Ch. 44 Want It All

I'm a human. The Volturi are coming and I'm a human. This is not good. This is so not good. Don't freak out, Iris. You've been through worse. I can fix this. I just need to be changed. I've been through that before, right? Yeah, but I don't remember that time. Shit. Double shit. Triple Fucking shit. You knew this was coming! You knew it and—no, breathe. Stop with the anxiety attacks. You're surrounded by vampires. Let them help. Don't make any rash decisions. You told Edward that you would work on talking these things through. I can do that, right? I can do this...

"Iris, you look a little pale. Are you ok?" Alice caught on to my mood. "We are going to figure this out." These vampires were some of the greatest actors in the world, but I knew from reading "Breaking Dawn" that they were freaking the hell out too. The entire guard was coming? This is so not good. Understatement of the century, McGee. THEY'RE GOING TO KILL—no, no. Stop it. Breathe. In and out. In and out...

"I'm fine, Alice. I know we will work this out. The Volturi fear me remember?" I laughed nervously. Yeah they were afraid when you were a vampire...sure I had crossed dimensions as a human, but I still hadn't figured out how to drift into someone else as a human. And then there's the whole Laurent thing. I'm sure he was just waiting to lay eyes on me again. Shit! SHIT!

Aro would not let me just walk away from getting one of his most coveted members killed...Plus I then escaped out of his clutches the way that I did. Nope. This is bad, and I'm a human now. I couldnt stay this way...How quickly could I adjust after the change? Last time was pretty horrible. I was horrible. But last time I didn't have the Cullens. Come on, McGee. You've been a vampire already! Surely the rules won't apply to you the same way this time...You'll adjust AND have newborn strength. It will be fantastic. Between that and your talent? Piece of cake, Right? RIGHT?!

"Iris? Carmen and I are going to go find the others. Emmett and Rosalie are here with you since they came back a little early together..." Alice had her nose scrunched in disgust. "Edward should be back soon but his phone is off."

We must have just gotten back to the house from our shopping trip. I couldn't remember any of the drive. The Volturi are coming. The VOLTURI are coming. You know, the ones who killed Edward right before my very eyes? Shit shit shit. FUCKING SHIT!

I thought we'd have more time. There were so many things I wanted to do. I thought we could hide...bide our time while I planned...How did they even find us? Or have they found us?

"ALICE?" I called before she left.

She appeared before me confused. "What is it..? Oh. No, Iris. We can't run. If we run, I see them going to...Forks." No. No. No. Aro knew everything. He took the information right from my mind. He knows too much. He knows my weaknesses. He knows who I love. He will kill anyone to get to me. Why won't he just give up? Why does it have to be this way? I never wanted this. I never wanted to be in some epic feud, arch nemesis and all. This is bullshit!

"Oh ok..." I offered a half-hearted smile to her, a knot rising in my throat. I definitely didn't miss being able to cry. I would much prefer keeping my feelings to myself until I exploded one day from emotional repression. That sounded much healthier to me. No, remember what your therapist said, Iris? Communication. It's all about communication. You have to talk about things...but I don't want to!

I wandered back to my room, and laid face down on the bed with a heavy sigh. I let my tears soak in to the comforter. I needed to take this time to mourn before I became fully resigned to my obviously inescapable fate once more. I was either going to be a vampire soon or dead. Maybe both. Who knows? I hadn't been willing to admit it to myself, but ever since I returned to being human, I had secretly begun to hope that it meant I could change things for Edward and I. I thought I could enjoy aging, going to school...this was almost like the Bella situation all over again, realizing that my potential was much more limited than I believed. Sigh.

I was fully prepared to remain there feeling miserable for myself and wallowing in my past failures, letting fear consume me, but Emmett interrupted me. Jerk.

"What's wrong with you?" I could hear the concern hidden beneath his amusement.

"Me? Nothing...Just the world's most powerful vampire gang coming to destroy us all because I'm a dumbass." No big deal.

"Gah, that's lame." Emmett laughed. Kick me when I'm down, man. Really, I deserve it.

"I don't care. I'm lame. I suck. I wish that I'd never—" I whined, feeling sorry for myself.

"Shut up!" Emmett scared me as he yelled. What the fuck?

"Huh?" Son of a—

He looked to the ceiling and threw up his hands. "Stop with the self-deprecation crap! Edward does enough of that already, and we don't need you taking after him. Weren't you the one who said that the Volturi came for us in the books too?" He looked back down at me, tilted his head, and raised a brow.

"But—"

"Weren't you?" He demanded.

"Yes, but—" That was different!

"Then it was just supposed to happen with or without you. They obviously have it out for us. Now get up, stop whining, and get to work so we can kick their cloaked asses." Before I could say anything, he turned around and walked out. What the hell?

I laid back on the bed, covering my face with my arms, not ready to think about what Emmett said.

"You should." Edward's velvet voice broke through my thoughts. Edward? I sat up and uncovered my face, relief flooding through me at the sight of him. "Don't tell him I said this, but my brother is quite intelligent when he wants to be." He smirked.

"Can't he hear you?" I whispered conspiratorially.

"He and Rose are...otherwise entertained at the moment." Again? Ugh. Edward chuckled at me. "Don't you remember the stamina you had as a vampire?" He continued to laugh.

All humor was lost as I was reminded of my plight. Vampire...I had to be a— "You have to change me, Edward."

He sobered quickly, frowning and asked, "Is that what you want?" Do I have a choice? "You always have a choice, Iris."

"I can't drift to anyone like this. I've tried. It doesn't work. The entire Volturi guard is coming in just a few weeks, and I'm totally useless unless you just want me to run and hide." My voice broke into a sob. Shit. We're all dead.

"Hey." Edward was instantly at my side and cradled my head against his chest and kissing my hair lightly. "I won't let them harm you. If you want to remain human, we will find a way. They don't have Demetri working with them anymore. We can run." His voice grew determined. I love you, but you're wrong, my love...

"Alice told me they'll go to Forks. They'll find everyone... the wolves..." Charlie...Bella...Jacob...even Sam and Jared had found places in my heart.

"So? Maybe that's where it should happen. We could use the support of the wolves." He spoke quietly almost to himself. No, we can't do that to them!

"Maybe you guys just turn me over. That's the best solution. It's me who they want..." My voice hitched. It was hard to talk about my impending end. A happily ever after just did not seem to be in the stars for me.

"No!" Edward growled. "You said I died before. The only way I could see that happening is if I went in search of you. I will not sacrifice you that way. If they're coming, we're going to be together."

"Wait, You're not going to try and hide me away and confront them on your own?" I asked in disbelief. With Bella, his first instinct was always to shelter her, keep her away.

"Would you stay away if I asked?" His question sounded rhetorical, like he already knew what I would say, but I had to answer anyway.

"Never." I spoke truthfully.

He shook his head and sighed. "Then no. I told you that we should always talk these things through together, and I meant it. I promise to always respect you and consider your opinion with these decisions."

Decisions, yes there were many decisions to be made... "I want to be turned." I have to help.

"Then you will be." He answered simply, but I could tell he was forcing himself to remain calm. His jaw was doing that thing where it flexed and relaxed over and over again.

I wasn't sure if I should bring up my other concern...

"Iris? What is it? We can talk about anything." He was running his finger up and down my cheek.

"Do you..." No, this is ridiculous. It will only serve to hurt us both to bring it up.

"Iris? Please?" He begged.

"Do you want a child...?" It's fine. Whatever you say, it's fine. This is stupid. Dumber than stupid.

"No." He answered quickly...too quickly. There was just the hint of regret in his eyes.

"I'm human now. This is our only chance if you want it." I reminded him. Why are you doing this, Iris? Just shut up. You can't do this, can't want this.

"If I want it? Or if you want it? Iris, do you want a baby?" He probed.

"I...no...I..." Yes. Yes, I do. I felt ashamed for thinking it. It was stupid. Impossible, given our situation.

"It's dangerous. I could lose you. I saw how relived you were when you showed up in the dining room last week when you had thought I was gone forever. Would you really have me feel so broken and lost without you when we might be able to avoid it?" Edward was trying to make me see reason, and I did, really, but...

"You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry..." I shook my head. Stop it. This is stupid. You don't want a child. You've never wanted a child. You've never thought about a child...But you have also never been confronted with not being able to have a child either, though...I broke down into tears again.

God, what was wrong with me? I should be planning for the Volturi attack. I should be prepping myself for the change. But now all I could picture was a small baby with copper whispy hair, my dimples, and the perfect mix of blue-green eyes. Our baby. Damnit stupid biological clock. I may be in a nineteen year old body, but my mind was nearing 31. God Damnit! We can't!

"Is this really what you want? Please answer truthfully. I can't stand to see you cry..." I was being stupid, selfish. Stop, Iris! Don't do this. You don't want this. You'll be fine. You have Edward. Save him. He's everything to you. Save him. "I don't know...they're coming. How could we...?" Edward was suddenly breathing too quickly and seemed at a loss for words. I had never seen him so conflicted as he watched the tears streaming out of my eyes, listened to my thoughts about the daughter I would never see, and was lost in his own thoughts of protecting his mate.

"Change me. I have to save you all. Just change me..." I blubbered. I don't need a baby. Why did I even bring it up? Because you want one. You want one with Edward... "no...God no...there's no time..." I argued with myself out loud. I thought there was more time. I thought we could...

Edward was deep in thought, his brow heavy and furrowed. "Tell me everything about Bella's pregnancy." He suddenly demanded.

"What? No. We can't..." There's no time...

"Tell me." He repeated.

"Ok...well, she...Bella...and you...the baby was conceived on your honeymoon in mid-August...Bella had the baby just under a month later. The baby was strong, not as strong as you, but much stronger than a normal human. She grew rapidly and broke Bella's bones and bruised her internally..." Edward winced, but nodded at me to continue with his eyes closed. He was probably watching the visuals from the movie playing in my mind as I explained. It was...graphic. "Bella was starving toward the end. Her body was rejecting everything she tried to eat. You guys realized, with the help of Jacob's snide comments that the baby was thirsty, that Bella needed to drink blood. Once Bella drank it, she felt better almost instantly, but the baby was stronger too and kicked her, braking Bella's spine and detaching the placenta—you know, a placental abruption, and you had to perform an emergency c-section to save them both."

"Me? Where was Carlisle?" Edward's voice cracked. My explanation and the visuals might have been too much for him.

"Hunting, of course...what's a best seller without a little drama?" I laughed in feigned amusement, but Edward did not see any humor in it. "And the uterus...you had to cut through it with your teeth..." I trailed off. See? I told you it was messy...

Edward's face contorted into one of horror, but he still forced himself to ask, "And after all that, Bella...survived?" His voice was low, barely a whisper on the last word.

"Yes, barely." I paused as I thought about what could happen to me if I forced this matter... This is not smart. You're smarter than this. Just sacrifice it. Be with him. Stop it. "You saved some of your venom in a syringe to inject straight to her heart, and then you bit her at each pulse point to rush the venom. You had to perform CPR on her for a time too..." This sounds so much worse retelling it out loud...oh, Iris. Why are you like this?

"Iris, we can't..." He squeezed my hand as he covered his face with his other hand. He sounded like he was trying to convince us both.

"I know. There's no—"

Edward jumped up. "Time...that's it! Time! We need more time!" He was...excited...? Then he turned back to me deep in thought, his eyes shifting back and forth wildly. "Love, you said you that you can't drift into anyone else now as a human, but you can make yourself drift still, correct?" He was suddenly speaking quickly as if it were a matter of life and death, which everything seemed to be these days.

"I guess...why?" This was very suspicious behavior. You're scaring me, Eddy.

"You can go back in time! Go back to when you first left Bella's body. Make a new timeline. It may solve our problems with the Volturi too...Laurent wouldn't know about you yet, and we'd have the upper hand on so many fronts!" He was behaving very out of character...

"Are you trying to get rid of me or something?" Should I be hurt that he wasn't hiding me in a basement somewhere, telling me it was for my own protection while refusing to change me? Had he really changed so much so that he was sending me alone into the unknown...? "What if it didn't work?"

"Of course I'm not, Love. Just the opposite. I'm trying to give you everything you want. Maybe we can have it all..." his eyes took on a far away look.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, what the fucking hell are you talking about?!" My eyes grew wide at his strange disposition.

"I promised to be honest with you. I didn't want to scare you, but I don't see how we can face the whole Volturi guard. There's no way out. Even if you were a vampire, you can only take one out at a time and that's assuming that the other guards with offensive powers are not attacking us while we're trying to stop whomever you're in..." He took on an expression of hopelessness. Then he perked back up, placing both of his hands on my shoulders and staring deeply into my eyes. "But you can change this. You can stop it all. Go back, warn us. Find Laurent, kill him. Marry me. Have a baby with me. Change. We can do it all, Iris. Whatever you want. Please. I want this. I want this so badly for you and for me. It's incredibly selfish of me to ask, but it's also for you, for all of us. We can't survive this as it is. I didn't know how to tell you, but I have to tell you now because we are going to lose it all. There just aren't enough of us to take them on even when we factor in the wolves. We were talking while we went to hunt, and there's just no way. We tried to decide a million different times, but the outcome didn't change. Either One or multiple of us—a couple of times all of us—wound up dead no matter the choice. You're our last chance here. Go back to before Demetri. Explain to us. Include us—" he looked at me pointedly. "—and finish them."

"Who are you and What the hell have you done with my sulky, over-protective, controlling vampire??" I said with a glare.

Edward laughed and kissed me on the forehead, all the weight seemingly gone from his shoulders. "It's still me, love, but don't you know? When a vampire changes, it's permanent. You made me the happiest man alive." He picked me up and swung me in a circle. I couldn't be sure, but I think I might have cured Edward Cullen of all his flaws. Now he was truly the perfect specimen...holy hell.

Edward laughed out louder at that than I had ever heard until he looked to be convulsing, and then he pulled me to the floor with him...No, correction, I broke him.

Like, Follow, and Review please and thank you! :)