, and for the first time in her life, overcome with a tidal wave of fear of what the students of Riverdale might think of her.
After all, she was a Southsider, walking into a swarm of Northsiders.
For the first time, she felt less than them, like she wasn't worthy of being around them or of associating with them. She had never felt less than anyone based on class, or wealth and material items. But right now, she felt like nothing more than a pauper, walking among royalty.
Growing up on Sunnyside Trailer Park, she'd had something of a hard life, everyone knew that, her parents weren't in the picture anymore and hadn't been since she was young, leaving her to be raised by her granddad, Thomas and her uncle, Paul. The two men had never had any money, and had worked as hard as they could to keep a roof over Toni's head, put food on the table, and clothing on her back; but with the hours they worked, they hadn't been around much, then again, there wasn't much adult supervision on Sunnside Trailer Park at all.
With the exception of one; FP Jones.
A man who worked in the local bar, The Whyte Wyrm and was next in line to be the leader of one of Riverdale's notorious gangs, The Southside Serpents. While other parents and guardians were out working or doing odd jobs (both illegal activities and otherwise), to be able to provide for their families, FP would do all he could to keep a close eye on the next generation of Southsiders. He became a modern-day, younger, Fagan, taking in the waifs and strays that were destined for the same life that he'd had.
He as well as making sure they were safe, had taught them all they would need to know for when they came of age and were initiated into the serpents too.
Toni was one of the only girls on the trailer park, but had easily fallen into step with the boys, including FP's son, Jughead and two other young boys who were the same age they were, Sweet Pea and Fangs. The three young boys had been given these nicknames early on in life; Sweet Pea getting his from his kind-hearted nature and his overly sweet side, Fangs had been given his nickname from being a fairly aggressive child and biting anyone and anything that stood in his way, and Jughead ha drecieved his nickname for his unfortunate ears that had stuck out on the side of his head as a child. Though, as he aged, his ears became less prominent but the name still stuck.
Toni however, simply remained Toni, a simple shortened down version of her given name, Antoinette. When she was younger, she had hated that she didn't have a nickname, that was until she grew up and all the nicknames people had been given started to play a part in their day to day lives, so much so that it became weird to even think of calling them anything else. Sweet Pea would never be Robert again, Fangs would never be called Edward, and Jughead would never carry the name of Forsythe like his father and grandfather had before him.
But she had always and would always be Toni Topaz.
Growing up on the Southside, where most people were gang members of children of gang members, names didn't matter all that much, it was a small community, and everyone pretty much knew everyone else, but now they were starting school on the North side of Riverdale, a place she knew that people like her were looked down upon everyday, no matter what, she could only imagine how much worse it would be to enter the dog house with a name like Sweet Pea, Fangs, or Jughead.
As they all walked into the main entrance of their new school, Toni couldn't help but notice how different Riverdale High was to Southside High School.
The walls were cleaner, painted in a pale blue and beige shades, rather than the dull, dingy grey that she had grown so used to seeing at her old school.
No graffiti marred the walls and floors, no metal detectors stood in the doorways, and there were absolutely no CCTV cameras in sight, nor were there any bars on any of the windows. It all seemed strange to Toni that a school could actually look like, well an actual school, rather than a prison.
She wasn't entirely sure if she liked it or not, it was different to say the least.
Toni turned to face the tall, stocky boy beside her, "I don't think we're in the Southside anymore, Sweets," She said in a mocking tone as she took in the look of awe on the dark haired boys face, he shook his head slowly before looking down at her, a small smile on his face.
They carried on down the halls, following in the path of Jughead, she could hear the voices of other students growing louder and louder, her heart rate increasing in her chest with every step hat she took. She was unsure of the reception they were about to receive, but she figured that walking into a school filled with Northsiders that it wouldn't be a great one. She figured that the kids at Riverdale would be no happier to have them there, than some of them were to be there.
Just ahead of them she could see a small gathering of students, all stood around looking like they were waiting for something to happen, all of them well dressed, exceptionally neat and tidy, unlike most of the people she had grown up with on the trailer park, as her eyes scanned the crowd she landed on the two most attractive people that Toni had ever seen in her whole life. One of them stood tall and straight, behind his female counterpart, while she seemed ti be in heated conversation with a raven haired girl.
The way her body moved with a feline grace made Toni's heart flutter slightly, she looked between the two of them, before setting on the girl ad she turned away from the conversation, her dark eyes, pale skin, bright-red lips, auburn hair were like nothing Toni had ever seen in life her, she'd always had thing for red heads, and now it was abundantly clear why that was, she looked from the girl to the boy and back to the girl again.
She couldn't help but think they both looked like they had fallen from an 'attractive tree' and hit every single branch on the way down. There was only one way to describe the pair of them, beautiful, even the boy could only be described as beautiful, he was just as attractive, his jaw more defined, and some of his features slightly sharp than her soft ones, but still so flawless, just like the girl by his side.
Toni knew in that moment that she had to have one of them.
As they edged ver closer to the group of Riverdale students, some looking happy to see them, some not so much (the two red heads included), she could feel butterflies flapping wildly in her stomach for more reasons than just nerves, the closer she go to the red-haired god and goddess the more she could feel a lump rising in her throat, she fought hard to tear her eyes away from them, and when she did, she allowed them to land on a paper banner that had been taped to two desks.
WELCOME COMMITTEE!
Toni couldn't believe that these kinds of things actually happened in real life, she wondered if other schools were like this, or if the Riverdale kids were just ridiculously nice, or the third option, they were being made to do this. What she did know was that if any of the Northside kids had transferred to Southside High for whatever reason they would have been greeted in a completely different way; intimidation tactics would have been used, scathing comments, remarks, and looks would have been thrown at them. But they would have never been welcomed like this.
It almost made her uncomfortable that the people who had looked down on them their whole lives were suddenly being so welcoming. She wanted to believe they were all trying to do the right thing, but the cynic inside of her couldn't help but thing they all had an ulterior motive.
"Welcome to Riverdale High School, home of the Bull Dogs," A chirpy voice said, pulling her away from her musings on the need and purpose of this welcome committee. She was sure that she had never heard anyone sound so excited so early on a morning.
She quirked an eyebrow at the dark-haired girl that had welcomed them, a small smirk playing at the edges of her lops as her eyes scanned over every face of the welcome committee ll of them stood there with huge smiles plastered onto their faces, until she got to the red-headed duo, now she was closer she could see that girl wasn't happy at all, her smirk only grew when she saw her looking at her too, those dark eyes scanned the length of her body, before going back to her face, their eyes locking momentarily, before the red-haired girl quickly looked away from her.
"Thanks, happy to be here," Toni replied, slowly looking away from the red-haired girl who had a slight blush in her cheeks, to look at the raven-haired girl who was clearly the leader of this committee.
As murmurs of hellos spread around the Riverdale and Southside kids, all of them greeting each other with as much enthusiasm as they could muster, the dajr-haired girl opened her mouth to speak again, before the red headed beauty cut her off, "I'd like to say the feeling is mutual, but we don't want people like you here."
Toni raised her eyebrows at the snarky remark, though she'd admit, the lilting sound of her voice even made the insult sound appealing, "Excuse me?" Toni asked, her raspy voice cutting through the halls.
"People like you," The red head snapped, rolling her eyes, the sound of her voice sent a flutter through Toni's body, she had no idea how someone could be so hostile yet so attractive at the same time, everything about this girl screamed out to Toni, and all she wanted to do was put this girl in her place, in more ways than one, "Underachievers, riffraff, trash, scum, take your pick, Serpent," She all but spat, "All of them perfectly describe you and your clan of ragamuffins."
Anger bubbled inside of her, it was one thing for a Northsider to be weary of them, she knew that in the town of Riverdale, the Serpents weren't exactly on the most desirable list, she had expected some hostility, but being called scum by someone who she didn't know was a stretch too far, no matter how hot they might be.
"Oh, I dare you to say all of that again," She threatened, taking two steps forwards as the other girl widened her eyes.
"Happily, Queen of The Buskers," She replied, moving towards Toni, the red-haired boys hand wrapped around her wrist, and Toni knew in that moment he was the only thing stopping her movements.
"I have a better idea," Jughead offered, "We'll all stay out of your way, as long as you and the rest of the Northsiders promise to stay out of ours?" He said, trying his best to placate the two girls as he looked between them, neither one willing to back down first.
The red-haired boy nodded his head slowly, "You've got a deal," He replied, "We won't bother any of you."
The red-haired girl looked up at him before turning her attention back to the crowd of serpents, all of which nodded at his words. With that the two red heads walked away from them all, "I am so sorry about that," Veronica smile, "She's not usually that bad, but like I said, welcome to Riverdale. Should you need anything feel free to ask any of us for help, we hope that you're happy here," She gave an uneasy smile before walking away from them, closely followed by another, more muscular red-haired boy and the rest of the committee.
Toni turned around to see Betty joining Jughead, his arm weaving around her, "Who the hell was that?" She asked.
Betty gave a tight-lipped smile, "That would be Cheryl Blossom," There was a beat of silence before she spoke again, her voice a little quieter this time, "my cousin."
"Oh, well I feel sorry for you," Toni joked.
Betty nodded her head slowly, "She really isn't usually that bad, she's just... stuck in her ways."
Toni scoffed and shook her head slowly as she and the rest of the serpents followed Betty to the office to get their class schedules, as much as she hated to admit it it, Toni was sure that her first day at Riverdale was going to be spent thinking about nothing more than the explosive red head, Cheryl Blossom.
She was livid. She had never been so angry in her twenty-four years. She didn't know who she was angrier at; Cheryl for waltzing back into Riverdale as if nothing had even happened (and then ignoring her as if she was nothing more than a stranger). Or her friends for not even warning her that Cheryl was back in town. She knew for sure that at least two of her friends had known that the red-haired woman was back in Riverdale.
Betty was Cheryl's cousin, and while they weren't close anymore, and she might not have known that Cheryl planned to come back here, there was no way that Betty hadn't been told about her arrival once she was actually there.
If Betty knew (and there was absolutely no convincing Toni that Betty didn't know), then Jughead knew too, which posed the questions; if Betty and Jughead knew that she was back, why hadn't they told her there was a chance of them seeing each other again after all this time, and just how many of her other friends knew her ex as back in town?
She couldn't believe that Cheryl was back. She had never thought it would happen.
When they were younger, all Cheryl ever spoke about was how she dreamed of getting out of Riverdale and never looking back again. She's had plans to leave the small town in her dust, and at that time, Toni had shared those dreams with her.
They had made all of their plans together, big plans. They'd spoke about their future in gruelling details and had mapped everything out; where they were going to live, what name they would take when they were married, how many kids they'd have and what they'd call them.
Everything was planned and seemed so certain, until one day, everything went to hell, all because of Penelope Blossom. A woman, that for the longest time, Toni had held the biggest grudge against, for more reasons than one.
Cheryl had been ripped away from her during the summer of their junior year, and had never returned, contact had been limited during the summer, sneaking texts and phone called whenever they could. Until one day, the texts and phone calls stopped. After days of Toni and all their friends trying and failing to reach her, a letter arrived at her trailer, a letter from Cheryl explaining that her aunt had taken her phone from her and that for now at least, this was how they would have to talk.
Until one day, the letters stopped too.
No matter how many letters Toni wrote and sent over that summer (and there had been a lot), Cheryl never replied, after that, Toni tried her hardest to track her down on any form of social media she could find.
But every time she found Cheryl, her profiles were airtight, with the strictest of privacy settings on them, you had to request to follow her, and her Facebook page had no option to add her as a friend.
It had become clear to Toni that Cheryl Blossom didn't want to be found, or contacted, and as the years passed Cheryl started to become nothing more than a memory. A ghost of Toni's past. A ghost, that she always dreaded running into, but had never actually thought she would.
Toni had tried her hardest to get away from Riverdale, everything held memories of Cheryl, and made her heart ache, it had been far too hard to live in a town that had once held so much colour and light for her, but was now as bleak and grey as it had been before Cheryl Blossom came into her life.
At one point in her life, she had truly thought she had succeeded in her plan to get away from Riverdale, she'd landed herself a full scholarship to an arts college in a totally different state and had finally started to feel like maybe some of her dreams could actually come true.
Until fate dealt her yet another, very cruel hand, and she was forced to drop out of her dream college and come back to help look after her sick Grandfather.
While her Uncle Paul worked every hour god sent in a garage fixing up old junker cars, she got herself a job at the local South Side Bar, The Whyte Wyrm, and had moved into her grandfather's trailer.
Unfortunately, her grandfather's condition deteriorated quicker than the doctors had first thought it would, and within six months of her being back in the suburban town, her Grandfather Thomas had passed away one night while she was at work.
After that, Toni was simply back into her old routine, sinking into a deep depression that she hadn't even realised was happening, that was until her friends stepped up and pulled her out of it, being there for her in any way they could be.
No serpent gets left behind.
In unity there is strength.
Two of her favourite laws of being a serpent, the two laws she heard the most in her darkest time, she was thankful for the notion of once a serpent always a serpent, she easily fit back into her old family, only this time, Jughead was at the helm, just like his father had been before him.
She stayed working at the Whyte Wyrm, figuring that any job was better than no job at all, plus, now that she was back in Riverdale, she guessed that maybe that was all she was ever supposed to be.
After all, a wise girl had once told her that everything happed for a reason. She could still hear her voice whenever she thought about that simple sentiment, could still see the smile on her face as cherry red lips pulled back over a set of perfect teeth.
The same girl, that just moments ago had looked at her, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights of in oncoming car and had given her a half-hearted greeting before leaving Pop's diner. A girl, that years ago would smile every time she saw her, and greet her with nothing but warmth, and love.
The more she thought about it, the more it filled her with an uncontrollable rage. She'd all but run from Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe to the South Side of Riverdale, something she hadn't done in a long time.
"Why didn't any of you tell me?" Toni demanded as she stormed into the Whyte Wyrm, all eyes on her as she continued to make her way to their usual table, "Why didn't any of you tell me that she was back here?" She asked again, her voice taking on a much harsher tone than before.
"Toni, what are you talking abo—"
"Oh, cut the bullshit, Jug. I know for a fact that you know exactly who and what I am talking about," She snapped, she took a deep breath before asking him one more time, "Why didn't you tell me that Cheryl was back?"
"What makes you think that I even knew?" He asked, his tone uneasy as worry flashed across his face for a mere second before he managed to compose his expression.
Toni scoffed, "Oh please, she is your fiancée's cousin," She replied, he tore his green eyes away from her to look down at the cards in his hand, "Did you know?" She asked, taking a deep breath before speaking again, "Please, just tell me."
He nodded his head slowly, a soft sigh slipping past his lips, "Yeah, I knew."
"When did you find out?"
He shrugged, "I don't know, a couple of days ago," He divulged, "Betty, Veronica, Archie, and I were all at Pop's, and she was there too. Veronica saw her first and brought her over to see us all," He continued, "None of us wanted to tell you because we didn't want to hurt you. So, we all agreed that it was best not to say anything… all of us except Betty, she thought we should tell you."
"She was right," Toni shrugged, "You didn't wanna hurt me but how do you think I feel now?" She asked, "Maybe if one of you had warned me, I wouldn't have been so shocked to walk into Pop's and see her sitting there looking like a goddamn goddess."
He nodded his head slowly, "I know. I know it was wrong of us not to tell you, but none of us even knew how long she'd be here for. We thought that maybe it was just for a visit and that you wouldn't even see her."
"Yeah well, I did see her," Toni replied, "And you should have told me no matter how long she was here for. Maybe then I could have prepared myself for all of this."
"Toni, we really did think—"
"No, I don't wanna hear it right now, okay?" She asked, "I just need some time to process all of this," There was a beat of silence as she shrugged her shoulders, and shook her head slowly, "I'll see you later."
She turned from the table and headed straight for the doors, not looking back at her friends, she couldn't have been walking for more than thirty seconds when she heard heavy footsteps running towards her.
She looked over her shoulder to see Sweet Pea and Fangs chasing after her, "Toni wait," Sweet Pea called out to her, Toni sighed and stopped, turning around to face them.
"What?"
"We just thought you shouldn't be alone right now, and that maybe you'd need someone to talk to, away from the whole, she-who-must-not-be-named thing," Fangs explained shrugging his shoulders slightly.
Toni looked between the two tall men, her eyes narrowing slightly, "Did you guys know she was back?" She asked, "Because if you two knew and didn't say anything to me then I really can't trust anyone anymore."
Fangs shook his head, "I honestly had no idea, and had I known I would have told you straight away. You deserve to know something like that."
Sweet Pea sighed and shook his head, "Toni you know how I feel about that woman, I wouldn't have acknowledge her existence had I been there with them, not after what she did to you," There was a beat of silence before he spoke again, "But even I would have told you she was back."
"This is just the worst feeling ever," She explained, "I always knew if I ever saw her again that it'd be hard, but I didn't expect it to be anywhere near this painful," Toni divulged, "I also sort of had this stupid fantasy that should we ever meet again, that everything would just fall into place, like when we were kids, and that she'd be happy to see me. That maybe we could have a second chance."
"And now?" Fangs asked, his voice quiet.
"And now I really don't ever see that happening," Toni shrugged before she started to walk again, silently instructing the two men to follow her.
"Why, did you talk to her?" Sweet Pea asked.
"I tried to," Toni replied, "I really wanted to, I saw her and couldn't quite believe it, and I had all these different feelings whirling around my head; hurt, anger, excitement. It was a confusing couple of seconds I'll admit, but I got the courage to go over to her, and then I noticed she wasn't alone, she was with some blonde woman," She screwed her face up slightly as memories of the mystery blonde flooded her mind.
"And?"
"And I tried to talk to them," She shrugged, "But when I asked who her friend was, she was about to answer before Cheryl cut her off and just left, giving me some half-assed greeting, as if I was nothing more than an old acquaintance," She sighed, "So I really don't think my fantasy is going to come true any time soon."
"She's a bitch anyway," Sweet Pea grumbled.
"Sweets," Toni started, a slightly warning tone to her voice.
"No, she is, after everything she did to you, ignoring you all those months and never even explaining what happened, she is gonna come back here and act like you're the one in the wrong and like you don't deserve her time?" He asked, not giving Toni time to answer, "It's typical Blossom bull shit and you know it."
She took a deep breath, not knowing what more she could say to him, it was clear his opinion on Cheryl wasn't going to change any time soon, and maybe he had a point.
Panic.
Sheer, gut wrenching, heart pounding, head spinning panic coursed through every inch of her body. She could feel her hands shaking at her sides as she tried her hardest to focus on getting to her car before she could collapse to the floor.
Her knees felt like they were going to buckle from under her with every stride that she took, her usually graceful movements turning sloppier as her head began to feel lighter with every passing second.
Toni Topaz was here in Riverdale.
Just like she was.
Not only was she still in Riverdale, but she was living here looking like a goddamn walking dream and in turn she was still able to make Cheryl's stomach twist in knots, only this time, for an entirely different reason than when they were kids.
Disgusting. Sinful. Deviant.
She had hoped that Toni would have been one of the lucky few to break free from the confines of this hellhole disguised as the town with pep. She had manifested it so much over the years, putting out good into the world for the pink-haired woman. She had wanted Toni to be away from this place for a plethora of reasons, though Cheryl would only ever be willing to admit the most selfish of reasons.
She hadn't ever wanted to see Toni again.
She had never wanted to run the risk of feeling anything like this.
The blood in her veins ran cold, sending chills all through her body as a thin sheen of a cold, clammy sweat appeared on her forehead. It had been a long time since her anxiety had taken hold of her with such a vice like grip.
Cheryl's mind was reeling with every facet of Toni.
Everything that she had repressed for so long came back to her the second that she had seen her in a way that she hadn't even known was possible. Thoughts of their past blurring together in her mind, every single one of them so intertwined it was almost impossible to separate them from each other.
Weeks of tension, that eased into them tolerating each other, that soon turned into a friendship between two of the most unlikely of people. Feelings of friendship getting blurred and lines being over stepped until they became more than friends.
Whispers of sweet nothings between soft kisses, or in quiet rooms beneath silk sheets, or cuddled close together in a small bed in a cold, rundown trailer. Laughter, warmth, soft touches, a budding, new, hopeful relationship that had been built on childish ideologies and fairy tales.
It hadn't taken long for it all to be ripped out from under her.
Taken away by the callous and cruel entity that was her own mother.
Then came the memories of the hurt, and the repentance, seeing the error of her ways.
Disgusting. Sinful. Deviant.
As cruel as it might have felt at almost eighteen, her mother and the Sisters had shaped her life for the better, they'd helped her move past the wrongs she had done. They'd shown her a life without sin.
She hadn't thought it was possible for that many memories to come flooding back to you in a single second of seeing someone's face, she had never known they could hit you all at once, like a tidal wave and drag you under just as easily. Leaving you gasping and fighting for air.
The again, Cheryl hadn't thought a lot of things were possible, until they'd happened.
"Cheryl who was that?" Petunia asked, struggling to keep up with the red-haired woman as she stormed across the parking lot, speed walking to her car. Petunia's voice seemed to be getting more and more shrill with every word that she spoke.
It grated on Cheryl like nails down a chalk board, mixing with the cacophony that already whirled around her brain.
A mess of noise, images, touch, taste, all of her senses going into overdrive. Her mind and body alike screaming out to her. All because she had seen her.
The Southside scum.
The girl who she had been convinced had ruined her life when she was younger, and had shaped her into something, someone, she was never supposed to be. Someone that for years her mother and father had trained her to be the opposite of.
Disgusting. Sinful. Deviant.
Nothing but scum.
"Cheryl, who was that?"
Enough was enough, she didn't want to hear from Petunia anymore, her voice piercing through the memories of Toni Topaz's soft, raspy voice, speaking her name so softly when talking to her, saying it through laughter, moaning it in ecstasy—
"Cheryl, answer me!"
"What?" Cheryl snapped, whirling around on her heel, Petunia almost crashed into her thanks to the abruptness of Cheryl's stop. Her dark eyes were wide and flashing with anger as she looked at the other woman. Cheryl's face had turned a whiter shade of pale than anyone was used to seeing it.
She was sure that she was going to throw up any second, her breathing getting heavier and heavier with each second that past, a lump rising in her throat, so big that she was sure she was going to choke on it.
Petunia widened her eyes in surprise at the sudden change in Cheryl's usually composed demeanour. She had hidden her emotional, hot-headed attitude for six years. She had learnt her lesson when it came to control. This sisters had made sure of that; if she ever fought back, or lost control with any of them, they soon taught her right from wrong.
So much hard work had been put into the woman she had become at twenty-four.
Only for one person to strut into her life, and ruin everything so easily.
"Cheryl, who was that?"
"Does that matter?"
"W-well, no, I guess not, but—"
Cheryl turned on her heel and continued to walk the short distance to her car, "Then I think we should stop talking abut it, don't you?" She asked, stopping by the red convertible, arching a challenging eyebrow at the other woman.
Cheryl opened the door to the car and climbed into it, never taking her eyes off of Petunia, the blonde sighed and followed her into the car, "Cheryl, I can tell that something is going on, you can trus—"
"I don't want to talk about it, okay. I don't care if you say I can trust you or not," Cheryl snarled, leaning over the centre console just slightly, closing the already minuscule gap between them, her dark eyes locking with blue. "This has to stay between the two of us."
"I just don't want you bottling—"
"Oh my god, stop talking, please," Cheryl snapped, "This stays between us, no one can know about this, and I am asking you that as someone who can apparently trust you," She replied, using Petunia's own words against her, "No one can know about this. Ever. So, let's just pretend it never happened, okay?"
Petunia nodded her head slowly, "Okay."
Cheryl gave her a tight-lipped smile before pulling out of the parking lot and heading back in the direction of Thorn Tree Court. Hoping that Petunia wouldn't ask any more questions, as guilt began to settle in her stomach over the way she had spoken to the blonde.
Pretend it never happened.
She had perfected the art of pretending something had never happened a long time ago, she'd had to. There were lots of things she'd pretended hadn't happened if her parents or Jason asked about it, and even things she had told Sheriff Keller had never happened.
Memories of what she and the Serpents had done on the South Side what she and her classmates had endured at The Sisters of Quiet Mercy. A drunken tryst she'd had on one of her very first nights of college, all of them, lived now in her memory, never to be spoken about allowed.
She liked it that way.
She had her little secrets that she kept with herself. Always there to revisit anytime, should she want to of course, some of her secrets, were a lot more pleasant than others.
But there was one thing, she hardly ever spoke about, even with herself, not anymore at least, and one thing that she never spoke about out loud: her relationship with none other than Toni Topaz.
Sweet Pea and Fangs had walked Toni home from the Wyrm, trying to make her feel better about the whole Cheryl Blossom situation, they talked animatedly focusing in on every single one of Cheryl's faults. Toni would nod along to what they were saying, adding the obligatory yeah, or a hum, every now and again.
She knew that they were just doing what friends are supposed to do; talking down on a ex that has wronged you, but that didn't mean she had wanted to hear any of it. She knew Cheryl better than anyone else did, or at least she'd thought she did.
She had known Cheryl inside and out when they were younger, however closed off the red-haired woman was with other people, she hadn't been like that with her, Toni had been able to draw Cheryl out of herself.
She had allowed Cheryl Blossoms to be whoever and whatever she wanted to be, away from the ideologies of what her mother and father, and any other Blossoms wanted her to be.
She dropped herself onto her bed and heaved a heavy sigh, as realisation finally hit her, Cheryl Blossom was back in Riverdale and had made no effort to contact her, there was a reason Toni had never been able to find her on any social media and had had no form of contact with her for the last six years.
And it weighed on her like a ton of bricks; Cheryl Blossom no longer wanted anything to do with Toni.
During the six years they had been apart, it seemed all too possible that Cheryl had slipped back into her old ways of wanting nothing to do with someone who had grown up on the Southside, just like when they had first met.
She laid staring at the ceiling, her heart aching dully in her chest as she thought about her expectations of seeing Cheryl again, compared to the stark contrast of the reality.
She had never imagined seeing Cheryl again would leave her feeling heart broken, and yet, here she was hurting all over again.
She rolled over and felt around under her bed until her fingers hit soft, faux leather. She pulled the box from under her bed, and opened it slowly taking a deep breath; it had been a while since she had wanted to take a trip down memory lane, but today, she needed it, she needed something to remind her of the girl Cheryl had been those six years earlier.
She grabbed hold of the neat stack of envelopes and placed them on her bed, opening the first one, and silently reading the words that Cheryl had once written her.
Toni,
I am sorry I haven't responded to any of your texts or answered any of your calls, my aunt heard us talking one night and took my phone from me, lord knows what she's done with it. I have tried to get it back but just can't.
So, this is how we're going to have to communicate for a while, I hope everything is well in Riverdale, and that you're all enjoying summer vacation as best you can, I trust that everyone is keeping you busy.
Give them all my best and let them know that I am thinking of them everyday that I am away from you all. I miss you so much, TT, I miss everything about you.
I miss your gorgeous face, your smile, the sound of your laugh and your voice, I would give anything to be there with you right now, there are not enough words to express how I am feeling, and the one person I want to talk to is the one person I am being kept from.
I know my family are doing all they can to prevent me from reaching you. But I am going to do everything in my power to be able to talk to you, even if it is just letters as and when we can.
I love you more than anything Toni, and that love grows more and more every day, nothing is going to change that.
Yours always,
Cheryl.
She felt her breathing hitch as she ran her hands over the dents in the page where Cheryl's pen had once been, allowing her fingers to trace the patterns of the neat, loopy penmanship, a lump rising in her throat as the last three words rang out in her head.
Yours always.
Always.
She folded the letter up before slotting it back into the envelope and moving onto the next one.
Dear Toni,
I am glad that everything is well in Riverdale, and that everyone is doing all they can to make your days pass by more smoothly and keep a smile on your face, that is all I can ask of anyone, as long as you are smiling I'm happy.
I loved hearing your stories from the past few days and wish more than anything that I could be there with you all causing chaos. Or to just be with you for five minutes.
Please, don't apologise my love, you did nothing wrong. If anything, my hateful family should be the one apologising to for everything they have done recently, and for everything they are putting you through right now.
I am hurting too and I miss you more than I ever thought was possible to miss another person, but please, keep your head held high and smile through it all, just like you always I do. I know that you can get through this.
I am coming back to you and we will see each other again soon. I know we will. I promise that nothing is going to change. I can't wait to see you again, and to hold you again.
I love you forever and always,
Cheryl
Her eyes began to burn with tears that threatened to spill over the edge, her heart rate increasing with every word that Cheryl had written her, the letters taking her back to how she had felt the first time she'd read them. Her heart swelling with the love expressed from the taller girl.
How easily she had thrown around words like always and forever. Back then, it had seemed possible. To Toni, spending forever with Cheryl had seemed like the only viable option in her life, back then, she had been so sure of her feelings for the taller girl, and had been so sure of how Cheryl had felt about her. The love between them was palpable, and she could feel it from a single look that the taller girl would give her.
The love she had felt for Cheryl had lasted years, her heart clenching every time someone said her name, or spoke about something she had done, but after a while, everyone around her seemed to move on from the unstoppable force that had been Cheryl Blossom, all of them accepting that she was gone, and was no longer theirs.
She wiped the tears from her eyes before moving onto the next letter, torturing herself some more, all in the hope of reminding herself who Cheryl truly was beneath the hard, rich girl exterior.
My love,
Life is hard here, harder than I ever expected it to be, and while on the surface it may look better, Barrington, Rhode Island has nothing on Riverdale or the people that inhabit it.
I am so lonely here, locked in my aunt's house is providing me little in terms of having a life, it's dull and lifeless here and the only thing keeping me going is knowing I am going to be hearing from you soon.
Your letters and words fill me with a hope, love, and happiness like nothing I have ever felt before in my life. I count down the days to receiving a letter from you and being able to hear about your life and the stories you have, and memories you have made without me being there.
I can't wait to be with you again and to start a life together, away from Riverdale, away from my parents and the expectations they have of me. I can't wait for our life to truly begin and for our story to start.
You are my everything. Never forget that, please? I miss you more and more every day and my whole-body aches for you. I can't wait until I can see you again, I am counting down the seconds.
Yours forever,
Cheryl
She continued to read through every letter, each on of them reopening an old wound.
Wounds that had never fully healed, and would even now sting her when she least expected it.
Every time she read one of Cheryl's letters, and over the years she had read them a lot, she would always refold them, following the creases perfectly, and always being careful to not add anymore wear and tear to them, trying her hardest to not rip through the fraying creases. Once they were back in their envelopes, she would always out them back into a neat pile, in chronological order, from the first letter Cheryl had sent right down to the last one.
For Toni, there weren't enough letters, and she always read through them all far too quickly, always dreading re-reading the last one.
The one she now held in her shaking hands, her breathing shallow, her chest and throat tightening.
She took a deep breath, and opened the letter slowly, her heart breaking all over again when she read the shortest and simplest of letters, the one that said so much and so little at the same time.
With the few words Cheryl had written, Toni had known even back then that the taller girl was beginning to lose hope but was clinging on to whatever they were.
My dearest, Toni,
I miss you and I promise I will come back to you… one day. I love you,
Cheryl
The last letter Cheryl had written her, those last few words Cheryl had ever given her before going off of the grid, never to be heard of again. It was so short, simple, and straight to the point, those short sentences had said so much and little at the same time, and it never failed to make Toni ache, not for herself, but for the other girl, she would never know exactly what Cheryl had goen through in Rhode Island, but from the letters she had received, she could only imagine the pain she'd had to endure.
She took a deep breath before returning the letter back to it's envelope and putting all of them back in the box, her hands quickly moving to the pile of pictures she'd stored away with the letters, a box full of memories of Cheryl Blossom.
Cheryl; Toni's greatest muse, the one thing that Toni loved to photograph more than anything else.
She flipped through the pictures as sobs began to rack through her body.
She had thought she was stronger than this.
She had thought, that if she ever saw Cheryl again, she would know what to do, would know how to feel. She had never thought for a second in her life that looking at pictures of her childhood flame would leave her feeling so empty. For years she had turned to this box as a source of comfort, clinging onto hope that Cheryl's words would be true and that one day they would come back to each other and all would be right again.
From the old pictures, and what she had seen of her today, Cheryl hadn't changed all that much, apart from the fact that she was somehow even more beautiful than she ever had been before. Toni hated that. She hared that she still found her so irresistible and so utterly gorgeous. She wondered if she would always feel this way.
She looked back to the stack of envelopes before replacing all the pictures, closing the box and pushing it back under her bed, ready for the next time she felt like taking a stroll down memory lane, as she so often did.
There had always been a part of Toni, that couldn't help but wondered what had put a stop to Cheryl's letters, the stop to her contact in general, everything had seemed just fine, until suddenly it wasn't. There would be nights that she would lay awake, thinking about all the possibilities that could have stopped the one form of contact that she had left with Cheryl. Her mind would always jump to the same two options; one, her aunt had found the letters and had put a stop to them the same way she had with Cheryl's phone, and two that Cheryl had simply stopped wanting to speak to her.
Out of sight, out of mind.
That simple phrase started to haunt her, she would have to convince herself multiple times that Cheryl wouldn't do that to her. That her overly honest and extremely blunt girlfriend would never stoop to such levels of ghosting and cutting off contact. The Cheryl she knew would have simply called things off in a letter, asking her to never speak to her again, rather than putting her through the paranoia and anxiety of wandering what had happened.
But as the days without contact turned into weeks, Toni would read and re-read all of Cheryl's letters hoping she could piece something together in an attempt to figure just what had happened to the red-head, she would visit her parents, only to be sent away as soon as Penelope of Clifford answered the door, harsh words being thrown in her face before the heavy wooden door would slam on her.
Toni began to cling to the selfish hope that Cheryl's family had been consistent in their toxic ways and had started to intervene with the letters, pushing Cheryl further down a rabbit hole of loneliness, breaking her spirit more than her letters said they had. She had hated herself for hoping that Cheryl's aunt was just as controlling and manipulative as every other Blossom, knowing just how bad Cheryl's life would be if that were the case.
It got to a point, where Cheryl enlisted the help of her friends, asking Veronica, Betty, Fangs, and even Sweet Pea to write letters to her, in the hope that one of them, especially her own cousin Betty, would be granted the honour of a response, but as the weeks turning into month and none of them had heard anything from Cheryl, Toni's hopes began to fade, and were quickly overtaken by a nagging voice in the back of her mind, always telling her that Cheryl didn't want to talk to her.
She didn't want to talk to any of them.
The voice would often remind her that Cheryl wouldn't be coming back, like she had always said she would, and as those thoughts began to settle into Toni's mind, she began to view them as fact, rather than a simple possibility. Her heart began to break even more than it already had, shattering into a hundred pieces, leaving her feeling breathless at the very thought of not being enough for Cheryl anymore.
Today certainly hadn't helped with Toni's deep-rooted fear, one that she had never spoken to anyone; she had always feared that she wasn't good enough for Cheryl, despite what Cheryl always told her. That fear only grew bigger and bigger when Cheryl was sent to Rhode Island, she always feared that while they were apart Cheryl would move on, that the red-haired girl would find something better. Better than Riverdale, better than Toni.
Only now that fear seemed more like a reality.
Cheryl had returned to Riverdale, but not for her, she had return to Riverdale and hadn't even made the effort to reach out to her, but more than that, she had returned to Riverdale with someone new, just like Toni always worried she would. Seeing her again brought everything back to Toni; the animosity Cheryl had shown her when they first met, all those snarky comments that sooned turned into brief conversations as the red head opened herself up to the posibility of entertaining a Southsider.
The budding friendship that had quickly turned unto a romance, right up to the heart break she had felt when Penelope Blossom had put an end to their love by getting rid of Cheryl and sending her away from Riverdale.
Without Riverdale her life became colourless, and ironically, seeing that familiar flash of red today was enough to plunge her back into the darkness she had felt at eighteen, she couldn't and wouldn't let it happen to herself, and she certainly wouldn't put her friends though that.
Not again.
Not over a woman. Especially one it was painfully obvious didn't want her.
Not when she knew there were people around her that she could turn to at a time like this to keep her head about the rough water that was life. They'd been there for her the first time her relationship with Cheryl had left her feeling like this, they'd been there for her when her grandfather was ill and when he eventually passed away, and she knew that they would be there for her now.
She took a deep breath and wiped away her tears, placing the pictures back into the box, closing it and slipping it back under her bed for the next time she wanted to take a trip down memory lane, as she so often did, even though she knew that one day she would have to give her box of memories up, she would have to say goodbye to the ghosts of her pasts, all the letter, all the photos, everything. Allowing her relationship with the other girl to live only in her very vivid memories.
She leaned over and opened the drawer to her bedside table, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and her lighter before pushing herself up from her bed and heading out of her trailer, sitting in the doorway. She pulled a cigarette from the packet and lit it taking her first drag, and giving her grandfather a whispered apology; he had never been a fan of her smoking habit, and had always said he wanted her to quit, but if she intended on doing it, not to do it in the house.
Smoking in the trailer was still something she couldn't bring herself to do, even if she only smoked socially or whenever she felt overwhelmed with emotions, like now. She knew that if nothing else could help to calm her, the slight rush of nicotine washing over her would allow her to feel something other than pain and anger.
Her phone buzzing in her packet pulled her attention away from her musings, she rolled her eyes when she saw Betty's name on her screen, she answered the call and sighed, "Hey you, what's up?" She asked.
"Hey," Betty replied, her voice quiet, there was a beat of silence before the blonde-haired woman spoke again, "Listen, I know that you probably don't want to talk about any of this, and that's totally fine," She said, "But Jughead told me what happened to you today, and I just wanted to make sure that you were okay?"
Toni scoffed and shook her head despite Betty not being able to see her, she placed the cigarette in her mouth again, and inhaled before letting it out slowly, "Honestly, Betty, I have felt better," She admitted.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," She divulged, "Look, I know that it will change absolutely nothing, but how do you feel about coming over tonight? Me, you, and Veronica could have a girl night, movies, drinking, pyjama party, seriously you name it and we can do it, Toni."
Toni couldn't help but smile at the blonde woman's words, "Honestly that sounds great."
"Okay, then come over tonight around eight?" Betty suggested, and Toni could hear the slight smile in her friends voice.
Toni thanked her, before hanging up the phone and agreeing to meet at Betty's house at eight, she finished her cigarette and headed back inside the trailer, feeling thankful that she had a friend like Betty Cooper.
After spending the afternoon reeling over seeing Toni again, Cheryl had tried her hardest to clear her mind, Nick had text her not long after she'd got home informing her that they'd been invited to Thistlehouse for dinner as a family, yet another dinner with her parents. Another night of Cheryl being belittled, and Nick being swept into the study, leaving Cheryl to sit with her mother, something the red-haired woman loathed to do.
But worse than that, Cheryl would have to spend the night with Petunia, after spending all day with her. She couldn't think of anything worse after the day they'd had together, guilt of speaking to the blonde the way she had, started to settle in and made her feel sick to her stomach, she definitely didn't want to have to spend more time with the other woman when they would have nothing to say to each other.
She had taken as long as she could with getting ready for the evening, trying to buy herself as much time away from her family as possible, and hoping that she would be able too distracted with a certain pink-haired serpent throughout the meal, the last thing she needed was for her to not be able to hold a conversation as images of Toni swam around in her mind, and since she had seen her, Toni was all she had been able to think about.
Her full lips, golden eyes, soft skin, everything in her mind was Toni, no matter how hard she tried to think of anything else.
"Cheryl, are you ready yet?" Nick asked as he all but stormed into the room, to find Cheryl applying her signature red lipstick, his eyes widened slightly when they landed on the red-haired girl, standing by the vanity, his eyes trailed the length of her body, taking in the low cut, tight black dress that stopped mid-thigh.
Cheryl nodded her head slowly, "Yes, I am ready," She replied trying to muster the best smile that she could, and hoping that her chosen outfit and look could buy her some more time in their own home, even if only for one thing.
"Well you look amazing," He commented, his eyes darkening just looking at her.
A small smirk spread across her face, as an idea entered her mind, "But just how amazing do I look?" She asked, taking steps closer to him, nudging his nose with her own, before giving him a soft, passionate kiss. She felt his hands move to her hips, pulling her closer to his body as he deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into her mouth without warning, his grip on her hips turned bruising.
She rolled her hips upwards, making him groan quietly, this was her last attempt to get him to stay in the house with her, rather than spending the evening at Thistlehouse with her parents, after all, she had already tried everything else, and this was the last weapon that she had in her arsenal. Any other time she knew it would work, but as her hand moved up to the back of his neck, to pull him closer, Nick pushed her back slightly.
"As much as I wish we could right now, and believe me, I really do... we have to get to your parents house, they're expecting us," He said his breathing slightly ragged.
"Can't we just stay here a little bit longer?" Cheryl asked, her voice low and husky.
He shook his head slowly, "No. But you're definitely making this up to me later," He growled, before moving his hand around to her ass and gripping it tightly, causing Cheryl to suck in the air through her teeth from the slight pain it gave her, "You're going to really make it up to me, in any way I want you to."
Cheryl gave her fiancé a tight-lipped smile and nodded her head slowly, "Can't wait," She replied, her tone betraying her words just slightly, she felt thankful that Nick was too caught up in his own thoughts to notice.
Cheryl had remained more quiet than usual at dinner, always worrying that Petunia was going to slip up and mention something about the incident at Pop's, she could only imagine the reaction her mother would have to that little story, both the Toni element to it, and they way Cheryl had acted towards Petunia. She knew her father wouldn't care, he had never paid much attention to her or any of her friends, always ignoring Toni or the other serpents if they were in Thistlehouse.
Her mother, had been completely different, she had never liked Toni, and had never even tried to hide it, even before she knew the truth about Cheryl's relationship with the other girl, Penelope would openly show animosity towards the pink-haired girl whenever she was around, and had, at times, gone as far as telling people to ignore her if she ever spoke to them.
Cheryl had always known deep down that it had hurt Toni, but the serpent girl had always plastered on a smile and had always found a way to laugh about it later, acting like Penelope's words had meant nothing to her. She could only imagine what her mother's reaction towards Toni would be now. She was sure that her mother's distaste for the girl from the Southside had only grown, especially after she had walked in on them in Cheryl's bed all those years ago.
When the men had retreated to the study, and the women to the living room, Cheryl had sat in silence and had watched as her mother and Petunia continued to speak about wedding plans, she wondered how her mother found it in herself to be so pleasant with the blonde woman, when she could barely say two nice words to her own daughter. At one point in her life, she had longed for her mother to look at her with the same soft eyes and kind smile that she always had for Jason, and now, Petunia.
But after twenty-four years of hoping and never receiving she had given up on that hope, and settled for whatever she got in life.
During the conversation between the other two women, Cheryl had managed to steal away from the living room and out into the yard, sitting on the porch swing and letting the cool evening air and light breeze wash over her, taking in deep breaths in the hope of being able to clear her mind after everything that had happened that day. Though he mind only wanted to go to one thing.
The pink hair, golden eyes, soft full lips of Toni Topaz, the memories of the other woman becoming more vivid with every passing hour, no longer blurring together in Cheryl's mind, memories of the jokes they'd shared, the softer sweeter moments between the pair of them, both of them tangled together in soft silk sheets, as Toni's lips brushed against her skin.
Control yourself Cheryl.
Her mother's voice came to the for front of her mind, washing away any traces of Toni, like it usually did.
Disgusting. Sinful. Deviant.
She closed her eyes tight shut, and took another deep breath, trying her hardest to push her mother words from her mind, a task, that some days seemed almost impossible. Especially tonight, when all she wanted to do was lose herself in memories of happier, much more simple times, in Sunnyside Trailer Park.
Disgusting. Sinful. Deviant.
"Can I sit here?"
The sound of the familiar voice pulled her from her own head, she opened her eyes slowly and looked up into the soft brown eyes of her twin, he had a small smile on his lips as he watched her, there was something about Jason that had always been able to calm her down, an anchor, keeping her in place during even the roughest of storms.
She nodded her head slowly, "I guess," She replied, her voice barely above a whisper.
There was a beat of silence as he settled into the space beside her, before giving the porch swing a gentle push with his feet, making a small smile appear on Cheryl's face as she rolled her eyes at the red-haired man, "So, Petunia told me something... pretty interesting about you earlier," Jason admitted with a sigh, "She told me that you got pretty aggressive with her after seeing some pink-haired girl in Pop's diner," Cheryl's breathing became shaky as she turned her head to face him, "Why didn't you tell me that you'd seen Toni?"
Cheryl shrugged her shoulders, trying to stay as composed as she possibly could, she didn't need to lose control of her emotions any more times that day, especially not with Jason, she took a deep breath before speaking to him, "I guess I didn't say anything for the same reason that you didn't tell me she still lived here," She replied, watching as he placed a cigarette between his lips. He held the carton out to Cheryl, quirking an eyebrow at her. Cheryl took a look over her shoulder to make sure they were far enough away from prying eyes before taking one and holding out her hand for Jason's lighter.
"I honestly didn't think any of that would matter to you now," He admitted, "I figured that it was all in the past, you haven't seen her, or even spoken about her in six years, Cheryl," He shrugged, "What was I supposed to think when you ne—"
"That's not the point, JJ," She replied cutting him off and handing the lighter back to him before taking a quick drag on her cigarette, "It doesn't matter if I see her or speak about anymore. After everything that I went through, you should have told me that she was here and that there'd be a chance I'd see her," Cheryl sighed, feeling tears stinging her eyes, "I really thought you'd tell me if no one else would."
He took a long inhalation on his cigarette before blowing it out slowly, and letting his head drop backwards slightly, "Like I said, I didn't think it would hurt you like this," He lifted his head, "You always say all that stuff made you a better person," He turned his head to look at Cheryl, "You always talk about how you're with Nick now, and how you're not that person anymore. I thought the Sister's helped you with all that?" He shook his head slowly, "But then Petunia told me how you acted with her and it got me wondering if maybe you're st—"
"I'm not," She replied quickly, cutting him off for a second time, "I am not that person anymore, JJ," She took a deep shaky breath, "Mother was right about me back then I was, deviant, and what Antoinette and I did was wrong, and disgusting and depraved," Her voice cracking slightly as tears threatened to spill over her eyes, "I am not that person anymore. I'm not a sinner, or disgusting or—"
He placed a gentle hand over hers and locked eyes with her, "It's okay, I believe you," Jason replied, his voice quiet, and his eyes searching her face for any signs of her lying, "But if you're thinking that way again... That's okay, too, I just want you to be happy, Cheryl."
His words took her by surprise, the sound of his soft voice comforting her the same way it always did, the unconditional love of a brother.
Toni had been thankful that Betty had suggested meeting at the house she and Jughead shared on the Northside of Riverdale rather than going out for drinks, she didn't know if she could handle anywhere public right now, not when she felt so deflated, and definitely not when she knew that at any second she could see her again. As soon as Toni got there, Veronica opened one of the bottles of wine that she had brought with her, and Betty pulled out one of Jughead's unopened bottles of whiskey, just in case, Toni knew thar if the night was anything like the afternoon had bene she would definitely need both of the drinks.
Unlike Sweet Pea and Fangs, Betty and Veronica had tried their best to keep Toni's mind from Cheryl, talking about anything and everything else, Betty and Jughead's wedding planning was a strong conversation topic, with Veronica throwing her name into the ring as Riverdale's premiere wedding planner. Toni would admit that she admired Veronica's business head, even during girl's night, she was always thinking about work and possible clients.
"I don't know, Vee," Betty sighed, "I would love for you to plan my wedding, I know that you're great and I wouldn't trust anyone as much as I trust you. But you're my best friend, and I just want you to be able to enjoy the wedding with no stress, I mean, it's bad enough that you're my maid of hnour."
Veronica shook her head as she took a sip of her wine, "Betty, I would be honoured if you let me plan yours and Jughead's wedding, I would do it absolutely free of charge, of course, think of it as oen of your wedding presents," She smiled, "And trust me it would be no stress, you're one of the most chilled people I know, it would be easy for me," She chuckled, "Not like the poor person that has to plan the wedding of Cheryl Blossom and Ni—" Veronica stopped herself from speaking when she noticed Toni purse her lips, "And whoever is fool enough to marry her?" She offered, before heaving a sigh, "I'm sorry, Toni, I—"
Toni shook her head slowly, "Don't be," She replied, "She was bound to come up sooner or later," She shrugged, "That girl always did have a way a of working herself into any conversation," She chuckled dryly, "Besides, we all know her and we all know that she's back. No doubt she's gonna be around a lot, right? I mean she's Betty's cousin."
"Well yeah, but I haven't spoken to her in six years, just like the rest of you," Betty shook her head slowly, "Tonight wasn't supposed to be about her anyway. When I called you it was to comfort you, and to be a good friend in whatever way I could be. You guys are here for girl's night, not to talk about Cheryl."
"I know and it's fine, really," Toni sighed, "In a weird way I kind of want to talk about her, I mean, that's better than leaving everything bottled up inside like I did before. We all know how that one ended for me," She sighed, "It was just really hard seeing her today. There I was in Pop's about to grab some lunch and boom! I heard her voice and honestly at first I couldn't quite believe it, but then I saw her and—"
"I'm really sorry we didn't tell you," Betty replied cutting her off, "I am so sorry that we didn't say anything to you, we should have warned you. It was wrong not to."
"I am not mad at you Betty," Toni shrugged, "Mainly because Jughead told me that you wanted to tell me she was here, and for that, all I can do is say thank you."
"Okay cards on the table, I will take full responsibility for us not telling you," Veronica sighed, "I thought that it would be for the best. I figured none of us knew how long she'd be here for and I didn't want to upset you or anything if she was gonna be gone by next week. But I will hold my hands up and say that I was wrong. It was a shock for all of us, I can only imagine what it was like for you."
"I can't even explain to you how it felt," Toni admitted, "I just had this mixture of emotions pumping through my body; hurt, excitement, shock, happiness, anger. I have never felt so much in such a short space of time."
"How did it go?" Veronica asked, "Did you at least get to talk to her?"
Toni shook her head slowly, tears beginning to burn her eyes, "No," She choked, "It was awful, she was cold with me, and just gave me this halfhearted greeting before walking away from me. It's like she hates me."
"I am sure that it's not that, Toni, as bad as she can be, she's not like that. I am sure that as shocked as you were to see her, she was shocked to see you. The last time you saw each other she was sent to live with her aunt."
"Why was she shocked to see me? This is my home."
"She doesn't know that, for all she knows you're living like in a completely different state, you never told her you were still here."
"Yeah because I had no way to," She replied dryly, instantly regretting the tone of voice she had used with the blonde-haired woman.
"She probably just didn't expect to see you at Pop's," Veronica added, hoping there was something she could say to help the situation, a situation that she had inadvertently caused. Had she told Toni about Cheryl's whereabouts, at least she would have been able to prepare for seeing her.
There was a beat of silence before Toni spoke again, "I just want to know what I did," She admitted, her voice cracking as the tears finally began to flow from her eyes.
Betty moved from her position on the couch so fast that Toni almost missed it as she moved across the living room to wrap her arms around her, pulling her into a warm, comforting hug.
"No, don't you dare do that, Toni, you didn't do anything," Betty tried to placate her, "I don't know exactly what happened and I never will, but you didn't do anything wrong, my aunt Penelope found you both in Cheryl's bed and sent her away. You didn't do anything."
"Yeah and what about the other years she's ignored me?" Toni asked.
Betty sighed and shrugged, "That one I don't know," She admitted, "But I do believe that whatever did happen she had a good reason, and I think deep down, you know that, too?"
Toni opened her mouth to say something before Veronica cut her off, "Yeah this is all Cheryl," She shrugged, "Let's face it, she's probably just being the same toxic bitch she always was before meeting you."
Toni hated the way Veronica spoke about Cheryl.
She knew Cheryl, and while she might have had some faults (and it had always been so hard for Toni to actually find them), she wasn't toxic, she had been one of the least toxic people Toni had ever met, and it pained her that other people didn't know the deep, softer side to Cheryl that she had been shown time and time again.
Cheryl had always been a young woman trying her hardest to fit into a world she didn't fully belong in, even if that world was her own family.
No matter how mad she was at Cheryl, she couldn't stand to hear anyone talk bad about her. She chose to ignore Veronica, knowing that if she said anything, a debate could, and most likely would ensue.
"And to make matters worse, she looked better than she ever has," Toni admitted, "I didn't think much to the woman she was with though, I see in the six years she's been away from Riverdale her taste in women had declined," Toni admitted, her heart racing as the image of the blonde woman Cheryl had been with flooded her mind.
Blonde, blue eyes, sharp features, the very definition of a waspy housewife, who would surely fit into the Blossom fold better than she ever did, even if it was hard to believe that Penelope and Clifford Blossom would ever welcome Cheryl's girlfriend into the fold.
"Wait, what?" Betty asked moving back slightly, "What woman?"
"Some blonde woman," She replied, "When I went over there to say hi, this woman looked at me so confused, and when I asked Cheryl who she was she got up and stormed out of there, and her ferret faced girlfriend left with her."
"No Toni, you have that wrong," Veronica replied, "Cheryl is with someone but—"
"Cheryl is engaged to a man, Toni," Betty said, cutting Veronica off.
"She's what?" Toni asked.
"When we saw Cheryl, she was in Pop's with some guy named Nick, and she was wearing the hugest engagement ring, and when she introduced us to him, she said they were engaged."
They'd spent the rest of the night talking about Cheryl and who Toni now knew to be her fiancé, Nick St. Clair, Betty and Veronica talked about his arrogant air and his cocky voice, and how they honestly believed him to be a downgrade from Toni.
But all she could think about was the fact that Cheryl had a male fiancé.
Out of all of the things that had never made sense about Cheryl's sudden lack of contact, her completely private social media accounts, and the seemingly complete change to her whole personality, Cheryl being engaged to a man, made sense the least.