Ch. 49 Parental Guidance

I tried to keep my voice calm and maintain my gaze with the beautiful, yet tortured vampire in front of me. "Edward? I'm not going to leave just yet, but I do think that you should. I will wait for you no matter how long it takes. I'm sorry that I didn't listen before when you were trying to tell me that you were struggling. I should have taken your warnings more seriously, and know that I love you. Please go now..." I know you don't want to do this...

"Iris...I can't..." he was holding his breath and still backing away one foot at a time, trying to make his way out the door. He was indisputably fighting to leave before he attacked me.

"I love you." I repeated with a nod of my head, and he seemed to straighten slightly out of his crouch with a look of renewed determination and force himself to take the last few steps out the door with a last fleeting glance toward me.

I thought I heard him whisper as he disappeared in a blur, "love..." and he was gone. My breath caught in my throat.

"Iris?" Carlisle was instantly at my side. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, but Edward—" I started.

"Will be fine." He finished for me, his voice light. That's not what I was going to say... "He's quite stubborn when he's decided on doing something, and right now he's intent on recommitting to our lifestyle. He's gone now, so let's go find something for you to eat. You will have to excuse me for not knowing how to cook, though. My wife is much better at this part of the charade." He waved his hand at nothing in particular and chuckled.

I forced myself to smile. I had always admired Carlisle's ability to remain so calm in the storm. That's what I had been like when I was caring for other people, but with my own life, I was a disaster. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure I can find some leftover food to heat on the stove. I'm the only one eating after all..."

He patted my back in consolation. He had this uncanny way of knowing when he needed to speak versus when to only offer silent moral support. It was a gift of subtlety which I could certainly learn something from.

Later in the afternoon, I was laying across my bed making shadows on the floor with my hands as the sun streamed through the window. I missed Edward already. I had no one else in this time. Esme and Carlisle were amazing, but they had already established their life and routine here. I thought again of my calling. What could that be? I wanted to help those suffering people somehow. Wait a minute...I'm a trained nurse. It might look a bit different in this era, but the goal in the job was about the same...Help people feel better. I'm sure my twenty-first century understanding of disease processes and pathophysiology could only be an asset.

I sat up, finally excited about something. I loved Edward, but he had become my entire life. My world centered around him so totally that I had forgotten how to behave without him. I had possibly a year—OR MORE! Shit!—without him. I needed to find myself. I had to take this time to recenter my focus, and this would be perfect!

"Carlisle?!" I called as I ran into the hall.

"What is it?" He appeared before me from a blur looking concerned. "Are you alright?" He looked around me as if someone was going to jump out at him.

"Did Edward mention to you what I did for a living in my past life by chance?" I couldn't hide the smile forming on my lips.

"No, I don't believe that he did." He tilted his head at my expression.

"I was a nurse." I said with an even wider smile.

"That's wonderful." He smiled, but it was a reserved look, like he was entertaining a child. "Is there a reason that you wanted to speak about this now?" He looked amused.

"Edward is gone, and I need to do something. I want to be here for him, but I can't spend every day staring out the window, wondering when he will come home. I want to help people. Could I do something at the hospital? I wouldn't have to be a nurse. I could do aid work? Or maybe help clean bandages? Anything. I'm young, healthy, able-bodied, and available for work." I stated seriously.

Carlisle seemed to be deliberating. "We have been short staffed lately, but with all the budgetary cuts, the job wouldn't pay much..."

"Oh..." Was he suggesting that I needed to find a job to help support myself while Edward was gone? I guess it was rather presumptuous of me to assume that they would financially support me. I wasn't trying to come off as a person who would take advantage. "I...I could find another job too at night...or whenever...to help pay my way here. It's not like I have anything else going on at the moment..." I frowned as I looked to the ground. What the hell was I going to do for work during the fucki—freaking—Great Depression?!

He must have seen my panicked expression. "Oh, Iris, no! That's not what I meant at all. I just didn't want you to feel like you were being taken advantage of. You would earn the same amount as all the other women who work there. I just assumed that taking the adjusted inflation over the next ninety years into account you would be used to seeing a different amount of compensation for your time." Such an intelligent man...I guess that's what living for over three centuries would do for you.

"No, no. I'll work for free. I just want to help. Please, I need this." The desperation in my face and voice couldn't be misunderstood. I truly needed this piece of my life back. I had gotten so deep into this Twilight mess—as happy as I was to be here—that I had forgotten who I was. I looked hopefully back at my fatherly mentor.

He look decidedly back at me. "Ok, I'll ask the head nurse this evening."

"Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou!"

He was laughing at my excitement. "You really want this, don't you?"

"Yes. I want to feel useful again. I want to give back. I need to pay...penance...for all that I've done." I frowned as images from Volterra returned to me and I shuddered. I was a monster...

"Well I won't keep you then. I'll let you know by the morning. Have to return to work now. Esme just arrived home downstairs. Please let her know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you for everything, Carlisle. You're so much better than my own father."

"Well, with respect to your father—"

"Don't bother. He was awful." I grimaced.

Carlisle frowned in pity. "He must have done something right for you to be as you are. I hope in time you might view me as a father then. You've done so much for us by helping Edward the way that you have. We already view you as a daughter." My face grew hot. Carlisle was so compassionate. It was truly a blessing to be in his presence.

I lunged into a hug with him, catching him off guard. He caught me by reflex as I nearly fell over in a very Bella-ish way. Ahh the good old, body-stealing days, back when everything was so simple...

He chuckled as he helped me right myself, but gave me a proper hug once I was upright. "Everything will be fine...You'll see. I can tell already that you've got such a drive in you, so much passion which will help keep you afloat while you wait for him."

"Thank you again. You have no idea what that means for me to hear that coming from you. I respect you deeply for all the amazing things you have done and continue to do each day. Not many people would have handled your situation the way which you have."

He smiled slightly. "Sometimes in life, you just do the best you can with what you're offered."

"Well, you have definitely done so."

"Thank you. I'll see you in the morning, hopefully with good news."

"Goodnight, dad." I winked at him, and he chuckled as he gently pat my shoulder before turning to leave.

I found Esme in the kitchen.

"I hope you like pot roast. It takes a while to bake, but I've heard so many wonderful things about it from the ladies in my 'Helping Hands for Hunger' charity group. I can't taste it myself though." Esme looked troubled at the prospect.

"You're too good for your own good if that makes sense, Esme." I laughed, and she joined in.

"I can't have you withering away. Edward would never forgive me." She smiled in jest.

"Trust me, I'll never starve. If anything, I'll be much heavier by the time Edward returns..." Esme laughed again as I made a face.

"Go ahead and clean up, dear. I'll have dinner ready when you come back down."

"You're the mother I never had, Esme. Thank you." I looked at her with genuine adoration. Edward, and now I too, was so lucky. This had to be like hitting the supernatural jackpot to be here with this brilliant family.

"Are you trying to butter me up?" She smiled.

"I was hoping that flattery would get me dessert." I joked.

"Oh, hmm...I could throw together—"

"No, I'm kidding. Of course, I love both you and Carlisle so much. I know I'm rather new to you both here, but I know you each from the books and my time in the future with you. You're wonderful." I pecked her on the cheek, and she looked shocked. She lifted her hand slowly to her face, and looked like she might cry. I simply grinned and walked away to get ready for dinner.

Things were looking up for all of us. This was going to work. It had to.

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