Ch. 21 Confessions of an EdwardOholic
"You love me?" I sputtered out. What the hell had just happened? First he was calling me stupid and inattentive, and now...?
"Inexorably." He released my shoulders to grasp my hands in both of his instead, staring deeply into my shocked brown eyes. "I'm sorry to tell you this way. I know you don't...feel as I do, but I couldn't help myself. I've kept this to myself for so long now, that I felt like I might implode."
"That...would be bad." I murmured to myself. What did he just say? Wait...what the hell did I just say? There was a flurry of thoughts swirling in my mind, clouding my ability to decipher the meaning behind his words. He loves me? He's loved me for a long time? Damn. "When?" That's not what you wanted to say, Iris.
"I became enamored by you almost instantly, but I couldn't understand it. You were a human, a stranger. That first day in the gym..." His words trailed off and hung in the air as he looked down at our hands, shame consuming his expression. "I'm sorry, but I have to apologize for something else. I lied to you."
Shit. He didn't love me. This was all some horrible joke. What was I going to do? I couldn't keep up this game much longer. My heart couldn't take it.
"I told you that Alice had a vision of Jasper slipping...that that was why we left, but that isn't what she saw that day."
"What?" I had to force the word out. Why was he telling me this now?
"I saw you. I had made up my mind that I was going to approach you, to offer help when you were hurt because I had been looking for an excuse to speak to you from the moment I laid eyes on you, but Alice had a vision of you cowering away from me in fear. You were screaming, yelling at me not to hurt you. I couldn't understand at the time why you would be so afraid of me, but after you told me later that Bella was meant to be my singer. I understood. The look of anger that you saw that day in the gym was disgust at myself, disgust of what I am and what this damned curse of a life would do to you. To see such a vulnerable, innocent, perfect woman as yourself be so scared of just my presence...it infuriated me. Alice could see how upset I was, so she pushed me from the room to calm me down. The next day when that...boy...nearly killed you with his thoughtless driving, I wanted to save you, but Alice reached you first. I was so shocked by the level of emotion that came from just the thought of losing you before I even knew you that I hesitated for just a moment too long. If I could have ended my own life that day for nearly allowing you to die, I would have." His voice broke. "I asked Alice if it would be alright for me to speak with you after the accident. I had to ensure you were ok after you hit your already injured head." He wasn't playing a joke. He actually loved me, and I was too stupid to see it. Damn it! Why was Edward always right? "Then you weren't afraid of me. It was worse. You were indifferent." I could see the manifestation of his heart breaking displayed in his face. It was horrible. I knew the feeling all too well, and there was no way I would let him continue to feel it.
"Edward..." I began, but he cut me off.
"No it's alright. I know this is too much. You deserve so much better than this life."
"But—" I started again, only to be cut off again. Aww, come on!
"I'll be fine. Please stop worrying about me. I—" He was spiraling into his self-deprecation mode.
"Shut the hell up!" I shrieked, and he started. I needed to shock him back to reality. I guess it worked since he stopped talking. How the hell could he think I didn't love him...? Oh shit, Iris, because you never told him, you idiot!
"Excuse me?" His eyes grew wide at my outburst.
"Stop telling me how to feel. You're such a control freak, pushing me away before I can reject you..." His eyes lowered, and pain shot through his features. "Which I'm not doing." He looked up again suddenly, and hope filled his eyes.
"You—"
"Have loved you since I read the first Twilight book at fifteen years old." I finished for him. My heart was racing with what I was saying. My mind still couldn't catch up to what had just happened...how much and how quickly things had shifted by Edward's admission. "But that love was shallow, meaningless, an echo of something to be desired compared to what I feel now that I know the man off the page. You are so much better, so much more than what I thought—" I was cut off by his frozen lips pressed into my own, one of his arms winding around my waist and the other up into my hair, pulling me closer.
I couldn't help it. The reaction was natural, visceral. I jumped up, winding my legs around his waist, and he moved to support me before I fell down. He was everywhere. He was everything...
Then I remembered how difficult it was for him to kiss Bella in the books, and I pulled back quickly. Edward felt what I wanted, and released me instantly, shame once again consuming him.
"I'm sorry. That was too forward of me. It's just that you're so beautiful, and with what you said, I thought—"
"How can...you...kiss me?" I huffed out. Kissing Edward was exhilarating. I could barely catch my breath. "That didn't...bother you?"
"Bother me? No. Why? What do you mean? Was it bad?" There were a million expressions going through his eyes, mostly negative ones. Shit.
"No, nothing...Never mind!" I threw myself back at him, and he stiffened for the shortest of seconds before he accepted me willingly with a low chuckle against my lips. We broke away a minute later when a rustling came from behind us.
"Get a room!" Emmett called as he casually walked out of the trees. What the hell? I shot the bird at him over Edward's shoulder, and he and Emmett burst into a fit of laughter.
•PTaT•
"Iris!" Sandy called from across the hall as I wheeled my computer out of a patient's room. She was smiling ear to ear. I'd never seen her so happy.
"Hey. What's got you so excited?" I quirked my brow at her with a knowing smirk. I guess her date went well the night before.
"Just a certain guy I know...I mean he's no Edward Cullen, but you know..." she bit her lip.
"Shut up." I laughed. She loved to tease me about my slight Twilight obsession leftover from my teen years. Most days I regretted telling her. "So you had fun? Is it true love?" I asked in a sing-song voice.
"Hah. Love. Right...does that even exist?" She looked to the ceiling with a sigh as she followed me back to the nurses station.
"I'll let you know if I find it, but I doubt it. Too many assholes out there." I laughed.
She giggled along with me, but then she got a serious look on her face. "I don't know. It's not love, but it's something. It's just...complicated." She really was all messed up over this guy.
"Do I ever get to meet this not-love-but-something, complicated guy? Maybe I could kick his ass for you after I take that self-defense class. Knock some sense into him..."
She snorted. "Remind me to never let you meet any of my dates." She squirted me with a saline flush that I didn't realize she had grabbed off the shelf.
I dodged the water gracefully, allowing the stream of liquid to fly over my shoulder and hit Susan square in the face.
She glared at me from where she sat charting. "Sorry." I said biting back a smile, then back to Sandy, "I will not. You're too fragile. You need protecting." She only shook her head smiling again.
"Ok...one little detail to keep you biting...His name is John."
•PTaT•
"And then I threw his head at hers, and it popped right off! It was awesome!" Emmett was way too excited to retell his story of how he took down not only James, but Victoria as well.
"Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Esme was practically radiating fury. I had never seen her so upset. Emmett sure as hell stopped laughing when he heard her. He looked like a dog with his tail between his legs. Jasper coughed to try to unsuccessfully cover his laughing. Esme's glare shifted to him, and he stopped too. No one wanted to feel her wrath.
"Sorry, Mom." I wanted to laugh at the look of innocent sadness in his eyes, like a twelve year old being reprimanded for bringing home a report card with low grades.
"So, wait, start from the beginning. Where was everyone else?" I was still so confused about all I had missed while I had to play 'hide the human.'
"No, you wait. You think we're going to just let you sit there all prissy and ignore how you kicked Lauren's ass today?!" Emmett had apparently made a quick recovery, tail back to wagging. I guess Alice must have seen and spilled the beans because I hadn't told anyone about that yet.
"Shii—crap." I glanced apologetically to Esme and Carlisle on the sofa. I was seated comfortably in my boyfriend's lap. You heard that right, MY BOYFRIEND. Hell yes.
Edward chuckled behind me, and I turned in his arms. "You aren't going to defend me? Tell you brother to leave me alone? Nothing?" I tried to put on an expression of being emotionally wounded. Edward only grinned that damned crooked smile of his and pecked me on the forehead.
"No, because I'm interested to hear this story too. How on Earth did you end up in a fight with Lauren Mallory? Alice won't tell us." He glared at his pixie of a sister, also sitting in her man's lap. She only smiled angelically and winked at me as she giggled.
"Fine. I just...I was stressed out all morning, and then Mike asked me to the dance—"
"I'll kill him." Edward said darkly.
I rolled my eyes, but continued, "but he made it sound like I was only going to go with him if Jessica backed out—"
"I'll make him suffer first, then I'll kill him." Edward spoke in a menacing voice through his teeth.
"Can I finish my story or are you going to keep interrupting?" I said impatiently to my boyfriend. Man that word was fun to think. Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend...
"Go ahead."
"Thank you."
"As I was saying..." I paused to look pointedly at Edward. He waved me on with a smile. "I laughed in Mike's face for being so untactful."
"He deserves worse than a laugh—"
"Ahem."
"Sorry." Edward smiled sheepishly at me, and Esme laughed, looking between us both. She was over the moon with our newly formed relationship. Carlisle seemed to be biting back a smile as well.
"Lauren saw us together, and when I walked away from him, she confronted me, and said she was going to tell Jessica. I went against my better judgement, and decided to irritate her a little bit. I told her that she was right that I was madly in love with Mike, and that Jessica wasn't good enough for him."
Edward released a low growl in his chest, so I smacked him on the shoulder. "Hey guess who's lap I'm in...not Mike's." He narrowed his eyes a little, but then smiled widely, placing a kiss on my cheek.
"Thank you." He whispered, and his cold breath went down my shirt. I shivered with pleasure, and Edward's lips moved slowly downward toward my lips. Ugh his kisses were the best. I was almost panting in anticipation to my own chagrin, but it made Edward smile so whatever...Just as our lips almost touched, I ran into something else. I opened my eyes to Emmett's hand on my mouth.
"Ew! Gross Emmett!" I spit on the floor out of reflex, wiping my mouth to symbolically get rid of Emmett's germs, then immediately felt guilty for spitting on Esme's perfect rug. "Sorry Esme. What the hell, Emmett?"
"That's alright, dear. Emmett is going to clean the rugs later. All of them. By hand." She smiled sweetly, but there was something to her eyes. Damn, Esme.
Emmett glared at me, but said, "no time for your lovey dovey barf fest. Get to the part where you kicked her ass."
"And then I kicked her ass. The end." I smirked at Emmett, and went back to Edward's open arms.
"So sorry, love. I had my eyes closed too. How do you think I feel? I kissed my own brother's hand." I patted his chest in a gesture of comfort, and Edward looked happy as a lark.
"Poor, Eddy..." I crooned, and winked at Emmett who rolled on the floor in laughter.
Edward's grin shifted to an over-exaggerated frown. "No, not you too..."
"I love you." I answered him. Truly I did.
"Not as much as I love yo—" A pillow flew right into his face, cutting him off, and feathers flew everywhere.
He turned searching for which of his siblings assaulted him. His eyes landed on Alice. Alice?!
"Sorry, Iris, but Emmett's right. Total barf fest."
Everyone laughed, except Edward who let out a growl, and jumped up, leaving me haphazardly tossed on the sofa, and crouched in front of me.
"What is it?!" I screamed. Holy crap. What was it? Another vampire? Where was Laurent? Alice and Jasper said they lost him in the woods before. Was he back to get me?
But as I righted myself and scanned the room, I saw what had Edward so worried.
Rosalie was coming slowly down the stairs, as beautiful and deadly as ever. Her eyes were a bright gold, but I could tell she was struggling to maintain her composure.
"Babe..." Emmett started.
"I'm fine." Rosalie hissed through her teeth, but her eyes trained into my neck. I pulled my shoulders up, and put my chin down against my chest in an attempt to hide the artery I knew she was staring at.
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