I dedicate this fanfiction to my girlfriend and all my readers, reviewers and beta reader wallaceb.

Now it's 2014 in Italy.

Happy new year!

CHAPTER 40 – No way out

…

I hear familiar voices in the distance.

I don't know how long I've been here.

But nothing has changed from before.

I hear the echoes of the voices again, but they're still incomprehensible.

I open my eyes and look around me.

White.

Well, finally something different...

It's all blurry, I focus and I can see something.

Grass, trees and a gray sky.

I sit up and rub my eyes.

Everything around me is submerged in the rime, which is why I see all white; there is also dense fog.

I stand up.

I'm shaking.

Cold, anger and fear.

I wrap my arms around me to keep warm and calm, but it's not so easy.

I begin to walk; I want to get out of here.

I again hear voices in the distance; I stop and look around.

Just dense fog.

"Who's there?"

No answer.

"Please, answer me!"

Other murmurs, I cannot understand where they come from, but if I remain here I won't ever find out.

I start to rush, faster and faster, despite the fatigue, despite the fear, despite the increasingly dense fog, despite the icy and slippery ground, despite the cold air that freezes my lungs with each breath.

I must not stop, not now.

I keep aimlessly rushing and...

"Woooh!" I exclaim, while I throw myself to the ground to try to stop myself.

I grab branches just in time, the blood of my injured hand turn that white world red.

My legs dangling in the void.

I am looking for a more secure support for my feet, but the rock gives way. The branches which I hold begin to uproot and my hand slipped injuring it more and more.

I grit my teeth and try to resist, I use my strength and put my other hand on the edge of the cliff; I grab the rock and pull me out.

I'm safe.

I remove the plugs from my hand, the wound hurts me a lot and the blood never stops dripping on the ground.

I look at the cliff; I can neither see the bottom nor the other side, it's very dark; and the fog below seems to be slowly moving in a circle.

I kick a stone at the edge of the cliff; it falls down, hits the rock wall a couple of times and then... silence.

"How the hell is it so high?"

I'm not discouraged; if I can't overcome this obstacle I'll walk around it.

...

It's been a bit of time since I started to walk along the edge of the ravine, it seems to never end. The only thing that keeps me company is the frozen vapor of my breath, everything else is awfully still and dead.

My mouth and nostrils are surrounded by ice from my breathing, sometimes I clean it on my shoulder, but the ice gets tougher and tougher.

My narrowed eyes water, but the drops can't run down along my cheeks, they freeze on my eyes.

My hand has stopped bleeding, but now I cannot open it.

This frost is paralyzing me.

Even my legs are leaving me, I continue to move them, but it's now been a long time since I felt anything below my waist.

I'm about to give up.

I feel it.

But...

What is it?

There's something on the ground a few steps away from me.

I approach it.

It is... It is...

…

No…

No… No, no, no, nooo!

…

I let myself fall on the icy ground by my side, and I lock myself into a fetal position.

I want to scream, but I can't do it.

I would cry, but I can't do it.

I stay motionless, looking at the moved terrain already re-made white by hoarfrost, those briars and the red spots of my blood.

No way out.

No salvation.

No hope.

"No salvation, no hope." I hear the echo of my thoughts.

Thump thump,

Thump thump,

Thump thump… I feel the beat of my heart.

I look up and she is in front of me.

"What do you want from me...?" My voice is hoarse and dry, my throat itself is freezing.

Thump, thump…

She smiles at me.

"I wanted to enjoy this scene, I know that by doing so I hurt myself too, but I'm so happy." She pauses a moment to look at me, satisfied, "You know, the hatred you feel for me is reciprocated, and now I enjoy your departure from the scene!"

Thump… Thump… My heart is weaker and weaker...

I keep staring at her, but I do not answer, I can't do it.

"Your soul is getting weaker; Camazotz has consumed your memories and has actually begun to undermine your feelings. And do you know what a soul without feelings is? It's cold, it's... dead..."

C-CRACK TRA-CRACK

A big tree behind Lilith collapses and falls into the precipice.

"Your subconscious mind is almost completely destroyed... How long did it take you to turn it around? Until a short time ago there were mountains, forests, lakes and castles!"

Thump.

"St...op...It..." I don't even know where I've found the strength to speak.

"I can't stop it even if I wanted to do, your soul is falling into oblivion, accept your fate and everything will be less painful."

Thu- Now I feel a calm and sad silence in me.

And so... is this my end?

But the end of who?

Mine?

'My'... That's all I can say about me?

Why should I be sad?

After all...

I don't know who I leave,

I don't know what I lose,

I don't even know who I am.

Maybe Lilith's right, maybe...

"No death is in vain if you fight for what you love!" This voice in my head suddenly interrupts my thoughts.

No death is in vain if you fight for what you love... it's true...

Thump.

I do not know what to fight for or who I love, but I feel that someone I love and who loves me exists.

Thump… Thump…

"I..." I sputter.

Lilith opens her mouth, but I interrupt her:

"I'll never let you win, EVER!" I scream while I get up.

Thump, thump, Thump, thump… Now my heart is pounding, I feel alive now.

She half steps back and looks at me with a mixture of awe and concern.

I'm face to face with Lilith.

Our eyes met each other.

They stare at each other.

The reflection of Lilith's eyes even makes mine yellow, but even if my eyes look like the ones of a demon, my feelings are completely different.

No fear.

No courage.

No sadness.

No happiness.

No grudge.

But just love,

Pure and absolute.

Until the yellow reflection in my eyes disappear, until Lilith disappears, the coward is
fleeing.

Small consolation since I cannot flee...

CRACK... CRACK...

I look down.

"Holy rabies..."

A large crevice has formed in the middle of my foot and I barely had time to jump before a large piece of terrain breaks off and falls down.

Soon I'll get the same fate...

I turn to the forest and see that a few dozen yards from me some trees are falling.

I haven't much time left, now the fog doesn't hide anything, I can see where this world ends.

I immerse myself in what little is left of the forest and sit down next to a large oak tree.

I look around, the trees fall one after the other and the earth is shattering.

I let myself fall to the ground; I wrap my arms around my legs and put my head on my knees.

I close my eyes; I want to wake up from this nightmare.

I feel a sudden movement under me, I widen my eyes, but it is too late.

I'm falling, but in a last ditch effort I cling to a root protruding from the cliff, unfortunately I'm holding it with my injured hand.

Below me there is a whirl of clouds, like a tornado seen from above; the center of the cyclone is dark and battered by lightning.

My wounded hand resumes bleeding, I feel it flowing down my arm, I must not to give up, and I know that under the storm there is absolutely nothing, the oblivion.

I feel my strength leave me, my fingers slip.

I don't want to die, I do not want...

But I lose my grip and I start to fall.

So much effort, so much pain, why? Wh-

Something unexpected grabs my wrist, I look up.

"You?" I ask in a soft voice to the red-haired boy.

"You?" He repeats.

I'm not afraid, not anymore, if he is close to me.

"I knew you would save me... Jonathan..."