CHAPTER 2

"What are you saying, you dummy? You found what with me? That's enough of that!" San was clearly embarrassed.

Ashitaka wiped his moistened eyes. "Sorry about that. I was just so happy to see you," he smiled.

"I said that's enough of that," growled the Wolf Princess. Indeed, whether it was in Iron Town or the forest, women made the men fall back into line. "Come here and meet them."

Them? He thought to himself.

At the center of San's home, there was a huge tree that overlapped all the others. Its canopy extended as far as the eye can see. On its strong branches, squirrels and birds gathered, and a million butterflies swirled around and fed on its abundance. It was like a god in itself - a sentinel destined to remain until the end of time. Sharing with its holiness was a great stone that lay at its foundations - Moro's mound. San placed her hand over the rock while Ashitaka approached and bowed.

The two held in their hands twin mementos. Ashitaka had with him Nago's bullet, which consumed the beast and drove it to a reckless rampage; while San had with her Moro's bullet, whose poison rent the wolf god, body and soul, but not once was it able to corrupt and destroy her.

"Would you allow me?" Ashitaka politely asked. San nodded curiously.

He calmly knelt over the grave and felt the earth still loose. At its head, he placed his iron ball, offering to Moro his fond as well as painful memories, which he never had the chance to share with her.

San didn't know what to do with hers. She never knew how to grieve, and she never expected that she had to. She wanted to throw the accursed thing because she was angry with herself for holding on to the bullet that marked her mother for death.

San sniffed. Her mother meant more to her than the Forest Spirit... but she lost them both, anyway.

A set of hands engirdled her trembling fingers, snapping her out of it. "Your mother was a god through and through," Ashitaka said. "She was a fierce guardian of the forest, and there was always a reason for everything she did. You should be proud, San."

San hardened her face. "She was strong... up until... the..." she bit her lip to hold it in, but her eyes began to flood.

As he looked at San, Ashitaka remembered his argument with Moro; and how her reason prevailed despite her anger, despite the mortal wound on her side.

"She was wise..." he replied.

"... Then why did she die...?" Her teeth began to gnash, the pupils in her eyes narrowed like a sharp blade.

Ah, she was unconscious that whole time. It must be frustrating to remain unaware of what befell your loved ones. But he knew that she needed to accept reality properly - where she can let her feelings flow without her ever feeling responsible for the things she couldn't control. "San… we were at war… and even if the past didn't happen the way it did -" San threw their hands apart.

"Do you think I'd find comfort in the fact that she would've died anyway from this?" she clenched her bullet tighter. She was still furious... about everything.

Ashitaka took a deep breath. "We should learn from her," he said, finally. "There was hate inside her, but she never let it rule over her."

"There you go again trying to be the peacemaker!" San growled. "Isn't it enough that me and my brothers won't attack you humans again? I should at least be able to tear that woman to shreds inside my head, right? Can't you give me that!?" She demanded.

Ashitaka looked at her with sadness and with worry. He understood what it was like - to have people you love be taken away from you, to be forced to just carry on because nothing could be done anymore, but still have the anger deep within you remain stagnant without any hope for vindication.

"What!?" San bared her fangs.

Ashitaka retreated to Moro's grave, he touched it almost as if he was trying to absorb what remained of her strength, her wisdom, and her love for San.

He was about to stand when he noticed a smaller one beside it. Curiously, he asked, "whose is this one?"

"... My sister's," she coldly replied.

"What? Was Moro pregnant?" He asked in astonishment.

"No. Are you trying to annoy me?"

He was speechless. He wanted to know more about San and her family... but he was afraid she'd lash out if he spoke.

San knew that Ashitaka had questions... and she was starting to feel bad for taking her anger out at him.

After a brief silence, she spoke. "The humans that bore me weren't just defilers of the forest. They were poachers - collectors of precious furs for them to… what do you people call that? To sell," she said as she settled down.

"... And of all the easy targets... they picked a sleeping white cub... my sister..."

Ashitaka's eyes widened.

San gripped her cloak tightly, "I wonder what she's thinking now... If she were here, would she welcome me as her sister...? Or will she run me down for everything I caused her?"

Ashitaka couldn't bear to have her blame herself. "San, you were just a-"

"Mother told me like it was just one of her stories. But I can only imagine the anger and pain she felt that day... and... what she could've done to me when they dropped me at her feet," her voice started to break.

"I'm a wolf, Ashitaka. But sometimes... I wonder why she spared me."

She slowly lowered her head as she frowned, and her tears started to drop over Moro's grave. She cried silently, painfully unsure of what her departed surrogate mother truly felt for her. She felt weak, thinking that she was left to live up to the wolf that should be there instead of her.

It hurt Ashitaka to see her like that. He can only imagine what she had to endure to reach this moment - to be accepted as a part of the forest, and to earn the right to be called the princess of the wolves. As things stand, he still was an outsider who knew very little of the ways of the forest, let alone the Wolf Clan… and yet this person chooses to let him in on her pains, worries, and insecurities.

Ashitaka, he wasn't like most men who'd find arousal in such a sacred and tender moment. Half of the humans in this world have it hard like that; so he knew a woman's… San's trust is holy, invaluable, and irreplaceable - a jewel like no other, to be cherished and respected.

From there, he prayed with all his mind and with all his heart that her mother and all the gods, whoever they may be, might bear witness to his silent oath - a lifelong promise to never betray her.

Ashitaka held her close and wiped the tears from her eyes.

Now is the time.

"Your mother loved you... so much that she used every last ounce of her strength to save you," he began.

"... To save me...? But..."

"Moro... she was waiting for Eboshi... absolutely ready to drown herself in her hate, for one final kill... But... I couldn't save you on my own... You were already close to dying then... so she dug you out from Okkoto's clutches, herself."

San looked at Ashitaka in disbelief.

"None of us would be here if it weren't for your mother. I came here to tell you that... I came here to tell you that you are her daughter... and she would rather love you than hate anyone else..."

All the black and gray suddenly disappeared, and San's perspective brightened even as the droplets in her eyes clouded her sight. The forest became greener, and the water bluer even as the sun's rays bounced on it. Silhouettes of giant wolves danced around from afar, and her brothers, who took after their mother, emerged into the light.

San broke down in tears, "Mother...!"

Ashitaka was beside her, and her brothers howled behind them.

The whole pack is here.

Finally, she can grieve properly.

Author's Note

I always wanted to believe that San's fur cloak belonged to a fourth wolf, and theories here and there suggest that this wolf was her sister. If this is true, then I would find Studio Ghibli's Princess Mononoke to be more beautiful than ever. But for now, let this be my way of sharing how I think (or would like to think) this would fit into San's story.

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did making it! :)